Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships

[Anonymous]

Odds of this generation for finding happily forever are really low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Odds of this generation for finding happily forever are really low.

Happily ever after usually requires mental health, education, financial stability, good character, mutual attraction and compatibility AND supportive families and favorable circumstances. Most of it is genetic or generational so spouses themselves control very little.

[Anonymous]

No, DD is not a nice person and has a lot of problems, she is mean, selfish, impatient, messy, with low self esteem, poor social skills, anxieties…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was opposite of bossy, still took take care of kids and home, dad recognized her workload and offered her to become a SAHM. They grew comfortable with these roles and loved each other and the kids. It was a lot for mom to manage with a full house and no help but she mostly pulled it off with grace.

She had to sacrifice her career for this to happen.

While some women are okay doing that, many don't consider this a viable option and would eventually resent their husbands(and children) if it came to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s tough to find good partners and tough for them to hold on to each other. Parents wanting educated, accomplished, polite, understanding, supportive, debt free, failed relationship history free, partners from financially stable, divorce free, drama free families. In current dating environment, it’s like winning jackpot.

Interesting.

We have four daughters. Three of them are married, one is single. The three married ones all got married in their mid-20s -- a DCUM no no -- and they are all in very happy relationships with guys who fit every one of the criteria that you have described. We couldn't have asked for better SILs.

Sorry. Sounds like the adult kid that did not get married is the smart one. Guarantee you the future will tell and you will eat your words. Stand by. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Odds of this generation for finding happily forever are really low.

Happily ever after usually requires mental health, education, financial stability, good character, mutual attraction and compatibility AND supportive families and favorable circumstances. Most of it is genetic or generational so spouses themselves control very little.

Communication and empathy are the two biggest ones for me. I have a happy marriage, and these two are key for us and those around us who seem to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

Yup. Most marriages around me started between 27-37 and ended within 1-10 years.

Highest divorce rate seems in 40-50 age range around here.

Yeah! 53 here and married 25 yrs. Guess we made it. Thanks for letting us know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.

No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.

He may find a nice bossy girl who likes to organize everything to her own liking, that could work well for both.

My parents had this dynamic. Eventually my mom got tired of having a perpetual teenager in the house and filed for divorce.

I love how someone with a base level of organizing and staying on time gets called Bossy relative to someone with no executive functioning skills. Fun times.

Feel free to put your own nasty spin on it, PP! My daughter is bossy - meaning, she makes demands, orders everyone around and gets irritable and unpleasant when we don't all spring to attention. She is also highly functional, which I think partly explains it. It's a source of irritation to her to be surrounded by less-functional people. Patience is what she needs to work on. My son needs to work on being more social, multi-tasking (very hard!) and generally look out of his own head once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine was blowing steam about how her only nephew has gotten into a relationship with someone with lots of personality, family and financial issues and how stressed his family is about this. It seems lately everything I hear or read shows young generation struggling with, mental health, existential crisis, identity struggles, gender issues, debt and overspending problems, dating dilemmas, lack of patience and fidelity, relationship issues, denial of alcoholism, disinterest in children, divorces etc. If you have young adults, what do you see on ground? Is it going to be hard to find loving partners and have trustworthy long term relationships?

I do think my kids will find good partners/happy relationships.

My DS1 is mid-20s. He's happy, hard-working, doesn't appear to have any issues with money or substances, and is in a relationship with a lovely young woman. (They've been together for almost 2 years and were friends before that.) He is planning to go to grad school and so I don't know what the future holds for him and his current partner, but I have no doubt about his ability to navigate a long-distance relationship with her if that's what they choose, or to find a wonderful someone else if they ultimately decide to part ways. I would be quite happy if they stayed together. I could see him going either way on kids--maybe, maybe not.

My DS2 is 19, also seems to have a very good head on his shoulders--has had no mental health or other struggles at all. I don't think he's ever had a real girlfriend, TBH, but he does have good taste in friends--he's a good judge of character IMO. He does want to marry and have children. When he was looking at colleges, one of the things he was looking for was "a place where I might meet my future wife" LOL.

I do worry about whether they will be able to afford the lifestyles they seek if they have kids--housing and childcare is so expensive. I'm hoping that we all end up settled near one another in a less expensive small city, where DH and I can be helpful to them if they do have children (and even if they don't). (They have talked about us needing a "family compound" a la the Kennedys, LOL.)

We do know lots of teens and young adults who are struggling, and I am so, so grateful that my kids seem on solid ground.

Your kids sound really good. However unfortunately it is a crap shoot. Good luck to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, DD is not a nice person and has a lot of problems, she is mean, selfish, impatient, messy, with low self esteem, poor social skills, anxieties…

And yet she will probably meet her prince the first time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s tough to find good partners and tough for them to hold on to each other. Parents wanting educated, accomplished, polite, understanding, supportive, debt free, failed relationship history free, partners from financially stable, divorce free, drama free families. In current dating environment, it’s like winning jackpot.

I keep thinking that parents will do most anything to help their child thrive and launch successfully. There is such an emphasis on providing one's child with a good education and with experiences that expose them to the world they live in. Yet, I feel there are not many (any?) resources of how to teach our children how to choose a life partner; a decision that has as much if not more impact on their future lives than the college they attend. Of course over the years I discuss with my kids and bestow our family's values but where are the "prep classes" for how to select a future partner?

It's sort of a prisoner dilemma. Both partners benefit if they are willing to compromise, but often it seems that the partner who is not willing to compromise benefits even more. So, do you teach your kids to put their own dreams on hold in order to help their prospective partners realize theirs?

[Anonymous]

All we can do is do our best to make our boys into empathetic, competent, resilient people so that if they have the luck/opportunity to meet a great partner, they are able to be a great partner.

I don't think I could have ever predicted I'd be so happily married (as a child of a nasty divorce) but I hope that my DH and I are demonstrating to our kids that respectful, loving, and fun marriages are possible and worth the effort! (and we've been together for 20 years, so it's not the honeymoon stage!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

Yup. Most marriages around me started between 27-37 and ended within 1-10 years.

i think it happens in clumps. Some groups divorce more than others.


My college friends and DHs college friends are mostly still married. I have one friend who married and divorced quickly -within 3 years, but has been married to his second wife for almost 25 years. The rest are all still married some over 30 years. We were 25-35 in ages.

DH’s siblings and my siblings are all still married to our spouses. Among my first cousins (8), one had a marriage that only lasted a few years, but he has been married 30 years to his second wife all the rest, but one (who never married) are still married to their first spouse. DH has 9 first cousins, one never married and 7 are still married to their first spouse. One is divorced 2x and currently in a long term relationship for the past ten years, I doubt she will ever remarry. She would still be married to her first DH if he did not return to Chile as he never really acclimated to our climate. All of our aunts and uncles were married for 50+ years.

Some are religious and some are not.

Just because the people you stated are still married does not mean it is a successful marriage. A lot of people stay in toxic marriages for the long term is because they have kids. How many of those marriages mentioned are childfree? The rate of those marriages that stay together because they are good/healthy ..not because they have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

Yup. Most marriages around me started between 27-37 and ended within 1-10 years.

I'm the PP with three girls who got married in their mid-20s. One is already well past the 10 year mark; the second is getting close; and the third has maybe 4 years behind her. And they're all fine, with zero indication of any serious relationship problems whatsoever. Why is everybody so cynical and dysfunctional?

WAit until they hit 20 yrs then come to back. 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

Yup. Most marriages around me started between 27-37 and ended within 1-10 years.

This really varies. I'm 55 and have been married for 30 years. I actually know very few divorced people, though I'm not religious at all. All my college friends who married are still with their first husbands. Most of the people I work with have been married for years. My 3 closest friends from high school have all been married 20-30 years. In my bookclub that's been meeting for 15 years, just one divorce.

Wait until you turn 60+