We offered to pay for my sister's kids to go to private — she refuses

[Anonymous]

How do I convince her? Nieces and nephews are in terrible publics back in flyover country. The local private prep is only $13K a year, my husband is eager to pay for. Two kids, ages 12 and 14. Sister did not attend college, is honestly pretty sheltered and not very bright. Would love to help give her kids more opportunity, and I think that starts with a stronger school. I know it's not a miracle pill, but often merely bathing in the ethos makes a world of difference.

[Anonymous]

That is a shame OP. It was very kind of you to offer.

[Anonymous]

What reason did she give? Perhaps she doesn't want to accept your charity? Or she took offense to the way you offered? You know you are going to get flamed here.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is eager to pay? Do YOU have a job OP, using all that stellar education?

[Anonymous]

What is it with all these rich aunts bemoaning their nieces/nephews' parents' educational choices and getting all indignant when their "benevolence" (disdain) is not well received.

It seems as if dcum has been reading too many Victorian novels lately.

[Anonymous]

I would wait for college and guide the kids once they are 18.
There will be many more opportunities for you to help if you wish so. I would try to avoid a power struggle with the parents. My kids are at a private school where I have a harder time fitting in then they do. Also, if the kids are good they could apply for aid.

[Anonymous]

You can't do anything. Whatever her reasons are she has made her decision and they are her kids.

[Anonymous]

I think it's very strange to offer to pay. It's not surprising they declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's very strange to offer to pay. It's not surprising they declined.

I think its sad that you and others find a family member wanting to help is strange.

[Anonymous]

You are far better off paying for college over high school.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps she doesn't want to take money from someone who thinks she is not very bright.

You offered and they refused. Case closed for now. I agree with a PP: wait til the kids are in college and then see what you can do.

[Anonymous]

Flyover country? Not very bright? Sheltered?

Yeah, I'd avoid you like the plague too. You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Op it's your approach and the type of relationship you have with your sister. If I offered to pay for nieces and nephew's school my sister will have no problem because she knows I'm just being a loving aunt and I respect her even if I disagree with some of her life choices. I think it's your approach. You probably made her feel incompetent and probably never acknowledged her strengths even if she didn't attend college. I'm sure you are not that close either. Work on your relationship with your sister. Don't be condescending and don't sound like a know it all because you went to college. Don't act like you are from D.C.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Flyover country? Not very bright? Sheltered?

Yeah, I'd avoid you like the plague too. You sound insufferable.

Nothing is worse than a healthy dose of strings served with a side of disdain under the guise of benevolence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flyover country? Not very bright? Sheltered?

Yeah, I'd avoid you like the plague too. You sound insufferable.

I cringe when people use the term "flyover country" too.