Why are women so mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I imagine many are men using a femme persona. Also in real life I don’t really know any mean women. I think perhaps if you do it’s time to make new friends.

What a sweetly naive take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it works.

Women can be very successful socially if they find ways to discredit or diminish other women around them. Women are discouraged from being direct or aggressive, so they use indirect methods like gossip, gaslighting, and exclusion, which are actually more effective because it’s harder to defend against.

Many men are misogynist but I know very few men who are actually mean to women. And they are too socially simple to understand how these indirect means of aggression work. But I know many women like this.

Even on these boards, women are mean in devious ways. Often the cruelest comments are couched as “you need help” or “wow no I have never had this problem, maybe there is something wrong with you.” Statements that are devastating but also have somewhat plausible deniability about intent (I was trying to help, I was just being honest, etc.). I think many of the women who act this way do not even understand this behavior to be mean and competitive, they’ve been so indoctrinated into it by female family members and friends.

You excuse a lot of terrible behavior from men.

I'm not excusing any behavior from men. I'm not saying men are great or that women are worse, or saying that anything men do is okay. I think responding to a discussion about the bad behavior of women towards other women by saying "But what about men" is a pretty classic case of whataboutism that fails to address a real issue.

The truth is that many men get away with being Good Guys (TM) without having to be be overtly misogynist or mistreat women because women are all too happy to reinforce the patriarchy themselves. I've seen it many, many times. Women will treat each other like garbage, often using the status of their fathers or husbands to assert their status within groups of women. And those fathers and husbands can then claim to support and care about women, even to be feminists, because they support the advancement of their wives and daughters. Trump is an obvious example but I've seen it in my own life. One of the most competitive, meanest women I've ever known was just an upper middle class lady who though that being married to a well-off corporate lawyer meant that she could treat other women like idiot children. And she and her husband would both describe themselves as feminists. Meanwhile they will both talk trash about other women's appearances, criticize women for not "choosing" better partners, etc. But because this guy supports his wife (who doesn't support anyone) they get to pretend they are progressives slaying the patriarchy. They are the patriarchy!

Women help uphold the patriarchy all the time and if we don't call them out on it, it will just keep happening. You can pretend this is a men vs. women thing, but it's absolutely a rich white person vs. everyone else thing, actually.

Why the anti-White racism and misandry? Where do people learn this hateful, ignorant stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s because women don’t have as much power as men do, and a lot of the power they do have comes from the men in their lives, particularly the men that raise them and the men that they marry. You can say it ain’t so, and it may be changing, but right now, it’s still a fact.

And so this means that:

1) Women are generally more amiable, get along better with people, and place more value on friendships than men do. When you have less power, friendships are more important. (I suppose that I am mostly talking about white men here...men who are in minority groups place more value on relationships). IRL, engendering friendships might look like bringing food over when someone has a new baby or stopping to say hello. On a message board, it looks more like joining the pile up on a poster or strongly identifying with one group vs another (redshirting vs not or preschool vs daycare).

2) Women start competing with each other for the attention of men from a pretty young age. Maybe 12 or 13. If a woman (or girl) is desired by a powerful or popular man, then she becomes the most powerful person in her social group. (See every movie made about high school with a female protagonist.) I think this leads to some of the “backstabbing” kind of behavior and just general nastiness of girls beginning at about that age.

And they all want to f@@k her husband or boyfriend out of some sick jealousy thing. To put in her place, boost their shitty low self esteem by thinking the guy wants something more than just the easy lay they are offering.

So 7th post down in this thread, you pretend to be a male playboy.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/1005034.page

Has life been that hard for you after your husband turned away from you? Did you never get therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it works.

Women can be very successful socially if they find ways to discredit or diminish other women around them. Women are discouraged from being direct or aggressive, so they use indirect methods like gossip, gaslighting, and exclusion, which are actually more effective because it’s harder to defend against.

Many men are misogynist but I know very few men who are actually mean to women. And they are too socially simple to understand how these indirect means of aggression work. But I know many women like this.

Even on these boards, women are mean in devious ways. Often the cruelest comments are couched as “you need help” or “wow no I have never had this problem, maybe there is something wrong with you.” Statements that are devastating but also have somewhat plausible deniability about intent (I was trying to help, I was just being honest, etc.). I think many of the women who act this way do not even understand this behavior to be mean and competitive, they’ve been so indoctrinated into it by female family members and friends.

You excuse a lot of terrible behavior from men.

I'm not excusing any behavior from men. I'm not saying men are great or that women are worse, or saying that anything men do is okay. I think responding to a discussion about the bad behavior of women towards other women by saying "But what about men" is a pretty classic case of whataboutism that fails to address a real issue.

The truth is that many men get away with being Good Guys (TM) without having to be be overtly misogynist or mistreat women because women are all too happy to reinforce the patriarchy themselves. I've seen it many, many times. Women will treat each other like garbage, often using the status of their fathers or husbands to assert their status within groups of women. And those fathers and husbands can then claim to support and care about women, even to be feminists, because they support the advancement of their wives and daughters. Trump is an obvious example but I've seen it in my own life. One of the most competitive, meanest women I've ever known was just an upper middle class lady who though that being married to a well-off corporate lawyer meant that she could treat other women like idiot children. And she and her husband would both describe themselves as feminists. Meanwhile they will both talk trash about other women's appearances, criticize women for not "choosing" better partners, etc. But because this guy supports his wife (who doesn't support anyone) they get to pretend they are progressives slaying the patriarchy. They are the patriarchy!

Women help uphold the patriarchy all the time and if we don't call them out on it, it will just keep happening. You can pretend this is a men vs. women thing, but it's absolutely a rich white person vs. everyone else thing, actually.

Why the anti-White racism and misandry? Where do people learn this hateful, ignorant stuff?

The PP writing a bunch of garbage about another woman she doesn't like thinks that she isn't the mean one? Sounds like another WOHM vs SAHM argument. Not a good look PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imagine many are men using a femme persona. Also in real life I don’t really know any mean women. I think perhaps if you do it’s time to make new friends.

What a sweetly naive take.

I don’t live in the corporate or government world. People are more authentic and zero cattiness. It’s pretty great. Anyone mean or wenchy is quickly booted. Do no harm take no S.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imagine many are men using a femme persona. Also in real life I don’t really know any mean women. I think perhaps if you do it’s time to make new friends.

Lol. You must not get out much.

I didn’t belong to a sorority. It helps. Thanks for helping maintain the crappy premise of the OP. Gold star jaded one.

[Anonymous]

Because people ask stupid questions. And we cant always tell our friends who ask the same questions/make stupid decisions to their face that they are being unreasonable and naive about life.

[Anonymous]

Insecure people like to tear others down or feel superior.

The behavior on this board I have the most is when someone posts a problem (usual relationship or financial problem) out come the women essentially saying “oh I wouldn’t know, my DH makes 1M a year, and we are madly in love.”

I find this vile, but it’s helpful to remember a truly happy person wouldn’t behave that way; it’s a form of emotion regulation to try to boost oneself up from something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insecure people like to tear others down or feel superior.

The behavior on this board I have the most is when someone posts a problem (usual relationship or financial problem) out come the women essentially saying “oh I wouldn’t know, my DH makes 1M a year, and we are madly in love.”

I find this vile, but it’s helpful to remember a truly happy person wouldn’t behave that way; it’s a form of emotion regulation to try to boost oneself up from something.

*hate the most

[Anonymous]

Petty women, arguing over petty topics. She was mean to me… go cry over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. They do it in real life. Back stabbing and screwing other women’s husbands. Not giving two sh@ts about it.

I lost all faith in fellow women when I found out some married woman who knew of me and my kids was banging my husband. She was married with kids too and they didn’t know each other prior/IRL.

She was pure evil when I spoke to her. We claim to be a better gender. We claim to support one another. We claim to be different and better than men.

Not the case.

dp So if the other women was pure "evil" what was your dh? I mean he knew you and your kids and even took a vow of marriage to you. Put the blame on your dh as well as the other woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insecure people like to tear others down or feel superior.

The behavior on this board I have the most is when someone posts a problem (usual relationship or financial problem) out come the women essentially saying “oh I wouldn’t know, my DH makes 1M a year, and we are madly in love.”

I find this vile, but it’s helpful to remember a truly happy person wouldn’t behave that way; it’s a form of emotion regulation to try to boost oneself up from something.

+1

This is also something you really only see on these boards. I have encountered plenty of meanness in women IRL, but even the meanest women I know don’t talk like this. It’s over the top. But the anonymity here let’s people do it without consequence. It shows you that they know it’s obnoxious and wrong, but are just seizing an opportunity to be a jerk. It’s gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because people ask stupid questions. And we cant always tell our friends who ask the same questions/make stupid decisions to their face that they are being unreasonable and naive about life.

I have had a handful of friends who had this attitude about other people and they all had Issues with needing to control others. It has always seemed so odd to me to think you know better than someone else about how to live their own life. As though there’s one way to live or you know with certainty what will make someone happy or fulfill them. So odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you suppose women start knifing each other in these discussion forums with such caustic opinionated responses? Is it because it’s anonymous? Different socioeconomic backgrounds? What is it?

Nobody hates women like other women.

[Anonymous]