Want my new daughter in law’s family to start spending holidays with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you all lived in the same area, maybe this would seen like a reasonable request. They live across the country!!!

Yes, but one of the sisters lives in New York so it’s much easier for her to travel to us.

I am sitting here imagining if my brother’s wife’s parents would have the audacity to imagine that I would want to spend MY Christmas in some random state with them rather than go to my one family’s house in my own hometown. OP, you are astonishingly self-centered. No one but you wants this. Even remotely. Get over yourself.

Truly. How self centered would you have to be to just assume that the lives of 6-8 adults and an unknown number of children, only one of whom is a blood relative (the son) revolve around your emotional needs??? That level of narcissism is relationship-destroying. So relieved this isn’t my MIL.

If you are real, OP, see a therapist!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My new DIL’s family lives in Portland and we would like her family (her 2 sisters and parents) to spend the holidays at our house in Maryland. We have the space and it just makes sense that they stay here. There’s some pushback from her parents about this and I feel like they need to understand I have an only child and am not okay with splitting up holidays between her family and ours. My son and DIL are fine with this plan but the parents are the ones not being agreeable. Any advice dealing with difficult conversations surrounding this?

Soooo, funnily enough, we have a reverse of this situation. My parents and I get along really well with my brother's (my only sibling) in-laws, who are in, of all places, Portland, OR, along with my brother and SIL. But here's the deal - this relationship evolved organically over almost 20 years and my brother's MIL and FIL are gracious to a fault. My SIL is her mother's only child but her mother never tried to lay down the law and claim every holiday for herself.

We have visited there a lot over the last 20 years and even spent Christmas a couple of years ago with them. We were treated like family.

I suggest you back off and figure out how to be gracious and host when they are amenable to traveling cross-country and you might be surprised. But you need to understand that in-laws having a relationship of the type I describe above is not the norm.

[Anonymous]

You have extended an invitation not a summons. They can choose to accept or decline. They have declined so you graciously move on with your life. You do not emotionally browbeat people to stay with you. Fastest way for people to start putting you on a low to no contact diet.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you going to do if your son and DIL have children? Are your future grandchildren never allowed to have Christmas in their own home, with their own family traditions? I have a feeling your son and DIL told you they don’t mind your proposed plan to placate you, knowing full well your DIL’s parents would shut this down. And why would your ILs, who most likely barely know you, travel to your home to spend holidays in your home? How awkward. Please reconsider this for the sake of your relationship with your son and DIL. It’s demands like these that will alienate your DIL in no time. Then you will truly be on your own, not just on holidays.

[Anonymous]

Troll post

[Anonymous]

I would consider it if OP lived in a resort like mansion somewhere fabulous with amenities and a staff.

[Anonymous]

OP, describe your house.

[Anonymous]

Oh hell no. And the hell no is not limited to just this situation because as a MIL overall you're going to have a TOUGH time if this is the way you approach anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My new DIL’s family lives in Portland and we would like her family (her 2 sisters and parents) to spend the holidays at our house in Maryland. We have the space and it just makes sense that they stay here. There’s some pushback from her parents about this and I feel like they need to understand I have an only child and am not okay with splitting up holidays between her family and ours. My son and DIL are fine with this plan but the parents are the ones not being agreeable. Any advice dealing with difficult conversations surrounding this?

Your poor DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll post

I wonder if this is the baby shower MIL troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have invited my in-laws to come stay at their vacation home (where we typically spend Thanksgiving) several times. In-laws always politely decline, even if they don’t have other plans. They just like their own space (multiple families in one vacation house aren’t their thing) and also don’t like feeling like a formal guest. My mom is known for not wanting to stray from this perfect vision she has in her head and ends up pissing off extended family and other guests.

Do not be the mom who makes their child choose between their spouse and their mom- because spouse is #1 now. He may not yet understand that he and his wife will need to set boundaries with you, but I suggest you help him by backing off now. You will complicate his marriage and put your relationship with him in jeopardy. FWIW, I am not speaking to my own mother now because of cr@p like this.

I don't blame your in-laws. I don't enjoy being an overnight guest in someone's home, even a vacation home. I'd rather stay in a hotel or not go. I feel the same way about carpooling to some event. I have to have my own transportation.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to assume, for my own sanity and faith in humanity, that this is a troll post.

Please let it be too ludicrous to be real.

[Anonymous]

I never say troll but I'm 100% sure this one is.

[Anonymous]

Son and DIL should host instead. That’s what Dh and I do. We’re both only children. My parents are beyond thrilled to spend holidays with us but in-laws decline most years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My new DIL’s family lives in Portland and we would like her family (her 2 sisters and parents) to spend the holidays at our house in Maryland. We have the space and it just makes sense that they stay here. There’s some pushback from her parents about this and I feel like they need to understand I have an only child and am not okay with splitting up holidays between her family and ours. My son and DIL are fine with this plan but the parents are the ones not being agreeable. Any advice dealing with difficult conversations surrounding this?

Why can't you go there?