Private school sense of community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although my sympathies are with OP, those who dismiss the pandemic effect are off their rockers. I currently chair the parent association at our school and have been heavily involved in prior years too. Community building has been quite tough and, during peak periods of cases, near-impossible. So please try not to take things too personally. Some families are socializing now as if there's no pandemic, but plenty of others at our school are still being careful about play dates.

Disagree, we have had many, many grade wide school invites right when our private school was not in person. Many of my child’s classmates were actively playing on baseball teams during this time, class-wide invite to join for skiing with family that went every weekend winter 2020, picnic at one families home with families joining inside the house that was supposed to be an outside activity, many classmates having regular play dates. So much more. Do not pretend that people were not being dismissive of the pandemic. Many, many ignored it and continued to socialize a lot.

[Anonymous]

Maybe that was the case at your school, but things have been much more restrained at the two schools where our kids are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What will be your excuse once covid is endemic? This type of thing was happening long before covid and will continue long after.

I''m a PP who blamed COVID because in our experience it wasn't a problem before Covid. People have stopped socializing in person.

Ha! Ha! Yeah, right!!!

Are you saying I am lying about my experience? How odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe that was the case at your school, but things have been much more restrained at the two schools where our kids are.

The school wasn’t holding the events. The parents who my child goes to school with are doing this. This is not confined to only our school, my neighborhood kids who go all over to privates and public have been getting together all covid long. Not saying it’s right, but I’m not pretending it wasn’t happening.

[Anonymous]

I have an only in a 3rd grade PS. I just expect to be setting up most of the play dates because parents with multiple kids also have that multiplied for sports and other activities, so l have more bandwidth for setting up play dates. It doesn’t really bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What will be your excuse once covid is endemic? This type of thing was happening long before covid and will continue long after.

I''m a PP who blamed COVID because in our experience it wasn't a problem before Covid. People have stopped socializing in person.

Ha! Ha! Yeah, right!!!

Are you saying I am lying about my experience? How odd.

What is odd is that you claim that it’s because of covid. People have been socializing and school has been open all this school year. You dismissed that she pointed out parents brining up the only child issue. I suppose covid is to blame for that too. “Must be covid!” Please, think critically and get a deeper understanding of specific things OP mentioned. Don’t be reactive with lame excuse.

[Anonymous]

If you're at a Catholic school, are you Catholic yourselves? Do you attend the parish or the same church as most of the families?

IME, Catholic school families have known each other since their kids were very small, and sometimes even since they themselves were children. It can be very, very hard to break into this social group, especially if you're not Catholic. Having an only child would also be odd, for this demographic.

Alternately, do you work and the other mothers predominantly stay home? That can be another possible reason. I had the opposite experience at our Big 3. My DC got no playdate or birthday party invites for the first 6 months, then at a school event one of the dads in the class very patronizingly asked me if I worked (I am ~10 years younger than most of the mothers in the class, and look it). When I responded telling him what I did there room went uncomfortably silent and then after that all of a sudden they playdate invitations started rolling in and my kid was a hot ticket. It was absurd and gross, frankly, given how transparently it was about social climbing, but there you go. People have their own motivations which you can't take personally, and they tend to prefer people like them or who they believe they can derive benefit from knowing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're at a Catholic school, are you Catholic yourselves? Do you attend the parish or the same church as most of the families?

IME, Catholic school families have known each other since their kids were very small, and sometimes even since they themselves were children. It can be very, very hard to break into this social group, especially if you're not Catholic. Having an only child would also be odd, for this demographic.

Alternately, do you work and the other mothers predominantly stay home? That can be another possible reason. I had the opposite experience at our Big 3. My DC got no playdate or birthday party invites for the first 6 months, then at a school event one of the dads in the class very patronizingly asked me if I worked (I am ~10 years younger than most of the mothers in the class, and look it). When I responded telling him what I did there room went uncomfortably silent and then after that all of a sudden they playdate invitations started rolling in and my kid was a hot ticket. It was absurd and gross, frankly, given how transparently it was about social climbing, but there you go. People have their own motivations which you can't take personally, and they tend to prefer people like them or who they believe they can derive benefit from knowing well.

Now that sounds like a great school community!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're at a Catholic school, are you Catholic yourselves? Do you attend the parish or the same church as most of the families?

IME, Catholic school families have known each other since their kids were very small, and sometimes even since they themselves were children. It can be very, very hard to break into this social group, especially if you're not Catholic. Having an only child would also be odd, for this demographic.

Alternately, do you work and the other mothers predominantly stay home? That can be another possible reason. I had the opposite experience at our Big 3. My DC got no playdate or birthday party invites for the first 6 months, then at a school event one of the dads in the class very patronizingly asked me if I worked (I am ~10 years younger than most of the mothers in the class, and look it). When I responded telling him what I did there room went uncomfortably silent and then after that all of a sudden they playdate invitations started rolling in and my kid was a hot ticket. It was absurd and gross, frankly, given how transparently it was about social climbing, but there you go. People have their own motivations which you can't take personally, and they tend to prefer people like them or who they believe they can derive benefit from knowing well.

Yes Catholic and the school is not tied to a parish. The kids come from dc, Maryland, and Virginia. It’s the parents with the older siblings who already have roots with each other and/or the unbearable social climbing ones. Unless they can benefit from you, there is no need or effort.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the importance—or get the attraction —for a parent community especially when your children are a bit older. My social life is distinct from my child’s school—I have a core group of friends and as a family we have family friends. My son (4th grade) has a group of friends at school, and my interaction with their parents are mostly transactional (sleepover logistics, carpool, drop off/pick up). I would never assume that my husband and I would be integrated into their social life. Beyond that your child goes to school with their child(ren), do you really have anything in common with these people? Because that is only a thin commonality upon which to build a friendship.

In terms of COVID, these past two years have been hard on everyone, people are tired. Motivation for socializing beyond one’s circle is probably low. So be it. I have a very limited amount of free time—I don’t want to hang out with another mom just because her kid is in my son’s class. I want to spend it with friends who I haven’t been able to spend much time with in recent years and now, thankfully, it’s safe to do so!

If my child is happy, has friends, and is receiving a good education—that’s enough for me to be happy with the school. The school doesn’t owe me, as a parent, a “sense of community.” And if the school touted that in their marketing material….that is odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What will be your excuse once covid is endemic? This type of thing was happening long before covid and will continue long after.

I''m a PP who blamed COVID because in our experience it wasn't a problem before Covid. People have stopped socializing in person.

Ha! Ha! Yeah, right!!!

Are you saying I am lying about my experience? How odd.

What is odd is that you claim that it’s because of covid. People have been socializing and school has been open all this school year. You dismissed that she pointed out parents brining up the only child issue. I suppose covid is to blame for that too. “Must be covid!” Please, think critically and get a deeper understanding of specific things OP mentioned. Don’t be reactive with lame excuse.

She's wondering if that is the reason; other are suggesting there might be a much more obvious reason. Brainstorming, like she asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're at a Catholic school, are you Catholic yourselves? Do you attend the parish or the same church as most of the families?

IME, Catholic school families have known each other since their kids were very small, and sometimes even since they themselves were children. It can be very, very hard to break into this social group, especially if you're not Catholic. Having an only child would also be odd, for this demographic.

Alternately, do you work and the other mothers predominantly stay home? That can be another possible reason. I had the opposite experience at our Big 3. My DC got no playdate or birthday party invites for the first 6 months, then at a school event one of the dads in the class very patronizingly asked me if I worked (I am ~10 years younger than most of the mothers in the class, and look it). When I responded telling him what I did there room went uncomfortably silent and then after that all of a sudden they playdate invitations started rolling in and my kid was a hot ticket. It was absurd and gross, frankly, given how transparently it was about social climbing, but there you go. People have their own motivations which you can't take personally, and they tend to prefer people like them or who they believe they can derive benefit from knowing well.

Calling an only child family odd??? that is really insensitive considering the majority of us with an only child have struggled with infertility. you are a peach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're at a Catholic school, are you Catholic yourselves? Do you attend the parish or the same church as most of the families?

IME, Catholic school families have known each other since their kids were very small, and sometimes even since they themselves were children. It can be very, very hard to break into this social group, especially if you're not Catholic. Having an only child would also be odd, for this demographic.

Alternately, do you work and the other mothers predominantly stay home? That can be another possible reason. I had the opposite experience at our Big 3. My DC got no playdate or birthday party invites for the first 6 months, then at a school event one of the dads in the class very patronizingly asked me if I worked (I am ~10 years younger than most of the mothers in the class, and look it). When I responded telling him what I did there room went uncomfortably silent and then after that all of a sudden they playdate invitations started rolling in and my kid was a hot ticket. It was absurd and gross, frankly, given how transparently it was about social climbing, but there you go. People have their own motivations which you can't take personally, and they tend to prefer people like them or who they believe they can derive benefit from knowing well.

Calling an only child family odd??? that is really insensitive considering the majority of us with an only child have struggled with infertility. you are a peach

Why I have zero desire to socialize with almost no other mothers at my kid’s private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the importance—or get the attraction —for a parent community especially when your children are a bit older. My social life is distinct from my child’s school—I have a core group of friends and as a family we have family friends. My son (4th grade) has a group of friends at school, and my interaction with their parents are mostly transactional (sleepover logistics, carpool, drop off/pick up). I would never assume that my husband and I would be integrated into their social life. Beyond that your child goes to school with their child(ren), do you really have anything in common with these people? Because that is only a thin commonality upon which to build a friendship.

In terms of COVID, these past two years have been hard on everyone, people are tired. Motivation for socializing beyond one’s circle is probably low. So be it. I have a very limited amount of free time—I don’t want to hang out with another mom just because her kid is in my son’s class. I want to spend it with friends who I haven’t been able to spend much time with in recent years and now, thankfully, it’s safe to do so!

If my child is happy, has friends, and is receiving a good education—that’s enough for me to be happy with the school. The school doesn’t owe me, as a parent, a “sense of community.” And if the school touted that in their marketing material….that is odd.

Woman, it’s a private school and parents have to get involved to get the kids together. These are not neighborhood kids who can come and go to each other’s homes. Stupid woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're at a Catholic school, are you Catholic yourselves? Do you attend the parish or the same church as most of the families?

IME, Catholic school families have known each other since their kids were very small, and sometimes even since they themselves were children. It can be very, very hard to break into this social group, especially if you're not Catholic. Having an only child would also be odd, for this demographic.

Alternately, do you work and the other mothers predominantly stay home? That can be another possible reason. I had the opposite experience at our Big 3. My DC got no playdate or birthday party invites for the first 6 months, then at a school event one of the dads in the class very patronizingly asked me if I worked (I am ~10 years younger than most of the mothers in the class, and look it). When I responded telling him what I did there room went uncomfortably silent and then after that all of a sudden they playdate invitations started rolling in and my kid was a hot ticket. It was absurd and gross, frankly, given how transparently it was about social climbing, but there you go. People have their own motivations which you can't take personally, and they tend to prefer people like them or who they believe they can derive benefit from knowing well.

Calling an only child family odd??? that is really insensitive considering the majority of us with an only child have struggled with infertility. you are a peach

Why I have zero desire to socialize with almost no other mothers at my kid’s private school.

This is exactly what I was saying about the only child issue at privates with these parents who sort of shun them and the OP’s complaint.