Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?

[Anonymous]

I make way more than dh. He makes about $100k and I am currently making over $3.5M. We have separate accounts but I we have always viewed everything as ours. We have a joint account where investment income is deposited with $100k or so in it. Dh has the password if he wanted to take from it. We have other joint accounts but they are really brokerage accounts for growth. He has enough in his checking account to make him feel Comfortable ($50K) but I randomly transfer money into his account.

We own our primary and secondary residences together and some early rental properties but eventually it became easier to just own them myself. A few years ago I started just acquiring assets in his name and transferred some free and clear properties to him. He is not personally liable on any debt except one very old rental condo.

I pay almost all expenses but he pays kid expenses and groceries and random target trips. I do have an auto transfer set up from his account to a brokerage account and he would say that I force him to max out his 403b and deferred comp plan. But I also give him some net rental checks (they come in both of our names)

[Anonymous]

I find this all fascinating. DH and I just have joint everything and he doesn’t really do money, so I handle all of it. He makes more than I do now, but not by a ton ($220K to $175Kish, but he also has more work related expenses than I do, so $200K v $170K might be a more meaningful picture). I just can’t imagine any circumstances where we’d split accounts, etc unless we were fighting about money (or one of us had a previous marriage with kids, but that’s different), so it’s interesting to hear that so many people do it.

[Anonymous]

We had separate accounts until I became a SAHM. Now we have joint accounts, but I still have my own credit card. Have never had money tensions. We are very similar in spending habits/savings priorities.

[Anonymous]

We have joint savings, checking, and credit cards, and individual checking, savings, ccs and I have business accounts. We have been doing this for 12 years and it causes no issues. My business provides about 1/4 of our total income, and most of that goes into my SEP IRA, a vacation fund and 529s. DHs income pays for almost everything else.

DH's retirement is through work. We aren't big spenders on hobbies, have a relatively small mortgage, and don't carry any debt (we're older so no student loans).

I am a firm believer in women having their own "just in case" money. I have too many friends who have been in binds because they have no idea what's going on with the money and no access to anything.

[Anonymous]

Its all one pot. Specifically, joint savings and checking accounts. Individual retirement accounts because those are the rules. DW stays at home but we fund spousal IRA in her name and back when she was working (at a nonprofit not making much) I put money in her 401k to make sure it was maxed so she has a lot. She also has an inherited IRA.

We met in college 20 years ago and are still ride or die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We gladly and willingly keep our finances separate. DH makes much, much more than I do. I pay for our child's school tuition and after school activities plus any credit card bills. DH helps me pay for summer camps and some of our child's clothes. The mortgage, taxes and utilities are all paid by DH. We share food costs, he pays for Costco trips and I pay for local grocery store runs. We have never fought over money. We don't hide purchases of 'things and stuff' from each other out of courtesy and respect. This works for us, it may not work for others.

If you have separate accounts, do you have access to each other's accounts? How would you know? Curious.

[Anonymous]

Rich people problems . Hiding money while paying mistresses and hookers

[Anonymous]

I do not understand the point of keeping things so separate. Legally, if you are married and living together, it all belongs to both of you. With that said, my husband, who doesn't work and contributes to about 25% of our expenses, also received his many millions of dollars trust fund 15 years ago and is sure not to "comingle." After 25 years of marriage, I find that hurtful, mean, and just demented. When I leave in a few years, I will figure out how to get back all the expenses I covered for 20 years, while he sat on his millions. Just a lesson for those of you who think you're holding on to your money. Mountains and mountains of resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make way more than dh. He makes about $100k and I am currently making over $3.5M. We have separate accounts but I we have always viewed everything as ours. We have a joint account where investment income is deposited with $100k or so in it. Dh has the password if he wanted to take from it. We have other joint accounts but they are really brokerage accounts for growth. He has enough in his checking account to make him feel Comfortable ($50K) but I randomly transfer money into his account.

We own our primary and secondary residences together and some early rental properties but eventually it became easier to just own them myself. A few years ago I started just acquiring assets in his name and transferred some free and clear properties to him. He is not personally liable on any debt except one very old rental condo.

I pay almost all expenses but he pays kid expenses and groceries and random target trips. I do have an auto transfer set up from his account to a brokerage account and he would say that I force him to max out his 403b and deferred comp plan. But I also give him some net rental checks (they come in both of our names)

What kind of lucky bum is this guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the point of keeping things so separate. Legally, if you are married and living together, it all belongs to both of you. With that said, my husband, who doesn't work and contributes to about 25% of our expenses, also received his many millions of dollars trust fund 15 years ago and is sure not to "comingle." After 25 years of marriage, I find that hurtful, mean, and just demented. When I leave in a few years, I will figure out how to get back all the expenses I covered for 20 years, while he sat on his millions. Just a lesson for those of you who think you're holding on to your money. Mountains and mountains of resentment.

If he kept his inheritance separate, you are not legally entitled to it. It was foolish of you not to ensure he was paying his fair share all along.

[Anonymous]

Separate -
We each have our own checking accounts where our paychecks are direct deposited. From mine, I pay my student loans and childcare expenses. From his, he pays mortgage, utilities, and credit card bills.

Shared -
We each add what we can to a joint savings account each month. Three shared credit cards we use for all purchases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make way more than dh. He makes about $100k and I am currently making over $3.5M. We have separate accounts but I we have always viewed everything as ours. We have a joint account where investment income is deposited with $100k or so in it. Dh has the password if he wanted to take from it. We have other joint accounts but they are really brokerage accounts for growth. He has enough in his checking account to make him feel Comfortable ($50K) but I randomly transfer money into his account.

We own our primary and secondary residences together and some early rental properties but eventually it became easier to just own them myself. A few years ago I started just acquiring assets in his name and transferred some free and clear properties to him. He is not personally liable on any debt except one very old rental condo.

I pay almost all expenses but he pays kid expenses and groceries and random target trips. I do have an auto transfer set up from his account to a brokerage account and he would say that I force him to max out his 403b and deferred comp plan. But I also give him some net rental checks (they come in both of our names)

What kind of lucky bum is this guy

He works and may be an excellent helpmeet. You wouldn’t be snarking if the genders were reversed.

[Anonymous]

Everything is shared. DH is absolutely uninterested in money. One savings account I have is in my name because I never bothered to add him, not that he really cares. Neither of us tends to want or buy big ticket items and as our income has gone up we don’t even really talk about purchases. It’s pretty easy because both of us are frugal and both of us want to buy and have fewer things. Vacations are probably our only big expense and we decide on that together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We gladly and willingly keep our finances separate. DH makes much, much more than I do. I pay for our child's school tuition and after school activities plus any credit card bills. DH helps me pay for summer camps and some of our child's clothes. The mortgage, taxes and utilities are all paid by DH. We share food costs, he pays for Costco trips and I pay for local grocery store runs. We have never fought over money. We don't hide purchases of 'things and stuff' from each other out of courtesy and respect. This works for us, it may not work for others.

If you have separate accounts, do you have access to each other's accounts? How would you know? Curious.

We do not have access to each other’s account. When you buy stuff online it shows up at your doorstep. Example, he bought a $4k custom laptop for work, he told me he had been looking for one for a while and made the purchase. I was happy he found it and glad he bought it. I buy clothes and beauty products, I tell him in casual conversation if I am expecting packages. We work hard and are good with money, I am fine if he buys gadgets and he knows the stuff I like to buy. In our house and circumstance this works for us.

[Anonymous]

We discuss house bills at the beginning of every year. We list out what we need to pay - mortgage, subscriptions, car, etc. We budget how much we should spend on groceries per week and how much to put away each month for savings. This year we added daycare costs. We then come up with a total amount and then discuss what’s fair amount that each should contribute. We make about the same so we contribute the same to a joint checking/savings account. Part of our pay gets direct deposited to that account and we pay house/family expenses from that account. We each have our own checking/savings/credit card that we handle individually.