Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Now I’m curious whether folks who have joint accounts either 1. Married younger or 2. Had relatively lower HHI than those with separate accounts. That’s what it is sounding like in this thread.

Just the second half for us. We married in our mid 30s but have never had much money. We tried keeping some separate accounts for almost a decade before accepting that joint simplicity was better than constantly shuffling money around to avoid overdrafts. I still remember the spat we had once about her careless decision buy a full tank of gas two days before payday. Three gallons would have been plenty!

[Anonymous]

We married at 27 and opened a joint account. I made around $50k back then, and he made around $85k. After a few months, we both decided we didn’t enjoy feeling like we ought to track each other's spending, so we opened separate accounts as well.

I have always paid the utilities and home repair out of my account (he’s not handy or focused on home/yard expenses at all) and most kid expenses outside of daycare/nanny costs. He saved for 529s, major expenses, and all internet/TV costs. We both have maxed retirement. 25 years and multiples of HHI/net worth later, we are still very happy with this arrangement. Neither of us has ever questioned each others purchases. We both use the joint account for any expenses over $1,500 or so. I have (sadly) received a couple of inheritances worth 1.5 million or so cash, and never considered keeping them separate. I’d have been devastated if he did. I will acknowledge that a couple of real estate inheritances, very low value financially, but extremely important emotionally, remain in my name. My mom and grandmother were always proponents of women owning their own property independently, and I wanted to honor their wishes (and yes, I like having something in my name alone). Not sure how DH would feel about this, but assume he may not care given he’s never asked. He is rightfully secure in our marriage.

[Anonymous]

We also keep most of our money in joint accounts. That's kind of the point to us since we have shared goals.

We also need some personal space so we split off an even amount monthly to personal accounts that's basically no questions asked (about 3-4% each). We try to keep aligned on the rest with varying degrees of success.

We're pretty comfortable financially, around $300K HHI. Or by DCUM standards, lower-middle class.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.

I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.

DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.

We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.

Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.

This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.

+1 I literally could have written this

I'm glad that other people are like this. My brother and SIL itemize each bill in their household and I feel really badly for them. They're constantly fighting about money and expenses. They make nearly identical salaries, have identical loans, and are both physicians so I don't know why the stress.

As long as you can come to the understanding that your end goal is the same, you should consider it the same pot. DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses. We don't like to spend much, though, so guess we don't have much to fight over.

How do you deal with retirement savings?

DH saves max amount through his employer. He has an additional Vanguard account where he puts additional money at his discretion. I may ask him about it every now and then but I don't check on it much. I am self employed so save through my SEP and other Vanguard accounts. I try to save about 50% of my income at this point so I just transfer money as it becomes available.

I mean, once you are married there is no "separate" retirement. Spouses would be entitled to each other's retirement assets in most cases of divorce. This is one reason I don't understand the separate pots of money approach. You can't really ignore what the other spouse is doing if they have bad money habits--if someone is not saving for retirement, it impacts you, as well.

We have most everything joint. Both paychecks go into a joint checking account. We each have a separate checking account where keep a small amount of money for ourselves--like $200/month each.

Obviously. Clearly we understand that, and I've stated that in other posts. It's the same pot in the end. Furthermore, we're each named as beneficiaries on the accounts. But for purposes of our monthly budgets, we have separate accounts and save separately into those accounts. Do we each share in these pots in the end? Yes but for now we manage and control them separately.

The separate pot of money approach is so we don't have to constantly check in with one another. We're adults who neither need nor appreciate nagging or oversight on our expenses each month. Yes, it is OUR money in the end but for day-to-day spending it's nice to do our own thing. I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized. Plus why bother creating joint accounts when we got into this marriage with our own jobs and bank accounts to begin with? Such a hassle.

Bold - These are all behavioral, and don't benefit one way another from having separate accounts. If anything, that just allows for deceit - certainly a healthy trait in a marriage. You do realize people with joint accounts can have complete spending autonomy and don't need to scrutinize each other, right?

Italics - Come on. You're just lazy. It takes all of an hour to combine/consolidate banking accounts, and if you changed your name, you were basically 90% of the way there already.

[Anonymous]

We have separate and joint accounts. We pay bills from our joint checking and we each deposit money into it each month to cover the bills. Stuff for the kids, we buy on our joint credit card and it's paid out of our joint checking. We have joint savings for our emergency fund. Everything else is separate. We usually take turns buying groceries.

This has evolved since we got married. When we first married, everything was completely separate and we each paid different bills. DH made a lot more than me then so I couldn't contribute as much. Now, we make about the same. We opened the joint accounts when we bought our house.

We generally check in with each other about big expenses ($5,000 or more) even if they come from our own accounts. We keep a spreadsheet of how much our bills are each month. Most things stay the same month to month except utilities and in the summer, kids activities.

[Anonymous]

We put all of our money in joint accounts. For us it's easier to see our situation and achieving financial goals together.

[Anonymous]

Also a later in life couple and keep everything separate except for two joint account for joint expenses- one for house and one for kid. I’m not sure why we have two, but dh handles the house and I handle the kid one. Other than that everything is separate. I don’t care how he spends his money and vice versa but I will say this is probably a luxury for people who have enough of it not to worry.