DS forwarded his friend’s obnoxious email to principal and…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy cow. It is hard to believe that some of you posting here are parents. I cannot believe you would tolerate the type of behavior from the other child like you are. I think OP's son did the right thing and I would be super proud of him for standing up for himself. The verbiage in the email is completely inappropriate and not acceptable at any school I know of. I really hope that you guys are all trolls because you scare me that you have such weak value systems and that you're teaching your children that this other boy's behavior is okay. Wow.

He didn't stand up for himself, though. He went to the principal.

And I am guessing that you don't have any tween boys in your life.

[Anonymous]

Snitches get stitches.

OP have you had your son evaluated for ADHD? What he did was extremely impulsive. If it wasn't impulsive then us was calculated which is a terrible thing to see in an 11 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

+1 this. Your son was being a bully. He basically went nuclear on his friend. And btw, your son was the one who is engaging in impulsive behavior, not ADHD kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
People like you are the problem, not OP's son. OP's son absolutely did the right thing. Let me repeat: OP's son did the right thing in forwarding the email to the Principal. The other boy needs to be reprimanded and counseled about appropriate behavior and interactions on social media. The other boy will face a consequence. OP's son will be told that he did the right thing.

-A School Principal

Hi Principal, I'm the elementary school teacher who responded earlier. I missed the fact that this was sent via school email and that it happened during the school day.

I agree with you that that makes it school business. An 11 year old needs to learn to use school email for appropriate purposes only, not for sending gaming related messages to his friend. I still think it is fine (better) for OP to ask to just handle it between the families as the boys are (or were) friends and there seems to be zero indication that OP's son feels bullied or threatened or that this type of thing is sent to him often. There's no need to involve the school and a principal's precious time with this type of thing IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

+1 this. Your son was being a bully. He basically went nuclear on his friend. And btw, your son was the one who is engaging in impulsive behavior, not ADHD kid.

It's not being a bully. Bullying requires a power imbalance. It was a bit of an overreaction, probably, and definitely tattling. The email being used was school email though, and there are rules at school about not using curse words. "Suck it A$$hole" is definitely not school appropriate. If a student is offended by his friend's speech, it's legitimate to complain about it. You can tattle to the teacher about it, but you can't expect to keep the friendship in that case. It's OP's son's decision whether he cares that much about bad language to complain.

[Anonymous]

This is not typical friend behavior, OP. Something is very off with your son's reaction. Before you feel too sorry for the other mom you should talk to your own son and figure out what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not typical friend behavior, OP. Something is very off with your son's reaction. Before you feel too sorry for the other mom you should talk to your own son and figure out what's going on.

No, this is WAY MORE common than you would believe. Just because most kids don't react that way doesn't make it rare. Every grade has a handful of kids who unnecessarily tell on their peers including those that are dear friends. The funny thing is, the one telling is usually just as or more guilty of those behaviors. Every kid has some faulty understanding of what others intuitively know but they can learn.

[Anonymous]

The mean mommy crowd has found the thread. OP, your son did the right thing. His "friend" should not be sending him email (school email or otherwise) with cursing and bad language. It sounds like this other boy does not get a lot of supervision at home and has not been trained about what is appropriate behavior. Your son should avoid him and make friends with other boys who have better social skills and who are better at following social mores and rules. This other boy isn't getting what he needs at home and while that is sad it is not your son's problem to deal with. Hopefully at some point the other boy will get the help he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Snitches get stitches.

OP have you had your son evaluated for ADHD? What he did was extremely impulsive. If it wasn't impulsive then us was calculated which is a terrible thing to see in an 11 year old.

+1

Not cool, OP.

[Anonymous]

Neither kid did anything out of this world or that needs extra evaluations. Op, don't feel bad, what your son did is just as much a silly kid thing as what his friend did. That doesn't mean you should come down on him or be ashamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not typical friend behavior, OP. Something is very off with your son's reaction. Before you feel too sorry for the other mom you should talk to your own son and figure out what's going on.

No, this is WAY MORE common than you would believe. Just because most kids don't react that way doesn't make it rare. Every grade has a handful of kids who unnecessarily tell on their peers including those that are dear friends. The funny thing is, the one telling is usually just as or more guilty of those behaviors. Every kid has some faulty understanding of what others intuitively know but they can learn.

The tattling on friends is weird. Not the trash talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad it worked out, OP! As the parent of a boy with adhd who I could easily see having made such a mistake in middle school, I appreciate your approach and empathy. I suspect your son exhibited some impulsivity, too, by forwarding the email straight to the principal ratjer than talking to his friend or you first. I realize these are not comparable actions- the friend’s actions were inappropriate and your son’s objectively laudable, except that as you acknowledge it probably wasn’t necessary to jump to such an extreme (I say this as mother to teen sons who like to good naturedly “trash talk” with friends - if the comment to your son instead was threatening or bullying of course I’d feel differently). It is really hard for some kids, like mine with adhd, to see nauances on both sides here so again I do appreciate your empathetic reaction.

Thank you, PP! My kid has made mistakes too so I get it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

People like you are the problem, not OP's son. OP's son absolutely did the right thing. Let me repeat: OP's son did the right thing in forwarding the email to the Principal. The other boy needs to be reprimanded and counseled about appropriate behavior and interactions on social media. The other boy will face a consequence. OP's son will be told that he did the right thing.

-A School Principal

Wtf?

For real. I’m really confused what the principal has to do with any of this. This wasn’t at school. It didn’t involve a school assignment. It was at over a computer game at home...

If some kid in your child’s school calls your kid an as*hole while in line at Dairy Queen, would you contact the school principal?

OP, nothing to be done now. Your son did what he did, now let him face whatever the principal decides to do, which is likely going to be very little. Do not intervene. Contacting the principal is super weird, but what happened is really NBD.

Opps, correction. I now see it was during school at lunch on school email. Then yes, OPs son did the right thing. But..where they playing computer games at school during class? That would be my question.

OP here: telling on friends for every little thing is not the right thing to do. Also my impression was that they played during lunch as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

People like you are the problem, not OP's son. OP's son absolutely did the right thing. Let me repeat: OP's son did the right thing in forwarding the email to the Principal. The other boy needs to be reprimanded and counseled about appropriate behavior and interactions on social media. The other boy will face a consequence. OP's son will be told that he did the right thing.

-A School Principal

Even though OP's son has said the same thing? Most likely the other child has heard that comment from OP's son in the past and was responding in kind.

This. I had a mom contact me saying her kids feelings were hurt over something my kid said during online game play. Turns out her kids dishes it out far more and can't handle taking a little of it himself. I told my son to block that kid and never play with him again since he and his mom were both bad news. I believe my son had said "you're stupid", but what the other boy had said to my son was far worse like "you suck, you loser!" Tell your kid not to be such a tattle tale, OP, if he doesn't want to end up friendless.

OP here: even though I don’t know for sure if my son said the same things, I can easily imagine he did. Boys trash talk! They need to learn not to, but also it’s not some extraordinary situation that needs attention from the principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to teach your son PROPORTIONAL RESPONSE. Please do so without delay. If he does this often (under or over-reacts), he might have Asperger's tendencies. I know all about it, my son and husband have those tendencies. We spend a lot of time discussing what are appropriate and proportional responses.

It’s the first time he has done that, but he does have the tendencies (in other areas). He does need to be explicitly coached in many social situations