Do wealthy kids at Big 3s actually hang with financial aid kids?

[Anonymous]

I went to a Catholic prep in high school and honestly the cliques definitely skewed towards SES. Is it that way at the elites? They seem to be bending over backwards to promote how welcome and diverse they are and how everyone is friends with everyone.

[Anonymous]

Yes my FA kids have friends from all economic strata

[Anonymous]

At my kid's Big 3 they all hang together. I don't know, nor does my child know, who does or doesn't get FA.

[Anonymous]

We all hang together and no one cares.

[Anonymous]

From what I've seen at GDS: everyone is friendly with each other at school — but outside of school the really rich kids don't go out of their way to include non rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my kid's Big 3 they all hang together. I don't know, nor does my child know, who does or doesn't get FA.

This is my answer as well.

[Anonymous]

Our closest friends from school are absurdly wealthy and we're towards the middle/low end of the class. They don't care, we don't care and the kids don't care.

[Anonymous]

I don't know who receives financial aid (other than friends who've talked with me about getting aid). I haven't seen any exclusion based on SES, and my middle school kids have friends who with a wide range of SES. One thing that can lead to narrowing a bit, though, is what activities/camps the kids do over the summer. In the extreme, some kids go together to expensive sleep away camp while others need to go for whatever local options are least expensive and most convenient to their neighborhoods or parents' workplace. And to the extent my kids get together more with kids who live in our neighborhood, and they sometimes form tighter bonds by seeing each other more, that can lead to a bid of breaking people up by SES (our neighborhood is mostly wealthy).

[Anonymous]

It depends what you mean by friends, OP.

In my elite school, I was one of the least wealthy students (there was no financial aid anyway, so I didn't realize this at first), everyone was friendly with everyone else. As an international school, absence of prejudice was especially important.

However, there was no mistaking that students who got together outside of school grouped themselves in some measure by SES. Some families belonged to the same exclusive social/dancing group, others rode horses together, others traveled extensively around the world during the summer. While everyone liked me at school, I didn't feel as if I made close friends there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It depends what you mean by friends, OP.

In my elite school, I was one of the least wealthy students (there was no financial aid anyway, so I didn't realize this at first), everyone was friendly with everyone else. As an international school, absence of prejudice was especially important.

However, there was no mistaking that students who got together outside of school grouped themselves in some measure by SES. Some families belonged to the same exclusive social/dancing group, others rode horses together, others traveled extensively around the world during the summer. While everyone liked me at school, I didn't feel as if I made close friends there.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It depends what you mean by friends, OP.

In my elite school, I was one of the least wealthy students (there was no financial aid anyway, so I didn't realize this at first), everyone was friendly with everyone else. As an international school, absence of prejudice was especially important.

However, there was no mistaking that students who got together outside of school grouped themselves in some measure by SES. Some families belonged to the same exclusive social/dancing group, others rode horses together, others traveled extensively around the world during the summer. While everyone liked me at school, I didn't feel as if I made close friends there.

This.

This??
They are friendly and there's no bullying
But the differences between lifestyle and what others have and don't have do come up every so often. Country clubs, Nantucket houses, ski vacations. A lot of families travel together over breaks etc so it's easy to feel a little left out. But no one is mean about it. (We are at STA)

[Anonymous]

A lot has to do with where you live, so there's somewhat of a de facto segregation by neighborhood (or neighborhoods close by). It's easier to get together with friends who live near by, than with friends who live far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what I've seen at GDS: everyone is friendly with each other at school — but outside of school the really rich kids don't go out of their way to include non rich.

That is our experience at one of the top local Catholic girls schools. Everyone is very nice, but one of our DD's rich friends visited our home once years ago and that was that. She was apparently horrified (we don't live in a rat trap or anything, but it's a modest, basic home that needs a little work) and that was that - she seemed to distance herself from DD and went towards a more wealthy group.
I guess the mistake was having someone over to our house. You know, realizing what they have versus where we live.

DD has also gone on trips with other girls to their second homes. We have some people in our family who have a second home but they're shacks. These girls have palatial estates for second homes. It's awkward.

No tiny amount of financial aid changes that. I say tiny because the thousands that we are paying are a huge burden for us whereas their full tuition is nothing to them (we do know people who give many thousands to their big 3 school on top of multiple tuitions).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know who receives financial aid (other than friends who've talked with me about getting aid). I haven't seen any exclusion based on SES, and my middle school kids have friends who with a wide range of SES. One thing that can lead to narrowing a bit, though, is what activities/camps the kids do over the summer. In the extreme, some kids go together to expensive sleep away camp while others need to go for whatever local options are least expensive and most convenient to their neighborhoods or parents' workplace. And to the extent my kids get together more with kids who live in our neighborhood, and they sometimes form tighter bonds by seeing each other more, that can lead to a bid of breaking people up by SES (our neighborhood is mostly wealthy).

Yeah, well, you know once you visit someone's home let me tell you. You know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From what I've seen at GDS: everyone is friendly with each other at school — but outside of school the really rich kids don't go out of their way to include non rich.

That is our experience at one of the top local Catholic girls schools. Everyone is very nice, but one of our DD's rich friends visited our home once years ago and that was that. She was apparently horrified (we don't live in a rat trap or anything, but it's a modest, basic home that needs a little work) and that was that - she seemed to distance herself from DD and went towards a more wealthy group.
I guess the mistake was having someone over to our house. You know, realizing what they have versus where we live.

DD has also gone on trips with other girls to their second homes. We have some people in our family who have a second home but they're shacks. These girls have palatial estates for second homes. It's awkward.

No tiny amount of financial aid changes that. I say tiny because the thousands that we are paying are a huge burden for us whereas their full tuition is nothing to them (we do know people who give many thousands to their big 3 school on top of multiple tuitions).

This sounds closer to reality.
No one is saying that the kids are being mean or intentionally excluding anyone.
It's just REALLY hard to connect when there are so many differences in lifestyle. A lot of adults can't do it, and past a certain innocent age, kids have a hard time too.