Can’t Decide About Third Baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you hoping for a girl?

Ew. I think this question is so gross. Especially these days…your sweet little princess could decide she’s really a little prince and crush your dreams of a shopping and manicure buddy.

That would not happen at my house, I assure you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you hoping for a girl?

Ew. I think this question is so gross. Especially these days…your sweet little princess could decide she’s really a little prince and crush your dreams of a shopping and manicure buddy.

This is not gross. I had 2 boys and I absolutely wanted the girl. In fact, Dh asked me if I would go for the third if it would be another boy and I said no. Of course I would have loved my baby no matter what. I got my baby girl and we all are so in love with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think anyone who is reading this thread who is an adult third child should weigh in here to help the OP.

I am the third and last of all girls. No, my parents should not have just "gone for it" and hoped for the best. My arrival ushered in a lifetime of significant, chronic stress-related health problems for my now deceased (at 72) father. He worked all the time, he had at least one affair and my mother was unable to develop a career. I know I am the elephant in the room in that family. I know deep in my bones that had I never been born, my parents would have been free from financial stress and stress-created health problems. My older sisters would have had the attention and resources they needed. It sucks for everyone but it sucks even more to be the one family member who was brought into existence and therefore ruined it for everyone.

In any case, if you end up having a third, please attend to your mental health and any unanticipated resentment that may arise---young people internalize that sort of thing and they may spend a lifetime hypervigilantly searching for cues from others that they are a burden. I am mostly okay in mid-life, but I think the takeaway is that kids feel their parents' stress and draw conclusions about their worth.

To be clear, I'm still glad I was born!

How can you put all that on you???

I have 3 kids and we absolutely love and adore the third. Our family feels complete with her.

Your father’s infidelity and financial stress is not your fault. What a horrible way to feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you hoping for a girl?

Ew. I think this question is so gross. Especially these days…your sweet little princess could decide she’s really a little prince and crush your dreams of a shopping and manicure buddy.

This is not gross. I had 2 boys and I absolutely wanted the girl. In fact, Dh asked me if I would go for the third if it would be another boy and I said no. Of course I would have loved my baby no matter what. I got my baby girl and we all are so in love with her.

Did you do gender section for your girl then? You said you wouldn’t have gone for the third if it would be another boy, so did you do ivf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you hoping for a girl?

Ew. I think this question is so gross. Especially these days…your sweet little princess could decide she’s really a little prince and crush your dreams of a shopping and manicure buddy.

This is not gross. I had 2 boys and I absolutely wanted the girl. In fact, Dh asked me if I would go for the third if it would be another boy and I said no. Of course I would have loved my baby no matter what. I got my baby girl and we all are so in love with her.

Did you do gender section for your girl then? You said you wouldn’t have gone for the third if it would be another boy, so did you do ivf?

No, we just had her naturally. Dh was just asking me a hypothetical.

[Anonymous]

My cousin has three, and the second one has obvious special needs that the parents are too busy to acknowledge. The kid is five but talks and behaves at the level of a 2-year-old. The older child, who is seven, is mostly annoyed with the middle sibling, and the youngest one, who is 3, is developing at a more rapid pace and idnores the middle one. My cousin is overwhelmed. I feel for all of them, but ultimately decided to stop at two as we are not nearly as organized as my cousin and her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin has three, and the second one has obvious special needs that the parents are too busy to acknowledge. The kid is five but talks and behaves at the level of a 2-year-old. The older child, who is seven, is mostly annoyed with the middle sibling, and the youngest one, who is 3, is developing at a more rapid pace and idnores the middle one. My cousin is overwhelmed. I feel for all of them, but ultimately decided to stop at two as we are not nearly as organized as my cousin and her DH.

I felt overwhelmed as a working mom of 2 but feel fine as a sahm of 3. My kids were 4 and 6 when third was born. I got to enjoy the baby when big kids were at school and focus on big kids when they are home from school.

[Anonymous]

3 nearly sent me over the edge and I’m a very laid back/ go with the flow parent. Then posters who said someone always need something are right. Also without a stay at home parent, 3 really stretches things. Ours are 7.5, 4.5, and 2.5. Love them, but wow it’s constant and I’m not sure it’ll get easier once they all have activities. Oh and I thought I wanted 4!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin has three, and the second one has obvious special needs that the parents are too busy to acknowledge. The kid is five but talks and behaves at the level of a 2-year-old. The older child, who is seven, is mostly annoyed with the middle sibling, and the youngest one, who is 3, is developing at a more rapid pace and idnores the middle one. My cousin is overwhelmed. I feel for all of them, but ultimately decided to stop at two as we are not nearly as organized as my cousin and her DH.

I felt overwhelmed as a working mom of 2 but feel fine as a sahm of 3. My kids were 4 and 6 when third was born. I got to enjoy the baby when big kids were at school and focus on big kids when they are home from school.

Me, being a SAHM, would not work for our family. My DH is critical of everything I do, so I’d be essentially a cleaning lady and a cook to prove I deserve to stay home. I am making adequate money right now doing a very niche job, so he feels compelled to divide the housework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that if you go from two to three - you and Hubby need to switch from man to man defense to zone defense.

Just saying.

It's a thing.

Please explain this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin has three, and the second one has obvious special needs that the parents are too busy to acknowledge. The kid is five but talks and behaves at the level of a 2-year-old. The older child, who is seven, is mostly annoyed with the middle sibling, and the youngest one, who is 3, is developing at a more rapid pace and idnores the middle one. My cousin is overwhelmed. I feel for all of them, but ultimately decided to stop at two as we are not nearly as organized as my cousin and her DH.

I felt overwhelmed as a working mom of 2 but feel fine as a sahm of 3. My kids were 4 and 6 when third was born. I got to enjoy the baby when big kids were at school and focus on big kids when they are home from school.

Me, being a SAHM, would not work for our family. My DH is critical of everything I do, so I’d be essentially a cleaning lady and a cook to prove I deserve to stay home. I am making adequate money right now doing a very niche job, so he feels compelled to divide the housework.

I have always been a lousy cook and homemaker so bar very low over at our house. Dh makes a high income so we had a housekeeper/nanny before Covid. I guess it is easy for me to say it was fine as a sahm of 3 with help. I used to leave the baby with the nanny so I could drive the big kids around without lugging a baby/toddler with me. Now it is just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you hoping for a girl?

Ew. I think this question is so gross. Especially these days…your sweet little princess could decide she’s really a little prince and crush your dreams of a shopping and manicure buddy.

And the two boys could become aware they are really sweet little princesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you hoping for a girl?

Ew. I think this question is so gross. Especially these days…your sweet little princess could decide she’s really a little prince and crush your dreams of a shopping and manicure buddy.

This is not gross. I had 2 boys and I absolutely wanted the girl. In fact, Dh asked me if I would go for the third if it would be another boy and I said no. Of course I would have loved my baby no matter what. I got my baby girl and we all are so in love with her.

I'm totally in this situation and I feel so bad about it. I was pregnant with a boy and lost the baby. I desperately want him back. I'll definitely cry hard if it isn't a boy and know that we won't be having another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 nearly sent me over the edge and I’m a very laid back/ go with the flow parent. Then posters who said someone always need something are right. Also without a stay at home parent, 3 really stretches things. Ours are 7.5, 4.5, and 2.5. Love them, but wow it’s constant and I’m not sure it’ll get easier once they all have activities. Oh and I thought I wanted 4!

I don’t even work and it is hard getting my kids to all their sports and activities. Before Covid, we often would carpool. We have just gotten used to life without carpooling now.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 under 4 (all boys) and I love it. I’m also the middle of 3. It’s busy but so much fun. A lot, though, depends on the personalities of the kids and the parents and what the expectations around your lifestyle are.