Parents return adoptive child to Russia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, anyone that thinks that adoption is the same as having a bio child is fooling themselves. Behavior is genetic and environmental. When you adopt, you have little control over either (prenatal environment included). Sometomes the chemistry is off, and things don't work out. Sadly, that is more likely to happen through adoption.

While we are on the topic, why on earth would anyone go all the way to Russia to get a kid, when there are tons of children here to adopt? Maybe it has something to do with getting a white child, but I can't relate to that. Any race of child is easy to love.

Many people adopt internationally because it's cheaper and faster then private adoptions in the US, and many people (although obviously not the case of this woman) want a baby or toddler, which is very hard to get in the US. Adoption from foster care in the US is the cheapest option, but again, many people want babies and toddlers.

Myth.
It is the race.

Yes. this is a myth. A close friend decided to adopt within hte US and within 14 months, she had her kids....... overseas adoptions take longer and are way more expensive.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous
10:07 here.

I was referring to international adoption in general often being cheaper and faster then domestic private adoption. I'm not sure about Russia specifically. Many international countries take about 12-18 months or less, and typically cost less then 25,000 and require one or two trips. It depends on the country and the program. However, if you are looking to privately adopt in the US and you're looking for a infant or toddler, you could wait years or get turned down and they tend to be very expensive and that is the most expensive option.

Adopting from foster care in the US is the cheapest (and probably the fastest) option, however many people don't do it because they want a baby or toddler and don't want to foster multiple children. Also, when you foster children many may end up being sent back and you could foster a lot of children before one becomes available for adoption.

No the PP was correct, it does hinge more on race. 2nd is usually the aspect of the birthmother changing her mind or that adoptive parents not wishing to have an open adoption - something pushed very much in domestic adoption these days.

There are very few countries where the whole adoption process might take 12 months. 18 months maybe but many countries require at least that long for a family to receive a referral of a child these days. Add to that the time to travel to the country, go to court, etc. As less and less programs are available, this made some countries have a back log of parents looking to adopt and pushing waiting times up.

Fees have gone up considerably and its not unusal now to pay $50K when all is said and done for a Russian adoption. There are countries with lower fees but an adoptive parent needs to budget at least $30K.

As far as time, even those waiting to adopt healthy, Caucasian children do so in a normal time frame via private, domestic adoption. What people are generally referring to when they say it takes years to adopt a healthy, Caucasian infant is adopting from foster care/doing a public and that time frame is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is not illegal to disrupt an adoption. But is it illegal to abandon a child on a one trip international flight with a note? I think so. Furthermore, I don't think there is evidence of the mother's claims that the child was actually violent. If she wished to disrupt the adoption, she should have had him evaluated, and tried treatment. And contacted the agency and country for support and/or to disrupt the adoption.

It's not illegal for children to fly alone either. But is it illegal for a parent to send their child off with a one way ticket so they can't return? I would think so.

Why don't all parents send away their child on international flights with a note when they don't want to deal with them anymore. That would save the taxpayer too, wouldn't it?

But did she abandon him? Not really. She left him in the care of competent adults all throughtout his journey. He is a Russian citizen and I don't think its illegal in Russia to leave your child in an orphange.

Why would it be illegal to purchase a one way ticket for anyone including a minor?

[Anonymous]

I don't know if he was violent mostly towards his adopted mother but it seems like the decent and responsible thing to do would have been to personally escort the child back to the orphanage.

[Anonymous]

The kid has been legally adopted. The parents will have to pay for the childs care until he is financially independent.
He might not even be a Russian citizen, but that is not the point.
Disrupting an adoption is not that simple. She will have to pay for all his expenses, and face criminal charges for child abandonment

She should have dumped him in an emergency room in an American hospital that has safe haven laws. She did not

[Anonymous]

I don't get why people are focusing on the fact that he was alone in a plane and not that a child that has been adopted was returned as if he was a merchandize. This is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid has been legally adopted. The parents will have to pay for the childs care until he is financially independent.
He might not even be a Russian citizen, but that is not the point.
Disrupting an adoption is not that simple. She will have to pay for all his expenses, and face criminal charges for child abandonment

She should have dumped him in an emergency room in an American hospital that has safe haven laws. She did not

In Russia it is legal to abandon a child of any age in an orphanage, hospital, etc. So, she didn't commit a crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid has been legally adopted. The parents will have to pay for the childs care until he is financially independent.
He might not even be a Russian citizen, but that is not the point.
Disrupting an adoption is not that simple. She will have to pay for all his expenses, and face criminal charges for child abandonment

She should have dumped him in an emergency room in an American hospital that has safe haven laws. She did not

Most (if not all) states with safe haven laws place a limit on how old the child can be. Usually that limit is a month or less of age. That's really not an option.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a U.S. passport and one from her father's country. If she were to develop dangerous mental problems and I were to decide, when she was seven, to put her on a plane to her father's country by herself and have her delivered to a social services agency, what would you think of me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I can think about with these stories is myy 11 year old (biological) child, imagining him without the love or support of parents, waiting to be adopted by someone. Life sucks sometimes.

She had another child apparently, and although the whole situation sounds terrible, if there's a chance that this adopted boy could potentially harm the other child or the parents, for that matter, there's only so much a parent can do to protect the family.

There are so many countries willing to let go of their own b/c they don't have the resources to care for these children. So of course certain "behaviors" will be omitted from any paper work during the adoption process. Furthermore, how many caretakers in these orphanages even notice behaviors in this children? Think about the overwhelming number of cases US social workers deal with? It's impossible to keep decent records on children and even harder to provide them with the therapy they need.

So I don't blame the mother for sending the child back. I believe she meant to help him, but she didn't have the resources to care for his severe needs.

Don't judge unless you've been in that situation. To use a "mild" anology, would you allow another child to bully your own in the park? Imagine living with a child who had the potential to torment your other child on a daily basis? Is that fair?

[Anonymous]

PP the issue here is that the bully is also her child.
if the kiddo came from her uterus I wonder where she would send him to once he started showing the "violent" behavior.

This is just plain sad. I see people more commited to dogs got from shelters here than parents commited to the Children they adopted. this is disgusting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a U.S. passport and one from her father's country. If she were to develop dangerous mental problems and I were to decide, when she was seven, to put her on a plane to her father's country by herself and have her delivered to a social services agency, what would you think of me?

First of all, she's your biological child. You've been with her since birth. So I doubt that suddenly there would be this radical transformation in her behavior. Furthermore, if you did start to see changes in her behavior, I'm fairly certain you'd provide her with necessary treatment. And I'm also certain that you would notices these changes BEFORE they turned into destructive actions.

But when an older child suddenly comes into your life - WITH problems that were not previously identified - I doubt you'd know what to do. And what if this adopted child tried to harm your biological child? Would you stand for that? I seriously doubt it.

I had a colleague - a special educator - who fostered two young girls. They were so damaged that not even this woman, who was trained and had years of experience dealing with emotionally disturbed teens, could help them.

You could be the most giving person in the world - a Mother Theresa of sorts, but in some cases, NO amount of therapy can help a child b/c of the way the brain has been hardwired in infancy. And are you willing to ruin your life and the lives of your biological children?

I seriously doubt it.

So you're comparing apples to oranges, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP the issue here is that the bully is also her child.
if the kiddo came from her uterus I wonder where she would send him to once he started showing the "violent" behavior.

This is just plain sad. I see people more commited to dogs got from shelters here than parents commited to the Children they adopted. this is disgusting!

Dogs kill less frequently than humans, plus we can easily put a dog to sleep when it becomes violent. It happens all the time.

Also, if the child came from her uterus, this behavior would have been less likely. She probably would not have consumed alcohol during the pregnancy, and from a genetic standpoint I give her the benfit of the doubt. The child would have received care earlier too.

[Anonymous]

had a colleague - a special educator - who fostered two young girls. They were so damaged that not even this woman, who was trained and had years of experience dealing with emotionally disturbed teens, could help them.

You could be the most giving person in the world - a Mother Theresa of sorts, but in some cases, NO amount of therapy can help a child b/c of the way the brain has been hardwired in infancy. And are you willing to ruin your life and the lives of your biological children?

Im the PP who posted way upthread about my step-mother who halted the adoption process, 'gave the child back,' and the tween ultimately burned down the house where her new foster parents were sleeping.

This was the case with my step =-mom -- she was and is a special edcuator specializing in middle schoolers, like the ones she fosters/ed. Her would-be new adopted daughter had tons and tons of intensive therapy up until the day she tried to kill her guardians. She also was born without prenatal care and affected by or addicted to cocaine, meth and alcohol -- to a bi-polar meth-head mother who left her in the park as a toddler for a day or two while she got high. She'd also lose the child from time to time.

Kids and teens like her really are the Lost Kids. No amount of love, church, talk therapy and Abilify is going to help them. Still, you try, but when it doesn't work out (and it often doesn't), you don't blame the rescuers. And when the would-be parent can't handle their new child trying to kill them, and needs to protect herself and the rest of the family, you don't excoriate her.

[Anonymous]

The adoptive mother did not have a child of her own. The other child, Logan I believe is his name, was her nephew, not her son.