The Movie Star and Me - supposedly about Jake Gyllenhaal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of growing up is having bad relationships. It's what helps you learn what is good and what is bad.

Older men always prey on young females. They are attracted to their innocence, freshness, and naivete.

When I was younger I had older men pursue me, it was uncomfortable. But I navigated my way through it. I had some friends who got involved with older men, it's what they wanted.

Not every interaction in your life is positive, there are plenty of negative ones. I'm kind of over this mentality of young females need to be coddled and wrapped in cotton wool. Nope, they need to live, they need to have experiences. It's all part of growing up and women have navigated these situations since we all arrived on this planet.

This is a fascinatingly rare viewpoint. There’s an expectation in our current culture that no one should ever suffer discomfort. That’s just a very unhealthy way of looking at life.

[Anonymous]

He’s sleazy. She’s naïve. Oldest story around! This is why your parents tell you to date people your age.

[Anonymous]

JG has to go after young women because they are the only ones who would be star struck. He hasn’t been in anything big or interesting in years. I would rate him lower than Casey Affleck… who’s a B-list actor surviving on his brother’s name. (Much like Stephen and Daniel Baldwin, Frank Stallone)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kids can sign up for the military at 17 but some of you think the author of this piece is a 'child'. I am so tired of this 'power imbalance' theory. Take some responsibility for your own behavior, woman. You can legally smoke, drink, marry, procreate, sign a contract. I don't want to hear any more of your crying.

+1. Every drunken hookup I had in college from 18 to 22 was a power imbalance.

But this WASN'T a drunken hookup. That is much more what the Aziz Ansari story was (and FTR I don't think AA did anything wrong, that really WAS just a crappy one off date). This was a 35 year old aggressively pursuing a 23 year old (sitting under her desk on the first day talking about oral sex) in a context where he had a TREMENDOUS amount of power and influence over her employment.

To be fair, 35 and 23 isn't SUCH a crazy age mismatch. It's not like 50 and 17.

[Anonymous]

Millennials have interesting perspectives, and it's a different and hopefully better world we live in now, than when older celebrities were macking on literal teenagers in the 70s and 80s.

I agree that there was no crime here, unless it was a social crime, and I'm sure the author agrees--she owned up to her own part in this story. Many people could have behaved better in this story. Not impressed with the mentor.

I believe the reason the author found this experience so unsettling -- and why Taylor Swift found it so unsettling-- is because JG is a narcissist, with endless sources of supply. It is really disconcerting to deal with someone like that. Will knock you for a loop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kids can sign up for the military at 17 but some of you think the author of this piece is a 'child'. I am so tired of this 'power imbalance' theory. Take some responsibility for your own behavior, woman. You can legally smoke, drink, marry, procreate, sign a contract. I don't want to hear any more of your crying.

+1. Every drunken hookup I had in college from 18 to 22 was a power imbalance.

But this WASN'T a drunken hookup. That is much more what the Aziz Ansari story was (and FTR I don't think AA did anything wrong, that really WAS just a crappy one off date). This was a 35 year old aggressively pursuing a 23 year old (sitting under her desk on the first day talking about oral sex) in a context where he had a TREMENDOUS amount of power and influence over her employment.

I'm totally with you, especially on the bolded. What I find depressing about JG/intern is that no matter the number of "me too" power-imbalanced stories like this come to light, the powerful man is considered so precious, that his talents are so great, that producers and others will do whatever it takes to make him happy. Even if that means throwing young women in his way so he can manipulate her. It doesn't matter if the mentor etc. warned her to keep it light, JG wasn't going to respect her boundary. He just lost interest when her innocence made it harder for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Millennials have interesting perspectives, and it's a different and hopefully better world we live in now, than when older celebrities were macking on literal teenagers in the 70s and 80s.

I agree that there was no crime here, unless it was a social crime, and I'm sure the author agrees--she owned up to her own part in this story. Many people could have behaved better in this story. Not impressed with the mentor.

I believe the reason the author found this experience so unsettling -- and why Taylor Swift found it so unsettling-- is because JG is a narcissist, with endless sources of supply. It is really disconcerting to deal with someone like that. Will knock you for a loop.

I agree with everything you posted. I was hit on by a couple of rock stars when I was 16. It was flattering then but a massive eye roll now. Also very thankful I ignored them. I hope younger women can avoid these situations because men learn how to behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kids can sign up for the military at 17 but some of you think the author of this piece is a 'child'. I am so tired of this 'power imbalance' theory. Take some responsibility for your own behavior, woman. You can legally smoke, drink, marry, procreate, sign a contract. I don't want to hear any more of your crying.

+1. Every drunken hookup I had in college from 18 to 22 was a power imbalance.

But this WASN'T a drunken hookup. That is much more what the Aziz Ansari story was (and FTR I don't think AA did anything wrong, that really WAS just a crappy one off date). This was a 35 year old aggressively pursuing a 23 year old (sitting under her desk on the first day talking about oral sex) in a context where he had a TREMENDOUS amount of power and influence over her employment.

I'm totally with you, especially on the bolded. What I find depressing about JG/intern is that no matter the number of "me too" power-imbalanced stories like this come to light, the powerful man is considered so precious, that his talents are so great, that producers and others will do whatever it takes to make him happy. Even if that means throwing young women in his way so he can manipulate her. It doesn't matter if the mentor etc. warned her to keep it light, JG wasn't going to respect her boundary. He just lost interest when her innocence made it harder for him.

You know what's weird? Don't you feel like at some point even the handsomest, most narcissistic movie star would get sick of these sorts of hookups/"relationships"? Like sure, I can see when you're new to fame, or very young and partying all the time, or whatever - the ease of access to hot young things would be thrilling. But at some point don't we all just want to binge some Netflix?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kids can sign up for the military at 17 but some of you think the author of this piece is a 'child'. I am so tired of this 'power imbalance' theory. Take some responsibility for your own behavior, woman. You can legally smoke, drink, marry, procreate, sign a contract. I don't want to hear any more of your crying.

+1. Every drunken hookup I had in college from 18 to 22 was a power imbalance.

But this WASN'T a drunken hookup. That is much more what the Aziz Ansari story was (and FTR I don't think AA did anything wrong, that really WAS just a crappy one off date). This was a 35 year old aggressively pursuing a 23 year old (sitting under her desk on the first day talking about oral sex) in a context where he had a TREMENDOUS amount of power and influence over her employment.

I'm totally with you, especially on the bolded. What I find depressing about JG/intern is that no matter the number of "me too" power-imbalanced stories like this come to light, the powerful man is considered so precious, that his talents are so great, that producers and others will do whatever it takes to make him happy. Even if that means throwing young women in his way so he can manipulate her. It doesn't matter if the mentor etc. warned her to keep it light, JG wasn't going to respect her boundary. He just lost interest when her innocence made it harder for him.

You know what's weird? Don't you feel like at some point even the handsomest, most narcissistic movie star would get sick of these sorts of hookups/"relationships"? Like sure, I can see when you're new to fame, or very young and partying all the time, or whatever - the ease of access to hot young things would be thrilling. But at some point don't we all just want to binge some Netflix?!

No he is a broken person. His entire self worth is tied up in others’ opinions of him.

[Anonymous]

Seems like she felt pressured by her family and friends (who kept egging her on) as much, if not more, as she felt pressured by JG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kids can sign up for the military at 17 but some of you think the author of this piece is a 'child'. I am so tired of this 'power imbalance' theory. Take some responsibility for your own behavior, woman. You can legally smoke, drink, marry, procreate, sign a contract. I don't want to hear any more of your crying.

+1. Every drunken hookup I had in college from 18 to 22 was a power imbalance.

But this WASN'T a drunken hookup. That is much more what the Aziz Ansari story was (and FTR I don't think AA did anything wrong, that really WAS just a crappy one off date). This was a 35 year old aggressively pursuing a 23 year old (sitting under her desk on the first day talking about oral sex) in a context where he had a TREMENDOUS amount of power and influence over her employment.

I'm totally with you, especially on the bolded. What I find depressing about JG/intern is that no matter the number of "me too" power-imbalanced stories like this come to light, the powerful man is considered so precious, that his talents are so great, that producers and others will do whatever it takes to make him happy. Even if that means throwing young women in his way so he can manipulate her. It doesn't matter if the mentor etc. warned her to keep it light, JG wasn't going to respect her boundary. He just lost interest when her innocence made it harder for him.

You know what's weird? Don't you feel like at some point even the handsomest, most narcissistic movie star would get sick of these sorts of hookups/"relationships"? Like sure, I can see when you're new to fame, or very young and partying all the time, or whatever - the ease of access to hot young things would be thrilling. But at some point don't we all just want to binge some Netflix?!

No he is a broken person. His entire self worth is tied up in others’ opinions of him.

And it’s evident he’s been cosseted by his mother and sister, who were each real seawards, and who each have that reputation in NYC for undisguised viciousness towards younger women like the author. None of that makes the mentor in particular and the absurd loserrific Jake G anything other than vile, and wholly responsible for their acts.

This was a place of work with a series of grotesque imbalances. The “labor of love” myth really is a myth for anyone not listed on the marquee, or in the Playbill as a top line producer. Dominica (author) clearly, clearly wrote this to show some of the dynamics in play and does not spare herself at all, but by all means, DCUM, flay her until you’re tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I feel like this is kind of disturbing to me (the reactions in this thread). It seems like we almost all agree on these two things:

1) She was old enough to have some responsibility/culpability
2) He is a sleezeball

But our reaction is to scoff at her complaint (of COURSE he's a sleezeball why was she such a moron?) instead of feeling like it is changing our perception of him.

This guy is a famous sex symbol who gets fawned over wherever he goes but has a known reputation to collecting young naïve girls and playing with them and tossing them aside. And when one speaks up to say, 'you know, I think the way that guy behaves is pretty jerky and it made me feel incredibly crappy' we get upset with her for saying it at all.

I imagine she spoke up so maybe the next girl he's with googles him and sees this and thinks twice before allowing herself to become 'the next one'. Not to get him fired and certainly not for a criminal prosecution. Just a really fascinating dynamic here in the comments.

If we all agree he is a sleezeball, I don't see your point. She got what she wanted. If we are also critical of her behavior as an adult, that's separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I feel like this is kind of disturbing to me (the reactions in this thread). It seems like we almost all agree on these two things:

1) She was old enough to have some responsibility/culpability
2) He is a sleezeball

But our reaction is to scoff at her complaint (of COURSE he's a sleezeball why was she such a moron?) instead of feeling like it is changing our perception of him.

This guy is a famous sex symbol who gets fawned over wherever he goes but has a known reputation to collecting young naïve girls and playing with them and tossing them aside. And when one speaks up to say, 'you know, I think the way that guy behaves is pretty jerky and it made me feel incredibly crappy' we get upset with her for saying it at all.

I imagine she spoke up so maybe the next girl he's with googles him and sees this and thinks twice before allowing herself to become 'the next one'. Not to get him fired and certainly not for a criminal prosecution. Just a really fascinating dynamic here in the comments.

If we all agree he is a sleezeball, I don't see your point. She got what she wanted. If we are also critical of her behavior as an adult, that's separate.

I guess my point is that I think its interesting how many people are talking about her culpability while waving away his. And that the posts that talk about her, in contrast, feel the need to make sure they note that she was responsible too. So a guy swindles a lot of people out of some money with a lame scam. And when people relay the story are they talking about how 'those people were naive how did they fall for that' or are they talking about 'that predator who stole from those people.' Do they asterisk every criticism of the scammer with, 'but man those people were dumb'? People here seem to think its more important to focus on her flaws than his. And I think that is interesting because I think the scammer should always be the focus of the ire. And in these comments, even when we basically know he has a Leonardo DiCaprio esque pattern, people want to say she's dumb. Even you say she got what she wanted, but of course she didn't. Did she want to feel used, strung along and then professionally ostracized?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I feel like this is kind of disturbing to me (the reactions in this thread). It seems like we almost all agree on these two things:

1) She was old enough to have some responsibility/culpability
2) He is a sleezeball

But our reaction is to scoff at her complaint (of COURSE he's a sleezeball why was she such a moron?) instead of feeling like it is changing our perception of him.

This guy is a famous sex symbol who gets fawned over wherever he goes but has a known reputation to collecting young naïve girls and playing with them and tossing them aside. And when one speaks up to say, 'you know, I think the way that guy behaves is pretty jerky and it made me feel incredibly crappy' we get upset with her for saying it at all.

I imagine she spoke up so maybe the next girl he's with googles him and sees this and thinks twice before allowing herself to become 'the next one'. Not to get him fired and certainly not for a criminal prosecution. Just a really fascinating dynamic here in the comments.

If we all agree he is a sleezeball, I don't see your point. She got what she wanted. If we are also critical of her behavior as an adult, that's separate.

I guess my point is that I think its interesting how many people are talking about her culpability while waving away his. And that the posts that talk about her, in contrast, feel the need to make sure they note that she was responsible too. So a guy swindles a lot of people out of some money with a lame scam. And when people relay the story are they talking about how 'those people were naive how did they fall for that' or are they talking about 'that predator who stole from those people.' Do they asterisk every criticism of the scammer with, 'but man those people were dumb'? People here seem to think its more important to focus on her flaws than his. And I think that is interesting because I think the scammer should always be the focus of the ire. And in these comments, even when we basically know he has a Leonardo DiCaprio esque pattern, people want to say she's dumb. Even you say she got what she wanted, but of course she didn't. Did she want to feel used, strung along and then professionally ostracized?

DP. Most women are raised to think large age differences are not good (whether it be the gold digger trope or the pedo trope). At 19-23, she knew he was older. As for JG, he clearly seems to operate as someone with NPD. The question is can we hold narcissists responsible for their behavior? Most narcissists do not think they have a problem. It sounds like his mom and sister don’t confront his bad behavior. So can the mentally ill be held responsible for their actions?

(I think he can, btw. She just was too starstruck to identify his mental illness. Also think many women on this board would be too.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I feel like this is kind of disturbing to me (the reactions in this thread). It seems like we almost all agree on these two things:

1) She was old enough to have some responsibility/culpability
2) He is a sleezeball

But our reaction is to scoff at her complaint (of COURSE he's a sleezeball why was she such a moron?) instead of feeling like it is changing our perception of him.

This guy is a famous sex symbol who gets fawned over wherever he goes but has a known reputation to collecting young naïve girls and playing with them and tossing them aside. And when one speaks up to say, 'you know, I think the way that guy behaves is pretty jerky and it made me feel incredibly crappy' we get upset with her for saying it at all.

I imagine she spoke up so maybe the next girl he's with googles him and sees this and thinks twice before allowing herself to become 'the next one'. Not to get him fired and certainly not for a criminal prosecution. Just a really fascinating dynamic here in the comments.

If we all agree he is a sleezeball, I don't see your point. She got what she wanted. If we are also critical of her behavior as an adult, that's separate.

I guess my point is that I think its interesting how many people are talking about her culpability while waving away his. And that the posts that talk about her, in contrast, feel the need to make sure they note that she was responsible too. So a guy swindles a lot of people out of some money with a lame scam. And when people relay the story are they talking about how 'those people were naive how did they fall for that' or are they talking about 'that predator who stole from those people.' Do they asterisk every criticism of the scammer with, 'but man those people were dumb'? People here seem to think its more important to focus on her flaws than his. And I think that is interesting because I think the scammer should always be the focus of the ire. And in these comments, even when we basically know he has a Leonardo DiCaprio esque pattern, people want to say she's dumb. Even you say she got what she wanted, but of course she didn't. Did she want to feel used, strung along and then professionally ostracized?

Asking this genuinely, how did he scam her? I don't think the parallel is apt.