Can you tell when someone is an only child as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Stupid question.

I have two siblings, ten and eight years older than me. I read that makes me a psychology only child.

This is my DH. 3 kids born +/- 18 months apart and then a 12 year gap. Surprise! I think he has typical only/oldest child traits more than being the baby, which makes sense. By the time he was a young child the others were heading to college. Most of his life was spent as an only in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Eldest and onlies are very similar. Most of the people I know who really can't handle accommodating others are youngest siblings.

This.

[Anonymous]

As adults no but as children yes. That whole 'not having to share' thing/not able to deal with other people in their things and generally better verbally.

Having said that, many things interfere with the 'only child' or birth order thing, such as learning disabilities or physical/mental health challenges, distance apart in age, etc.

[Anonymous]

Yep. That telltale birthmark behind the ear that only disappears when a sibling is born. Dead giveaway.

[Anonymous]

I am an only. I don’t know if others recognize an only in me. But I think a common thread is lack of need to compete. Doesnt mean all onlies are not competitive, or that it’s a trait that couldn’t be learned elsewhere, but in general, we didn’t need to compete for resources / attention / love early on. Agree also on comfort being alone and entertaining ourselves. But this is my insight as an only, may be others’ perception of me may be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
S/O of the only children thread. I feel like all the adult only children I know are recognizable as only children for a variety of reasons. Often obvious in childhood too. Thoughts from other people?

Yes one of my best friends is. In our 50s call her Princess /)

To her face or behind her back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
S/O of the only children thread. I feel like all the adult only children I know are recognizable as only children for a variety of reasons. Often obvious in childhood too. Thoughts from other people?

Yes one of my best friends is. In our 50s call her Princess /)

To her face or behind her back?

Lol to her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes if I really think about it. The adult onlies I know tend to be more comfortable doing things on their own and less emotionally needy. Even if they have mental health issues or other problems (everyone has problems), they do not seem to need as much validation as my other friends or have as much need for an audience. I do also think onlies are less willing to compromise with others. That can be very annoying but I also admire it at times— the ones in my life tend to get what they want (and exactly what they want) a lot more often than I do, and I try to take notes because I’m often a doormat.

I am a middle child and very different than this. I have a deep fear of being disliked and overlooked, and I tend to overcompensate by talking a lot and being very accommodating of others.

I personally have found that youngest children (especially “the babies” — people younger than their siblings by more than a year or two, especially in large families) are the biggest challenge personality wise. The neediness of a middle child combined with the entitlement/demanding attitude of an only.

The eldest really varies IME.

Interesting. The friends that come to mind when you say least willing to compromise and get what they want - all are middle children.

That is so surprising to me. I mean, birth order stuff is variable and as others have noted, a lot of other factors can interfere. But one thing that is very persistent is that middle kids generally get less focus and attention during childhood. Obviously depends on the person, but that often leads to people who are used to compromising and accommodating as adults.

Of course, when people have not had their emotional needs met throughout their childhoods, they might overcorrect in adulthood in order to make up for lost time. Ideally it evens out eventually, but I can see how someone who has been forced to compromise their whole life could become very rigid at some point.

All of this is one of several reasons I only had one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes if I really think about it. The adult onlies I know tend to be more comfortable doing things on their own and less emotionally needy. Even if they have mental health issues or other problems (everyone has problems), they do not seem to need as much validation as my other friends or have as much need for an audience. I do also think onlies are less willing to compromise with others. That can be very annoying but I also admire it at times— the ones in my life tend to get what they want (and exactly what they want) a lot more often than I do, and I try to take notes because I’m often a doormat.

I am a middle child and very different than this. I have a deep fear of being disliked and overlooked, and I tend to overcompensate by talking a lot and being very accommodating of others.

I personally have found that youngest children (especially “the babies” — people younger than their siblings by more than a year or two, especially in large families) are the biggest challenge personality wise. The neediness of a middle child combined with the entitlement/demanding attitude of an only.

The eldest really varies IME.

Interesting. The friends that come to mind when you say least willing to compromise and get what they want - all are middle children.

That is so surprising to me. I mean, birth order stuff is variable and as others have noted, a lot of other factors can interfere. But one thing that is very persistent is that middle kids generally get less focus and attention during childhood. Obviously depends on the person, but that often leads to people who are used to compromising and accommodating as adults.

Of course, when people have not had their emotional needs met throughout their childhoods, they might overcorrect in adulthood in order to make up for lost time. Ideally it evens out eventually, but I can see how someone who has been forced to compromise their whole life could become very rigid at some point.

All of this is one of several reasons I only had one kid.

In my opinion, that's what happens. Or if not overcompensating, they are definitely big "joiners" who want to be accepted and in a toxic manifestation, basically adored. The emotional vampires I know are almost always middle kids. I don't actually think they're accommodating and compromising, though they may feel that way about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes if I really think about it. The adult onlies I know tend to be more comfortable doing things on their own and less emotionally needy. Even if they have mental health issues or other problems (everyone has problems), they do not seem to need as much validation as my other friends or have as much need for an audience. I do also think onlies are less willing to compromise with others. That can be very annoying but I also admire it at times— the ones in my life tend to get what they want (and exactly what they want) a lot more often than I do, and I try to take notes because I’m often a doormat.

I am a middle child and very different than this. I have a deep fear of being disliked and overlooked, and I tend to overcompensate by talking a lot and being very accommodating of others.

I personally have found that youngest children (especially “the babies” — people younger than their siblings by more than a year or two, especially in large families) are the biggest challenge personality wise. The neediness of a middle child combined with the entitlement/demanding attitude of an only.

The eldest really varies IME.

Interesting. The friends that come to mind when you say least willing to compromise and get what they want - all are middle children.

That is so surprising to me. I mean, birth order stuff is variable and as others have noted, a lot of other factors can interfere. But one thing that is very persistent is that middle kids generally get less focus and attention during childhood. Obviously depends on the person, but that often leads to people who are used to compromising and accommodating as adults.

Of course, when people have not had their emotional needs met throughout their childhoods, they might overcorrect in adulthood in order to make up for lost time. Ideally it evens out eventually, but I can see how someone who has been forced to compromise their whole life could become very rigid at some point.

All of this is one of several reasons I only had one kid.

In my opinion, that's what happens. Or if not overcompensating, they are definitely big "joiners" who want to be accepted and in a toxic manifestation, basically adored. The emotional vampires I know are almost always middle kids. I don't actually think they're accommodating and compromising, though they may feel that way about themselves.

If this is something you feel you run into a lot, you might want to look at your own emotional needs and behaviors— this level of resentment indicates that’s what’s going on isn’t just about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes if I really think about it. The adult onlies I know tend to be more comfortable doing things on their own and less emotionally needy. Even if they have mental health issues or other problems (everyone has problems), they do not seem to need as much validation as my other friends or have as much need for an audience. I do also think onlies are less willing to compromise with others. That can be very annoying but I also admire it at times— the ones in my life tend to get what they want (and exactly what they want) a lot more often than I do, and I try to take notes because I’m often a doormat.

I am a middle child and very different than this. I have a deep fear of being disliked and overlooked, and I tend to overcompensate by talking a lot and being very accommodating of others.

I personally have found that youngest children (especially “the babies” — people younger than their siblings by more than a year or two, especially in large families) are the biggest challenge personality wise. The neediness of a middle child combined with the entitlement/demanding attitude of an only.

The eldest really varies IME.

Interesting. The friends that come to mind when you say least willing to compromise and get what they want - all are middle children.

That is so surprising to me. I mean, birth order stuff is variable and as others have noted, a lot of other factors can interfere. But one thing that is very persistent is that middle kids generally get less focus and attention during childhood. Obviously depends on the person, but that often leads to people who are used to compromising and accommodating as adults.

Of course, when people have not had their emotional needs met throughout their childhoods, they might overcorrect in adulthood in order to make up for lost time. Ideally it evens out eventually, but I can see how someone who has been forced to compromise their whole life could become very rigid at some point.

All of this is one of several reasons I only had one kid.

In my opinion, that's what happens. Or if not overcompensating, they are definitely big "joiners" who want to be accepted and in a toxic manifestation, basically adored. The emotional vampires I know are almost always middle kids. I don't actually think they're accommodating and compromising, though they may feel that way about themselves.

If this is something you feel you run into a lot, you might want to look at your own emotional needs and behaviors— this level of resentment indicates that’s what’s going on isn’t just about them.

+1

Answering the OP. As adults no, children under the age of 8, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes if I really think about it. The adult onlies I know tend to be more comfortable doing things on their own and less emotionally needy. Even if they have mental health issues or other problems (everyone has problems), they do not seem to need as much validation as my other friends or have as much need for an audience. I do also think onlies are less willing to compromise with others. That can be very annoying but I also admire it at times— the ones in my life tend to get what they want (and exactly what they want) a lot more often than I do, and I try to take notes because I’m often a doormat.

I am a middle child and very different than this. I have a deep fear of being disliked and overlooked, and I tend to overcompensate by talking a lot and being very accommodating of others.

I personally have found that youngest children (especially “the babies” — people younger than their siblings by more than a year or two, especially in large families) are the biggest challenge personality wise. The neediness of a middle child combined with the entitlement/demanding attitude of an only.

The eldest really varies IME.

Interesting. The friends that come to mind when you say least willing to compromise and get what they want - all are middle children.

That is so surprising to me. I mean, birth order stuff is variable and as others have noted, a lot of other factors can interfere. But one thing that is very persistent is that middle kids generally get less focus and attention during childhood. Obviously depends on the person, but that often leads to people who are used to compromising and accommodating as adults.

Of course, when people have not had their emotional needs met throughout their childhoods, they might overcorrect in adulthood in order to make up for lost time. Ideally it evens out eventually, but I can see how someone who has been forced to compromise their whole life could become very rigid at some point.

All of this is one of several reasons I only had one kid.

In my opinion, that's what happens. Or if not overcompensating, they are definitely big "joiners" who want to be accepted and in a toxic manifestation, basically adored. The emotional vampires I know are almost always middle kids. I don't actually think they're accommodating and compromising, though they may feel that way about themselves.

If this is something you feel you run into a lot, you might want to look at your own emotional needs and behaviors— this level of resentment indicates that’s what’s going on isn’t just about them.

Every few years or so? But it is noticeable when you see it. They key is basically no independence and a reliance on things like social media for likes and approval. I wouldn't say it's resentment, but sorry, if you post a pic and have a mental breakdown because you didn't get a "like" within 20min that's on you.

[Anonymous]

Generally very selfish because they never had to share.

[Anonymous]

I have an only DD, age 11, and she is the most empathetic, thoughtful, generous person who would give away her last cherished stuffed animal if she saw someone who needed it. She popped out that way, I’m not taking any credit. I really think it’s more personality driven than birth order.

I’m a middle child who got the most attention growing up because I was the star athlete of the family. So again, not the typical “overlooked Jan Brady” type. YMMV

[Anonymous]

I’ve known my DH since we were 15. We are 55. Lordy, YES! He is most definitely the only child. I’m the oldest of three. We are nothing alike. I would say an only child acts more like the youngest. The baby of the family who gets everything they want. I adore him anyway. 😂