How do you let go of old friends that you just don't feel comfortable being around anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it ever appropriate to ask friends who start ghosting you for no obvious reason or who start avoiding you what is causing them to act like this?

I don't mean friends just growing apart, but people who start ghosting you or who stop replying to your texts and voicemail if you haven't done anything to upset them.
Would you ask them face to face?

Generally they probably tried to explain it to you once before and you fail to understand the situation. The result is no longer having communication with the person in question. Sadly had a friendship end because the woman could not understand after explaining what she was doing was hurtful and wrong. Finally got to the point where I truly believe she was purposely not grasping the situation. Nothing more I do but cut her off entirely.
Life is short, do what’s best for you.

No, they have not explained or said anything at all. They were friendly to me and my husband before, but then they stopped interacting with us and they stop replying to my messages.
They are a married couple, early 60s and their friend and neighbor aged 60. We are all part of the same circle of friends of the same age group, in the same neighbourhood.
(I'm the odd one out because I'm about 9 to 10 years younger than most people in our friendship circle, but DH is their age).

Ì really don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it ever appropriate to ask friends who start ghosting you for no obvious reason or who start avoiding you what is causing them to act like this?

I don't mean friends just growing apart, but people who start ghosting you or who stop replying to your texts and voicemail if you haven't done anything to upset them.
Would you ask them face to face?

Generally they probably tried to explain it to you once before and you fail to understand the situation. The result is no longer having communication with the person in question. Sadly had a friendship end because the woman could not understand after explaining what she was doing was hurtful and wrong. Finally got to the point where I truly believe she was purposely not grasping the situation. Nothing more I do but cut her off entirely.
Life is short, do what’s best for you.

NP here - In that case, instead of making assumptions that this friend has "failed to understand the message", I would state very clearly that what they were doing was harmful and that although "I've brought xyz issue up before, I need to maintain a healthy boundaries, so I ask that you not contact me anymore. Thank you for hearing me out and respecting my wishes." Yes that might sound awkward, but if a person is causing you distress (friend, relative, romantic partner), then use your words and maintain your boundaries. It's just the grown up thing to do.

[Anonymous]

I had a best friend slow fade me and it still hurts 10 years later. I even asked her is she was doing the slow fade, what was wrong, could we talk about it, but she said everything was fine. She still follows me on social media (I unfollowed her after a few years) and it just really hurts. I wish she told me what I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can think of 2 friends who seemed to have distanced themselves from me. Both are divorced.

My childhood best friend is divorced and childless. Over the years, we just seem to have less and less in common. She also lives in a different state so the texts, calls, visits and trips have just become nonexistent since covid.

I have another friend who was a close family friend. She got divorced last year and seems to have just dropped me. I don’t think it is just me though, maybe all our mom and family friends.

Has it occurred to you in the case of your divorced friends that they’re going through a lot emotionally and otherwise and maybe need you to be more proactive in seeing how they are doing? Divorce is painful and isolating.

I have reached out to both multiple times over the past few years.

My out of state childless friend is absolutely going through a lot emotionally.

My local friend just seems like she wants nothing to do with me. I have tried to get our kids together and she doesn’t even respond anymore. Her ex husband and my husband are still friends and hang out. She was my friend first before the husbands ever even met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a best friend slow fade me and it still hurts 10 years later. I even asked her is she was doing the slow fade, what was wrong, could we talk about it, but she said everything was fine. She still follows me on social media (I unfollowed her after a few years) and it just really hurts. I wish she told me what I did.

You bet it hurts. A couple of people have slow faded and ghosted me for no obvious reason. They are all mature, educated people so I assume they would be eloquent enough to tell me what the problem is. But no, sadly they have chosen to act childish and immature ...
What's the matter with people these days ...

[Anonymous]

Slow fade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slow fade

Slow fade = rude!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you let go of old friends that you just don't feel comfortable being around anymore?

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. If the reason or season is finished then let them go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you let go of old friends that you just don't feel comfortable being around anymore?

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. If the reason or season is finished then let them go.

Throwaway friends??? What a nice person you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it ever appropriate to ask friends who start ghosting you for no obvious reason or who start avoiding you what is causing them to act like this?

I don't mean friends just growing apart, but people who start ghosting you or who stop replying to your texts and voicemail if you haven't done anything to upset them.
Would you ask them face to face?

I think it can be appropriate to ask, but it's not always appropriate to answer honestly.

My friend married a verbally abusive asshole. We can't be as close as she wants us to( she wants our kids to be as close as we are) because that would mean hanging out with her entire family often. I will not expose my children to a man who demeans his wife in their presence. I can only hang out with her one on one. So that friendship is now different. It's not her fault, but what can I do? She knows how I feel about her husband's treatment of her. However I will not tell her that I turn down her invitation to hang out as a family because I don't want my kids in the same room with her husband. I do reply to her texts but it's usually a polite "no, we are doing this or that".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it ever appropriate to ask friends who start ghosting you for no obvious reason or who start avoiding you what is causing them to act like this?

I don't mean friends just growing apart, but people who start ghosting you or who stop replying to your texts and voicemail if you haven't done anything to upset them.
Would you ask them face to face?

I think it can be appropriate to ask, but it's not always appropriate to answer honestly.

My friend married a verbally abusive asshole. We can't be as close as she wants us to( she wants our kids to be as close as we are) because that would mean hanging out with her entire family often. I will not expose my children to a man who demeans his wife in their presence. I can only hang out with her one on one. So that friendship is now different. It's not her fault, but what can I do? She knows how I feel about her husband's treatment of her. However I will not tell her that I turn down her invitation to hang out as a family because I don't want my kids in the same room with her husband. I do reply to her texts but it's usually a polite "no, we are doing this or that".

That's such a shame, especially if you think she's a good person. I think your friend probably feels isolated. Do you have to hang out at their house? Can you, your friend and the kids not meet elsewhere? In a park or at the mall?

My husband and I are in a situation where people are friendly to us but nothing more. We hardly get invited to anything. We're always friendly, polite and helpful to others so I don't understand what is going on. I don't have a single close friend. Neither does my husband. We have no one to call in a crisis. How sad is that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it ever appropriate to ask friends who start ghosting you for no obvious reason or who start avoiding you what is causing them to act like this?

I don't mean friends just growing apart, but people who start ghosting you or who stop replying to your texts and voicemail if you haven't done anything to upset them.
Would you ask them face to face?

I think it can be appropriate to ask, but it's not always appropriate to answer honestly.

My friend married a verbally abusive asshole. We can't be as close as she wants us to( she wants our kids to be as close as we are) because that would mean hanging out with her entire family often. I will not expose my children to a man who demeans his wife in their presence. I can only hang out with her one on one. So that friendship is now different. It's not her fault, but what can I do? She knows how I feel about her husband's treatment of her. However I will not tell her that I turn down her invitation to hang out as a family because I don't want my kids in the same room with her husband. I do reply to her texts but it's usually a polite "no, we are doing this or that".

That's such a shame, especially if you think she's a good person. I think your friend probably feels isolated. Do you have to hang out at their house? Can you, your friend and the kids not meet elsewhere? In a park or at the mall?

My husband and I are in a situation where people are friendly to us but nothing more. We hardly get invited to anything. We're always friendly, polite and helpful to others so I don't understand what is going on. I don't have a single close friend. Neither does my husband. We have no one to call in a crisis. How sad is that.

I have tried the bolded for years, but sometimes, she ends up inviting him at the last minute. She probably feels hurt(she has discussed this with one of our other close friends - I can't tell this friend the truth either).

I am sorry that you don't have a close friend. Most of my close friendships are friendships from almost 20 years ago. (high school and college). It seems harder to form these bonds in later adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it ever appropriate to ask friends who start ghosting you for no obvious reason or who start avoiding you what is causing them to act like this?

I don't mean friends just growing apart, but people who start ghosting you or who stop replying to your texts and voicemail if you haven't done anything to upset them.
Would you ask them face to face?

I think it can be appropriate to ask, but it's not always appropriate to answer honestly.

My friend married a verbally abusive asshole. We can't be as close as she wants us to( she wants our kids to be as close as we are) because that would mean hanging out with her entire family often. I will not expose my children to a man who demeans his wife in their presence. I can only hang out with her one on one. So that friendship is now different. It's not her fault, but what can I do? She knows how I feel about her husband's treatment of her. However I will not tell her that I turn down her invitation to hang out as a family because I don't want my kids in the same room with her husband. I do reply to her texts but it's usually a polite "no, we are doing this or that".

That's such a shame, especially if you think she's a good person. I think your friend probably feels isolated. Do you have to hang out at their house? Can you, your friend and the kids not meet elsewhere? In a park or at the mall?

My husband and I are in a situation where people are friendly to us but nothing more. We hardly get invited to anything. We're always friendly, polite and helpful to others so I don't understand what is going on. I don't have a single close friend. Neither does my husband. We have no one to call in a crisis. How sad is that.

I have tried the bolded for years, but sometimes, she ends up inviting him at the last minute. She probably feels hurt(she has discussed this with one of our other close friends - I can't tell this friend the truth either).

I am sorry that you don't have a close friend. Most of my close friendships are friendships from almost 20 years ago. (high school and college). It seems harder to form these bonds in later adulthood.

Yeah, I know. I do have friends who I've known since my childhood or teenage years. They never left my hometown. We keep in touch across the miles and I try and see them when I go back to visit which is a couple of times per year.. But they live 6 hours away.
My husband and I live in a very pretty, friendly town, everyone is friendly but somehow it feels hard to form close friendships here, and no matter what I do or how many times I reach out, we never seem to make the A list, or transition from acquaintancesto friends. Bizarre.
My husband and I are early 50s and early 60s.