I could use some help on how to raise this with my grown-up daughter

[Anonymous]

I got into really bad CC debt in my 30's and 30's. Why? Because I felt like a burden to my single mom who is decently well-situated. I think this could be CC, if it is something else it's not really best to say much.

If I were you I'd write her a check for 16k (gift tax limit) and tell her to invest/spend it any way she sees fit and never bring it up again. Either way, it gives her a cushion from debt or whatever may be funded her lifestyle if that is what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got into really bad CC debt in my 30's and 30's. Why? Because I felt like a burden to my single mom who is decently well-situated. I think this could be CC, if it is something else it's not really best to say much.

If I were you I'd write her a check for 16k (gift tax limit) and tell her to invest/spend it any way she sees fit and never bring it up again. Either way, it gives her a cushion from debt or whatever may be funded her lifestyle if that is what she wants.

PP, why wouldn't the parent just pay the CC debt (and then give some more in a check)? Say someone is in CC debt for 15K. You could give them 20K, and they go off and spend it all and still have the 15K in debt. Or, you pay off the 15K and give them 5K.

[Anonymous]

Following

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is fake as hell. Especially because the theory is “sugar baby” and not massive credit card debt.

You guys kind of need to get a clue. This is a really common thing now And not at all at Leap in terms of the persons assumption

[Anonymous]

I was really happy to see this new forum. But now I’m feeling very disappointed at the same old snarkiness. The OP has a genuine question. I personally have recently had the exact same concerns about my college aged daughter. It’s concerning. It’s a very common thing and it’s got a lot of danger associated and yes we would want to talk with our children about it. Because they’re still our children. So I wonder if people could just hold the Snark and offer helpful thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Look her up on OnlyFans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She could also have a boyfriend she hasn't told you about, right? Or a job she hasn't told you about? It doesn't sound like you talk that frequently

OP here, she's in grad school and works in a lab at the school to make money. But I can't believe that really pays all that well. She does do some teaching on the side or at least has in the past.

On the trips, yes I did ask about them after the fact and she was pretty vague. They were all to nice warm places with beaches like the Bahamas.

That screams sugar baby. Especially with nobody else in the photo, it's definitely an old man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am about 60, widower, with one daughter who is in her late twenties. Her mom died a couple years ago after a long illness. She's in graduate school, and for the past several years has insisted that I not help her financially. We did help her substantially through undergrad. I get that she wants to be self-sufficient and all that, and appreciate it in some ways since I don't have all that much saved for retirement and my wife had the higher income.

Lately, though, my daughter had been showing up with much nicer clothes and some designer handbags and really nice jewelry -- stuff I don't think she can really afford this stuff. She doesn't have a boyfriend, so I am getting worried that maybe she's got some side hustle that is illicit or dangerous. I raised this with one of my oldest friends and he said maybe she is working as a sugar baby or worse.

How in the world do I raise this with my daughter? It seems like the kind of thing that even mentioning it could cause a rift in the relationship. At the same time, I am worried about her. Or do I just say, hey, she's an adult it is not my business. This is the kind of thing her mom would have dealt with.

Myob

Oh you've definitely been a sugar baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP,

Your daughter is basically a high end prostitute. There is no other possible explanation. 😂

THIS

Be thankful she's high end

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was really happy to see this new forum. But now I’m feeling very disappointed at the same old snarkiness. The OP has a genuine question. I personally have recently had the exact same concerns about my college aged daughter. It’s concerning. It’s a very common thing and it’s got a lot of danger associated and yes we would want to talk with our children about it. Because they’re still our children. So I wonder if people could just hold the Snark and offer helpful thoughts.

Not likely, part of the charm of DCUM is combing through the trash to find the goods.

[Anonymous]

OP, my first thought is she has taken on debt, either by taking out a student loan or running up credit cards. The fact that your wife died from a long illness could mean that your daughter is processing her grief through spending on herself. I have two siblings that ran up five figure debt this way. Do not bail her out if she has done this. She needs to go through bankruptcy or she will never learn how to manage her money.

[Anonymous]

OP, just ask her. My dad would never notice expensive handbags or gold vs costume jewelry, however, if he were able to tell he would just straight up ask, He'd probably say something like, "larla, that's an expensive bag and you had on expensive jewelry the other day what's going on"? Now I could choose to answer or I could say MYOB. Either way, why not just ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just ask her. My dad would never notice expensive handbags or gold vs costume jewelry, however, if he were able to tell he would just straight up ask, He'd probably say something like, "larla, that's an expensive bag and you had on expensive jewelry the other day what's going on"? Now I could choose to answer or I could say MYOB. Either way, why not just ask.

This. A good friend lived way beyond her means. Turned out she had maxed out at least 6 cards and was making the minimum payments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just ask her. My dad would never notice expensive handbags or gold vs costume jewelry, however, if he were able to tell he would just straight up ask, He'd probably say something like, "larla, that's an expensive bag and you had on expensive jewelry the other day what's going on"? Now I could choose to answer or I could say MYOB. Either way, why not just ask.

+1

"I know it's none of my business, but since mom died I am more aware of how much more financially responsible we could have been and I can't help but feel a little fatherly concern."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a troll.

This has to be. No way a straight man is noticing the quality of her handbags and clothes.

Troll fail.

Not a troll. My wife liked nice things so I know how much these bags cost. And it is not just these things. She's also gone on a couple really nice vacations in the past year and the only pictures she's put up on Facebook show her dressed up or on the beach but not with anyone else.

Ugh, this is the giveaway. She is at the beach with an older married guy.