Do wealthy kids at Big 3s actually hang with financial aid kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids hang out with everyome at their private school, and are invited to many, many social events even though we are lower middle class and receive FA. The are elected to school offices and one is the captain of an athletic team. But my kids are excellent athletes, describe themselves as very social, and are African American both are boys and I think they are handsome, but of course I am biased). They have never felt any form of economic discrimination socially, although they have had to overcome some minor issues when incorrect assumptions that were made about their academic abilities. The last few years, I have encouraged them to invite kids over (both boys and girls) who are more introverted and less sporty. They have developed some good friendships with a couple of musicians and kids who do all the school plays.
(They enjoy these activties too, but don't have time for them, alas). When kids come to our modelst home, I have no idea of their economic status. When my boys visit others, sometimes it obvious the parents have money, for example they have been invited to spend time at a summer home or to go skiing in Colorado. Other times the homes are modest and they enjoy just hanging out and having popcorn, etc. I know this sounds naive but we have always emphasized that we befriend people whom we like and respect period. We have friends from all economic strata, so our kids seem very grounded and open minded, and are not concerned that some kids at their school are rich. On the other hand, their exposure to the wealthy has motivated them to seek more elite education and jobs that pay well. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

This is great and we are the same way but some people don't feel this way and make it clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not that wealthy stick with wealthy alone. Its also every other strata. Wht not??! I'm not socializing outside my budget. Not paying. But would i be friends with anyone in any strata? Absolutely. I'm old enough to be able to distinguish between 'Friends' and 'Socializing'. You have to remember way back when people understood that there is a right to be friends with anyone but not a right to socialize what you cannot reciprocate. If times have changed, let me know.

What a warped view of friendship. So if I don't have a private yacht I can't be your friend because can't reciprocate?

I think she is saying you can be friends with her but you can't accept her invitation to hang out on her yacht. Bizarre world view nontheless.

Can be friends, but can only social if there's no cost $$ involved. Socializing is more than being friends, and if hanging out on yacht is free, but an expensive dinner out (or even an expensive lunch!) is out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is about what kind of people the wealthy people are. We have two children both in classes with wealthy families. However one class is about 25 percent Chevy Club parents and the other only has a few families. The class with the large Chevy club families is very divided. In fact one mom hosts events often just for the kids that belong there. So I think it depends on how they spend their time and whatnot and not just that they are wealthy.

This

Maybe they just don't want embarass folks who they presume are not able to afford it, and that they will invite folks who they know from past experience can afford it.

[Anonymous]

As kids get older they choose who they want to be with regardless of their puppet master parents trying to manipulate the situation...and yes there are many!

That is when you say karma is a bitch. Those parents who in 4th and 6th grade doing everything in their power to be sure little Connor gets in with the "in, rich, popular crowd" and up until about middle school, many parents think they have succeeded.

The something magical happens come high school.....they stand on their own two feet and THEY decide who they want to be friends with and its a marvelous thing to see friendships and bonding transcend wealth, power, prestige. In my son's top three school.....the top strata is truly a mix of some high roller's kids along with a few that I feel sue are on FA (those kids typically have a high social IQ, great in sports, charismatic, exceptionally attractive, etc.....)

Mark my word- does not matter what school you are in, this formula if you will applies to all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As kids get older they choose who they want to be with regardless of their puppet master parents trying to manipulate the situation...and yes there are many!

That is when you say karma is a bitch. Those parents who in 4th and 6th grade doing everything in their power to be sure little Connor gets in with the "in, rich, popular crowd" and up until about middle school, many parents think they have succeeded.

The something magical happens come high school.....they stand on their own two feet and THEY decide who they want to be friends with and its a marvelous thing to see friendships and bonding transcend wealth, power, prestige. In my son's top three school.....the top strata is truly a mix of some high roller's kids along with a few that I feel sue are on FA (those kids typically have a high social IQ, great in sports, charismatic, exceptionally attractive, etc.....)

Mark my word- does not matter what school you are in, this formula if you will applies to all.

So is there a bottom strata of children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is about what kind of people the wealthy people are. We have two children both in classes with wealthy families. However one class is about 25 percent Chevy Club parents and the other only has a few families. The class with the large Chevy club families is very divided. In fact one mom hosts events often just for the kids that belong there. So I think it depends on how they spend their time and whatnot and not just that they are wealthy.

This

Maybe they just don't want embarass folks who they presume are not able to afford it, and that they will invite folks who they know from past experience can afford it.

This is what is the problem. Who is putting kids and families into categories of "rich" or "in crowd?" If you join a community that states that inclusivity is part of the schools motto, as the Cathedral schools have clearly stated in their mission statement, then you should either look at the community as a whole and not divide them into groups and act accordingly. The students do this but the parents should and could be reminded of these values on a daily basis and it should be part of the admission process. I think that is why more families from different schools are being admitted now over other schools. They follow these values. We are very wealthy but have friends who are all different levels of wealth and we don't care. We have them for dinner or go to their house for dinner or meet out. We find common activities that we can do. Our kids see this and it sets a good example that we are all part of the same community. I wish more of our wealthy friends did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As kids get older they choose who they want to be with regardless of their puppet master parents trying to manipulate the situation...and yes there are many!

That is when you say karma is a bitch. Those parents who in 4th and 6th grade doing everything in their power to be sure little Connor gets in with the "in, rich, popular crowd" and up until about middle school, many parents think they have succeeded.

The something magical happens come high school.....they stand on their own two feet and THEY decide who they want to be friends with and its a marvelous thing to see friendships and bonding transcend wealth, power, prestige. In my son's top three school.....the top strata is truly a mix of some high roller's kids along with a few that I feel sue are on FA (those kids typically have a high social IQ, great in sports, charismatic, exceptionally attractive, etc.....)

Mark my word- does not matter what school you are in, this formula if you will applies to all.

So is there a bottom strata of children?

Of course there is. Their is a bottom or lower strata of people in any life situation.
Wish there wasn't but this is part of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As kids get older they choose who they want to be with regardless of their puppet master parents trying to manipulate the situation...and yes there are many!

That is when you say karma is a bitch. Those parents who in 4th and 6th grade doing everything in their power to be sure little Connor gets in with the "in, rich, popular crowd" and up until about middle school, many parents think they have succeeded.

The something magical happens come high school.....they stand on their own two feet and THEY decide who they want to be friends with and its a marvelous thing to see friendships and bonding transcend wealth, power, prestige. In my son's top three school.....the top strata is truly a mix of some high roller's kids along with a few that I feel sue are on FA (those kids typically have a high social IQ, great in sports, charismatic, exceptionally attractive, etc.....)

Mark my word- does not matter what school you are in, this formula if you will applies to all.

So is there a bottom strata of children?

Of course there is. Their is a bottom or lower strata of people in any life situation.
Wish there wasn't but this is part of life.

Gross. I don't view children that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is about what kind of people the wealthy people are. We have two children both in classes with wealthy families. However one class is about 25 percent Chevy Club parents and the other only has a few families. The class with the large Chevy club families is very divided. In fact one mom hosts events often just for the kids that belong there. So I think it depends on how they spend their time and whatnot and not just that they are wealthy.

This

Maybe they just don't want embarass folks who they presume are not able to afford it, and that they will invite folks who they know from past experience can afford it.

This is what is the problem. Who is putting kids and families into categories of "rich" or "in crowd?" If you join a community that states that inclusivity is part of the schools motto, as the Cathedral schools have clearly stated in their mission statement, then you should either look at the community as a whole and not divide them into groups and act accordingly. The students do this but the parents should and could be reminded of these values on a daily basis and it should be part of the admission process. I think that is why more families from different schools are being admitted now over other schools. They follow these values. We are very wealthy but have friends who are all different levels of wealth and we don't care. We have them for dinner or go to their house for dinner or meet out. We find common activities that we can do. Our kids see this and it sets a good example that we are all part of the same community. I wish more of our wealthy friends did this.

PP here. That's my point. I'm friends with anyone, and if there are events I can go to, great, I do. But as you point out, not everyone makes the effort to socialize below their budget.

[Anonymous]

My experience is that if my high school kid is invited for an expensive dinner or to go skiing for example, the hosts offer to pay, and we accept. We invite their son or daughter to our home for a family dinner or to go camping. My son once was invited to the annual national charity dinner for a major orgnaization. I really don't know for sure, but I supect the tickets were extremely expensive. The parents told me they wanted to invite him becuase they knew he was very interested in hearing the guest speaker. We accepted gratefully, and my son wrote a lovely thank you about how he valued the experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience is that if my high school kid is invited for an expensive dinner or to go skiing for example, the hosts offer to pay, and we accept. We invite their son or daughter to our home for a family dinner or to go camping. My son once was invited to the annual national charity dinner for a major orgnaization. I really don't know for sure, but I supect the tickets were extremely expensive. The parents told me they wanted to invite him becuase they knew he was very interested in hearing the guest speaker. We accepted gratefully, and my son wrote a lovely thank you about how he valued the experience.

Sounds great. When it is doable, it is doable. When it is not, it's not. Perfect example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our closest friends from school are absurdly wealthy and we're towards the middle/low end of the class. They don't care, we don't care and the kids don't care.

cool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes my FA kids have friends from all economic strata

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is "friends" at school ... but just look at instagram and you'll see the ultra wealthy rarely if ever invite the middle class "friends" to do the cool rich kid activities. The middle class kid is a token to keep around ... rarely extends past high school (or college).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is "friends" at school ... but just look at instagram and you'll see the ultra wealthy rarely if ever invite the middle class "friends" to do the cool rich kid activities. The middle class kid is a token to keep around ... rarely extends past high school (or college).

Having been a middle class kid at one of the well known independent schools in the area, this was not my experience. My friends ranges greatly in wealth, and many of us have remains close friends for well over 25 years since graduating. Two of our babysitters, relatively recent grads from the same school, seem to be having the same experience. I have no reason to believe I was ever viewed as a token, as you put it. My DH and I are now wealthy and our elementary aged kids have close friends of greatly differing wealth. We do vacation at times with families I assume are well off financially given their jobs, spending on vacations, and the like. That's maybe once a year. Any other events are either quite inexpensive or we ensure that we cover the cost for everyone attending. Other families at our kids school seem to take the same approach.