Want my new daughter in law’s family to start spending holidays with us

[Anonymous]

Op, you have to come up with ideas for just you. This is on you. No one else has to make your holiday special.

Sure, some holidays you'll be together

Some you won't

Some it might not be the -exact- day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL, nice try, OP!

+1. 100% troll. No one is this stupid.

Probably that baby shower troll from a few months ago.

[Anonymous]

My parents have invited my in-laws to come stay at their vacation home (where we typically spend Thanksgiving) several times. In-laws always politely decline, even if they don’t have other plans. They just like their own space (multiple families in one vacation house aren’t their thing) and also don’t like feeling like a formal guest. My mom is known for not wanting to stray from this perfect vision she has in her head and ends up pissing off extended family and other guests.

Do not be the mom who makes their child choose between their spouse and their mom- because spouse is #1 now. He may not yet understand that he and his wife will need to set boundaries with you, but I suggest you help him by backing off now. You will complicate his marriage and put your relationship with him in jeopardy. FWIW, I am not speaking to my own mother now because of cr@p like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: We have the space and it just makes sense that they stay here.

Ok, so all of this is nuts, but this part especially. You have space for 4 different households (Son+DIL/DIL’s parents/two adult siblings of DIL and their own families) to comfortably stay in your home? Does this mean you have at least 4 well furnished guest rooms and several extra bathrooms? Plus some amount of extra living space for that many people? Or, let me guess, do you just mean you have a semi finish basement with open space they can put an air mattress in or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: We have the space and it just makes sense that they stay here.

Ok, so all of this is nuts, but this part especially. You have space for 4 different households (Son+DIL/DIL’s parents/two adult siblings of DIL and their own families) to comfortably stay in your home? Does this mean you have at least 4 well furnished guest rooms and several extra bathrooms? Plus some amount of extra living space for that many people? Or, let me guess, do you just mean you have a semi finish basement with open space they can put an air mattress in or something?

+1

And if this were real (I think it’s a troll) it’s crazy not to understand that your DIL’s sisters, in particular, would need particularly nice accommodations for this to come remotely close to the level of comfort they would have in their parents home. Like obviously the DIL/son probably feel comfortable in OP’s house, and DIL’s parents didn’t grow up in their current home so might not feel as strange somewhere else. But if one of my siblings’ MILs tried to demand I spend holidays at their house, and that my own parents didn’t host even though they wanted to, I’d be so resentful. Why on earth would these women sacrifice the holiday they prefer because OP only had one kid? WTH?

[Anonymous]

I have married adult kids and grandkids. OP, you are out of your mind. And you’re going to end up alienating your kid. Back off. Your kid is an ADULT. You sound selfish, manipulative, and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must be trolling because no one would actually think this is remotely reasonable.

Yep this.

[Anonymous]

Does your new DIL have no grandparents? No aunts, uncle's, and cousins to see? Get real, OP. They are not going to all come to you every Christmas until you die.

I can only think this is secondary infertility or child loss trauma talking. Most parents of onlies are not so unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not thinking beyond the immediate goal of spending holidays with your daughter.

The ILs may not be comfortable traveling, they may not be comfortable spending holidays as guests in your house, they may have their friends / extended family / traditions that they want to see over the holidays. They may want simply to spend holidays at their own house.

Your DD is grown, married, and you need to come to terms that her time will now be split between you and in laws, DH, kids and her own life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My new DIL’s family lives in Portland and we would like her family (her 2 sisters and parents) to spend the holidays at our house in Maryland. We have the space and it just makes sense that they stay here. There’s some pushback from her parents about this and I feel like they need to understand I have an only child and am not okay with splitting up holidays between her family and ours. My son and DIL are fine with this plan but the parents are the ones not being agreeable. Any advice dealing with difficult conversations surrounding this?

If they are truly fine with this them they need to figure out how to get them on board. Personally, I think this sounds silly.

[Anonymous]

Yep definitely a troll.

Otherwise…

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bahaha! Her two sisters have to fly to you as well? Come on. What about when they marry and have in-laws of their own? This is insane.

OMG so insane. Wow. Please let this go before you damage this relationship more. You can do a tropical vacation every other year when your son is with his IL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My new DIL’s family lives in Portland and we would like her family (her 2 sisters and parents) to spend the holidays at our house in Maryland. We have the space and it just makes sense that they stay here. There’s some pushback from her parents about this and I feel like they need to understand I have an only child and am not okay with splitting up holidays between her family and ours. My son and DIL are fine with this plan but the parents are the ones not being agreeable. Any advice dealing with difficult conversations surrounding this?

If they are truly fine with this them they need to figure out how to get them on board. Personally, I think this sounds silly.

No they need to not be put in this position at all. This is crazy and the SIL in particular are not going to appreciate having to have this conversation even once let alone getting pressured…

[Anonymous]

I am an only child and my mom had a hard time when I got married. Please, for the sake of your relationship with your son and future grandchildren- STOP. Stop badgering. Stop crying about being alone. Stop guilt tripping. Just Stop. I hate it when my mom plays the “your husband’s parents have other children and we only have you” card.

Guess what? The spouse with siblings also has a home. And a relationship and traditions in that home and place. And a relationship with their siblings. You can be friendly with the other family, but it is not the same for them to either have to adapt to your home and traditions or have you around for theirs.

There are only 2 of you. If anyone is going anywhere for a holiday, it’s you and your husband going to Portland and staying in a hotel or AirBnB. Buy only if you are invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you all lived in the same area, maybe this would seen like a reasonable request. They live across the country!!!

Yes, but one of the sisters lives in New York so it’s much easier for her to travel to us.

I am sitting here imagining if my brother’s wife’s parents would have the audacity to imagine that I would want to spend MY Christmas in some random state with them rather than go to my one family’s house in my own hometown. OP, you are astonishingly self-centered. No one but you wants this. Even remotely. Get over yourself.