Parents return adoptive child to Russia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have actually been 15 deaths of children adopted from Russia, not 13. Three of the most recent involved murders, including one in the fall of last year in PA. The parents were charged with murder just last month.

As far as education and preparation for adoption, where families adopt from Hague countries, education is mandatory. And, while Russia is not a Hague country, most agencies, including the one used by the woman who sent this child back, offer education and even require that families participate as a condition of adoption.

It's hard to tell if the mother in this case was lied to. What I saw when I was in Russia was a system where there is no interaction with the children in the orphanages. If that was the case, the orphanage staff honestly may not have known that this child had severe psychological problems - if in fact he actually does. And, if they didn't know, they certainly couldn't have warned her. Further, she had to spend four days with the child prior to applying to adopt and she, as a nurse who would have had at least some training with mental illness, either didn't see any signs of problems or ignored them.

Also, while the family is reporting that this child is violent, there is no independent confirmation of that from physicians, social workers who followed this family after the adoption or any other person other than the mother and grandmother. I'm not suggesting this means he wasn't violent, but it sure is an indication that she didn't seek any help with managing him or with disrupting the adoption.

One of the things I often see with adoptive families is that they are so anxious for a family that they believe themselves capable of taking on more than they really are able to. Or they ignore obvious signs of problem because they want to believe that they have finally found the child for them. I am not suggesting this is the case here, but just throwing out my observations.

Finally, I disagree with the poster who suggests that suggests the mother should have kept the child. Some adoptions just need to be disrupted and clearly this was one of them. If she didn't want the kid anymore, nothing good could have come from her keeping him. That being said, there are ways to disrupt that aren't so harmful, like through your adoption agency.

I am not taking these 15 deaths lightly, but how many domestic deaths have occurred in the US in the past year? Look at the woman who killed her autistic foster child, and the lunatic who put the children in the freezer.

Some people are just not fit to be parents.

[Anonymous]

My step mother was fostering a tween several years ago who she had hoped to adopt. She had started the process and filed the papers, had a few court hearings, etc.

She came to realize over their time together that this tween had serious, likely incurable problems including reactive attachment disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome. The child's psychiatrist didn't disagree. The tween often talked about killing animals and people.

Sadly, my step mother stopped the adoption process and, I guess, "gave the child back" (to the state). While she didn't put the girl on a plane with a one-ticket and a note, "give her back" is what she did.

About 18 months later, the girl burned down the house where she lived with her new foster family, who were inside at the time of the fire.

I think, in situations like these, there just aren't any winners period. There should be no smugness that any of you know what the perfect answer was.

I feel terrible for my would-be step sister, sent away, and the Russian boy this week. I believe I would feel worse if my step mother was burned to death in her sleep, though.

[Anonymous]

Wow, an agency got caught for not giving post adoption services.
That is what happens when you take an older child and do not bother to learn its language, but hope that a few spankings will set the child right.
No doctor has confirmed his diagnosis.
Reguirements to adopt need to be tightened

[Anonymous]

My first thought was fetal alcohol syndrome. Children with this are extremely difficult to handle. Not excusing what she did, but I do know what parents with FAS kids go through.

[Anonymous]

This is a lot more complicated than some people know. My uncle and aunt adopted an older child, and it was just years of constant torture trying to love this child enough to undo whatever the hell had been done to him beforehand. In the end, when he was 15, he killed some man and stole his car, and then killed himself. And you cannot just look at this and say they didn't try enough. Could it have happened with a child they raised from birth? Sure. But it was clear from very early on after the adoption this child was troubled.

[Anonymous]

I think the what sparked the "international" incident was that she put this boy on a plane..alone to fend for himself..with just a note and a driver (who she didn't know from Adam) to pick him up from the airport and dump the child off. The reality is that she was too cheap to ride the plane--and if money was so tight that she couldn't afford another ticket then she shouldn't have been adopting in the first place. My gut instinct is that maybe the child was challenging but they are all challenging at times--he is a little boy. She took on this responsibility and owed it to him to work through issues or to make sure he found another adoptive family. Hopefully She will not be allowed to adopt anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My uncle and aunt adopted an older child, and it was just years of constant torture trying to love this child enough to undo whatever the hell had been done to him beforehand. .

Each child is different. All adoptive parents are not altruistic
There have been no official diagnosis to prove that the parents statement is corect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were also very upset after an adopted child died from being left in the backseat of a car for hours on a hot day. The adopted dad, who I believe is from this area, forgot that he had his son that morning and did not get prison time.

I also heard on one of the morning news shows today that there have been 13 deaths of adopted Russian children in the US over the past few years (not sure how many).

Yeah, that's scary.

Non adopted children die in the US and Russia too.

[Anonymous]

Look, anyone that thinks that adoption is the same as having a bio child is fooling themselves. Behavior is genetic and environmental. When you adopt, you have little control over either (prenatal environment included). Sometomes the chemistry is off, and things don't work out. Sadly, that is more likely to happen through adoption.

While we are on the topic, why on earth would anyone go all the way to Russia to get a kid, when there are tons of children here to adopt? Maybe it has something to do with getting a white child, but I can't relate to that. Any race of child is easy to love.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps concerns about laws that may at some point enable birth parents in the US to change their minds about adoption, or to become involved in a child's life in a way the child's parent (adoptive parents) would not want. Perhaps adoption from a country that is the ethnicity of the adoptive parents (my cousins have adopted from Russia in part because the mom is of Russian dissent, speaks the language, and feels a particular tie to the culture). Perhaps because they view the situation of children in some foreign orphanages (and the outlook for these children once they become adults) to be worse than the outlook for US children needing adoption, and they want to help out as much as possible where they believe the greatest need is, regardless of national boundaries. Perhaps because they view their personal family planning choices as completely distinct from any patriotic element of their lives.

[Anonymous]

I would never adopt from a Russian orphanage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never adopt from a Russian orphanage.

Why?

[Anonymous]

HOw long was this child with these adoptive parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, anyone that thinks that adoption is the same as having a bio child is fooling themselves. Behavior is genetic and environmental. When you adopt, you have little control over either (prenatal environment included). Sometomes the chemistry is off, and things don't work out. Sadly, that is more likely to happen through adoption.

While we are on the topic, why on earth would anyone go all the way to Russia to get a kid, when there are tons of children here to adopt? Maybe it has something to do with getting a white child, but I can't relate to that. Any race of child is easy to love.

Many people adopt internationally because it's cheaper and faster then private adoptions in the US, and many people (although obviously not the case of this woman) want a baby or toddler, which is very hard to get in the US. Adoption from foster care in the US is the cheapest option, but again, many people want babies and toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, anyone that thinks that adoption is the same as having a bio child is fooling themselves. Behavior is genetic and environmental. When you adopt, you have little control over either (prenatal environment included). Sometomes the chemistry is off, and things don't work out. Sadly, that is more likely to happen through adoption.

While we are on the topic, why on earth would anyone go all the way to Russia to get a kid, when there are tons of children here to adopt? Maybe it has something to do with getting a white child, but I can't relate to that. Any race of child is easy to love.

Many people adopt internationally because it's cheaper and faster then private adoptions in the US, and many people (although obviously not the case of this woman) want a baby or toddler, which is very hard to get in the US. Adoption from foster care in the US is the cheapest option, but again, many people want babies and toddlers.

Myth.
It is the race.