Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?

[Anonymous]

We began with a joint account, each had a monthly allowance plus I got extra for groceries. He managed the bills and money in general. Over the years as income grew, it wasn’t working so well, causing some real problems.

Now we each have a separate account, a joint account, and joint savings. We put equal amounts into the joint account for household expenses. We have a generous monthly grocery budget plus a few hundred dollars extra for things like family get together, entertaining, etc. I pay for all of that and DH puts the same amount into the joint savings which is used for house repairs, vacations, etc. Whatever we have left goes into our separate accounts for us to spend or save as we like. DH does make more than me and puts more into his 401k.

The only kind of weird thing is we both pay our car payments because of kind of an also weird situation when we were deciding all of this. But that even worked out because when I decided I wanted a new car, I could just get it. I got his input, but it was up to me what I bought and how much I wanted to pay and length of the loan, and if I sometimes wanted to make double car payments.

It’s worked out really well for us. Money issues can cause big problems and happy we figured out something stress free for both of us.

[Anonymous]

We married older and everything remains separate. We both max out retirement savings. DH makes more so his share of the household bills are proportionally more than mine. He covers mortgage, groceries, eating out, car expenses. I cover utilities, paper products/toiletries. We are both minimal spenders so it hasn’t been an issue. It’s been 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Ours are mostly combined but on the fringes we do have separate credit cards and checking accounts for business stuff and other stuff. We can both see everything but I don’t bother looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the point of keeping things so separate. Legally, if you are married and living together, it all belongs to both of you. With that said, my husband, who doesn't work and contributes to about 25% of our expenses, also received his many millions of dollars trust fund 15 years ago and is sure not to "comingle." After 25 years of marriage, I find that hurtful, mean, and just demented. When I leave in a few years, I will figure out how to get back all the expenses I covered for 20 years, while he sat on his millions. Just a lesson for those of you who think you're holding on to your money. Mountains and mountains of resentment.

Leave now or tell him to pay his share.

[Anonymous]

We are just really complately joint. We earn approximately the same amount. I came into the marriage with more but we were young so it wasn't huge...mostly a generous grandparent/he started working later because he has a PHd. We do not argue over money. Neither of us are big spenders. Cars are typically replaced when they no longer go so there is not much to debate.

[Anonymous]

This is so fascinating.

We are completely joint but like a poster earlier we have a lot of accounts. We actually have 12 but several are savings accounts for different purposes.

If we could get our income a bit higher I think having some separate money would be nice.

[Anonymous]

NP. Now I’m curious whether folks who have joint accounts either 1. Married younger or 2. Had relatively lower HHI than those with separate accounts. That’s what it is sounding like in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Now I’m curious whether folks who have joint accounts either 1. Married younger or 2. Had relatively lower HHI than those with separate accounts. That’s what it is sounding like in this thread.

Nope. We married at 31 and 37, both earned about the same near the top of the federal gov range (which is now about $170,000 each, don't know what it was back then). Never occurred to us to have separate accounts, or to micromanage each other. But, we are pretty similar in what we think is reasonable and how much input or deference each other should have on decisions. That's probably the key.

[Anonymous]

We have everything joint, just easier mentally on both of us. We also save around 40-50% of income and do not spend too much on housing or cars, or other big ticket items. We have enough of a buffer that normal expenses or unexpected <10K expenses are not a friction point. Our HHI is pretty decent around 300K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Now I’m curious whether folks who have joint accounts either 1. Married younger or 2. Had relatively lower HHI than those with separate accounts. That’s what it is sounding like in this thread.

We are in this marriage together, not separate. Nothing to do with age or income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Now I’m curious whether folks who have joint accounts either 1. Married younger or 2. Had relatively lower HHI than those with separate accounts. That’s what it is sounding like in this thread.

We are in this marriage together, not separate. Nothing to do with age or income.

Same here.

I'm so curious for those who keep things separately--does one parent never SAH? I imagine that it doesn't work with a SAHM. Most of my friends (all highly educated professionals) have SAH for a few years at some point. I don't knew anyone who Has worked straight through for 20 years. I'm thinking of moms at my kids' schools too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Now I’m curious whether folks who have joint accounts either 1. Married younger or 2. Had relatively lower HHI than those with separate accounts. That’s what it is sounding like in this thread.

We are in this marriage together, not separate. Nothing to do with age or income.

Same here.

I'm so curious for those who keep things separately--does one parent never SAH? I imagine that it doesn't work with a SAHM. Most of my friends (all highly educated professionals) have SAH for a few years at some point. I don't knew anyone who Has worked straight through for 20 years. I'm thinking of moms at my kids' schools too.

NP and it could work with SAHP too. Just divide the net from the earning spouse and each contributes to the joint and the leftover monies can be spent on separate items.

[Anonymous]

Always totally separate; the only thing that is joint is our primary residence. I provided the high percentage down payment; he did the mortgage, now paid off.

I pay certain types of expenses and he pays the others. We are both high savers, but there are some things I buy that he would not agree with. For example, my last car purchase was American and he thought I should buy Japanese. But since it was my money, no real disagreement about my choice.

Where it really matters is retirement investments. I am all equity. He does not trust stocks and invests only in real estate, which I could not be bothered about on my own. Since the accounts are managed completely separately, we have no arguments about investment style. I have willingly given up my interests in his real estate investments; they are in an LLC with the children as successor owners.

I do the taxes, so I am very knowledgeable about his investments and income. I report to him periodically about my income and investments, but honestly he does not seem that interested. He simply signs the tax forms I prepare.

[Anonymous]

My husband handles our investments and I pay all the bills out of a joint checking account. We have a couple of joint credit cards but also each have our own. We also have our own checking accounts and my husband uses his mostly for investing and I use mine for my crafts business. We’ve been married a long time and he’s been the big wage earner the last 15 years but he never hangs that over my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make way more than dh. He makes about $100k and I am currently making over $3.5M. We have separate accounts but I we have always viewed everything as ours. We have a joint account where investment income is deposited with $100k or so in it. Dh has the password if he wanted to take from it. We have other joint accounts but they are really brokerage accounts for growth. He has enough in his checking account to make him feel Comfortable ($50K) but I randomly transfer money into his account.

We own our primary and secondary residences together and some early rental properties but eventually it became easier to just own them myself. A few years ago I started just acquiring assets in his name and transferred some free and clear properties to him. He is not personally liable on any debt except one very old rental condo.

I pay almost all expenses but he pays kid expenses and groceries and random target trips. I do have an auto transfer set up from his account to a brokerage account and he would say that I force him to max out his 403b and deferred comp plan. But I also give him some net rental checks (they come in both of our names)

He is my husband. We didn’t set out to be rich. It just turned out that way. We enjoy the opportunities it affords us but I truly think we’d be just as happy on substantially less, say two $100K salaries.

What kind of lucky bum is this guy

He works and may be an excellent helpmeet. You wouldn’t be snarking if the genders were reversed.

When we first got married I was still in school. He had a prestigious law firm job paying $135K, 20+ years ago. I had nothing lined up when I graduated. He put all of the down payment down on our first place and made all of the payments. The place was in both of our names. It felt very unfair to me. He told me that it was meaningless to him who paid. So different than how I grew up. I have never forgotten it. It is absolutely irrelevant to me who earns what and who spends what. We are in this marriage together.