Can you tell when someone is an only child as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As kids I definitely can (although it’s often the hovering, overbearing parents that give it away). As adults it depends on their lived experiences.

+1. It’s usually the parents of only kids I don’t like. I was visiting a friend (mom to an only) and we decided to go out to dinner. We all sat around waiting as her 12 year old daughter made the decision as to where we would go. The girl absolutely runs their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only children are usually more comfortable talking with adults. They were raised mostly interacting with adults, not kids. I think that's a good trait.

This is true. As a 40 yr old who was raised as an only child and 7 yrs apart from my only sibling I find it easier to talk to people who are in their 50s and above. The 20 and 30 somethings are so juvenile. Its nauseating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes they are usually very narcissistic.

I disagree. They are more friendly to other kids. Only children are less likely to fight with other kids or bully kids. Just my observation.

+ 1. Every narcissistic person I’ve ever encountered has siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing I find hardest when dealing with adult only children is their lack of understanding of the love and bond of siblings. My siblings are by far my best friends even as adults, and no non-related best friend can come close to the depth and shared history of a sibling relationship. So I think the sense of family is different and hard when married to an only. I am one of six kids.

In what way has this dynamic manifested itself? How did it cause conflict?

Yeah, Im curious too. I am an only, and I never had any problem understanding how siblings could be close, but have you somehow not noticed how often they are NOT? I would say 80% of people I meet who have siblings describe conflict. I don't assume that is the norm, but it sure is very common.

I had a very close relationship with my mother. I never assume people don't relate to my closeness with her because they had siblings.

I'm afraid OP and people like you, PP, (unless you are OP) need to accept the fact that you cannot reduce OTHER PEOPLE to a set of stats when they appear to not understand something about you or you have the need to assume something about them.

+ 1. That PP is reductive and silly.

[Anonymous]

I can’t tell and I meet 100’s of new people every year b/c of my job.

[Anonymous]

I won't say that I can generally tell, but once I find out, things about their personalities often start to make more sense. For example, the only children I know often demand a lot of attention from their friends. They soak up attention and are needy and often can't deal when the spotlight is on someone else. They want to quickly refocus attention back on themselves.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

I know it's a cliche stereotype, but there is a self absorption and "taker" characteristic that is strongly correlated to the adult only children I know - and most have trouble recognizing it in themselves and will profess the opposite. They really do lack the innate give & take tendency that those of us with siblings (usually) had no other choice but to adapt. This is true for the 30-something and 60-something "only children" that I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes they are usually very narcissistic.

I disagree. They are more friendly to other kids. Only children are less likely to fight with other kids or bully kids. Just my observation.

+ 1. Every narcissistic person I’ve ever encountered has siblings.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As kids I definitely can (although it’s often the hovering, overbearing parents that give it away). As adults it depends on their lived experiences.

+1. It’s usually the parents of only kids I don’t like. I was visiting a friend (mom to an only) and we decided to go out to dinner. We all sat around waiting as her 12 year old daughter made the decision as to where we would go. The girl absolutely runs their house.

Please don’t pin this on all onlies. This is very specific to your friend. I am an only and I can assure you that I did not run my parents life. I love reading all of these stereotypes because when we only children stereotype other family sizes we are often criticized because we don’t know what we are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

I know it's a cliche stereotype, but there is a self absorption and "taker" characteristic that is strongly correlated to the adult only children I know - and most have trouble recognizing it in themselves and will profess the opposite. They really do lack the innate give & take tendency that those of us with siblings (usually) had no other choice but to adapt. This is true for the 30-something and 60-something "only children" that I know.

I agree with all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

I know it's a cliche stereotype, but there is a self absorption and "taker" characteristic that is strongly correlated to the adult only children I know - and most have trouble recognizing it in themselves and will profess the opposite. They really do lack the innate give & take tendency that those of us with siblings (usually) had no other choice but to adapt. This is true for the 30-something and 60-something "only children" that I know.

I agree with all this.

That's so annoying to read as an only child who gave and gave and gave to everyone else and now, in my own moment of need, has no one showing up for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

I know it's a cliche stereotype, but there is a self absorption and "taker" characteristic that is strongly correlated to the adult only children I know - and most have trouble recognizing it in themselves and will profess the opposite. They really do lack the innate give & take tendency that those of us with siblings (usually) had no other choice but to adapt. This is true for the 30-something and 60-something "only children" that I know.

I agree with all this.

As other posters have observed, I’ve experienced this most often with people from large families. The larger the family, the more they seek attention and want things to go their way.

[Anonymous]

No. But I can tell when children and adults haven’t/weren’t told No!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

I know it's a cliche stereotype, but there is a self absorption and "taker" characteristic that is strongly correlated to the adult only children I know - and most have trouble recognizing it in themselves and will profess the opposite. They really do lack the innate give & take tendency that those of us with siblings (usually) had no other choice but to adapt. This is true for the 30-something and 60-something "only children" that I know.

I agree with all this.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing I find hardest when dealing with adult only children is their lack of understanding of the love and bond of siblings. My siblings are by far my best friends even as adults, and no non-related best friend can come close to the depth and shared history of a sibling relationship. So I think the sense of family is different and hard when married to an only. I am one of six kids.

ehh, I know plenty of people with siblings who don't exactly have the "love and bond of siblings." I'd say being "by far best friends" with your siblings as an adult is the exception, rather than the rule. I'm not even talking about people who have dysfunctional relationships with siblings (although there are plenty of those), but I know loads of people who just ...aren't that close with their siblings. There's no special profound bond.

(I am included in this. There's no bad blood between my two siblings and me by any means. We get together for holidays and such and things go fine when we do. But we're just ...not that close. Like, I'd never call my siblings up just to chat or to vent like I do close friends. Just different interests, life paths, personalities etc.)