Do wealthy kids at Big 3s actually hang with financial aid kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK here is my take for what is worth on this interesting subject . Son attends one of these top referred to schools.

We are upper middle class, both professionals, net about 300k a year, live in nice home in a good neighborhood. We ar able to afford most creature comforts but nothing about our life by any means is extravagant.

However to our son, we are one of the "needy ones". Sounds ridiculous and it is. From when he was born he was a natural leader, he is a nice looking kid and a gifted athlete. He also does very well in school.

I do think his athletic prowess has earned him respect and attention from his peers, regardless of how rich or how powerful their families might be. He wins the school games and everyone knows it.

At the sake of sounding like a braggart, he is considered to be one of if not the most popular boys. We do not vacation at our beach house in Nantucket, have box seats at any sporting venues, go to Aspen to ski or have a bowling alley in our basement, in fact our basement is still unfinished!

He is invited to many many great things, from trips to front row seats at games to the best clubs. I have never felt that our social standing (very average at his school) has affected HIS standing one iota. When he was young and came home wondering why WE don't have a beach house because three of his four closest friends did, I for a minute thought about switching him to public again. Then my husband reminded me "hey this is the way the world works, some will have more and some less, he better get used to that now".

I never ever let any of those peoples wealth define who we are or how we do things and I do believe that having done that early helped shape him to be the kid he is today. He is far more confident than many of his super wealthy friends/classmates. Money buys privilege but does not buy integrity or confidence. Those things are taught, do not kid yourself.

I want to add I was also never a parent who groveled to be become friends with the ultra wealthy. So happens one is a close friend of mine because we share an unusual and common interest, other than that I am nice to everyone but do not expect much, and when occasional invites come my way its a nice surprise but it doesn't rock my world. I am amazed though at how the average mom in our school is totally obsessed (and very transparent) with those ultra wealthy families.

Trust me the kids see this and our apple will not fall far from your tree.

You do sound like a braggart. Besides how do you know what families are "average?" Some of the wealthiest families I know live the most humble of lives - small homes, etc.. Many are old money or are wealthy and live very modestly. You sound as if you care more than you try to lead on.

Okay... .and many in this area are not. That is great that that is what you know. Clearly that is NOT her experience and its not what she is writing about. It doesn't make her wrong. I know plenty of old money like you describe, and the truth is, they simply can't hang with the new wealth, for many reasons both cultural AND financial. They actually have less money and they make it last longer. In order to do that you can't spend. But it doesn't make you "wealthier" per se.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It depends what you mean by friends, OP.

In my elite school, I was one of the least wealthy students (there was no financial aid anyway, so I didn't realize this at first), everyone was friendly with everyone else. As an international school, absence of prejudice was especially important.

However, there was no mistaking that students who got together outside of school grouped themselves in some measure by SES. Some families belonged to the same exclusive social/dancing group, others rode horses together, others traveled extensively around the world during the summer. While everyone liked me at school, I didn't feel as if I made close friends there.

This.

This??
They are friendly and there's no bullying
But the differences between lifestyle and what others have and don't have do come up every so often. Country clubs, Nantucket houses, ski vacations. A lot of families travel together over breaks etc so it's easy to feel a little left out. But no one is mean about it. (We are at STA)

Uh I hate to break it to everyone but it is like this at every school, private or public. My children attend private and I went to a public school. This situation is universal.

Thank you. Especially in this area. I actually believe the more pretensious spending happens at publics in front of the kids. I can't believe what I hear them talking about on the playground. "Did your whole family go to RIo? You're not important unless you all went to Rio (for the Olympics) " etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It depends what you mean by friends, OP.

In my elite school, I was one of the least wealthy students (there was no financial aid anyway, so I didn't realize this at first), everyone was friendly with everyone else. As an international school, absence of prejudice was especially important.

However, there was no mistaking that students who got together outside of school grouped themselves in some measure by SES. Some families belonged to the same exclusive social/dancing group, others rode horses together, others traveled extensively around the world during the summer. While everyone liked me at school, I didn't feel as if I made close friends there.

This.

This??
They are friendly and there's no bullying
But the differences between lifestyle and what others have and don't have do come up every so often. Country clubs, Nantucket houses, ski vacations. A lot of families travel together over breaks etc so it's easy to feel a little left out. But no one is mean about it. (We are at STA)

Uh I hate to break it to everyone but it is like this at every school, private or public. My children attend private and I went to a public school. This situation is universal.

Thank you. Especially in this area. I actually believe the more pretensious spending happens at publics in front of the kids. I can't believe what I hear them talking about on the playground. "Did your whole family go to RIo? You're not important unless you all went to Rio (for the Olympics) " etc.

I think you are right. Wealthy stick with wealthy regardless of school.

[Anonymous]

Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

What?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

What a warped view of friendship. So if I don't have a private yacht I can't be your friend because can't reciprocate?

[Anonymous]

This thread is sadder than most. I went to GDS some 20 years ago and it was not like this, or at least me and my friends were not like this. One of my closest friends was on FA. We had a pretty good sized group of friends and she was definitely a welcome and central part of it. Every now and then she said she couldn't afford something. She had a job on the weekends and I didn't. Those were pretty much the differences. Sometimes my family invited her to things but not like Nantucket vacations, more like Redskins games or dinner. I have no idea where she and her family vacationed, but we didn't vacation with any other families.

Also, in response to a recent PP, she was definitely middle class. Single mom, nice house with plenty of room for the two of them, just farther out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

What a warped view of friendship. So if I don't have a private yacht I can't be your friend because can't reciprocate?

I think she is saying you can be friends with her but you can't accept her invitation to hang out on her yacht. Bizarre world view nontheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.!

I'm honestly baffled about what the distinction is between "being friends" and "socializing."

(Did I just prove I'm not wealthy?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

I hope you are not at our school. Sicko.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

What a warped view of friendship. So if I don't have a private yacht I can't be your friend because can't reciprocate?

Hello, do you read that I said "I would be friends with anyone. Absolutely. ". I think you can see that right above. Ehat i said therafter is that I cannot socialize with the jet set or country club crowd if it's not in my budget, and I don't expect my friends to pay for my socializing. Yes, they can be my friends, but that doesn't mean I can afford $$$ to socialize with them. Same for folks below my economics, ehich are few because I'm dirt poor these days, yes we are friends but no I cannot afford to take them to the movies.

Not sure why the backlash unless you folks are kneejerk criticizing before you even read the statement or unless you are reading something else into it that is not there, but I though I was writing quite plainly and clearly. Whatever the miscommunication, let's clear it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

I hope you are not at our school. Sicko.

PP here, unclear what your objection is. Feel free to elaborate or read my follow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

What a warped view of friendship. So if I don't have a private yacht I can't be your friend because can't reciprocate?

Hello, do you read that I said "I would be friends with anyone. Absolutely. ". I think you can see that right above. Ehat i said therafter is that I cannot socialize with the jet set or country club crowd if it's not in my budget, and I don't expect my friends to pay for my socializing. Yes, they can be my friends, but that doesn't mean I can afford $$$ to socialize with them. Same for folks below my economics, ehich are few because I'm dirt poor these days, yes we are friends but no I cannot afford to take them to the movies.

Not sure why the backlash unless you folks are kneejerk criticizing before you even read the statement or unless you are reading something else into it that is not there, but I though I was writing quite plainly and clearly. Whatever the miscommunication, let's clear it up.

Refreshingly to the point. I agree with you as I am probably in the same boat. I can be friends with anybody and wish there were more intellectual conversation going on. Unfortunately it seems to truly socialize you need $$$.

[Anonymous]

My kids hang out with everyome at their private school, and are invited to many, many social events even though we are lower middle class and receive FA. The are elected to school offices and one is the captain of an athletic team. But my kids are excellent athletes, describe themselves as very social, and are African American both are boys and I think they are handsome, but of course I am biased). They have never felt any form of economic discrimination socially, although they have had to overcome some minor issues when incorrect assumptions that were made about their academic abilities. The last few years, I have encouraged them to invite kids over (both boys and girls) who are more introverted and less sporty. They have developed some good friendships with a couple of musicians and kids who do all the school plays.
(They enjoy these activties too, but don't have time for them, alas). When kids come to our modelst home, I have no idea of their economic status. When my boys visit others, sometimes it obvious the parents have money, for example they have been invited to spend time at a summer home or to go skiing in Colorado. Other times the homes are modest and they enjoy just hanging out and having popcorn, etc. I know this sounds naive but we have always emphasized that we befriend people whom we like and respect period. We have friends from all economic strata, so our kids seem very grounded and open minded, and are not concerned that some kids at their school are rich. On the other hand, their exposure to the wealthy has motivated them to seek more elite education and jobs that pay well. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Gets easier as they get older and choose own friends.