My mother never asks how I’m doing. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your mom inquire about your personal or profession life? My mom has never done this. Unless I interrupt her and offer information about my life, she just carries on about my siblings, her work drama or our dysfunctional extended family without responding to what I had shared.. She will ask how my kids are but usually directs to conversation back to comparison about my siblings two kids. It’s always been this way, but as she’s gotten older it’s very obvious.

By the way my mother is a therapist and is very inquisitive with other peoples lives. When she visits she spends her time on the phone or online with people seeking her advice so I know she has the capacity.

Do you ask her?

Children of narcissistic mothers know damn well they better ask mom how she’s doing. If it’s not all about mom, there is hell to pay. Who has the energy for that?

A simple yes, would answer the question. I can't believe all these mothers are narcissistic. Perhaps children have the image of the mother never putting her needs/wants/desires ahead of their children so when they do it is seen as "narcissistic" Not saying there aren't any but, it seems like most of the moms/grandmas etc are viewed that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be pretty typical of a lot of mothers. I wouldn't take it personally.

Not take it personally? You’re on your way to be the same type of mother

DP. I’ve already commented in this thread that my mom is like this, but I don’t really take it personally, nor think she’s a narcissist necessarily. I think aging does things to our moms that we don’t necessarily understand yet. I think mother-daughter relationships are incredibly complex and as I am now navigating a relationship with a teenage daughter of my own, I try to give my mom a little bit of grace.

Interesting. Now that I have a daughter myself, I give my mom a lot less grace. Also seeing my MIL show more interest in me and my child (and she's not at all what I would call an overly warm/motherly person) has really colored my perspective on my mom in a different light. Particularly when my mom literally considers herself the best mother ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be pretty typical of a lot of mothers. I wouldn't take it personally.

Not take it personally? You’re on your way to be the same type of mother

DP. I’ve already commented in this thread that my mom is like this, but I don’t really take it personally, nor think she’s a narcissist necessarily. I think aging does things to our moms that we don’t necessarily understand yet. I think mother-daughter relationships are incredibly complex and as I am now navigating a relationship with a teenage daughter of my own, I try to give my mom a little bit of grace.

Interesting. Now that I have a daughter myself, I give my mom a lot less grace. Also seeing my MIL show more interest in me and my child (and she's not at all what I would call an overly warm/motherly person) has really colored my perspective on my mom in a different light. Particularly when my mom literally considers herself the best mother ever.

It would be interesting to get your daughter's perspective. Maybe her definition of "best ever" is different than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be pretty typical of a lot of mothers. I wouldn't take it personally.

Not take it personally? You’re on your way to be the same type of mother

Spot on! Some self awareness going forward will do this poster some good.

[Anonymous]

It’s funny that all these posters offer such simple and easy solutions. I bet they’ve never had a parents who had made them feel invisible their entire lives. Usually these dynamics carry on into adulthood and not an issue of the daughter needing to be parented. Anyone how had a parent like OP’s probably realized as they become mother’s themselves that their childhood and now adulthood relationship is very f’ed up.

[Anonymous]

Never, not casually and not on the big things either. My best friend since childhood died suddenly a few years ago. When I told my mom, she expressed shock, but has never once asked if I was ok. I started a new job last spring, hasn’t asked what I think of it so far. If I came to her to talk I think she’d listen, but it’d be nice if she showed interest once.

On a positive note, she’s great about asking my kids about their lives and how they’re doing.

[Anonymous]

“Mom, why don’t you ever ask how I am? Sometimes I feel like you don’t care. I’d appreciate if if you asked about my life more often.” Tell her!

[Anonymous]

“Mom, why don’t you ever ask how I am? Sometimes I feel like you don’t care. I’d appreciate if if you asked about my life more often.” Tell her!

This does not work with truly narcissistic mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

“Mom, why don’t you ever ask how I am? Sometimes I feel like you don’t care. I’d appreciate if if you asked about my life more often.” Tell her!

This does not work with truly narcissistic mothers.

Exactly! I've said this almost verbatim and was just completely gaslit that it was my fault. Basically insinuating that I'm not interesting enough to be asked about.

[Anonymous]

Same. It sucks. But try to accept her for what she is and let it go. All you can control is your reaction.

[Anonymous]

I had the same job for 18 years and my mom had no idea what i did for a living. i got a new job back in august and when i talked to her the other day, she was surprised i had a new job. so....my mom will ask how i'm doing, but in one ear and out the other. (she's a heavy drinker and i think she has alcohol induced dementia.)

[Anonymous]

I told my mom (who has since passed away) that I didn’t always want to talk about my sister and her kids on my phone calls or visits with my mom. And she would respond with comments like “fine, I just won’t speak at all” or make derogatory remarks about my jealousy being immature and it reflecting poorly on me. She also would vehemently deny any allegation of favoritism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

“Mom, why don’t you ever ask how I am? Sometimes I feel like you don’t care. I’d appreciate if if you asked about my life more often.” Tell her!

This does not work with truly narcissistic mothers.

Exactly! I've said this almost verbatim and was just completely gaslit that it was my fault. Basically insinuating that I'm not interesting enough to be asked about.

Ha mine would say “well whenever I’d ask how your day was you’d give me 2 word answers”.
Truth is she hardly ever asked and I was 13!

[Anonymous]

Grow up folks, don’t waste time in holding other humans responsible, they must’ve dealt with their set of issues as you do. With family unit deteriorating, more kids having divorced or single working moms and absent or part time fathers with new families, these dilemma is only going to get worse.

[Anonymous]

My mom was and still is involved and loving but never had emotional width to provide emotional support. I can’t hold it against her.