No ring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should bail on this marriage. There is not any way someone who expects him to take on debt to pay for jewelry is going to be a responsible financial partner.

He already has debt that he assures me will
Be paid off when his contracted pay increase arrives. That debt predated me and he is not worried about it. He will be making like $500K in a few years.

What exactly does he do? I'd be super worried about someone who is broke promising me they'll make $500k in a couple years. That doesn't just happen, it often take 20+ years to make that kind of money.

He’s not broke and he’s not lying. It’s true, I don’t want to go into the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'd marry someone who insisted on a ring.

But why?

It demonstrates that the ring is more important than the proposal. I'm giving you myself, and all you want is a sparkly rock to show off to your friends.

On the flip side, I’m giving you myself and my fertility which is more valuable than any stone, and you won’t even get a silly sparkler that I consider meaningful.

Ah, so you only value yourself as an incubator. Guess that's why he doesn't value you highly, either.

[Anonymous]

The whole situation is kind of a mess. Neither of you should be spending money you don’t have on things you don’t need. He (and you) shouldn’t be frequenting expensive bars and restaurants with money he is not yet making and he shouldn’t be going into debt over a ring.

I imagine it would be frustrating to see him overspending on luxury items he wants and not considering the luxury item you want. However, I think both of you need to not be spending on luxury items/experiences. Once he is making 500k he should get you that ring he can afford and he can buy the fun extras he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and to clarify, when I say “debt” I mean something that he could easily pay off in <6m on his current salary just by going without a few of the things he does now, like booze and restaurants.

But wouldn’t the thought then be that he can curb excess spending now and save up for a ring and not go into debt in the first place?

[Anonymous]

OP and yes, that is exactly my thought. People cut back to save up for a ring all the time. For the PP above, we are on separate salaries and I do not spend on bars/restaurants beyond my means. He does, bc he knows he will be making more later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like other pps I initially responded thinking he could afford a ring or that you were happy with something simple and inexpensive but that he was refusing on the basis of it being silly and superficial.

He should not be purchasing anything he can not afford right now. You should not be insisting he do that.

I agree, that's fiscally irresponsible and I don't blame the Fiance at all.

My parents were engaged without a ring as it was not in their finances, and my mom designed a beautiful one a few years later that she still wears every day as her wedding/engagement ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and yes, that is exactly my thought. People cut back to save up for a ring all the time. For the PP above, we are on separate salaries and I do not spend on bars/restaurants beyond my means. He does, bc he knows he will be making more later.[/quote


He should be open to giving a ring within his budget. There's no reason to go into debt for a ring you can upgrade later

I would be bothered by his spending habits]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and yes, that is exactly my thought. People cut back to save up for a ring all the time. For the PP above, we are on separate salaries and I do not spend on bars/restaurants beyond my means. He does, bc he knows he will be making more later.

Hmmm. Interesting. I do not think anyone should go into debt for a ring. I would be turned off by my partner spending excessively on himself and not even considering cutting back on discretionary spending to get me an engagement ring. If he’s going on golf trips, eating our every night, out buying the latest electronics and blatantly refused to save for a ring because it’s not as important to him as doing things he likes to do that would be a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and yes, that is exactly my thought. People cut back to save up for a ring all the time. For the PP above, we are on separate salaries and I do not spend on bars/restaurants beyond my means. He does, bc he knows he will be making more later.

Hmmm. Interesting. I do not think anyone should go into debt for a ring. I would be turned off by my partner spending excessively on himself and not even considering cutting back on discretionary spending to get me an engagement ring. If he’s going on golf trips, eating our every night, out buying the latest electronics and blatantly refused to save for a ring because it’s not as important to him as doing things he likes to do that would be a red flag.

But, I should add, the bigger red flag is him spending money he doesn’t have yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends upon the reason.

Rings were made up as an emblem in order to sell diamonds by the De Beers Consolidated Mines to make money. I don't put much stock in a ring that was invented as part of a marketing plan to sell more diamonds, yet others do.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/

PS: The idea that a rock from the dirty ground worn on my finger means anything is awfully strange. The fact the size of a rock can impress someone (or not) is pretty funny. De Beers controlled the supply and demand of diamonds in order to make them seem more rare and, therefore, more valuable.

Their "value" is all made up!

Do you have a diamond engagement ring, a diamond wedding band or ANY diamonds whatsoever? 🤔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends upon the reason.

Rings were made up as an emblem in order to sell diamonds by the De Beers Consolidated Mines to make money. I don't put much stock in a ring that was invented as part of a marketing plan to sell more diamonds, yet others do.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/

PS: The idea that a rock from the dirty ground worn on my finger means anything is awfully strange. The fact the size of a rock can impress someone (or not) is pretty funny. De Beers controlled the supply and demand of diamonds in order to make them seem more rare and, therefore, more valuable.

Their "value" is all made up!

Do you have a diamond engagement ring, a diamond wedding band or ANY diamonds whatsoever? 🤔

I do! But it’s a lab diamond. I highly suggest this option to those looking for something more ethically sourced and affordable.

[Anonymous]

Financing a ring is silly. Diamonds and other stones are also tied to global conflicts (not just diamonds). Why not discuss this with your partner and offer something more affordable? I recently got married and insisted on paying for half my engagement ring. I choose a vintage diamond and had a setting made. It’s .9 carat, old mine cut diamond for $3k. Other ethical options include created diamonds or vintage/antique stones or even a simple band. Find something that works for both of you. If you two can’t compromise, please don’t get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should bail on this marriage. There is not any way someone who expects him to take on debt to pay for jewelry is going to be a responsible financial partner.

He already has debt that he assures me will
Be paid off when his contracted pay increase arrives. That debt predated me and he is not worried about it. He will be making like $500K in a few years.

Right, but you want him to take on additional debt to buy you a fancy piece of jewelry. I wish I could tell him to run.

[Anonymous]

He will be making like $500K in a few years.

Then in a few years ask for gift he can afford.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP, it's not just about the ring it's that he won't prioritize something that matters to you, that's symbolic of your future together, something that makes you happy, but he's more than happy to blow the money on junk food and restaurants, it's shoes where his priorities are.

Don't marry this guy.