Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?

[Anonymous]

Spouse and I have shared financial goals but also enjoy discretion over our personal spending. We each hold back an identical amount from each paycheck (we make the same amount) and transfer the rest to our joint account. From the joint account we pay all household/kid expenses and save/invest. We both max our retirement accounts (work/IRAs) and have joint and separate checking/savings/credit card accounts. We have a quarterly discussions where we review our net worth (including our separate accounts) and goals. This has worked very well for us for 10+ years. While the amount of money we hold back for personal spending is relatively small, we both really like preserving that independence--no one ever asks "you spend how much on your hair?" or "that electronic device cost how much?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.

I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.

DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.

We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.

Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.

This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.

Same here. We each have a checking account for our income direct deposit and split up the auto-pays in a somewhat equitable way. Daycare out of mine, mortgage out of DH checking acct, etc. Each pay our own credit cards. We have 529s, savings, retirement etc mostly in separate accounts.

With big ticket purchases (new cars, home renovation, vacations) we have generally been on the same page. We don't really focus on who has spent more or less from their account. More like is there enough $ there or should we move some around.

That said, I view it all as "our" money because we are spending the great bulk of our income on joint expenses (daycare for two kids, house, cars etc). Agree with PPs that having a similar view on finances and level of spending (we both save a lot) makes all this much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.

I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.

DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.

We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.

Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.

This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.

+1 I literally could have written this

I'm glad that other people are like this. My brother and SIL itemize each bill in their household and I feel really badly for them. They're constantly fighting about money and expenses. They make nearly identical salaries, have identical loans, and are both physicians so I don't know why the stress.

As long as you can come to the understanding that your end goal is the same, you should consider it the same pot. DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses. We don't like to spend much, though, so guess we don't have much to fight over.

How do you deal with retirement savings?

DH saves max amount through his employer. He has an additional Vanguard account where he puts additional money at his discretion. I may ask him about it every now and then but I don't check on it much. I am self employed so save through my SEP and other Vanguard accounts. I try to save about 50% of my income at this point so I just transfer money as it becomes available.

I mean, once you are married there is no "separate" retirement. Spouses would be entitled to each other's retirement assets in most cases of divorce. This is one reason I don't understand the separate pots of money approach. You can't really ignore what the other spouse is doing if they have bad money habits--if someone is not saving for retirement, it impacts you, as well.

We have most everything joint. Both paychecks go into a joint checking account. We each have a separate checking account where keep a small amount of money for ourselves--like $200/month each.

Obviously. Clearly we understand that, and I've stated that in other posts. It's the same pot in the end. Furthermore, we're each named as beneficiaries on the accounts. But for purposes of our monthly budgets, we have separate accounts and save separately into those accounts. Do we each share in these pots in the end? Yes but for now we manage and control them separately.

The separate pot of money approach is so we don't have to constantly check in with one another. We're adults who neither need nor appreciate nagging or oversight on our expenses each month. Yes, it is OUR money in the end but for day-to-day spending it's nice to do our own thing. I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized. Plus why bother creating joint accounts when we got into this marriage with our own jobs and bank accounts to begin with? Such a hassle.

DP here. It's obviously working for you. I wouldn't like this system, for two reasons: (i) In my opinion, anything that ends in a unified result ("one pot in the end") should have a unified strategy to get there, both with respect to contributions and investment strategy, and you don't appear to have that; and (ii) your approach seems to prioritize monthly expenses first and savings second, and I prefer to reverse that.

I am guessing you make a very high income and/or have a substantial safety net, which makes you more comfortable being a little less rigid about retirement and savings issues.

I don't know where the priority on monthly expenses over savings came across. The original post asked about how we divided monthly expenses hence the focus. We don't spend much so we save a great deal. In a previous post, I stated that over 50% of my income went into savings. That seems like a pretty big prioritization to me. I have not deviated from the budget that I made for myself about 8 years ago when I made 1/2 my salary. As such, all additional salary is saved. Just because we are not breathing down each other's necks doesn't mean we are less rigid. We both save aggressively so we do not need to combine or really worry too much about it.

And no, we do not make a very high income, though on DCUM that is all relative.

It came from your previous posts, where you state "DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses" and "I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized." Also, you sad that your DH saves outside his retirement account "at his discretion" (in other words, if he doesn't need the money for monthly expenses), and you transfer money "when it's available" (in other words, if you don't need it for monthly expenses). And you said you "try" to save 50%, not that you do save more than 50%, which suggested that sometimes, you don't save what you intend because of monthly expenses. We prefer to save what we need to, and them use the rest for monthly expenses. You modify your savings levels if you need to; we control our expenses. That's definitionally you prioritizing monthly expenses over savings.

NP but I don't know why you are nit picking this PP.

We max out retirement accounts and have other savings as well. But the big ticket monthly expenses are fixed right now (mortgage, daycare) so yes they have "priority" as well. Seems pretty normal.

[Anonymous]

We have a joint checking account that we deposit our paychecks into, but we also still have separate accounts. I have auto deposits into my 401k, the kids' 529 plans and my brokerage account from my work paycheck, so only the net amount goes into our joint account. I track my net worth on personal capital just as the money in my retirement accounts, the kids' 529 plans and my brokerage account. We file taxes separately now (for cause) and I no longer nag DH about money because it's unhealthy for both of us. We don't have any joint credit cards, and we mostly use our debit card from our joint account to pay for things. We have separate credit cards as well. DH makes more and spends more, and I just have to do what's best for me and the kids for now and hope for the best with DH. Honestly, separating things more after the first few years of marriage helped a lot. It's just better to make auto investments from my paycheck so DH never sees the money, and it's better if his credit card and taxes are only in his name so he has to take full responsibility. I also check his credit on a regular basis as a form of defense (for cause, based on past behavior).

[Anonymous]

I'm the bigger earner in our relationship, but my wife comes from money. However, she keeps her family money separate from the money she earns at her job.

Our paychecks go into our personal accounts. We have them set up so that a percentage of each check goes into our shared account. The shared account is where we pay for all household expenses. However, our mortgage for our main house is paid for by my wife with her family money. I pay the mortgage on our vacation home with my own money since it is something that I wanted.

When we buy a new car, we use our own money. When we buy a car for a kid, we each contribute an equal amount. Each kid has their own bank accounts that we fund equally. Each kid also has educational accounts that are funded by my ILs.

We've never had any fights or issues over money.

[Anonymous]

We have a joint checking and savings account, from which we pay the bills and groceries and some house stuff, kid stuff

We have discretionary accounts for fun money, our "allowance"

separate accounts for retirement.

I'm the household accountant though. My DH sends X amount to the joint checking and I'm in charge of moving money where it needs to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.

I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.

DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.

We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.

Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.

This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.

+1 I literally could have written this

I'm glad that other people are like this. My brother and SIL itemize each bill in their household and I feel really badly for them. They're constantly fighting about money and expenses. They make nearly identical salaries, have identical loans, and are both physicians so I don't know why the stress.

As long as you can come to the understanding that your end goal is the same, you should consider it the same pot. DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses. We don't like to spend much, though, so guess we don't have much to fight over.

How do you deal with retirement savings?

DH saves max amount through his employer. He has an additional Vanguard account where he puts additional money at his discretion. I may ask him about it every now and then but I don't check on it much. I am self employed so save through my SEP and other Vanguard accounts. I try to save about 50% of my income at this point so I just transfer money as it becomes available.

I mean, once you are married there is no "separate" retirement. Spouses would be entitled to each other's retirement assets in most cases of divorce. This is one reason I don't understand the separate pots of money approach. You can't really ignore what the other spouse is doing if they have bad money habits--if someone is not saving for retirement, it impacts you, as well.

We have most everything joint. Both paychecks go into a joint checking account. We each have a separate checking account where keep a small amount of money for ourselves--like $200/month each.

Obviously. Clearly we understand that, and I've stated that in other posts. It's the same pot in the end. Furthermore, we're each named as beneficiaries on the accounts. But for purposes of our monthly budgets, we have separate accounts and save separately into those accounts. Do we each share in these pots in the end? Yes but for now we manage and control them separately.

The separate pot of money approach is so we don't have to constantly check in with one another. We're adults who neither need nor appreciate nagging or oversight on our expenses each month. Yes, it is OUR money in the end but for day-to-day spending it's nice to do our own thing. I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized. Plus why bother creating joint accounts when we got into this marriage with our own jobs and bank accounts to begin with? Such a hassle.

DP here. It's obviously working for you. I wouldn't like this system, for two reasons: (i) In my opinion, anything that ends in a unified result ("one pot in the end") should have a unified strategy to get there, both with respect to contributions and investment strategy, and you don't appear to have that; and (ii) your approach seems to prioritize monthly expenses first and savings second, and I prefer to reverse that.

I am guessing you make a very high income and/or have a substantial safety net, which makes you more comfortable being a little less rigid about retirement and savings issues.

I don't know where the priority on monthly expenses over savings came across. The original post asked about how we divided monthly expenses hence the focus. We don't spend much so we save a great deal. In a previous post, I stated that over 50% of my income went into savings. That seems like a pretty big prioritization to me. I have not deviated from the budget that I made for myself about 8 years ago when I made 1/2 my salary. As such, all additional salary is saved. Just because we are not breathing down each other's necks doesn't mean we are less rigid. We both save aggressively so we do not need to combine or really worry too much about it.

And no, we do not make a very high income, though on DCUM that is all relative.

It came from your previous posts, where you state "DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses" and "I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized." Also, you sad that your DH saves outside his retirement account "at his discretion" (in other words, if he doesn't need the money for monthly expenses), and you transfer money "when it's available" (in other words, if you don't need it for monthly expenses). And you said you "try" to save 50%, not that you do save more than 50%, which suggested that sometimes, you don't save what you intend because of monthly expenses. We prefer to save what we need to, and them use the rest for monthly expenses. You modify your savings levels if you need to; we control our expenses. That's definitionally you prioritizing monthly expenses over savings.

Wow. So you know that these posts provide snipers of information and not a full accounting overview of household expenses, right? Your assumptions on all the above are wrong and you twisted with your own interpretations. I save as money is available bc I’m not W2. I earn in large lump sums in my self employment so my “pay checks” are different. And yes, my goal is to save 50%. This year I saved more. Last year I saved just shy. Just bc we don’t scrutinize EACH OTHER doesn’t mean that we don’t save aggressively. Why would you interpret our lack of micromanaging each other as not prioritizing saving?

Strange post, PP, though this proves exactly why some marriages work so much better without someone breathing down your neck. What a PITA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.

I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.

DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.

We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.

Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.

This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.

+1 I literally could have written this

I'm glad that other people are like this. My brother and SIL itemize each bill in their household and I feel really badly for them. They're constantly fighting about money and expenses. They make nearly identical salaries, have identical loans, and are both physicians so I don't know why the stress.

As long as you can come to the understanding that your end goal is the same, you should consider it the same pot. DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses. We don't like to spend much, though, so guess we don't have much to fight over.

How do you deal with retirement savings?

DH saves max amount through his employer. He has an additional Vanguard account where he puts additional money at his discretion. I may ask him about it every now and then but I don't check on it much. I am self employed so save through my SEP and other Vanguard accounts. I try to save about 50% of my income at this point so I just transfer money as it becomes available.

I mean, once you are married there is no "separate" retirement. Spouses would be entitled to each other's retirement assets in most cases of divorce. This is one reason I don't understand the separate pots of money approach. You can't really ignore what the other spouse is doing if they have bad money habits--if someone is not saving for retirement, it impacts you, as well.

We have most everything joint. Both paychecks go into a joint checking account. We each have a separate checking account where keep a small amount of money for ourselves--like $200/month each.

Obviously. Clearly we understand that, and I've stated that in other posts. It's the same pot in the end. Furthermore, we're each named as beneficiaries on the accounts. But for purposes of our monthly budgets, we have separate accounts and save separately into those accounts. Do we each share in these pots in the end? Yes but for now we manage and control them separately.

The separate pot of money approach is so we don't have to constantly check in with one another. We're adults who neither need nor appreciate nagging or oversight on our expenses each month. Yes, it is OUR money in the end but for day-to-day spending it's nice to do our own thing. I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized. Plus why bother creating joint accounts when we got into this marriage with our own jobs and bank accounts to begin with? Such a hassle.

DP here. It's obviously working for you. I wouldn't like this system, for two reasons: (i) In my opinion, anything that ends in a unified result ("one pot in the end") should have a unified strategy to get there, both with respect to contributions and investment strategy, and you don't appear to have that; and (ii) your approach seems to prioritize monthly expenses first and savings second, and I prefer to reverse that.

I am guessing you make a very high income and/or have a substantial safety net, which makes you more comfortable being a little less rigid about retirement and savings issues.

I don't know where the priority on monthly expenses over savings came across. The original post asked about how we divided monthly expenses hence the focus. We don't spend much so we save a great deal. In a previous post, I stated that over 50% of my income went into savings. That seems like a pretty big prioritization to me. I have not deviated from the budget that I made for myself about 8 years ago when I made 1/2 my salary. As such, all additional salary is saved. Just because we are not breathing down each other's necks doesn't mean we are less rigid. We both save aggressively so we do not need to combine or really worry too much about it.

And no, we do not make a very high income, though on DCUM that is all relative.

It came from your previous posts, where you state "DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses" and "I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized." Also, you sad that your DH saves outside his retirement account "at his discretion" (in other words, if he doesn't need the money for monthly expenses), and you transfer money "when it's available" (in other words, if you don't need it for monthly expenses). And you said you "try" to save 50%, not that you do save more than 50%, which suggested that sometimes, you don't save what you intend because of monthly expenses. We prefer to save what we need to, and them use the rest for monthly expenses. You modify your savings levels if you need to; we control our expenses. That's definitionally you prioritizing monthly expenses over savings.

Wow. So you know that these posts provide snipers of information and not a full accounting overview of household expenses, right? Your assumptions on all the above are wrong and you twisted with your own interpretations. I save as money is available bc I’m not W2. I earn in large lump sums in my self employment so my “pay checks” are different. And yes, my goal is to save 50%. This year I saved more. Last year I saved just shy. Just bc we don’t scrutinize EACH OTHER doesn’t mean that we don’t save aggressively. Why would you interpret our lack of micromanaging each other as not prioritizing saving?

Strange post, PP, though this proves exactly why some marriages work so much better without someone breathing down your neck. What a PITA

It seems you are a little insecure about your system. No need to get defensive about it, since it obviously works for you. I do question, though, your denial that you have a very high income, because that seems like it's the only way approach works, particularly at the savings rates you profess to achieve every year. But that's neither here nor there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.

I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.

DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.

We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.

Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.

This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.

+1 I literally could have written this

I'm glad that other people are like this. My brother and SIL itemize each bill in their household and I feel really badly for them. They're constantly fighting about money and expenses. They make nearly identical salaries, have identical loans, and are both physicians so I don't know why the stress.

As long as you can come to the understanding that your end goal is the same, you should consider it the same pot. DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses. We don't like to spend much, though, so guess we don't have much to fight over.

How do you deal with retirement savings?

DH saves max amount through his employer. He has an additional Vanguard account where he puts additional money at his discretion. I may ask him about it every now and then but I don't check on it much. I am self employed so save through my SEP and other Vanguard accounts. I try to save about 50% of my income at this point so I just transfer money as it becomes available.

I mean, once you are married there is no "separate" retirement. Spouses would be entitled to each other's retirement assets in most cases of divorce. This is one reason I don't understand the separate pots of money approach. You can't really ignore what the other spouse is doing if they have bad money habits--if someone is not saving for retirement, it impacts you, as well.

We have most everything joint. Both paychecks go into a joint checking account. We each have a separate checking account where keep a small amount of money for ourselves--like $200/month each.

Obviously. Clearly we understand that, and I've stated that in other posts. It's the same pot in the end. Furthermore, we're each named as beneficiaries on the accounts. But for purposes of our monthly budgets, we have separate accounts and save separately into those accounts. Do we each share in these pots in the end? Yes but for now we manage and control them separately.

The separate pot of money approach is so we don't have to constantly check in with one another. We're adults who neither need nor appreciate nagging or oversight on our expenses each month. Yes, it is OUR money in the end but for day-to-day spending it's nice to do our own thing. I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized. Plus why bother creating joint accounts when we got into this marriage with our own jobs and bank accounts to begin with? Such a hassle.

DP here. It's obviously working for you. I wouldn't like this system, for two reasons: (i) In my opinion, anything that ends in a unified result ("one pot in the end") should have a unified strategy to get there, both with respect to contributions and investment strategy, and you don't appear to have that; and (ii) your approach seems to prioritize monthly expenses first and savings second, and I prefer to reverse that.

I am guessing you make a very high income and/or have a substantial safety net, which makes you more comfortable being a little less rigid about retirement and savings issues.

I don't know where the priority on monthly expenses over savings came across. The original post asked about how we divided monthly expenses hence the focus. We don't spend much so we save a great deal. In a previous post, I stated that over 50% of my income went into savings. That seems like a pretty big prioritization to me. I have not deviated from the budget that I made for myself about 8 years ago when I made 1/2 my salary. As such, all additional salary is saved. Just because we are not breathing down each other's necks doesn't mean we are less rigid. We both save aggressively so we do not need to combine or really worry too much about it.

And no, we do not make a very high income, though on DCUM that is all relative.

It came from your previous posts, where you state "DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses" and "I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized." Also, you sad that your DH saves outside his retirement account "at his discretion" (in other words, if he doesn't need the money for monthly expenses), and you transfer money "when it's available" (in other words, if you don't need it for monthly expenses). And you said you "try" to save 50%, not that you do save more than 50%, which suggested that sometimes, you don't save what you intend because of monthly expenses. We prefer to save what we need to, and them use the rest for monthly expenses. You modify your savings levels if you need to; we control our expenses. That's definitionally you prioritizing monthly expenses over savings.

Wow. So you know that these posts provide snipers of information and not a full accounting overview of household expenses, right? Your assumptions on all the above are wrong and you twisted with your own interpretations. I save as money is available bc I’m not W2. I earn in large lump sums in my self employment so my “pay checks” are different. And yes, my goal is to save 50%. This year I saved more. Last year I saved just shy. Just bc we don’t scrutinize EACH OTHER doesn’t mean that we don’t save aggressively. Why would you interpret our lack of micromanaging each other as not prioritizing saving?

Strange post, PP, though this proves exactly why some marriages work so much better without someone breathing down your neck. What a PITA

It seems you are a little insecure about your system. No need to get defensive about it, since it obviously works for you. I do question, though, your denial that you have a very high income, because that seems like it's the only way approach works, particularly at the savings rates you profess to achieve every year. But that's neither here nor there.

Again, the lack of reading comprehension is what is questionable here and not actually the method or amount of savings. I'm neither defensive about my budget nor trying to persuade others to adopt any method(s) that I post, if you can even call it that. I do, however, question the erroneous assumptions that you have made from such little information or statements where you assume that I "don't save what you intend because of monthly expenses." Where you get that on little to know information is really beyond me. I also find it a bit funny that you're calling my so-called "system" faulty, yet I save 50% of my income. Tell me, how much of your income do you save with your "system"? I don't think my budget managaement is different from anyone else's. We have a budget and financial savings goals. The only difference is that we make payments for savings and expenses into separate accounts. We have the same end goal but do not combine for ease of financial movement and to avoid a spouse - not unlike yourself - that is berating and nitpicking line items, and perhaps making faulty assumptions of spending habits. It's not healthy. And that was the point of the post. Stating that we keep separate accounts to avoid nonsense like this thread.

[Anonymous]

We gladly and willingly keep our finances separate. DH makes much, much more than I do. I pay for our child's school tuition and after school activities plus any credit card bills. DH helps me pay for summer camps and some of our child's clothes. The mortgage, taxes and utilities are all paid by DH. We share food costs, he pays for Costco trips and I pay for local grocery store runs. We have never fought over money. We don't hide purchases of 'things and stuff' from each other out of courtesy and respect. This works for us, it may not work for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It seems you are a little insecure about your system. No need to get defensive about it, since it obviously works for you. I do question, though, your denial that you have a very high income, because that seems like it's the only way approach works, particularly at the savings rates you profess to achieve every year. But that's neither here nor there.

Again, the lack of reading comprehension is what is questionable here and not actually the method or amount of savings. I'm neither defensive about my budget nor trying to persuade others to adopt any method(s) that I post, if you can even call it that. I do, however, question the erroneous assumptions that you have made from such little information or statements where you assume that I "don't save what you intend because of monthly expenses." Where you get that on little to know information is really beyond me. I also find it a bit funny that you're calling my so-called "system" faulty, yet I save 50% of my income. Tell me, how much of your income do you save with your "system"? I don't think my budget managaement is different from anyone else's. We have a budget and financial savings goals. The only difference is that we make payments for savings and expenses into separate accounts. We have the same end goal but do not combine for ease of financial movement and to avoid a spouse - not unlike yourself - that is berating and nitpicking line items, and perhaps making faulty assumptions of spending habits. It's not healthy. And that was the point of the post. Stating that we keep separate accounts to avoid nonsense like this thread.

PP respectfully, don't take the troll bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.

I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.

DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.

We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.

Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.

This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.

This is us.

[Anonymous]

Early on in our marriage, we kept finances separately and had a joint account to transfer money but we mainly did it because he paid child support and his ex right after we got married tried to get a child support increase based off my income (didn't work as planned). When child support was over, we had a child/I stopped working we went to a joint account. We do keep separate savings and retirement. He makes sure to keep money liquid in my savings in case something happens I can have easy access to maintain us till I can get things worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We gladly and willingly keep our finances separate. DH makes much, much more than I do. I pay for our child's school tuition and after school activities plus any credit card bills. DH helps me pay for summer camps and some of our child's clothes. The mortgage, taxes and utilities are all paid by DH. We share food costs, he pays for Costco trips and I pay for local grocery store runs. We have never fought over money. We don't hide purchases of 'things and stuff' from each other out of courtesy and respect. This works for us, it may not work for others.

You clearly make a lot but why doesn't he pay for more then?

[Anonymous]

We deal with it by having 5+ bank accounts.

All paychecks go into joint Account A.

Money is then transferred into joint Account B for food (groceries/restaurant) and gas. This has been pure magic for us because one of us would spend infinite amounts on groceries and the other one is too tight-fisted to ever buy a slab of brie. Now there are never any fights about the grocery budget. The big spender waits till the end of the month to buy their Brie, and the tight-fisted one is not allowed to complain because the money is right there and that’s what it’s for, Scrooge.

An additional amount for monthly personal spending is transferred into individual Accounts C and D. Each of us has their own account, and there is zero judgment allowed. Whether you want to spend it on computer games, fancy coffee drinks, spa treatments, or random eBay junk from the 1970s, that’s up to you.

Money towards savings goals (emergency fund, car repair, appliance replacement, vacations) is transferred into joint Account E. It happens to be a bank account that allows for a bunch of envelope type sub-accounts for each fund, which I love.

All miscellaneous spending for the kid and house then comes out of what is left in Account A. This includes mortgage and private school tuition.

When I write it out it sounds complicated, but all transfers happen automatically, so it’s no effort at all. Accounts B, C, and D are with the same bank so it’s easy. And we never, ever fight about money anymore. At one point I thought it was going to end us. But we’re both super happy with the system.