Concerned about dh being a father

[Anonymous]

My dh is kind, sweet and adorable. He works hard, provides for us and is a super husband in that he takes care of all my needs. He however, is not "alpha" in any way and I sense it is because he grew up with a super overbearing, emotionally abusive mother who did NOT let him be a boy. He tells me that when he was a little boy, he was not allowed to go outdoors, play a sport or do anything out of his own because his mother was scared he will get hurt. As such, he grew up watching TV and playing video games. He has a hard time relating to other men because he isn't..."manly" like them. He mostly hangs out with me and has superficial relationships with other men.

I am now, worried about how this will affect our future children, especially if they are boys. I want my boys to have a strong father figure to look up to. I want my dh to take them camping, do outdoorsy sport activities with them and teach them how to be a male who can be leaders and take an active role in a community. I think my dh is also worried about this as he keeps saying he wants to have only little girls. I know he knows how he lacked a "manly" education and he will not be able to offer that to our kid. What can we do?

[Anonymous]

Why did you marry hime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh is kind, sweet and adorable. He works hard, provides for us and is a super husband in that he takes care of all my needs. He however, is not "alpha" in any way and I sense it is because he grew up with a super overbearing, emotionally abusive mother who did NOT let him be a boy. He tells me that when he was a little boy, he was not allowed to go outdoors, play a sport or do anything out of his own because his mother was scared he will get hurt. As such, he grew up watching TV and playing video games. He has a hard time relating to other men because he isn't..."manly" like them. He mostly hangs out with me and has superficial relationships with other men.

I am now, worried about how this will affect our future children, especially if they are boys. I want my boys to have a strong father figure to look up to. I want my dh to take them camping, do outdoorsy sport activities with them and teach them how to be a male who can be leaders and take an active role in a community. I think my dh is also worried about this as he keeps saying he wants to have only little girls. I know he knows how he lacked a "manly" education and he will not be able to offer that to our kid. What can we do?

[Anonymous]

Being a strong father figure isn't about being hyper masculine. It's about being a role model for your children, showing them how to be a good person and how to treat people. Going camping doesn't make a man more of a man.

[Anonymous]

Are you incapable of taking these theoretical sons camping if it's so important to you? I mean I guess you could divorce your "kind, sweet, and adorable" husband because he doesn't conform to conservative gender roles, or you could, you know, let this kind person be themselves and raise children with him.

[Anonymous]

Lose all the stereotypes. He sounds like he'll be a great dad. Never say 'manly' again unless you are making fun of something. Basically, parent with the husband you have?

[Anonymous]

You know, you can raise "alphas" or outdoorsy boys by being outdoorsy yourself. Children learn from both parents, not just their dads. Also, some people are just predisposed to loving the outdoors.

[Anonymous]

So don't have kids

[Anonymous]

OP, your way of thinking about raising boys is about raising the Brocks of this world.

[Anonymous]

Being a strong father figure is being kind, sweet, adorable, and hardworking. I married an uber alpha. He was an unfeeling asshole. I have spent an enormous amount of energy exposing DS to men with the qualities your DH has. Count yourself lucky, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your way of thinking about raising boys is about raising the Brocks of this world.

+100

[Anonymous]

Eh not every father is alpha. But you'd be surprised how easily the boy's Y chromosome will take over. I never did much in the way of sports - I was a bookworm - but both our sons are sports crazy and love being outdoors.

The main thing you can do is not be like his mom. This might be hard, but don't dominate your sons or your husband. Encourage your husband to be a leader within the family, if not anywhere else, and let your sons see that happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a strong father figure isn't about being hyper masculine. It's about being a role model for your children, showing them how to be a good person and how to treat people. Going camping doesn't make a man more of a man.

This is OP.Sure, I understand that. I love my dh because he is not a bonehead and is instead sophisticated and well read. Now I also know that my dh does feel like he missed out. His dad was NOT "macho" or outdoorsy at all. He never played a sport with my dh, worked out, went hiking or anything like that. He also, like my dh is a homebody and does not have any male friends!! I don't think this is healthy. I keep encouraging dh to go out and socialize with guys. My dh says he was so sheltered as a young boy that he started watching football in college with his GF. Until then, he couldn't even connect with other men about sports!

I really want to create a healthy, male positive household and raise well adjusted and NOT wimpy boys!

[Anonymous]

Leaders go camping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Being a strong father figure is being kind, sweet, adorable, and hardworking. I married an uber alpha. He was an unfeeling asshole. I have spent an enormous amount of energy exposing DS to men with the qualities your DH has. Count yourself lucky, OP.

In short your goal is to turn your son into a pussy whom other men and particularly women despise as a weakling.