DS forwarded his friend’s obnoxious email to principal and…

[Anonymous]

I think his reaction was way way over the top!
DS 11 has a friend who has ADHD, he is a nice boy, I like his mom, etc.
they had a competition playing a game and his friend sent him his (high) score with the words “s*ck it *sshole!”
DS forwarded the email to the principal!
While I am happy he stood up for himself, I think
- he has said the same words or very similar I am sure - because some boys are obnoxious and he is on the obnoxious side;
- involving the principal or even the school wasn’t necessary at all - he could have told his friend directly first;
- friend is impulsive and didn’t mean any harm

I feel bad for the kid’s mom first and foremost. I don’t want this whole thing dragging out and to be blown out of proportion.
Is there a chance the principal or secretary will just ignore?
If not, what should I do?
I am 100% sure that the boy isn’t a bully but just impulsive. It could have happened to my kid too - and I think to a lot of other kids as well.

[Anonymous]

It's as if you think this is the principal's first time ever dealing with competitive smack talk between two 11 year old boys and will have the other kid arrested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's as if you think this is the principal's first time ever dealing with competitive smack talk between two 11 year old boys and will have the other kid arrested.

So what will happen?
I just know I wouldn’t want to be contacted by the school or my kid was the offender, ugh

[Anonymous]

Public school? If so, I’d expect a facilitated conversation between the two boys will result. Take a breath. They will both learn from this. The thing I’d be most worried about is whether your son is prepared to lose a friend. If he hasn’t thought that through, you need to talk through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public school? If so, I’d expect a facilitated conversation between the two boys will result. Take a breath. They will both learn from this. The thing I’d be most worried about is whether your son is prepared to lose a friend. If he hasn’t thought that through, you need to talk through that.

Public school.
I told him that his friend won’t be happy.
Told him to always first talk to me, before taking further action
Should I say anything to the friend’s mom? We aren’t super close but spoke a few times

[Anonymous]

This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

[Anonymous]

Also I am not worried about him losing a friend, right now I am just mad at him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

It was at lunchtime I believe
I think my son is just weird. I don’t know why he would do that, he is not easily offended or so I thought

[Anonymous]

OP -- I am an elementary school teacher.

I would email both the principal and the professional school counselor now, tonight, and ask someone to call you before doing anything.

Say you just learned of the email, and of the fact that YOUR son forwarded it to the school principal, and that you would prefer to handle anything at home and only contact the school if there is a serious issue between the boys.

[Anonymous]

Op here: my main goal is to also not get completely mad when/if son sees consequences like being ostracized.
I don’t want to pile on to him too much but I just can’t be supportive right now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- I am an elementary school teacher.

I would email both the principal and the professional school counselor now, tonight, and ask someone to call you before doing anything.

Say you just learned of the email, and of the fact that YOUR son forwarded it to the school principal, and that you would prefer to handle anything at home and only contact the school if there is a serious issue between the boys.

Thank you!
I am sorry to bother you but do you mind suggesting a couple phrases for the email? Can’t think straight and never been in this situation before…

[Anonymous]

Have you asked your son why he forwarded it to the principal? If this is out of character for him I’d think a conversation to understand better may be helpful. Also, while your son may want to speak with his friend, and possibly you with the mom, You honestly seem more concerned about the other mom than you do about your son. That’s a problem. More specifically, that’s your problem.

[Anonymous]

What does ADHD have to do with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not your son "standing up for himself." This is your son being a bully and trying to get his friend in trouble. What would possibly possess him to involve the principal over an (admittedly crude, but plainly joking) comment made outside of school? At least, I'm assuming it was outside of school.

I doubt it will be ignored, but I expect both boys will be pulled in for a talk. The friend about his language and your son about learning how to properly handle situations like this.

I also expect word will get around and your son will face some natural social consequences for this, so you should prepare to help him through that. And definitely talk to him about why he chose this (frankly bizarre) path in response to the comment.

People like you are the problem, not OP's son. OP's son absolutely did the right thing. Let me repeat: OP's son did the right thing in forwarding the email to the Principal. The other boy needs to be reprimanded and counseled about appropriate behavior and interactions on social media. The other boy will face a consequence. OP's son will be told that he did the right thing.

-A School Principal

[Anonymous]

I would not worry about it. If you are close to the mom you can send a text saying something like - I heard the boys had some drama. Hopefully it blows over soon. Sorry John overreacted.

Or leave it alone. I got a few calls from teachers or principals when DS was around that age. Usually it happened in school and it was something with friends that turned into an argument that turned into a food fight or gesture or swearing…. They don’t do any of this now in middle school.