Private school sense of community

[Anonymous]

OP, try a different,. closer, school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably need to start inviting different kids to your home or to the park more often—invite 3 other kids and volunteer to be let parents drop off while you watch the kids. Find other new families and invite them to meet up. Have a bigger birthday party and invite the class. Volunteer at school for events where you can chat with other parents (book fair, event committees). Figure out if everyone does an after school sport or activity your kid can also join. Is there a Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop your child can join? Is there a summer program your child can join? You are going to need to do some of the legwork here to get the ball rolling.

Yes, because the parents who have their cliques are not going to be welcoming. You have to work like the dickens just to get acknowledged.even then, it’s not a guarantee. This is the norm at my “warm community” at my child’s Catholic in DC.

I don't get it--why even bother with these parents?! Your kid(s) will make friends regardless of who you, as a parent, are friends with...

You are right that you don’t get it, you are clueless

[Anonymous]

Some of this is Covid. We did outside playdates in September, October, then stopped, and we are just now resuming play dates (indoors now). I know we are not the only ones. There were no birthday parties happening at all this Dec-Feb, they are just starting up again now.

Also, one difference I've noticed for us versus family with one child, or two children of different genders or with a big age gap is that my two kids that are close in age are often each other's playmates, and between that and Covid I've been lazier about playdates this year. If I had an only or kids of different genders more spaced out, I would probably be more proactive about playdates to give them more social interaction. It's not something I consciously think about, but between weekend activities, family time, covid, and them having each other, we probably don't invite over as much as we should. Now that cases have dropped so much, we are trying to be more proactive, but playdates really took a backseat for us this past year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably need to start inviting different kids to your home or to the park more often—invite 3 other kids and volunteer to be let parents drop off while you watch the kids. Find other new families and invite them to meet up. Have a bigger birthday party and invite the class. Volunteer at school for events where you can chat with other parents (book fair, event committees). Figure out if everyone does an after school sport or activity your kid can also join. Is there a Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop your child can join? Is there a summer program your child can join? You are going to need to do some of the legwork here to get the ball rolling.

Yes, because the parents who have their cliques are not going to be welcoming. You have to work like the dickens just to get acknowledged.even then, it’s not a guarantee. This is the norm at my “warm community” at my child’s Catholic in DC.

I don't get it--why even bother with these parents?! Your kid(s) will make friends regardless of who you, as a parent, are friends with...

You are right that you don’t get it, you are clueless

I agree she doesn't get it. It does matter unfortunately when they are younger. By 7th grade most kids (not all) break free from their parents and do their own thing. The parent thing still comes into play though so it does. matter.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people are not paying attention to socioeconomic trends. People are becoming more and more tribal thus the extreme segregation that is happening that has transcend all areas of life across the nation.

School culture — both public and private has dramatically changed.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am sure it is nothing personal. COVID has definitely screwed things up socially, and it must be challenging to start at a new school during all this. While everything gets sorted out with school families, I recommend signing your daughter up for outside activities so she can build a friend base unrelated to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, some parents just aren’t as focused or proactive about play dates right now. I think the fact that you describe your child as shy means you’re more concerned about her getting social time. Parents of more extroverted children or kids who have well-established friendships are probably less concerned and putting less effort into organizing play dates right now. Me included.

Also, your child may consider those three girls besties, but they may feel less close to her. I set up play dates based on my kids’ asks. As nice as your daughter is, the other kids may not be asking to have play dates with her.

I would check in with her teacher and ask what they observe about her social interactions.

Also, if you’ve been there less than a year and are thinking of leaving because there’s “no community,” you are seriously immature. Community takes time to establish. People barely know you right now. Perhaps it’s your sense of pushiness/neediness, combined with a sense of entitlement that is putting people off?

Pretty rude to call the OP immature, I would say your reasoning indicates you are immature and use of the word “besties.”

OP, anyone who is going to leave a school because they don’t have a community 6 months after starting at a school is immature. Even in non-Covid times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder which school's parents would actually support the claim that they're "like family" or a "close community." Nothing that I've seen on DCUM seems to suggest that any school around here (private or public) fits the bill.

I applied to VA schools. The parents at both Potomac and Langley have said this repeatedly. Maybe it’s different at DC schools because the students are more spread out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, some parents just aren’t as focused or proactive about play dates right now. I think the fact that you describe your child as shy means you’re more concerned about her getting social time. Parents of more extroverted children or kids who have well-established friendships are probably less concerned and putting less effort into organizing play dates right now. Me included.

Also, your child may consider those three girls besties, but they may feel less close to her. I set up play dates based on my kids’ asks. As nice as your daughter is, the other kids may not be asking to have play dates with her.

I would check in with her teacher and ask what they observe about her social interactions.

Also, if you’ve been there less than a year and are thinking of leaving because there’s “no community,” you are seriously immature. Community takes time to establish. People barely know you right now. Perhaps it’s your sense of pushiness/neediness, combined with a sense of entitlement that is putting people off?

Pretty rude to call the OP immature, I would say your reasoning indicates you are immature and use of the word “besties.”

OP, anyone who is going to leave a school because they don’t have a community 6 months after starting at a school is immature. Even in non-Covid times.

Immature like yourself, I see.

[Anonymous]

We have an only and started at a small private school in late elementary. I feel the community at our private school is way less than at our former public school. I've been pretty disappointed. Everyone has been very nice at the few events there have been for the whole class but my child hasn't been invited to any playdates and it doesn't feel like anyone has made any effort. We've hosted several play dates but no one has reciprocated. Some of this is probably due to covid and some due to the small size of the class which is also more heavily weighted toward the opposite gender. I've been trying to figure out if there's a tighter community that we're just not a part of or if it just doesn't exist. Having an only also means you only have one grade to find your people and less opportunities to meet people. My kid doesn't seem to mind to much and is happy at school on a day to day basis so I try not to let it bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an only and started at a small private school in late elementary. I feel the community at our private school is way less than at our former public school. I've been pretty disappointed. Everyone has been very nice at the few events there have been for the whole class but my child hasn't been invited to any playdates and it doesn't feel like anyone has made any effort. We've hosted several play dates but no one has reciprocated. Some of this is probably due to covid and some due to the small size of the class which is also more heavily weighted toward the opposite gender. I've been trying to figure out if there's a tighter community that we're just not a part of or if it just doesn't exist. Having an only also means you only have one grade to find your people and less opportunities to meet people. My kid doesn't seem to mind to much and is happy at school on a day to day basis so I try not to let it bother me.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

My daughter is in 3rd grade at a private where the whole grade is only 30 kids as well. While new to this school, we are not new to private and she came to this school with a bunch of friends from her previous school. Despite that, I will say that I don't initiate a lot of playdates. DD is extremely social so we almost always accept an invitation, but I'm bad at planning playdates/hosting unless the kids ask while both parents are at pick up or something. Your child is probably not being left out, the grown ups are just bad at planning as well. Does your child use kids messenger or anything to communicate with their classmates on the weekends?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I could have written this post last year (this is DD’s second year at her private school, now in middle.) I too chalk it up to laziness and also sports: at least at our school, so many of these kids do sports so many days, even during the pandemic, that that consumes a lot of their social life and the parents’ desire to arrange additional activities. I also noted that the Welcoming Committee is sort of giving themselves a pass to work less hard (maybe because events aren’t as fun over Zoom, so why bother?) At this point, there is more reciprocation of socializing, but not a ton. But have you tried reaching out to other new families? I feel like we got some good reciprocation bc our child became friends with one. Also, I sort of stumbled into the world of Room Parent stuff, and I, at least, feel like I know some people through that, even if it’s virtual and I’m honestly not sure whether I’d recognize some of these people if I met them in person! So you might try that. I’m sorry you’re still feeling less than welcome, but I do think there will be an upsurge of in-person events and that things will change. Or at least I hope they will! And I do bet that it’s one of those things where you will suddenly stop trying or stop caring and then remember again and things will feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, some parents just aren’t as focused or proactive about play dates right now. I think the fact that you describe your child as shy means you’re more concerned about her getting social time. Parents of more extroverted children or kids who have well-established friendships are probably less concerned and putting less effort into organizing play dates right now. Me included.

Also, your child may consider those three girls besties, but they may feel less close to her. I set up play dates based on my kids’ asks. As nice as your daughter is, the other kids may not be asking to have play dates with her.

I would check in with her teacher and ask what they observe about her social interactions.

Also, if you’ve been there less than a year and are thinking of leaving because there’s “no community,” you are seriously immature. Community takes time to establish. People barely know you right now. Perhaps it’s your sense of pushiness/neediness, combined with a sense of entitlement that is putting people off?

Pretty rude to call the OP immature, I would say your reasoning indicates you are immature and use of the word “besties.”

OP, anyone who is going to leave a school because they don’t have a community 6 months after starting at a school is immature. Even in non-Covid times.

Immature like yourself, I see.

OP, you keep proving the point. You sound like a three year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, some parents just aren’t as focused or proactive about play dates right now. I think the fact that you describe your child as shy means you’re more concerned about her getting social time. Parents of more extroverted children or kids who have well-established friendships are probably less concerned and putting less effort into organizing play dates right now. Me included.

Also, your child may consider those three girls besties, but they may feel less close to her. I set up play dates based on my kids’ asks. As nice as your daughter is, the other kids may not be asking to have play dates with her.

I would check in with her teacher and ask what they observe about her social interactions.

Also, if you’ve been there less than a year and are thinking of leaving because there’s “no community,” you are seriously immature. Community takes time to establish. People barely know you right now. Perhaps it’s your sense of pushiness/neediness, combined with a sense of entitlement that is putting people off?

Pretty rude to call the OP immature, I would say your reasoning indicates you are immature and use of the word “besties.”

OP, anyone who is going to leave a school because they don’t have a community 6 months after starting at a school is immature. Even in non-Covid times.

Immature like yourself, I see.

OP, you keep proving the point. You sound like a three year old.

As do you.