Parents return adoptive child to Russia

[Anonymous]

What I want to know is how on earth the airline accepted a 7 year old child unaccompanied on an international flight? That boggles my mind.

[Anonymous]

PP, airlines do this all the time and have been doing for a long time. I was traveling alone since I was 6 years old. The child needs the OK from parent / guardian and it needs to be alerted that child is traveling alone. Some airlines take small fee for this and the flight attendant accompanies the child to through the security and to the gate to make sure he/she boards.

[Anonymous]

We looked into domestic adoption while struggling with infertility. It really seemed like you have to spend a lot of time selling youself (putting together books filled with pictures of you and your husband looking happy and like you'd be perfect parents). And then we wondered if anyone would pick us (we're two non-observant Jews who live in a gentrifying neighborhood in DC and have no backyard) compared to all the other prospective parents out there. But we had concerns with international adoptions too. In the end, infertility treatments did work for us. But all the people who say "there are so many kids who need homes here" probably never adopted themselves -- it is way more complicated than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, anyone that thinks that adoption is the same as having a bio child is fooling themselves. Behavior is genetic and environmental. When you adopt, you have little control over either (prenatal environment included). Sometomes the chemistry is off, and things don't work out. Sadly, that is more likely to happen through adoption.

While we are on the topic, why on earth would anyone go all the way to Russia to get a kid, when there are tons of children here to adopt? Maybe it has something to do with getting a white child, but I can't relate to that. Any race of child is easy to love.

Many people adopt internationally because it's cheaper and faster then private adoptions in the US, and many people (although obviously not the case of this woman) want a baby or toddler, which is very hard to get in the US. Adoption from foster care in the US is the cheapest option, but again, many people want babies and toddlers.

It's not that hard to adopt in the US IF you're willing to look beyond race. My neighbor, who's single and white, has two African American daughters who are not related and who are four years apart. She traveled to an agency in Baltimore. Both are excelling and the older one is currently looking into liberal arts colleges. Both are great kids BECAUSE they have a loving parent who taught them respect and responsibility.

A colleague, who's Asian and whose wife is white, adopted two African American boys from Baltimore, too. One is an infant who's about 5 months old. The other one is in kindergarten. He also had no problem adopting domestically.

Another colleague adopted a child from Russia. She spent tens of thousands on the process, had to travel back and forth for extended stays, and is now dealing with a son who - b/c he received very little human contact as a infant - cannot bond with anyone, despite intensive therapy.

My relative adopted a child from outside of the US who is now in his 20s and cannot care for himself b/c of severe emotional issues. His mother was a drug addict who obviously had no prenatal care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I want to know is how on earth the airline accepted a 7 year old child unaccompanied on an international flight? That boggles my mind.

They payed someone from the airline to watch the boy through the gates, during the flight and to "deliver" him to the driver. That is how young children travel alone: someone drop them off, someone pick them up and you pay someone from the airline to be responsible for the child during the flight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I want to know is how on earth the airline accepted a 7 year old child unaccompanied on an international flight? That boggles my mind.

There is always someone from the airline who accompanies the child. They don't send them off alone w/o first alerting the airline. My friend's 7 yo has traveled to Texas to stay with relatives for the summer. He was assigned a companion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never adopt from a Russian orphanage.

Why?

Not the pp you are replying to, but it is a known fact that in Russia there is a higher percentage of fetal alcohol syndrome and since they don't have foster care, the children there have very little human contact and are usually more troubled as they grow older - more prone to attachment disorders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never adopt from a Russian orphanage.

Why?

Not the pp you are replying to, but it is a known fact that in Russia there is a higher percentage of fetal alcohol syndrome and since they don't have foster care, the children there have very little human contact and are usually more troubled as they grow older - more prone to attachment disorders.

That is very sad.

[Anonymous]

The PP is incorrect. Russia does have a foster care system. Russia also pays its citizens incentives to adopt children. In fact, all children whose parents lost their rights to parent must be on a registry for nine months before they are eligible to be placed for international adoption. Still there are many many children in Russian orphanages who have not been adopted and need homes.

As for the poster who suggested that Russian adoption is cheaper and faster than domestic, I don't think that is true. It takes many families a couple of years to complete their adoptions, particularly if they are looking for a young child. And, the costs I am hearing lately are that it is over $50k if you only make three trips. If you have to turn down a referral, you have to make extra trips, which are extremely expensive in part because you go on very short notice.

[Anonymous]

Russian poster here. Russian foster care is virtually non-existent since there are many administrative and financial obstacles. It does exist in theory but in practice its another story.
In general, to adopt a young and relatively healthy child one has to know the system very well and preferably be a Russian citizen. Of course there are exemptions to this rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, anyone that thinks that adoption is the same as having a bio child is fooling themselves. Behavior is genetic and environmental. When you adopt, you have little control over either (prenatal environment included). Sometomes the chemistry is off, and things don't work out. Sadly, that is more likely to happen through adoption.

While we are on the topic, why on earth would anyone go all the way to Russia to get a kid, when there are tons of children here to adopt? Maybe it has something to do with getting a white child, but I can't relate to that. Any race of child is easy to love.

Many people adopt internationally because it's cheaper and faster then private adoptions in the US, and many people (although obviously not the case of this woman) want a baby or toddler, which is very hard to get in the US. Adoption from foster care in the US is the cheapest option, but again, many people want babies and toddlers.

It's not that hard to adopt in the US IF you're willing to look beyond race. My neighbor, who's single and white, has two African American daughters who are not related and who are four years apart. She traveled to an agency in Baltimore. Both are excelling and the older one is currently looking into liberal arts colleges. Both are great kids BECAUSE they have a loving parent who taught them respect and responsibility.

A colleague, who's Asian and whose wife is white, adopted two African American boys from Baltimore, too. One is an infant who's about 5 months old. The other one is in kindergarten. He also had no problem adopting domestically.

Another colleague adopted a child from Russia. She spent tens of thousands on the process, had to travel back and forth for extended stays, and is now dealing with a son who - b/c he received very little human contact as a infant - cannot bond with anyone, despite intensive therapy.

My relative adopted a child from outside of the US who is now in his 20s and cannot care for himself b/c of severe emotional issues. His mother was a drug addict who obviously had no prenatal care.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

All I can think about with these stories is myy 11 year old (biological) child, imagining him without the love or support of parents, waiting to be adopted by someone. Life sucks sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I adopted internationally but not from Russia.

Most people I met adopted from Russia because they wanted a Caucasian child and wanted a guarantee of a child. Domestic adoption can't do that. The birthmother can always change her mind after giving birth. In Russia, the child is in a orphanage and the parent's rights have already been terminated.

As far as this mom, I am not sure she actually committed any actual crime. Its not illegal to disrupt an adoption. Anyone at anytime in the US can place a child for adoption - regardless of whether that child is a biological child or an adoptive child. Taking the plane ride alone, again not illegal.(and I have hard time coming up with any real harm that could befall a child on a plane). He is a Russian citizen and just like in the US, Russia is responsible for its minor children.

I believe the child was violent and truth be told, I thank her for "returning" him. Why? That child would have ended up in someone's classroom and no doubt become violent towards the other children, at some point he would likely enter the system - either through residential state care or jail. Its the taxpayer who pays for that first and second its someone's child or mother or father who could have paid with their life had his violence escalated to the point of killing, raping, maming, etc.. The US has enough crazies and criminals and one less won't be missed. Sorry but the truth is harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The PP is incorrect. Russia does have a foster care system. Russia also pays its citizens incentives to adopt children. In fact, all children whose parents lost their rights to parent must be on a registry for nine months before they are eligible to be placed for international adoption. Still there are many many children in Russian orphanages who have not been adopted and need homes.

As for the poster who suggested that Russian adoption is cheaper and faster than domestic, I don't think that is true. It takes many families a couple of years to complete their adoptions, particularly if they are looking for a young child. And, the costs I am hearing lately are that it is over $50k if you only make three trips. If you have to turn down a referral, you have to make extra trips, which are extremely expensive in part because you go on very short notice.

10:07 here.

I was referring to international adoption in general often being cheaper and faster then domestic private adoption. I'm not sure about Russia specifically. Many international countries take about 12-18 months or less, and typically cost less then 25,000 and require one or two trips. It depends on the country and the program. However, if you are looking to privately adopt in the US and you're looking for a infant or toddler, you could wait years or get turned down and they tend to be very expensive and that is the most expensive option.

Adopting from foster care in the US is the cheapest (and probably the fastest) option, however many people don't do it because they want a baby or toddler and don't want to foster multiple children. Also, when you foster children many may end up being sent back and you could foster a lot of children before one becomes available for adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adopted internationally but not from Russia.

Most people I met adopted from Russia because they wanted a Caucasian child and wanted a guarantee of a child. Domestic adoption can't do that. The birthmother can always change her mind after giving birth. In Russia, the child is in a orphanage and the parent's rights have already been terminated.

As far as this mom, I am not sure she actually committed any actual crime. Its not illegal to disrupt an adoption. Anyone at anytime in the US can place a child for adoption - regardless of whether that child is a biological child or an adoptive child. Taking the plane ride alone, again not illegal.(and I have hard time coming up with any real harm that could befall a child on a plane). He is a Russian citizen and just like in the US, Russia is responsible for its minor children.

I believe the child was violent and truth be told, I thank her for "returning" him. Why? That child would have ended up in someone's classroom and no doubt become violent towards the other children, at some point he would likely enter the system - either through residential state care or jail. Its the taxpayer who pays for that first and second its someone's child or mother or father who could have paid with their life had his violence escalated to the point of killing, raping, maming, etc.. The US has enough crazies and criminals and one less won't be missed. Sorry but the truth is harsh.

It is not illegal to disrupt an adoption. But is it illegal to abandon a child on a one trip international flight with a note? I think so. Furthermore, I don't think there is evidence of the mother's claims that the child was actually violent. If she wished to disrupt the adoption, she should have had him evaluated, and tried treatment. And contacted the agency and country for support and/or to disrupt the adoption.

It's not illegal for children to fly alone either. But is it illegal for a parent to send their child off with a one way ticket so they can't return? I would think so.

Why don't all parents send away their child on international flights with a note when they don't want to deal with them anymore. That would save the taxpayer too, wouldn't it?