Private school sense of community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, reading this and your original post, you use the word "we" an awful lot.

This is your child's school. "We" do not attend the school, "we" are not in third grade. It sounds to me like you thought you would be making parent friends when you joined this "community." I can tell you right now that is an unfair expectation. If your child is happy and is being well-educated, that is all you can ask for. If you happen to stumble upon some mom friends that you really like, that is a bonus, but it's not why you are at the school.

[Anonymous]

why would we be shunned??? really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, reading this and your original post, you use the word "we" an awful lot.

This is your child's school. "We" do not attend the school, "we" are not in third grade. It sounds to me like you thought you would be making parent friends when you joined this "community." I can tell you right now that is an unfair expectation. If your child is happy and is being well-educated, that is all you can ask for. If you happen to stumble upon some mom friends that you really like, that is a bonus, but it's not why you are at the school.

Agree with all of this. Also, by 3rd grade, kids don’t need parents to broker relationships. At that point, you are connecting with other parents on logistics. But that’s not friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, reading this and your original post, you use the word "we" an awful lot.

This is your child's school. "We" do not attend the school, "we" are not in third grade. It sounds to me like you thought you would be making parent friends when you joined this "community." I can tell you right now that is an unfair expectation. If your child is happy and is being well-educated, that is all you can ask for. If you happen to stumble upon some mom friends that you really like, that is a bonus, but it's not why you are at the school.

Agree with all of this. Also, by 3rd grade, kids don’t need parents to broker relationships. At that point, you are connecting with other parents on logistics. But that’s not friendship.

That would be ideal but not always the case.

[Anonymous]

It’s just not normal. At my very open and loving catholic k-8, people just don’t have the bandwidth for new families right now. The normal play dates and activities are jus not happening. I’m not interested in figuring out where new families fit with vaccinations and life choices. I’m personally comfortable with fully vaccinated families being super conservative so basically just a couple families we already know (or I was up until recently, things are changing so quickly). Bottom line- give it time. I suspect things will settle down soon and the community you’re correctly expecting will emerge again soon. I can’t wait for it. And I acknowledge how hard it is for whose who joined right as everyone pulled back.

[Anonymous]

You probably need to start inviting different kids to your home or to the park more often—invite 3 other kids and volunteer to be let parents drop off while you watch the kids. Find other new families and invite them to meet up. Have a bigger birthday party and invite the class. Volunteer at school for events where you can chat with other parents (book fair, event committees). Figure out if everyone does an after school sport or activity your kid can also join. Is there a Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop your child can join? Is there a summer program your child can join? You are going to need to do some of the legwork here to get the ball rolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You probably need to start inviting different kids to your home or to the park more often—invite 3 other kids and volunteer to be let parents drop off while you watch the kids. Find other new families and invite them to meet up. Have a bigger birthday party and invite the class. Volunteer at school for events where you can chat with other parents (book fair, event committees). Figure out if everyone does an after school sport or activity your kid can also join. Is there a Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop your child can join? Is there a summer program your child can join? You are going to need to do some of the legwork here to get the ball rolling.

Yes, because the parents who have their cliques are not going to be welcoming. You have to work like the dickens just to get acknowledged.even then, it’s not a guarantee. This is the norm at my “warm community” at my child’s Catholic in DC.

[Anonymous]

Which school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, reading this and your original post, you use the word "we" an awful lot.

This is your child's school. "We" do not attend the school, "we" are not in third grade. It sounds to me like you thought you would be making parent friends when you joined this "community." I can tell you right now that is an unfair expectation. If your child is happy and is being well-educated, that is all you can ask for. If you happen to stumble upon some mom friends that you really like, that is a bonus, but it's not why you are at the school.

This is interesting because in all of the welcome/accepted students events I’ve attended (for LS) they’ve stressed how close the parent community is, how they get together outside of school, help each other through tough times. So those are lies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, reading this and your original post, you use the word "we" an awful lot.

This is your child's school. "We" do not attend the school, "we" are not in third grade. It sounds to me like you thought you would be making parent friends when you joined this "community." I can tell you right now that is an unfair expectation. If your child is happy and is being well-educated, that is all you can ask for. If you happen to stumble upon some mom friends that you really like, that is a bonus, but it's not why you are at the school.

This is interesting because in all of the welcome/accepted students events I’ve attended (for LS) they’ve stressed how close the parent community is, how they get together outside of school, help each other through tough times. So those are lies?

Marketing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that I went to a private school for my entire childhood, and I had a completely opposite social experience. Similar to this private school, kids lived all over, and my best friends all lived at least 25-30 minutes away from me, but back then people didn't seem as averse to driving as they do now.

My child has made 3 best friends in the class, and while we have invited these kids to meet up several times, there has been no reciprocation. We have invited these kids to meet up at parks/playgrounds with the parent. The other families always say yes to the invites, but there has been no reciprocation. I don't really understand why.

Anyhow, we are signed up for another year but my thought is that if we continue to feel like we have no sense of community then I don't see why we should continue to pay tuition for this experience.

I feel a lot of whole-school community but none with the other families in my child's specific class. The entire grade only has 30 kids.

OP, reading this and your original post, you use the word "we" an awful lot.

This is your child's school. "We" do not attend the school, "we" are not in third grade. It sounds to me like you thought you would be making parent friends when you joined this "community." I can tell you right now that is an unfair expectation. If your child is happy and is being well-educated, that is all you can ask for. If you happen to stumble upon some mom friends that you really like, that is a bonus, but it's not why you are at the school.

This is interesting because in all of the welcome/accepted students events I’ve attended (for LS) they’ve stressed how close the parent community is, how they get together outside of school, help each other through tough times. So those are lies?

Marketing.

+100. At some point in the past 10 years, this has become a popular trope among schools. "We're like family." "We're a close community." on and on ...I don't see how a school can even speak to that. When you look at any school, you really need to take all this with a grain of salt. It's just marketing and branding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably need to start inviting different kids to your home or to the park more often—invite 3 other kids and volunteer to be let parents drop off while you watch the kids. Find other new families and invite them to meet up. Have a bigger birthday party and invite the class. Volunteer at school for events where you can chat with other parents (book fair, event committees). Figure out if everyone does an after school sport or activity your kid can also join. Is there a Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop your child can join? Is there a summer program your child can join? You are going to need to do some of the legwork here to get the ball rolling.

Yes, because the parents who have their cliques are not going to be welcoming. You have to work like the dickens just to get acknowledged.even then, it’s not a guarantee. This is the norm at my “warm community” at my child’s Catholic in DC.

I don't get it--why even bother with these parents?! Your kid(s) will make friends regardless of who you, as a parent, are friends with...

[Anonymous]

I wonder which school's parents would actually support the claim that they're "like family" or a "close community." Nothing that I've seen on DCUM seems to suggest that any school around here (private or public) fits the bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably need to start inviting different kids to your home or to the park more often—invite 3 other kids and volunteer to be let parents drop off while you watch the kids. Find other new families and invite them to meet up. Have a bigger birthday party and invite the class. Volunteer at school for events where you can chat with other parents (book fair, event committees). Figure out if everyone does an after school sport or activity your kid can also join. Is there a Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop your child can join? Is there a summer program your child can join? You are going to need to do some of the legwork here to get the ball rolling.

Yes, because the parents who have their cliques are not going to be welcoming. You have to work like the dickens just to get acknowledged.even then, it’s not a guarantee. This is the norm at my “warm community” at my child’s Catholic in DC.

+1. The hypocrisy is really stunning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably need to start inviting different kids to your home or to the park more often—invite 3 other kids and volunteer to be let parents drop off while you watch the kids. Find other new families and invite them to meet up. Have a bigger birthday party and invite the class. Volunteer at school for events where you can chat with other parents (book fair, event committees). Figure out if everyone does an after school sport or activity your kid can also join. Is there a Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop your child can join? Is there a summer program your child can join? You are going to need to do some of the legwork here to get the ball rolling.

Yes, because the parents who have their cliques are not going to be welcoming. You have to work like the dickens just to get acknowledged.even then, it’s not a guarantee. This is the norm at my “warm community” at my child’s Catholic in DC.

I don't get it--why even bother with these parents?! Your kid(s) will make friends regardless of who you, as a parent, are friends with...

Yes and no. When the parents are close friends, there is a different comfort level with one another. Your child is not going on vacations or frequent sleep overs or attending family parties in the way other kids may. I am not saying it os deliberate - just the natural way things pan out. I think Covid underscored this - but for health reasons.