the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the enormous caveat that I am in a very lucky place to be able to make this choice: I have done this and for me the calculation was much more than math. I agree with other posters that there can be commuting, clothing, take out/lunch/coffee costs to save. And daycare for small tots, aftercare for elementary. I have also found that I save on groceries because I love to cook and am no longer too exhausted to do it. But I also don't have the urge to spend on other things (treats, clothes, mani/pedi, etc) to relax or splurge from a place of stress. So there is savings there too. It's still hard to come up with a number because our life before the pandemic was so different, like everyone's.

Here is the ROI for me: I have time for my marriage and my DC. I do not fall asleep reading to my DC at night two pages into a chapter. I can take DC to school and pick up. When I pick DC up, we have a real conversation about DC's day because it isn't 6 pm where we are both hungry and wiped. I can look for lessons that match DC's interests beyond aftercare/enrichment. I am in touch with old friends from all parts of my life. Little things like if I pick up a plant at the grocery store, it doesn't die because I have time to take care of it (and also me!!) I have developed a side gig that pays a fraction of my previous salary but gives me a feeling of making a difference in other people's lives. I cook a lot, which I love. I've got lots of DIY going on. And I clean my own (tiny) home and I can find where everything is.


There is definitely less money and things like unexpected home/car/medical repairs - I notice that a lot more. Because at some point if those costs add up, I've got to cut back somewhere else. But there is no price on calm, family time and tranquility. If you feel you've got the big things covered (housing, education, health insurance, retirement fund) and can cover your monthly expenses, maybe consider some of the FIRE blogs - not just for the budgeting - but for ideas on how to focus on how you want to live, what you truly need, and sit with those concepts to determine how much you need to earn to cover that.

Misformatted:

But there is a really big number you should add to your ROI: the 50% spousal benefit from SS that goes to a non-working spouse. This is indexed to the CPI and probably worth ~$1MM if your spouse makes max SS earnings for 35 years. So how valuable are your incremental wages if you’re going to get $1MM for not WOHM? Better to find a way to generate some non-wage income.

People live only around 10 years into retirement, so the max the spouse can get is a little over 200K over her remaining lifetime or around 1700/month. Less than 1% of people live to be 100. Life expectancy in US is 78 years old.

That's not how life expectancy works. The US life expectancy from birth is 78 years old. BUT the life expectancy of someone who lives to 70, for example, is 86. Every year you live, the longer your life expectancy becomes.

Incorrect. The older you are, the most likely it is that you will die soon; this is the reality of life. Only 5% of the population reaches 85 y/o. In addition, 32% of the people over 85 have dementia, so good luck enjoying that grand $1700 when half of it is spent on diapers and antipsychotic meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever calculated how much it costs to work?

I was chatting with a friend who lives in the NYC area about how much it costs her to work (suburban train, after school care etc etc). While SAHM is not an option for them, she has a hard time accepting how much it costs her to work.

It got me thinking....how much do a spend to WOHM? (Not an argument on the long-term financial security, retirement benefits or earning potential....just a budgeting/expenses question).

Me? I estimated some average monthly costs I can attribute to WOHM.

Daycare - $3300 (though part of that is preschool I would have likely had to pay for, at least a few days a week)
Commute - Gas, wear and tear (?) - $100
Parking - $120
Cleaning Services - $400
Clothing - $200 (suits, dress shoes etc)
Dry Cleaning - $100
Lunches - $80
Coffees/Breakfast on the Run - $30
Takeout - $200


Yikes!

Why is this conversation always about whether “it makes sense” for the mom/wife to work? What about your spouse? Why not run the numbers to decide whether he should go back to work or SAH?

Because IRL and also mirrored here, the husbands do not pull their weight in taking care of the household and kids and the women take care of the vast majority of the burden. So most of them decide to stay home because they have to do 2 jobs - WOH and WAH taking care of everything, from managing appointments, to cooking, cleaning, homework, shopping etc. Add several kids or a kid with special needs and the double work becomes unbearable and sometimes impossible, if the kid with special needs requires multiple appointments. I have a unicorn - a very well paid job FH and a H who is very hands on and does things without me asking, in addition to making $$$$. I bet if other women would have more opportunities like mine and involved spouses, the selection would change. But corporate America is not kind to moms, despite all that lip service, and lots of men are too good to do homework with the kids or laundry properly or take the trash out when needed and not when asked.

You don't have a unicorn, you just made a good decision as did I! Most people choose a dud husband and complain incessantly about him and his lack of childcare/involvement in home etc. Buck up women!! Raise your expectations if you want the world to change! You are in the driver's seat of your life! Make better choices or stop whining about your bad choices. You chose to marry that dud.

I tell my daughters the biggest investment in their career and self is choosing a spouse that wants for them what they want for themselves and vice versa. Childcare and the cost of work (or not) is purely a family decision. It is definitely NOT the cost for a WOMAN.. that thought pattern holds us back. It is a family cost that supports the whole family PERIOD.

The first poster here and it's also about luck. People change, get mental diseases etc. The person you marry it's not the same guy after 10+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the enormous caveat that I am in a very lucky place to be able to make this choice: I have done this and for me the calculation was much more than math. I agree with other posters that there can be commuting, clothing, take out/lunch/coffee costs to save. And daycare for small tots, aftercare for elementary. I have also found that I save on groceries because I love to cook and am no longer too exhausted to do it. But I also don't have the urge to spend on other things (treats, clothes, mani/pedi, etc) to relax or splurge from a place of stress. So there is savings there too. It's still hard to come up with a number because our life before the pandemic was so different, like everyone's.

Here is the ROI for me: I have time for my marriage and my DC. I do not fall asleep reading to my DC at night two pages into a chapter. I can take DC to school and pick up. When I pick DC up, we have a real conversation about DC's day because it isn't 6 pm where we are both hungry and wiped. I can look for lessons that match DC's interests beyond aftercare/enrichment. I am in touch with old friends from all parts of my life. Little things like if I pick up a plant at the grocery store, it doesn't die because I have time to take care of it (and also me!!) I have developed a side gig that pays a fraction of my previous salary but gives me a feeling of making a difference in other people's lives. I cook a lot, which I love. I've got lots of DIY going on. And I clean my own (tiny) home and I can find where everything is.


There is definitely less money and things like unexpected home/car/medical repairs - I notice that a lot more. Because at some point if those costs add up, I've got to cut back somewhere else. But there is no price on calm, family time and tranquility. If you feel you've got the big things covered (housing, education, health insurance, retirement fund) and can cover your monthly expenses, maybe consider some of the FIRE blogs - not just for the budgeting - but for ideas on how to focus on how you want to live, what you truly need, and sit with those concepts to determine how much you need to earn to cover that.

Misformatted:

But there is a really big number you should add to your ROI: the 50% spousal benefit from SS that goes to a non-working spouse. This is indexed to the CPI and probably worth ~$1MM if your spouse makes max SS earnings for 35 years. So how valuable are your incremental wages if you’re going to get $1MM for not WOHM? Better to find a way to generate some non-wage income.

People live only around 10 years into retirement, so the max the spouse can get is a little over 200K over her remaining lifetime or around 1700/month. Less than 1% of people live to be 100. Life expectancy in US is 78 years old.

That's not how life expectancy works. The US life expectancy from birth is 78 years old. BUT the life expectancy of someone who lives to 70, for example, is 86. Every year you live, the longer your life expectancy becomes.

Incorrect. The older you are, the most likely it is that you will die soon; this is the reality of life. Only 5% of the population reaches 85 y/o. In addition, 32% of the people over 85 have dementia, so good luck enjoying that grand $1700 when half of it is spent on diapers and antipsychotic meds.

No, you're wrong. Do a modicum of homework - pull up an actuary table and try reading it before being a dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't forget compound interest for retirement contributions made while working - that is a negative cost. I.e., a gain.

I am past the days of working in an office with small children. I now work remotely full time (started 2 years before Covid). But we did the calculations when we had 4 kids under 10. With childcare costs, commute and dry cleaning I was not really bringing home much $. But there was enough for me to fully fund my 401K and my company had a very generous matching at the time of 10% of my salary. When we compared the costs of me working and staying home that is what tipped it to me working. We also realized that when I was home on mat leave I would spend more at places like Target on things we didn't need but I was going to get out of the house. So that cost balanced out me eating out at work once in a while. When we sat down to do this comparison I had been taking the metro to work because parking seemed so expensive. After this analysis I started driving to work. The amount of time spent taking a bus and metro was worth way more than the cost of gas and parking.

[Anonymous]

The point about social security is worth considering- taking into account odds for a long life, etc. but also, thinking long term - what’s the physical toll of any stress the partner who stays home avoids, and does that affect quality of life in older years? Also if a couple is able to save, can they invest in an index fund for example to offset the social security loss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is the cost of working split between both parents. It’s not a cost that’s only charged to women. Ugh!!

Well, when your family is completely stressed out because of having 2 working parents and young kids in daycare, and you have very little weekday time with your kids, it starts to feel 'not worth it' for the difference in net HHI.

Some families are less stressed when both work. You really shouldn't extrapolate your, and your spouse's, inability to manage a workload and household to other families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever calculated how much it costs to work?

I was chatting with a friend who lives in the NYC area about how much it costs her to work (suburban train, after school care etc etc). While SAHM is not an option for them, she has a hard time accepting how much it costs her to work.

It got me thinking....how much do a spend to WOHM? (Not an argument on the long-term financial security, retirement benefits or earning potential....just a budgeting/expenses question).

Me? I estimated some average monthly costs I can attribute to WOHM.

Daycare - $3300 (though part of that is preschool I would have likely had to pay for, at least a few days a week)
Commute - Gas, wear and tear (?) - $100
Parking - $120
Cleaning Services - $400
Clothing - $200 (suits, dress shoes etc)
Dry Cleaning - $100
Lunches - $80
Coffees/Breakfast on the Run - $30
Takeout - $200


Yikes!

Why is this conversation always about whether “it makes sense” for the mom/wife to work? What about your spouse? Why not run the numbers to decide whether he should go back to work or SAH?

Because IRL and also mirrored here, the husbands do not pull their weight in taking care of the household and kids and the women take care of the vast majority of the burden. So most of them decide to stay home because they have to do 2 jobs - WOH and WAH taking care of everything, from managing appointments, to cooking, cleaning, homework, shopping etc. Add several kids or a kid with special needs and the double work becomes unbearable and sometimes impossible, if the kid with special needs requires multiple appointments. I have a unicorn - a very well paid job FH and a H who is very hands on and does things without me asking, in addition to making $$$$. I bet if other women would have more opportunities like mine and involved spouses, the selection would change. But corporate America is not kind to moms, despite all that lip service, and lots of men are too good to do homework with the kids or laundry properly or take the trash out when needed and not when asked.

You don't have a unicorn, you just made a good decision as did I! Most people choose a dud husband and complain incessantly about him and his lack of childcare/involvement in home etc. Buck up women!! Raise your expectations if you want the world to change! You are in the driver's seat of your life! Make better choices or stop whining about your bad choices. You chose to marry that dud.

I tell my daughters the biggest investment in their career and self is choosing a spouse that wants for them what they want for themselves and vice versa. Childcare and the cost of work (or not) is purely a family decision. It is definitely NOT the cost for a WOMAN.. that thought pattern holds us back. It is a family cost that supports the whole family PERIOD.

The first poster here and it's also about luck. People change, get mental diseases etc. The person you marry it's not the same guy after 10+ years.

Hmm. I guess the man version of this statement would be "I didn't marry her when she was fat"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is the cost of working split between both parents. It’s not a cost that’s only charged to women. Ugh!!

Well, when your family is completely stressed out because of having 2 working parents and young kids in daycare, and you have very little weekday time with your kids, it starts to feel 'not worth it' for the difference in net HHI.

Some families are less stressed when both work. You really shouldn't extrapolate your, and your spouse's, inability to manage a workload and household to other families.

Yep. My DH and I both work full-time but our commutes are short (or currently, in my case, nonexistent) and our jobs truly end at 5 most of the time. Really depends on the job and one's ability to manage stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is the cost of working split between both parents. It’s not a cost that’s only charged to women. Ugh!!

Well, when your family is completely stressed out because of having 2 working parents and young kids in daycare, and you have very little weekday time with your kids, it starts to feel 'not worth it' for the difference in net HHI.

Some families are less stressed when both work. You really shouldn't extrapolate your, and your spouse's, inability to manage a workload and household to other families.

You are both being mean. I AM stressed out by two parents working. I dont think that means i can't manage a workload and household.

I also don't think it's a purely financial decision. If you have enough money to choose whether to work or stay home, then you shouldn't just consider dollars, you should consider what you want most out of some of the prime working and parenting years of your life. Maximizing your bank account shouldn't be the only or even the top value in deciding how to *spend your actual life*. Some benefits are not quantitative, and that's true of both work and parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the enormous caveat that I am in a very lucky place to be able to make this choice: I have done this and for me the calculation was much more than math. I agree with other posters that there can be commuting, clothing, take out/lunch/coffee costs to save. And daycare for small tots, aftercare for elementary. I have also found that I save on groceries because I love to cook and am no longer too exhausted to do it. But I also don't have the urge to spend on other things (treats, clothes, mani/pedi, etc) to relax or splurge from a place of stress. So there is savings there too. It's still hard to come up with a number because our life before the pandemic was so different, like everyone's.

Here is the ROI for me: I have time for my marriage and my DC. I do not fall asleep reading to my DC at night two pages into a chapter. I can take DC to school and pick up. When I pick DC up, we have a real conversation about DC's day because it isn't 6 pm where we are both hungry and wiped. I can look for lessons that match DC's interests beyond aftercare/enrichment. I am in touch with old friends from all parts of my life. Little things like if I pick up a plant at the grocery store, it doesn't die because I have time to take care of it (and also me!!) I have developed a side gig that pays a fraction of my previous salary but gives me a feeling of making a difference in other people's lives. I cook a lot, which I love. I've got lots of DIY going on. And I clean my own (tiny) home and I can find where everything is.


There is definitely less money and things like unexpected home/car/medical repairs - I notice that a lot more. Because at some point if those costs add up, I've got to cut back somewhere else. But there is no price on calm, family time and tranquility. If you feel you've got the big things covered (housing, education, health insurance, retirement fund) and can cover your monthly expenses, maybe consider some of the FIRE blogs - not just for the budgeting - but for ideas on how to focus on how you want to live, what you truly need, and sit with those concepts to determine how much you need to earn to cover that.

Misformatted:

But there is a really big number you should add to your ROI: the 50% spousal benefit from SS that goes to a non-working spouse. This is indexed to the CPI and probably worth ~$1MM if your spouse makes max SS earnings for 35 years. So how valuable are your incremental wages if you’re going to get $1MM for not WOHM? Better to find a way to generate some non-wage income.

People live only around 10 years into retirement, so the max the spouse can get is a little over 200K over her remaining lifetime or around 1700/month. Less than 1% of people live to be 100. Life expectancy in US is 78 years old.

That's not how life expectancy works. The US life expectancy from birth is 78 years old. BUT the life expectancy of someone who lives to 70, for example, is 86. Every year you live, the longer your life expectancy becomes.

Incorrect. The older you are, the most likely it is that you will die soon; this is the reality of life. Only 5% of the population reaches 85 y/o. In addition, 32% of the people over 85 have dementia, so good luck enjoying that grand $1700 when half of it is spent on diapers and antipsychotic meds.

Sigh. This is so wrong. As PP said -- from birth -- life expectancy is is 78. Now that number has to be adjusted as someone ages. Life expectancy increases at ages 1, 15, 40, 50, 70. Meaning if you make it to those ages --- your average life expectancy would be higher than 78. Now add in race, income, geographic area and the average age changes up or down. I wealthy white female in a suburban city area who is already 70, has a life expectancy -- on average well into her 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is the cost of working split between both parents. It’s not a cost that’s only charged to women. Ugh!!

Well, when your family is completely stressed out because of having 2 working parents and young kids in daycare, and you have very little weekday time with your kids, it starts to feel 'not worth it' for the difference in net HHI.

Some families are less stressed when both work. You really shouldn't extrapolate your, and your spouse's, inability to manage a workload and household to other families.

You are both being mean. I AM stressed out by two parents working. I dont think that means i can't manage a workload and household.

I also don't think it's a purely financial decision. If you have enough money to choose whether to work or stay home, then you shouldn't just consider dollars, you should consider what you want most out of some of the prime working and parenting years of your life. Maximizing your bank account shouldn't be the only or even the top value in deciding how to *spend your actual life*. Some benefits are not quantitative, and that's true of both work and parenting.

Fair! Sorry, I was one of the meanies. PP, you're right it's about life, which includes finances, but shouldn't be the only driver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is the cost of working split between both parents. It’s not a cost that’s only charged to women. Ugh!!

Well, when your family is completely stressed out because of having 2 working parents and young kids in daycare, and you have very little weekday time with your kids, it starts to feel 'not worth it' for the difference in net HHI.

Some families are less stressed when both work. You really shouldn't extrapolate your, and your spouse's, inability to manage a workload and household to other families.

You are both being mean. I AM stressed out by two parents working. I dont think that means i can't manage a workload and household.

I also don't think it's a purely financial decision. If you have enough money to choose whether to work or stay home, then you shouldn't just consider dollars, you should consider what you want most out of some of the prime working and parenting years of your life. Maximizing your bank account shouldn't be the only or even the top value in deciding how to *spend your actual life*. Some benefits are not quantitative, and that's true of both work and parenting.

+1 and well said.

I'm sure a lot of people would say I am dumb for choosing to mostly stay home (I do work PT but it is intermittent and I only make a small fraction of what I used to when I was FT) but when I think to what my life was like when I was working FT, it's so obvious to me that this is an improvement both for me and for our whole family. Everyone is happier. I think when I first suggested this, my DH was nervous about me staying home because of the pressure of being the sole breadwinner, which I totally get. So we talked about me doing it for a couple years. But now we're in such a good place that when I talk about taking on a bit more PT work, he always reassures me that I should only do it if I want to and never out of some need to contribute financially. We've both really come to appreciate the non-financial contributions of the non-working spouse. I guess if I was worried about my marriage I might feel differently (it's true I would probably be screwed if we divorced) but we have a very solid relationship and I know this is the right decision for us. I'm also always aware that neither of us could ever have this arrangement that works so well, without the other. I think it helps us appreciate each other that much more.

[Anonymous]

Because IRL and also mirrored here, the husbands do not pull their weight in taking care of the household and kids and the women take care of the vast majority of the burden. So most of them decide to stay home because they have to do 2 jobs - WOH and WAH taking care of everything, from managing appointments, to cooking, cleaning, homework, shopping etc. Add several kids or a kid with special needs and the double work becomes unbearable and sometimes impossible, if the kid with special needs requires multiple appointments. I have a unicorn - a very well paid job FH and a H who is very hands on and does things without me asking, in addition to making $$$$. I bet if other women would have more opportunities like mine and involved spouses, the selection would change. But corporate America is not kind to moms, despite all that lip service, and lots of men are too good to do homework with the kids or laundry properly or take the trash out when needed and not when asked.

You don't have a unicorn, you just made a good decision as did I! Most people choose a dud husband and complain incessantly about him and his lack of childcare/involvement in home etc. Buck up women!! Raise your expectations if you want the world to change! You are in the driver's seat of your life! Make better choices or stop whining about your bad choices. You chose to marry that dud.

I tell my daughters the biggest investment in their career and self is choosing a spouse that wants for them what they want for themselves and vice versa. Childcare and the cost of work (or not) is purely a family decision. It is definitely NOT the cost for a WOMAN.. that thought pattern holds us back. It is a family cost that supports the whole family PERIOD.

The first poster here and it's also about luck. People change, get mental diseases etc. The person you marry it's not the same guy after 10+ years.

+1

Also, the "You don't have a unicorn" poster is also demonstrating the degree to which this is not necessarily within people's control without realizing.

PP, you are teaching your daughters the importance of choosing a good partner and teaching them to believe they deserve someone who will have an egalitarian approach to marriage. That is awesome! But many, many women were not raised this way and do not really come to understand this until years into their marriage, and often not until kids are born. And THEN they discover what you are teaching your daughters right now, that of course childcare is a family burden that shouldn't just be on women, that men might pay lip service to this but might not pull their weight, that maybe they should have held out for a different man or approached their relationship differently. But you can't undo it.

Your daughters are lucky to be hearing this lesson now, and parenting them in this way (and seeing the example set by their father) will make it easier for them to demand that from their own relationships. But surely you must see that not all women (in fact probably a minority of women) are raised this way. That's why so many women wind up unhappy later. It's not because they "picked wrong". It's because they were trained not to believe they could pick at all. And for women in this group, it really is a question of finding a unicorn because the vast majority of men do not pull equal weight when it comes to childcare and household tasks, and also do not value their wives' career and earning on the same level as their own.

Maybe don't indict other women for choices they didn't even understand themselves to be making at the time, or for subscribing to oppressive social systems that are designed to keep women from having equal standing with men. Instead train your ire on the men who don't step up, on the parents who tell their daughters they'll be lucky if they find a man who wants them, and on laws and social constructs that place the burden of children and family life almost entirely on women with much more minimal expectations of men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever calculated how much it costs to work?

I was chatting with a friend who lives in the NYC area about how much it costs her to work (suburban train, after school care etc etc). While SAHM is not an option for them, she has a hard time accepting how much it costs her to work.

It got me thinking....how much do a spend to WOHM? (Not an argument on the long-term financial security, retirement benefits or earning potential....just a budgeting/expenses question).

Me? I estimated some average monthly costs I can attribute to WOHM.

Daycare - $3300 (though part of that is preschool I would have likely had to pay for, at least a few days a week)
Commute - Gas, wear and tear (?) - $100
Parking - $120
Cleaning Services - $400
Clothing - $200 (suits, dress shoes etc)
Dry Cleaning - $100
Lunches - $80
Coffees/Breakfast on the Run - $30
Takeout - $200


Yikes!

Why is this conversation always about whether “it makes sense” for the mom/wife to work? What about your spouse? Why not run the numbers to decide whether he should go back to work or SAH?

Because IRL and also mirrored here, the husbands do not pull their weight in taking care of the household and kids and the women take care of the vast majority of the burden. So most of them decide to stay home because they have to do 2 jobs - WOH and WAH taking care of everything, from managing appointments, to cooking, cleaning, homework, shopping etc. Add several kids or a kid with special needs and the double work becomes unbearable and sometimes impossible, if the kid with special needs requires multiple appointments. I have a unicorn - a very well paid job FH and a H who is very hands on and does things without me asking, in addition to making $$$$. I bet if other women would have more opportunities like mine and involved spouses, the selection would change. But corporate America is not kind to moms, despite all that lip service, and lots of men are too good to do homework with the kids or laundry properly or take the trash out when needed and not when asked.

You don't have a unicorn, you just made a good decision as did I! Most people choose a dud husband and complain incessantly about him and his lack of childcare/involvement in home etc. Buck up women!! Raise your expectations if you want the world to change! You are in the driver's seat of your life! Make better choices or stop whining about your bad choices. You chose to marry that dud.

I tell my daughters the biggest investment in their career and self is choosing a spouse that wants for them what they want for themselves and vice versa. Childcare and the cost of work (or not) is purely a family decision. It is definitely NOT the cost for a WOMAN.. that thought pattern holds us back. It is a family cost that supports the whole family PERIOD.

My husband was not that helpful with the drudge work of kids and house. But I didn't complain about it because I wanted a hot fun loving guy who was really good in parenting, and that's what I got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is the cost of working split between both parents. It’s not a cost that’s only charged to women. Ugh!!

Well, when your family is completely stressed out because of having 2 working parents and young kids in daycare, and you have very little weekday time with your kids, it starts to feel 'not worth it' for the difference in net HHI.

Depends on your personalities. Neither my DH or I wanted to be a SAHP so we dealt with the stress and fatigue, and then were able to retire in our 50s. Neither of us was willing to work until 67 or 70 just so the other could SAH. Different strokes and all that.