Why are women so mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. They do it in real life. Back stabbing and screwing other women’s husbands. Not giving two sh@ts about it.

I lost all faith in fellow women when I found out some married woman who knew of me and my kids was banging my husband. She was married with kids too and they didn’t know each other prior/IRL.

She was pure evil when I spoke to her. We claim to be a better gender. We claim to support one another. We claim to be different and better than men.

Not the case.

+1

To them: My DH knows all about you and your kind. He thinks you are dim and boring. These women don’t have anything to offer and are too stupid and inept to find their own man. He doesn’t want you!

[Anonymous]

I don't know many mean people (men or women) at all. Maybe I'm just clueless or avoid them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it works.

Women can be very successful socially if they find ways to discredit or diminish other women around them. Women are discouraged from being direct or aggressive, so they use indirect methods like gossip, gaslighting, and exclusion, which are actually more effective because it’s harder to defend against.

Many men are misogynist but I know very few men who are actually mean to women. And they are too socially simple to understand how these indirect means of aggression work. But I know many women like this.

Even on these boards, women are mean in devious ways. Often the cruelest comments are couched as “you need help” or “wow no I have never had this problem, maybe there is something wrong with you.” Statements that are devastating but also have somewhat plausible deniability about intent (I was trying to help, I was just being honest, etc.). I think many of the women who act this way do not even understand this behavior to be mean and competitive, they’ve been so indoctrinated into it by female family members and friends.

You excuse a lot of terrible behavior from men.

I'm not excusing any behavior from men. I'm not saying men are great or that women are worse, or saying that anything men do is okay. I think responding to a discussion about the bad behavior of women towards other women by saying "But what about men" is a pretty classic case of whataboutism that fails to address a real issue.

The truth is that many men get away with being Good Guys (TM) without having to be be overtly misogynist or mistreat women because women are all too happy to reinforce the patriarchy themselves. I've seen it many, many times. Women will treat each other like garbage, often using the status of their fathers or husbands to assert their status within groups of women. And those fathers and husbands can then claim to support and care about women, even to be feminists, because they support the advancement of their wives and daughters. Trump is an obvious example but I've seen it in my own life. One of the most competitive, meanest women I've ever known was just an upper middle class lady who though that being married to a well-off corporate lawyer meant that she could treat other women like idiot children. And she and her husband would both describe themselves as feminists. Meanwhile they will both talk trash about other women's appearances, criticize women for not "choosing" better partners, etc. But because this guy supports his wife (who doesn't support anyone) they get to pretend they are progressives slaying the patriarchy. They are the patriarchy!

Women help uphold the patriarchy all the time and if we don't call them out on it, it will just keep happening. You can pretend this is a men vs. women thing, but it's absolutely a rich white person vs. everyone else thing, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s because women don’t have as much power as men do, and a lot of the power they do have comes from the men in their lives, particularly the men that raise them and the men that they marry. You can say it ain’t so, and it may be changing, but right now, it’s still a fact.

And so this means that:

1) Women are generally more amiable, get along better with people, and place more value on friendships than men do. When you have less power, friendships are more important. (I suppose that I am mostly talking about white men here...men who are in minority groups place more value on relationships). IRL, engendering friendships might look like bringing food over when someone has a new baby or stopping to say hello. On a message board, it looks more like joining the pile up on a poster or strongly identifying with one group vs another (redshirting vs not or preschool vs daycare).

2) Women start competing with each other for the attention of men from a pretty young age. Maybe 12 or 13. If a woman (or girl) is desired by a powerful or popular man, then she becomes the most powerful person in her social group. (See every movie made about high school with a female protagonist.) I think this leads to some of the “backstabbing” kind of behavior and just general nastiness of girls beginning at about that age.

And they all want to f@@k her husband or boyfriend out of some sick jealousy thing. To put in her place, boost their shitty low self esteem by thinking the guy wants something more than just the easy lay they are offering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s because women don’t have as much power as men do, and a lot of the power they do have comes from the men in their lives, particularly the men that raise them and the men that they marry. You can say it ain’t so, and it may be changing, but right now, it’s still a fact.

And so this means that:

1) Women are generally more amiable, get along better with people, and place more value on friendships than men do. When you have less power, friendships are more important. (I suppose that I am mostly talking about white men here...men who are in minority groups place more value on relationships). IRL, engendering friendships might look like bringing food over when someone has a new baby or stopping to say hello. On a message board, it looks more like joining the pile up on a poster or strongly identifying with one group vs another (redshirting vs not or preschool vs daycare).

2) Women start competing with each other for the attention of men from a pretty young age. Maybe 12 or 13. If a woman (or girl) is desired by a powerful or popular man, then she becomes the most powerful person in her social group. (See every movie made about high school with a female protagonist.) I think this leads to some of the “backstabbing” kind of behavior and just general nastiness of girls beginning at about that age.

And they all want to f@@k her husband or boyfriend out of some sick jealousy thing. To put in her place, boost their shitty low self esteem by thinking the guy wants something more than just the easy lay they are offering.

I’ve seen this A LOT. That and blatant flirting throwing themselves at the woman’s husband in public—all while pretending it’s just fun and glaring at the woman while they do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it works.

Women can be very successful socially if they find ways to discredit or diminish other women around them. Women are discouraged from being direct or aggressive, so they use indirect methods like gossip, gaslighting, and exclusion, which are actually more effective because it’s harder to defend against.

Many men are misogynist but I know very few men who are actually mean to women. And they are too socially simple to understand how these indirect means of aggression work. But I know many women like this.

Even on these boards, women are mean in devious ways. Often the cruelest comments are couched as “you need help” or “wow no I have never had this problem, maybe there is something wrong with you.” Statements that are devastating but also have somewhat plausible deniability about intent (I was trying to help, I was just being honest, etc.). I think many of the women who act this way do not even understand this behavior to be mean and competitive, they’ve been so indoctrinated into it by female family members and friends.

I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s because women don’t have as much power as men do, and a lot of the power they do have comes from the men in their lives, particularly the men that raise them and the men that they marry. You can say it ain’t so, and it may be changing, but right now, it’s still a fact.

And so this means that:

1) Women are generally more amiable, get along better with people, and place more value on friendships than men do. When you have less power, friendships are more important. (I suppose that I am mostly talking about white men here...men who are in minority groups place more value on relationships). IRL, engendering friendships might look like bringing food over when someone has a new baby or stopping to say hello. On a message board, it looks more like joining the pile up on a poster or strongly identifying with one group vs another (redshirting vs not or preschool vs daycare).

2) Women start competing with each other for the attention of men from a pretty young age. Maybe 12 or 13. If a woman (or girl) is desired by a powerful or popular man, then she becomes the most powerful person in her social group. (See every movie made about high school with a female protagonist.) I think this leads to some of the “backstabbing” kind of behavior and just general nastiness of girls beginning at about that age.

And they all want to f@@k her husband or boyfriend out of some sick jealousy thing. To put in her place, boost their shitty low self esteem by thinking the guy wants something more than just the easy lay they are offering.

Yeah, PP is describing a situation full of mean women but I'm not so sure she understands she is definitely one of them! Not excusing sleeping with married men (don't do this) but women who are married to high status men and then run around accusing everyone else of wanting to seduce them away have a ton of problems and are laying the blame on other women which is not where it belongs (maybe look a little more critically about why your man apparently has zero agency in this scenario because, uh, if he cheats that's really on him).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s because women don’t have as much power as men do, and a lot of the power they do have comes from the men in their lives, particularly the men that raise them and the men that they marry. You can say it ain’t so, and it may be changing, but right now, it’s still a fact.

And so this means that:

1) Women are generally more amiable, get along better with people, and place more value on friendships than men do. When you have less power, friendships are more important. (I suppose that I am mostly talking about white men here...men who are in minority groups place more value on relationships). IRL, engendering friendships might look like bringing food over when someone has a new baby or stopping to say hello. On a message board, it looks more like joining the pile up on a poster or strongly identifying with one group vs another (redshirting vs not or preschool vs daycare).

2) Women start competing with each other for the attention of men from a pretty young age. Maybe 12 or 13. If a woman (or girl) is desired by a powerful or popular man, then she becomes the most powerful person in her social group. (See every movie made about high school with a female protagonist.) I think this leads to some of the “backstabbing” kind of behavior and just general nastiness of girls beginning at about that age.

And they all want to f@@k her husband or boyfriend out of some sick jealousy thing. To put in her place, boost their shitty low self esteem by thinking the guy wants something more than just the easy lay they are offering.

Yeah, PP is describing a situation full of mean women but I'm not so sure she understands she is definitely one of them! Not excusing sleeping with married men (don't do this) but women who are married to high status men and then run around accusing everyone else of wanting to seduce them away have a ton of problems and are laying the blame on other women which is not where it belongs (maybe look a little more critically about why your man apparently has zero agency in this scenario because, uh, if he cheats that's really on him).

Women excusing other women for sleeping with a married men and if anyone says it’s a trash move, they are misogynistic. Cheating men are awful and so are the women that know he’s married and has kids. Do better than the male gender. Instead they sink to the same level.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s because it’s anonymous and people get a little thrill from getting into an argument online where there are no consequences, unlike it real life. It’s mostly women because there are way more female posters on this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s because women don’t have as much power as men do, and a lot of the power they do have comes from the men in their lives, particularly the men that raise them and the men that they marry. You can say it ain’t so, and it may be changing, but right now, it’s still a fact.

And so this means that:

1) Women are generally more amiable, get along better with people, and place more value on friendships than men do. When you have less power, friendships are more important. (I suppose that I am mostly talking about white men here...men who are in minority groups place more value on relationships). IRL, engendering friendships might look like bringing food over when someone has a new baby or stopping to say hello. On a message board, it looks more like joining the pile up on a poster or strongly identifying with one group vs another (redshirting vs not or preschool vs daycare).

2) Women start competing with each other for the attention of men from a pretty young age. Maybe 12 or 13. If a woman (or girl) is desired by a powerful or popular man, then she becomes the most powerful person in her social group. (See every movie made about high school with a female protagonist.) I think this leads to some of the “backstabbing” kind of behavior and just general nastiness of girls beginning at about that age.

And they all want to f@@k her husband or boyfriend out of some sick jealousy thing. To put in her place, boost their shitty low self esteem by thinking the guy wants something more than just the easy lay they are offering.

I’ve seen this A LOT. That and blatant flirting throwing themselves at the woman’s husband in public—all while pretending it’s just fun and glaring at the woman while they do it.

We ended a friendship over this. It made my husband incredibly uncomfortable (with her spouse present) and also noticed how vindictive it was and suck to me who was supposed to be her friend. She had very low self esteem and was a big narcissist. Dangerous combo.

[Anonymous]

This forum has such an interesting subgroup of people on it, it makes no sense for me to be here because I don’t live in DC and I am just a regular person (not UMC or a high powered professional) but I just can’t look away! The private school discussions, the rampant cheating issues, the snobbishness over privilege and wealth; it’s fascinating. I don’t know if the posters are like this in real life (I’m sure most are emboldened by the anonymity) but I’ve never met women or men who are as cutting as the people here. It’s like watching trashy tv.

[Anonymous]

What really brings out these hateful hags is when a women claims she looks younger than she is and has been told many times. The bullies come out in full force to slam anyone who says she is thin younger looking or beautiful

[Anonymous]

The same bullies will vehemently say they are not fat or obese while protecting and becoming defensive when anyone says anything about fatties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I imagine many are men using a femme persona. Also in real life I don’t really know any mean women. I think perhaps if you do it’s time to make new friends.

Lol. You must not get out much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The same bullies will vehemently say they are not fat or obese while protecting and becoming defensive when anyone says anything about fatties.

Yes and if you are thinner than they are then you have an obvious eating disorder, are constantly thinking you are morally superior, oh and anyway, men only like fatter ladies so he's going to cheat on you with someone like me anyway. It's bizarre and I wonder what drives people to think that way. There are some pretty sick people on here.