Parents return adoptive child to Russia

[Anonymous]

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/04/09/us.russian.adoption.return/index.html?hpt=T2

They put a 7y. old in an airplane to Russia with a note of return! Apparently the 7y old was "violent". And now the Russian gov. stopped the adoption to U.S parents.

[Anonymous]

They were also very upset after an adopted child died from being left in the backseat of a car for hours on a hot day. The adopted dad, who I believe is from this area, forgot that he had his son that morning and did not get prison time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/04/09/us.russian.adoption.return/index.html?hpt=T2

They put a 7y. old in an airplane to Russia with a note of return! Apparently the 7y old was "violent". And now the Russian gov. stopped the adoption to U.S parents.

What were the parents thinking? Did they not think to call child services in their state/county?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They were also very upset after an adopted child died from being left in the backseat of a car for hours on a hot day. The adopted dad, who I believe is from this area, forgot that he had his son that morning and did not get prison time.

Yep, this was in Herndon. Very sad. However, this was an ACCIDENT that could happen to any parent.
http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/20528

Now, in regards to the adoption return - I think that is completely unethical. If you adopt, you should treat that child as if it were your own, period. Adoption should not be taken lightly. I seriously think the problem these days is some people adopt either to simply fulfill an emptiness, want to fit in, or for the image. When it doesn't work out as they planned, they return the child?? Please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They were also very upset after an adopted child died from being left in the backseat of a car for hours on a hot day. The adopted dad, who I believe is from this area, forgot that he had his son that morning and did not get prison time.

I also heard on one of the morning news shows today that there have been 13 deaths of adopted Russian children in the US over the past few years (not sure how many).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were also very upset after an adopted child died from being left in the backseat of a car for hours on a hot day. The adopted dad, who I believe is from this area, forgot that he had his son that morning and did not get prison time.

I also heard on one of the morning news shows today that there have been 13 deaths of adopted Russian children in the US over the past few years (not sure how many).

Yeah, that's scary.

[Anonymous]

According to the NY Times, the child was violent and had expressed the desire to burn down the house with the inhabitants inside. The adoptive parents were not notified of the child's psychological problems prior to the adoption. If what the adoptive parents say is true, then I cannot fault them. If they were not told that the child had severe violent tendencies, and their own lives were in danger, and they would not have adopted in the first place had they known, then the fault lies with the deceptive Russian agency officials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to the NY Times, the child was violent and had expressed the desire to burn down the house with the inhabitants inside. The adoptive parents were not notified of the child's psychological problems prior to the adoption. If what the adoptive parents say is true, then I cannot fault them. If they were not told that the child had severe violent tendencies, and their own lives were in danger, and they would not have adopted in the first place had they known, then the fault lies with the deceptive Russian agency officials.

It's possible the child had a severe form of RAD and/or CD or ODD. I've heard of some families who once they finalize the adoption they realize that the child has more severe issues then they were told and simply cannot handle it. It's unfortunate... but there have been some families who have had to put cameras and locks in their home because the behavior issues were that severe, and there have been situations of a child getting violent.

Keep in mind, that that is not always the case with international older child adoption but sometimes it does happen. I think often adoptive parents are not given the appropriate education and information on what to expect.

I wish that adults would have the resources get appropriate services and treatment (although treating RAD is difficult, it's not impossible) instead of giving up and sending the child back... but it seems that not all adoptive parents are aware of what they may be getting themselves into and not all programs are good about giving full information about a child.

I hope to adopt sometime in the near future. I'm still in grad school, and I have no children of my own (I only nanny PT at the moment, as well) so it won't be for another 3-5 years or more. I've been fortunate enough to know several families who have adopted both domestically and internationally and have a fairly good feel of what to expect.

[Anonymous]

I am from Russia and I have read some Russian sources and discussion boards on this. What I can say: according to the Russian law, it appears that one can leave an "unwanted" child at any hospital or social services office for example (I think there's a law like this here too) and cannot be held responsible. So technically the adoptive parents did not commit a crime.
Then, Russian officials are always happy to exaggerate the issues with international adoption, and seem to forget that Russian foster homes and orphanages are no paradise.
Finally, I know that usually all the healthy children are being adopted by Russian citizens, and then the international adoptive parents get the kids who find no demand domestically (sorry about using the term "demand").
To sum it up, it is very sad if this case is going to be used as an excuse to add more barriers to international adoption, as many kids are going to lose their chance to lead a normal life, be it in Russia or abroad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I wish that adults would have the resources get appropriate services and treatment (although treating RAD is difficult, it's not impossible) instead of giving up and sending the child back... but it seems that not all adoptive parents are aware of what they may be getting themselves into and not all programs are good about giving full information about a child.

As I said, the reality is that most children in Russian orphanages have issues which are more or less severe, and those who don't (those whose parents died in an accident, or a teenage mother left a baby in the hospital, etc) are usually adopted very quickly, and usually by Russians who have a priority. I don't know if there's deliberate deception on the part of the Russian authorities, but part of the diagnosis may just not be explicit (for example, it may not be listed on the child's chart that his or her parents had drug abuse issues etc.)

[Anonymous]

There have actually been 15 deaths of children adopted from Russia, not 13. Three of the most recent involved murders, including one in the fall of last year in PA. The parents were charged with murder just last month.

As far as education and preparation for adoption, where families adopt from Hague countries, education is mandatory. And, while Russia is not a Hague country, most agencies, including the one used by the woman who sent this child back, offer education and even require that families participate as a condition of adoption.

It's hard to tell if the mother in this case was lied to. What I saw when I was in Russia was a system where there is no interaction with the children in the orphanages. If that was the case, the orphanage staff honestly may not have known that this child had severe psychological problems - if in fact he actually does. And, if they didn't know, they certainly couldn't have warned her. Further, she had to spend four days with the child prior to applying to adopt and she, as a nurse who would have had at least some training with mental illness, either didn't see any signs of problems or ignored them.

Also, while the family is reporting that this child is violent, there is no independent confirmation of that from physicians, social workers who followed this family after the adoption or any other person other than the mother and grandmother. I'm not suggesting this means he wasn't violent, but it sure is an indication that she didn't seek any help with managing him or with disrupting the adoption.

One of the things I often see with adoptive families is that they are so anxious for a family that they believe themselves capable of taking on more than they really are able to. Or they ignore obvious signs of problem because they want to believe that they have finally found the child for them. I am not suggesting this is the case here, but just throwing out my observations.

Finally, I disagree with the poster who suggests that suggests the mother should have kept the child. Some adoptions just need to be disrupted and clearly this was one of them. If she didn't want the kid anymore, nothing good could have come from her keeping him. That being said, there are ways to disrupt that aren't so harmful, like through your adoption agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have actually been 15 deaths of children adopted from Russia, not 13. Three of the most recent involved murders, including one in the fall of last year in PA. The parents were charged with murder just last month.

As far as education and preparation for adoption, where families adopt from Hague countries, education is mandatory. And, while Russia is not a Hague country, most agencies, including the one used by the woman who sent this child back, offer education and even require that families participate as a condition of adoption.

It's hard to tell if the mother in this case was lied to. What I saw when I was in Russia was a system where there is no interaction with the children in the orphanages. If that was the case, the orphanage staff honestly may not have known that this child had severe psychological problems - if in fact he actually does. And, if they didn't know, they certainly couldn't have warned her. Further, she had to spend four days with the child prior to applying to adopt and she, as a nurse who would have had at least some training with mental illness, either didn't see any signs of problems or ignored them.

Also, while the family is reporting that this child is violent, there is no independent confirmation of that from physicians, social workers who followed this family after the adoption or any other person other than the mother and grandmother. I'm not suggesting this means he wasn't violent, but it sure is an indication that she didn't seek any help with managing him or with disrupting the adoption.

One of the things I often see with adoptive families is that they are so anxious for a family that they believe themselves capable of taking on more than they really are able to. Or they ignore obvious signs of problem because they want to believe that they have finally found the child for them. I am not suggesting this is the case here, but just throwing out my observations.

Finally, I disagree with the poster who suggests that suggests the mother should have kept the child. Some adoptions just need to be disrupted and clearly this was one of them. If she didn't want the kid anymore, nothing good could have come from her keeping him. That being said, there are ways to disrupt that aren't so harmful, like through your adoption agency.

13:24 here

I realize there are situations where adoptions are disrupted. It's unfortunate, but sometimes it needs to be done.

But my understanding of this situation was that the adoption was not disrupted. The mother just gave up, and sent him to Moscow alone with a one way ticket. She did not go through the proper procedure for disrupting an adoption, and it's unclear if she ever received help or sought out services beforehand. Obviously, taking things into her own hands and sending an unaccompanied minor on a flight to Russia is unsafe and uncalled for.

Countries often open and close their adoption programs. Russia does it fairly frequently.

[Anonymous]

13:40 here -

There is no actual procedure for disruption of an adoption. People are really on their own to figure it out when they reach this point. But, as I mentioned earlier, agencies will often intervene to help. If I were going to be cynical, I would add that their continued business in the world of adoption depends on it. As it stands now, WACAP, the agency involved with the placement and adoption of this little boy, had it's privileges to do business suspended in Russia. Further, if Russia shuts down adoptions to the US or even temporarily suspends them, there goes a huge chunk of business for agencies that work in Russia. But, I will prefer to believe that people have the best interests of the child in mind as well as the interests of their other clients and the kids in Russia that need homes.

As an aside, I read in one of the news articles about this incident that the mother's attorney advised the family to send the child back and that this may not be a crime in Tennessee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:40 here -

There is no actual procedure for disruption of an adoption. People are really on their own to figure it out when they reach this point. But, as I mentioned earlier, agencies will often intervene to help. If I were going to be cynical, I would add that their continued business in the world of adoption depends on it. As it stands now, WACAP, the agency involved with the placement and adoption of this little boy, had it's privileges to do business suspended in Russia. Further, if Russia shuts down adoptions to the US or even temporarily suspends them, there goes a huge chunk of business for agencies that work in Russia. But, I will prefer to believe that people have the best interests of the child in mind as well as the interests of their other clients and the kids in Russia that need homes.

As an aside, I read in one of the news articles about this incident that the mother's attorney advised the family to send the child back and that this may not be a crime in Tennessee.

I was under the impression that if an adoptive parent wished to disrupt an adoption, they would have to contact the agency and/or the child's home country. Perhaps I was wrong.

Maybe it isn't a crime to send a child alone with a one trip ticket... but I think it should be. If she wanted to disrupt the adoption, there must be safer and more legal ways to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[
Now, in regards to the adoption return - I think that is completely unethical. If you adopt, you should treat that child as if it were your own, period. Adoption should not be taken lightly. I seriously think the problem these days is some people adopt either to simply fulfill an emptiness, want to fit in, or for the image. When it doesn't work out as they planned, they return the child?? Please!

You know I don't think this is the case. They obviously were in a difficult situation. Perhaps they didn't know what kind of child services were available to them. I really don't think people adopt for image unless there are some celebrities who do, but even then I have my doubts. It takes a lot of effort and expense to adopt.