DS forwarded his friend’s obnoxious email to principal and…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

People like you are the problem, not OP's son. OP's son absolutely did the right thing. Let me repeat: OP's son did the right thing in forwarding the email to the Principal. The other boy needs to be reprimanded and counseled about appropriate behavior and interactions on social media. The other boy will face a consequence. OP's son will be told that he did the right thing.

-A School Principal

LOL! You are SO not a principal! Or, if you are, you're not a very good one. You are so woefully ignorant of teen culture and responses that actually work. While this requires a reminder on appropriate interactions (social media or otherwise), it's not something that warrants a reprimand or singling out. It's also likely OP's DS will also face social repercussions when this gets out. OP's DS has violated norms far more so than the other boy. OP's DS did this in a fit of annoyance, not because he felt bullied. He felt punitive. Big difference.

1) The message was sent through a school email account. That makes it my business.
2) The student forwarded it to me. That makes it my business.

You are free to disagree but you are wrong if you think that this would not be my business. The other boy (not OP's son) would be counseled and serve a consequence. OP's son would be thanked for bringing it to our attention. Bullying, threats, and cursing are not allowed at our school, including social media.

- The Same School Principal

[Anonymous]

You need to teach your son PROPORTIONAL RESPONSE. Please do so without delay. If he does this often (under or over-reacts), he might have Asperger's tendencies. I know all about it, my son and husband have those tendencies. We spend a lot of time discussing what are appropriate and proportional responses.

[Anonymous]

OP you’re right- your son overreacted to harmless trash talk…but he’s young and it’s hard to know what language is harmful. It’s a good time to talk with him about whether the language was truly hurtful and malicious vs. impulsive and not personal.

I would step back because the school has certainly dealt with much, much worse and will hopefully keep this in perspective.

I have a 15 year old DS who likes online gaming and is on a discord server with school friends. I can tell that talk isn’t always sanitized but DS knows what lines not to cross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I just spoke to the principal and luckily they haven’t done anything and we agreed we would just handle it at home!
The principal seemed relieved! And so am i, for sure!
Thank you everyone and special thanks to the elementary school teacher PP! Thank you!!!

Yea! Seems like a better plan.

[Anonymous]

I’d bring it to the attention of the SRO.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, op, it seems that you care a lot more about what this other mom thinks of you then about your sons perspective. If I’m understanding correctly, it happened at school, during lunch, through the school email. Your son’s friend is by your accounts “impulsive”.

Have you asked your son why he sent it to the principal? Have you considered that maybe, and of course I don’t know, his friends impulsivity may be consistent and overbearing, and highly unpleasant. Maybe your son wants to spend less time with this friend at least for now? Maybe this impulsivity, well perhaps understandable to adults understanding the diagnosis, is constant, pressing and annoying. Or maybe your son had recently received the message from school administration to reach out if anyone uses media inappropriately and took it literally? He’s 11. This seems like a good time to try to understand what’s going on in his head on this issue and do use as a teaching opportunity based on that. really, though, read through your postings above and simply count the times you showed empathy or concern for your son and the number of times you showed empathy and concern for another child’s mother. It’s not even clear to me if you spoke with your son, let alone ask him if he was out of you that his communication to the principal should be addressed at home. and have you even reached out to the other mom to let her know what her son had said to yours over lunch? Or are you in reality and just not going to do anything about it because it’s inconvenient for you and you’d be embarrassed? to be clear, I am not saying that this was a big deal in terms of her sons contact, or that both boys may not engage in similar acts, but it sounds like your son reached out to an authority figure, provided essentially a complaint. You then shut it down and said you would handle, and at least from what you’ve written it doesn’t seem that you’ve actually handled at all. Other than to be relieved you don’t need to have a conversation with a principal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re right- your son overreacted to harmless trash talk…but he’s young and it’s hard to know what language is harmful. It’s a good time to talk with him about whether the language was truly hurtful and malicious vs. impulsive and not personal.

I would step back because the school has certainly dealt with much, much worse and will hopefully keep this in perspective.

I have a 15 year old DS who likes online gaming and is on a discord server with school friends. I can tell that talk isn’t always sanitized but DS knows what lines not to cross.

Your son is 15. The OP’s son is 11, and presumably his friend is around the same age. They would seem more likely to still be developing understanding of proportionate responses and also what lines to cross and not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: it was at lunchtime over school email, just to clarify.
I don’t care, I just felt bad for the other mom because my son isn’t perfect either and it’s a just a coincidence that he wasn’t on the other end of this!

Sweetie. Your son looks bad here too. She probably feels sorry for … you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

People like you are the problem, not OP's son. OP's son absolutely did the right thing. Let me repeat: OP's son did the right thing in forwarding the email to the Principal. The other boy needs to be reprimanded and counseled about appropriate behavior and interactions on social media. The other boy will face a consequence. OP's son will be told that he did the right thing.

-A School Principal

LOL! You are SO not a principal! Or, if you are, you're not a very good one. You are so woefully ignorant of teen culture and responses that actually work. While this requires a reminder on appropriate interactions (social media or otherwise), it's not something that warrants a reprimand or singling out. It's also likely OP's DS will also face social repercussions when this gets out. OP's DS has violated norms far more so than the other boy. OP's DS did this in a fit of annoyance, not because he felt bullied. He felt punitive. Big difference.

1) The message was sent through a school email account. That makes it my business.
2) The student forwarded it to me. That makes it my business.

You are free to disagree but you are wrong if you think that this would not be my business. The other boy (not OP's son) would be counseled and serve a consequence. OP's son would be thanked for bringing it to our attention. Bullying, threats, and cursing are not allowed at our school, including social media.

- The Same School Principal

Bully, threats, cursing? This was gaming-related trash talk among two teen boys who are friends. Are you an elementary school principal or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: it was at lunchtime over school email, just to clarify.
I don’t care, I just felt bad for the other mom because my son isn’t perfect either and it’s a just a coincidence that he wasn’t on the other end of this!

Sweetie. Your son looks bad here too. She probably feels sorry for … you.

Yup. Who else is this child emailing?

[Anonymous]

Good luck to your son OP. He is going to have a hard time making and keeping friends after this. Why on earth would he do that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: it was at lunchtime over school email, just to clarify.
I don’t care, I just felt bad for the other mom because my son isn’t perfect either and it’s a just a coincidence that he wasn’t on the other end of this!

Sweetie. Your son looks bad here too. She probably feels sorry for … you.

Yup. Who else is this child emailing?

For real. I would be annoyed having to deal with this as the other kid’s mom but I would really be feeling sorry for OP that her son can’t handle competition over a game and has to EMAIL HIS PRINCIPAL things his friends say. I don’t even think OP realizes the social fallout that her son is going to experience from this.

[Anonymous]

I think your son is too immature to have a phone.

[Anonymous]

Slightly different perspective.

If my DS did this at school and using school equipment, I wouldn't be mad if the friend forwarded the email to the principal. The consequences would be minor (it's only MS) but the impact might be useful. Better than me just talking to him about it.

I also would appreciate the other mom texting me to say that she doesn't think it's a biggie. I mean, it's not really a biggie and it would be nice to hear it. But, it would be something that would need to be nipped in the bud from my DS.

It's also okay just to handle it between the families. Either is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

People like you are the problem, not OP's son. OP's son absolutely did the right thing. Let me repeat: OP's son did the right thing in forwarding the email to the Principal. The other boy needs to be reprimanded and counseled about appropriate behavior and interactions on social media. The other boy will face a consequence. OP's son will be told that he did the right thing.

-A School Principal

LOL! You are SO not a principal! Or, if you are, you're not a very good one. You are so woefully ignorant of teen culture and responses that actually work. While this requires a reminder on appropriate interactions (social media or otherwise), it's not something that warrants a reprimand or singling out. It's also likely OP's DS will also face social repercussions when this gets out. OP's DS has violated norms far more so than the other boy. OP's DS did this in a fit of annoyance, not because he felt bullied. He felt punitive. Big difference.

1) The message was sent through a school email account. That makes it my business.
2) The student forwarded it to me. That makes it my business.

You are free to disagree but you are wrong if you think that this would not be my business. The other boy (not OP's son) would be counseled and serve a consequence. OP's son would be thanked for bringing it to our attention. Bullying, threats, and cursing are not allowed at our school, including social media.

- The Same School Principal

You would be doing a kid like OP’s a far better service if you gave him better tools to use than tattling to the principal about typical kid trash talk and being a sore loser.