Parents return adoptive child to Russia

[Anonymous]

I heard this on the radio this morning and knew there would be a post.

I have to say I'm a bit torn. It sounds horrible at face value. But if you read some of the articles, the grandmother (who appeared to be the caregiver during the day) was fearful that the kid would harm the family. The boy was found setting things on fire and had a hit list that included family members. I'd like to think I'd never, ever return an adopted child - but would I let a family member be in constant danger?

According to the grandmother, the agency lied to the family. They did not foreclose the boy's emotional problems. I mean, it's one thing to realize you are going to have some attachment issues with an older child. It's another to fear for your life. There have been other stories of returned children. The stories always start out making the parents look evil, and then it turns out the child has some horrible mental problems which a lot of people couldn't deal with.

What I did find bizarre and where I think this entire thing went wrong is that the adoption agency was not notified until the boy showed up. But I'm not sure the grandmother knew this - she was being told what to do by a lawyer, maybe she thought the lawyer told the agency. Although, it's unclear why she wouldn't have just dealt with the agency themselves.

She did hire someone to escort the child, a lot of media is making it sound like she just dropped the kid off at the airport and said "good luck".

So overall, I can have some understanding of why the child was returned, I just think it could have been handled differently.

[Anonymous]

"In Russia it is legal to abandon a child of any age in an orphanage, hospital, etc. So, she didn't commit a crime. "


Then why are the Russian authorities saying she did? Also, even if it is legal, when a child is abandoned in Russia, the parent(s) are required to pay for the cost of the child's care in the orphanage.

[Anonymous]

Family friends of the Hansens are saying that the Hansens are not being truthful. Family friend on ABC noon news stated that they never heard the Hansens so much as yell at the boy and the boy was never angry or violent in their presence. I think mother Hansen did not understand that her life would change once she became a mother and decided to send the child back as if she had adopted a poodle and sent it back to the pound. Good news is that Russian families are putting in applications to adopt the little boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"In Russia it is legal to abandon a child of any age in an orphanage, hospital, etc. So, she didn't commit a crime. "


Then why are the Russian authorities saying she did? Also, even if it is legal, when a child is abandoned in Russia, the parent(s) are required to pay for the cost of the child's care in the orphanage.

Because Russian authorities are always happy to blame anyone but themselves.

[Anonymous]

Is there no other third way? Can a child with severe psychosis be institutionalized without the parental tie being severed? Can he be sent to live with someone else nearby who does not have young kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there no other third way? Can a child with severe psychosis be institutionalized without the parental tie being severed? Can he be sent to live with someone else nearby who does not have young kids?

Yeah right! If your child develop a serious mental ilness in which he is dangerous to your other kids, can you think of someone to send him to live with? Who in their right mind would accept to take care of a child with problem (this kind of problems) other than their own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, anyone that thinks that adoption is the same as having a bio child is fooling themselves. Behavior is genetic and environmental. When you adopt, you have little control over either (prenatal environment included). Sometomes the chemistry is off, and things don't work out. Sadly, that is more likely to happen through adoption.

While we are on the topic, why on earth would anyone go all the way to Russia to get a kid, when there are tons of children here to adopt? Maybe it has something to do with getting a white child, but I can't relate to that. Any race of child is easy to love.

Many people adopt internationally because it's cheaper and faster then private adoptions in the US, and many people (although obviously not the case of this woman) want a baby or toddler, which is very hard to get in the US. Adoption from foster care in the US is the cheapest option, but again, many people want babies and toddlers.

Myth.
It is the race.

Gosh, this must be why my lily white co-worker, his white-blonde wife and their little blonde son recently welcomed an two year old child into their home, adopted from Russia. He's ethnically Asian, born in Russia and was living in a Russian orphanage. It's not all about race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, anyone that thinks that adoption is the same as having a bio child is fooling themselves. Behavior is genetic and environmental. When you adopt, you have little control over either (prenatal environment included). Sometomes the chemistry is off, and things don't work out. Sadly, that is more likely to happen through adoption.

While we are on the topic, why on earth would anyone go all the way to Russia to get a kid, when there are tons of children here to adopt? Maybe it has something to do with getting a white child, but I can't relate to that. Any race of child is easy to love.

Many people adopt internationally because it's cheaper and faster then private adoptions in the US, and many people (although obviously not the case of this woman) want a baby or toddler, which is very hard to get in the US. Adoption from foster care in the US is the cheapest option, but again, many people want babies and toddlers.

Myth.
It is the race.

They most likely adopted that child because all the Caucasian children that were shown to them were either very ill or too old for their parameters. They likely waited many, many months and spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to get to Russsia. Adoptive parents are under serious pressure from everyone once they arrive in country- Russian authorities, the adoption agency, themselves - to come home with a referral of a child. Many parents will accept an Asian child if that child is healthy and young if they age can not find them a healthy, white child once in country.

I am sure your friends are wonderful people who are going to make great parents but the fact is that many adoptive parents pick Russia because the want a Caucasian child. Its not a secret and its really ok for them to say that.

Gosh, this must be why my lily white co-worker, his white-blonde wife and their little blonde son recently welcomed an two year old child into their home, adopted from Russia. He's ethnically Asian, born in Russia and was living in a Russian orphanage. It's not all about race.

[Anonymous]

You make some big assumptions there, PP. My friends didn't pursue a Russian adoption in search of a nice, white baby - they chose Russia because of the husband's experiences and familiarity with the country. They didn't just throw in the towel and accept an Asian kid as a last resort after finding their white baby options to be unsatisfactory. He was the first referral they received. They didn't turn down any "defective" (but white!) children on their way to adopting their son. They did discover, however, that many Russians view Asian children as "not Russian" and generally undesirable. Perhaps that is why this beautiful, intelligent and charming child was available for adoption - he was Russia's equivalent of America's "unwanted" minorities.

[Anonymous]

If the boy was legally adopted and the adoption was complete, wouldn't he be an American citizen? Can someone put an American minor citizen on a plane to a foreign country with no return? Would he retain this citzenship? Just curious?

[Anonymous]

Until I know ALL of the details, I'll wait to judge.

[Anonymous]

Many white families that would adopt and Asian child would never consider adopting a black child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there no other third way? Can a child with severe psychosis be institutionalized without the parental tie being severed? Can he be sent to live with someone else nearby who does not have young kids?

Yeah right! If your child develop a serious mental ilness in which he is dangerous to your other kids, can you think of someone to send him to live with? Who in their right mind would accept to take care of a child with problem (this kind of problems) other than their own?

I read a heartbreaking article a while back about a mom who sent her biological severely mentally ill teenage son to be institutionalized - he was not 18 so she had to sign away parental rights to do it. She did it because she believed, probably correctly (according to his doctors and therapists) that if he remained at home, he would kill himself or someone else.

And this was not an issue of FAS, or lack of prenatal care, or anything like that. Honestly, how can any of us judge unless we walk in this woman's shoes? Maybe the situation wasn't severe, and she just couldn't hack it. Maybe it was, and she wasn't willing to risk her life and the lives of others. We'd never know until the kid actually did something, at which point, it's too late.

[Anonymous]

It just makes me want to cry. These poor, innocent children don't deserve this. Despite the horror of the story, I feel sad more than angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the boy was legally adopted and the adoption was complete, wouldn't he be an American citizen? Can someone put an American minor citizen on a plane to a foreign country with no return? Would he retain this citzenship? Just curious?

Nope, he is not an American citizen. He or anyone else that is adopted internationally can become a citizen when they reach 18 years and choose to do so.

There was a case a while back of a brazilian boy that was adopted and after turning 18 didn't start the process for citizenship and after committing a crime they wanted to send him back to "his" country, but according to Brazil's law he was no longer a brazilian citizen and they didn't want to accept him and didn't let him get off the airplane.