My mother never asks how I’m doing. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your mom inquire about your personal or profession life? My mom has never done this. Unless I interrupt her and offer information about my life, she just carries on about my siblings, her work drama or our dysfunctional extended family without responding to what I had shared.. She will ask how my kids are but usually directs to conversation back to comparison about my siblings two kids. It’s always been this way, but as she’s gotten older it’s very obvious.

By the way my mother is a therapist and is very inquisitive with other peoples lives. When she visits she spends her time on the phone or online with people seeking her advice so I know she has the capacity.

Do you ask her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your mom inquire about your personal or profession life? My mom has never done this. Unless I interrupt her and offer information about my life, she just carries on about my siblings, her work drama or our dysfunctional extended family without responding to what I had shared.. She will ask how my kids are but usually directs to conversation back to comparison about my siblings two kids. It’s always been this way, but as she’s gotten older it’s very obvious.

By the way my mother is a therapist and is very inquisitive with other peoples lives. When she visits she spends her time on the phone or online with people seeking her advice so I know she has the capacity.

Do you ask her?

Children of narcissistic mothers know damn well they better ask mom how she’s doing. If it’s not all about mom, there is hell to pay. Who has the energy for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn’t mean how I’m doing in a literal sense. Mainly that my mother doesn’t inquire anything about me personally. We could talk every day and she’s know nothing about me because the conversation is always redirected if I offer any info about my life.

I really thought maybe I wrote this… seriously. I’m in the exact same boat and simultaneously being guilted by my parents for not calling them. But any time I do, it’s completely one sided. She doesn’t even ask about my DC but goes on about my sister’s kids. I’m fairly certain my mom is a narcissist, which explains a lot.

That thing about not asking about your kids but going on about nieces and nephews really hits home. Both my parents do it but I have raised it with them and I think my mom is trying to stop. My dad never will though. If I try to talk about my DC -- mention something she did recently or something she's learning, my parents will immediately relate a story about one of my sister's kids and end all conversation about my kid. It's pretty exhausting. I've mostly given up.

[Anonymous]

This seems to be pretty typical of a lot of mothers. I wouldn't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn’t mean how I’m doing in a literal sense. Mainly that my mother doesn’t inquire anything about me personally. We could talk every day and she’s know nothing about me because the conversation is always redirected if I offer any info about my life.

I really thought maybe I wrote this… seriously. I’m in the exact same boat and simultaneously being guilted by my parents for not calling them. But any time I do, it’s completely one sided. She doesn’t even ask about my DC but goes on about my sister’s kids. I’m fairly certain my mom is a narcissist, which explains a lot.

That thing about not asking about your kids but going on about nieces and nephews really hits home. Both my parents do it but I have raised it with them and I think my mom is trying to stop. My dad never will though. If I try to talk about my DC -- mention something she did recently or something she's learning, my parents will immediately relate a story about one of my sister's kids and end all conversation about my kid. It's pretty exhausting. I've mostly given up.

I’m PP you quoted. This exactly. My niece and nephew do the same activity as my DC and we sit around watching videos of them doing their activity and no one even acknowledges my DC does the same activity. And DC is getting old enough to notice and it’s caused a lot of tears and hurt feelings. I just don’t get it. Fine, don’t be interested in me, but try harder with your grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is the therapist version of the cobbler’s kids not having shoes and all that. Maybe she’s so burnt out from OPP (other people’s problems), she doesn’t engage on that level in her personal life.

What does she say when you mention this to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do most people agree that it's odd that the parent expects the child to be the ones doing the calling? I agree the phone works both ways, but I just cannot imagine never calling my child. I honestly want to cry thinking about my child being an adult and never reaching out to her.

Many moms doesn’t want to be intrusive and meddlers so they want kids to reach out at their will and convenience not feeling annoyed by mom’s calls.

[Anonymous]

My mom texts regularly but let’s me decide to call when I’ve free time. She only calls if something is important or she is concerned about me for some reason.

[Anonymous]

Never. Haven’t even talked to her since Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom texts regularly but let’s me decide to call when I’ve free time. She only calls if something is important or she is concerned about me for some reason.

I would be fine with this, but she doesn't even text me. Most communication I have with her is on social media - I post something and she comments. If I wasn't on social media, she would have no idea what's going on in my life (and I don't post frequently). I've thought about getting off social media just to see if it would force her to reach out to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want that sort of relationship with her, work on it. Being a mom, doesn’t make her perfect or a therapist. You two can work on it and build a new bond.

NP here.

You also don’t get it. You can’t “work on” things with mothers like that.

Mine is the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be pretty typical of a lot of mothers. I wouldn't take it personally.

Not take it personally? You’re on your way to be the same type of mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be pretty typical of a lot of mothers. I wouldn't take it personally.

Not take it personally? You’re on your way to be the same type of mother

DP. I’ve already commented in this thread that my mom is like this, but I don’t really take it personally, nor think she’s a narcissist necessarily. I think aging does things to our moms that we don’t necessarily understand yet. I think mother-daughter relationships are incredibly complex and as I am now navigating a relationship with a teenage daughter of my own, I try to give my mom a little bit of grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want that sort of relationship with her, work on it. Being a mom, doesn’t make her perfect or a therapist. You two can work on it and build a new bond.

That’s awfully simplistic advice

Simplistic advice is often most useful. You are an adult too, not a kid anymore. If you want something, ask instead of sulking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your mom inquire about your personal or profession life? My mom has never done this. Unless I interrupt her and offer information about my life, she just carries on about my siblings, her work drama or our dysfunctional extended family without responding to what I had shared.. She will ask how my kids are but usually directs to conversation back to comparison about my siblings two kids. It’s always been this way, but as she’s gotten older it’s very obvious.

By the way my mother is a therapist and is very inquisitive with other peoples lives. When she visits she spends her time on the phone or online with people seeking her advice so I know she has the capacity.

Pick up phone and call or not. It’s your choice but grow up and stop demanding to be mothered like a child.