Can you tell when someone is an only child as an adult?

[Anonymous]

S/O of the only children thread. I feel like all the adult only children I know are recognizable as only children for a variety of reasons. Often obvious in childhood too. Thoughts from other people?

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child, and people always think I'm the oldest of at least three.

[Anonymous]

People have expressed surprise that I'm an only child, as in: "you're not selfish and demanding like I thought only children were".

Said by dumb people, of course.

[Anonymous]

Yes definitely.

I think the biggest and most obvious clue is that when you ask them how many siblings they have they say “none.” Every single time. It’s crazy.

[Anonymous]

I have a sibling. We have no relationship so I say none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sibling. We have no relationship so I say none.

Are you serious? Could you not tell that was a joke?

[Anonymous]

Yes if I really think about it. The adult onlies I know tend to be more comfortable doing things on their own and less emotionally needy. Even if they have mental health issues or other problems (everyone has problems), they do not seem to need as much validation as my other friends or have as much need for an audience. I do also think onlies are less willing to compromise with others. That can be very annoying but I also admire it at times— the ones in my life tend to get what they want (and exactly what they want) a lot more often than I do, and I try to take notes because I’m often a doormat.

I am a middle child and very different than this. I have a deep fear of being disliked and overlooked, and I tend to overcompensate by talking a lot and being very accommodating of others.

I personally have found that youngest children (especially “the babies” — people younger than their siblings by more than a year or two, especially in large families) are the biggest challenge personality wise. The neediness of a middle child combined with the entitlement/demanding attitude of an only.

The eldest really varies IME.

[Anonymous]

Nope. The most selfish, self-centered person I know has siblings. There are some adults I know have siblings because they've mentioned them, some adults I know are onlies because it's come up in conversation, and some I don't know. There's not really any appreciable difference in personalities among this group.

Which makes sense, since only children and eldest children tend to be very similar, personality-wise, insofar as birth order matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes definitely.

I think the biggest and most obvious clue is that when you ask them how many siblings they have they say “none.” Every single time. It’s crazy.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes if I really think about it. The adult onlies I know tend to be more comfortable doing things on their own and less emotionally needy. Even if they have mental health issues or other problems (everyone has problems), they do not seem to need as much validation as my other friends or have as much need for an audience. I do also think onlies are less willing to compromise with others. That can be very annoying but I also admire it at times— the ones in my life tend to get what they want (and exactly what they want) a lot more often than I do, and I try to take notes because I’m often a doormat.

I am a middle child and very different than this. I have a deep fear of being disliked and overlooked, and I tend to overcompensate by talking a lot and being very accommodating of others.

I personally have found that youngest children (especially “the babies” — people younger than their siblings by more than a year or two, especially in large families) are the biggest challenge personality wise. The neediness of a middle child combined with the entitlement/demanding attitude of an only.

The eldest really varies IME.

As a middle child, do you feel an instant inexplicable kinship with some people, and only later discover that they, too are middle children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes if I really think about it. The adult onlies I know tend to be more comfortable doing things on their own and less emotionally needy. Even if they have mental health issues or other problems (everyone has problems), they do not seem to need as much validation as my other friends or have as much need for an audience. I do also think onlies are less willing to compromise with others. That can be very annoying but I also admire it at times— the ones in my life tend to get what they want (and exactly what they want) a lot more often than I do, and I try to take notes because I’m often a doormat.

I am a middle child and very different than this. I have a deep fear of being disliked and overlooked, and I tend to overcompensate by talking a lot and being very accommodating of others.

I personally have found that youngest children (especially “the babies” — people younger than their siblings by more than a year or two, especially in large families) are the biggest challenge personality wise. The neediness of a middle child combined with the entitlement/demanding attitude of an only.

The eldest really varies IME.

Interesting. The friends that come to mind when you say least willing to compromise and get what they want - all are middle children.

[Anonymous]

No. Stupid question.

I have two siblings, ten and eight years older than me. I read that makes me a psychology only child.

[Anonymous]

Only insofar as I am the eldest child and oldest and onlies tend to get along great. Almost all of my close friends are either the first born or only children, so I don't think I can distinguish between the two but....I can tell they're not middle or youngest children, generally. This is messed up very slightly if it's a situation where say, there were two kids close in age and a baby 10 years later. I find those people seem more like only children than youngest.

[Anonymous]

No. Eldest and onlies are very similar. Most of the people I know who really can't handle accommodating others are youngest siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
S/O of the only children thread. I feel like all the adult only children I know are recognizable as only children for a variety of reasons. Often obvious in childhood too. Thoughts from other people?

Yes one of my best friends is. In our 50s call her Princess /)