Cop Suspended After Video Emerges Of Brutal Arrests At Teen Pool Party (In McKinney Texas)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chief of Police calls officers actions "indefensible".

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/06/09/413153057/hundreds-march-in-mckinney-s-streets-to-protest-police-action

Isn't that the end of the thread?

Should be... but...you know...DCUM.

Until we get the email records of the Chief of Police and find out he is a moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Long response:
Hey so I'm the poster of this incident. Told my DH what happened and he didn't say very much, he just kind of dismissed Susie and Becky. Said it's a good lesson for our DD and now we know what's up with them. He did not want to extend an invite to Becky for the weekend festivities, but left it to DD to decide for herself.

Just to answer some questions, my DD and Becky attend the same private school. Don't know for sure if my DD is Becky's only AA friend, but my DD is the "only" in her class. They have been in class together since second grade-they are now rising 7th graders. The entire Becky family has been to our home about 7 times over the years for parties and other social gatherings, however, Becky has been to our home over 20 times since my DD started the school. My DD has had a few minor quasi-racial issues at school, but nothing that wasn't handled sufficiently by DD (some of the girls pulling DD fresh braids, making fun of DD when DD insists that she can’t get hair wet when straightened, saying that she didn't talk "black" enough", always asking her about rap songs ("truffle butter"), and she is the go-to speaker/presenter in February), but other than that, it's been a pretty good situation.

My DH is in a very high paying blue collar job, I'm also in a middle to high income professional job. We do well, no doubt about it. But this really hurt my DD. She was talking to her Granny about it last night and she was in tears. Part of that is me and DH's fault though. Due our circumstance she has been shielded from the harshness of this type of behavior. Granny had to tell her stories of when encountered "white only" pools and tell her about "white only" water fountains and being sprayed by water hoses. Granny had to remind her that she was once arrested for shopping in a Goldsmith's (now Macy's) during non-colored hours.

So for the folks making jokes and wanting to create 28th amendments and such, realize that this stuff is real for some people and their children. No amount of money that my family makes can shield my DD from folks like Becky and her family not willing to stand up for her.

And to the PP that said no "not everybody wants to fight for your cause", we have to agree to disagree. As a human being, I try to think that defending fairness and dignity of our fellow man is a cause that we all inherently attempt to fight for. That's what I teach my DD.

DD is not going to the party. Nothing probably would have happened, but I know at this point I have not adequately trained my daughter to know what to do when confronted with racial indignities.
I didn’t want to take the chance of one of the members saying something to her, and her being embarrassed, and Becky and Susie standing by letting it happen.

I'm so horrified reading this story. I've been to that club numerous times as a guest of a dear friend, who happens to be AA, and cannot believe how horrid the other family is treating you and your daughter. I think you did the right thing by not having her go, and I'm sorry you have to have these incredibly tough conversations with her. You sound like an awesome mom and your DD will learn a lot from you modeling what it looks like to have her back so completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Langley Swim and Tennis community pool. I asked my daughter again, what exactly was said to her. She said "Becky" said to her "Larla, I'm not sure you should come to my party on Wednesday because I wouldn't want happened in Texas to happen to my party. My daughter says "What happened in Texas?" Friend says "You haven't seen the video on the news, it all over the internet?" My daughter then has to remind Becky that she doesn't get to watch TV during the week and has limited access to internet. Becky says " Some Black kids went to a swim party at a community pool and someone called the police because they weren't supposed to be there. I've never seen any other black kids at our community pool, so I'm unsure if you should come. I"ll ask my mom and call you tonight." My daughter then says "OOOKAYYYY, uh maybe I shouldn't come, I'll have to ask my mom too."

I think my daughter left out some things from the conversation but she was still seriously concerned that she shouldn't go to the party. I then showed her the video of what happened. And Becky has not called as of yet to say whether or not she still is invited. If Becky has not called by 7pm, I am calling Becky's mom for clarification.

On behalf of the white people, please apologize to your daughter for being treated so disrespectfully. If I found out my "Becky" behaved so atrociously, I'd sure punish her by canceling her party in it's entirety.

Okay, now I don't know what to do. I work really hard at not being characterized as an "Angry Black Woman", so I really had to hold my tongue.

I called Becky's mom. Said our usual pleasantries, discussed summer plans and all that. I then say "Susie, Larla was talking to Becky about the swim party on Wednesday and she seems to have some concerns." Before I could any further, Susie says "Yeah, I know. Becky doesn't want folks at the pool to be concerned about Larla being there. You know with all this stuff going on in the media, I too am concerned. So I don't know." I was speechless and really didn't know what to say for a moment. I was really trying to measure my response. I say "Susie, I really don't know what to say, is Larla invited or not? Honestly its' not a big deal you know, because we have a pool. Larla and Becky have been good friends for a couple of years and I would hate for this to come between them or us. Larla was really surprised that Becky didn't know if she could come to the party because she is black. Do you think members of your club would cause problems for my daughter? She says flatly "I don't know". I say "Are there any other black members?" She says "I'm sure there are, but we haven't seen any at the pool since I've been a member." I then say "Susie, I appreciate the invite, but Larla won't be coming. You all have a great summer and I hope Becky has a nice party. Thanks." I hung up.

I told my little Larla she would not be going to the party, she was disappointed. I told her she could have a few friends over to our private home pool over the weekend if she wanted. She then asks if she should/could invite Becky? I say I don't know, I'll have to ask DH. My DD likes Becky, I like her too. But I don't if I can allow this friendship to continue because it appears that neither Susie or Becky would stand up for my DD if in their presence some racist $hit went down.

I'm just speechless. These are the really difficult conversations we have to have.

I'm sorry this is happening to your family. I assume your daughter is Becky's only black friend.
Do they go to private school? I have a friend who removed her son from private school because she kept encountering these types of situations.

At some point you have to realize that not everybody wants to fight for your cause. Some people are eager to engage and stand up for the right thing; some are not. I seriously doubt that Becky or her mom harbor any resentment towards you or your family. They just don't want trouble. I get where they're coming from. Most of us just want to live in peace, so we avoid potential trouble. The way things have been playing out, I don't blame them. I agree it's completely unfair, but hey, this is what racial relations have come to in our country. I guess it's a new normal.

So if your child had a friend who was a minority, you would not invite that child to a party because there is "potential" trouble inviting that kid to a private pool? See...here is the issue. I do not see what trouble could arise other than some busybody making a comment. Which, if this is my child's friend, I will stand up and respond to. I do not care what color they are. What kind of example are you setting for your child? Keep quiet if one of your friends is treated unjustly? You may be able to live in peace, but your child is the one who is going to have to face her friend everyday in school. And these are just children! No way I would put my own child or her friend through that. Belonging to "the club" is just not that important to me (and I DO belong to a private pool that, thankfully, has a number of AA families).

Would you send you white child to an all black pool if the mom expressed concern that kids/parents might treat her differently? Would you expect the mom to stand up for your white child?

Huh? Let's not add and twist facts to make a point. I was arguing from the perspective of the White mom hosting the party? I guess what I am saying that as the hosting parent... even if I had that concern, it would not stop me from inviting the child if she were my child's friend. And I, as the host, would be prepared to handle any issues that arose. MY invited guest is MY invited guest and I would make that clear in the unlikely event that something happened. But I would NOT disinvite the child because of the threat of "potential" trouble when there is nothing to indicate that anything will happen at the pool. To answer your question, I would not send my daughter to a party where the host (of ANY color) said what this mom said. And if she was invited, I would absolutely expect the host to stand up for my child. Here, the mother is implying she will not do it, which is why I supported the PP's decision to keep her daughter home.

I think that the host's daughter did not pull this out of her rear end. This concern was planted in her by her mother. The girl raised it to PP's daughter but this whole thing is coming from the host mother. No doubt in my mind.

Long response:
Hey so I'm the poster of this incident. Told my DH what happened and he didn't say very much, he just kind of dismissed Susie and Becky. Said it's a good lesson for our DD and now we know what's up with them. He did not want to extend an invite to Becky for the weekend festivities, but left it to DD to decide for herself.

Just to answer some questions, my DD and Becky attend the same private school. Don't know for sure if my DD is Becky's only AA friend, but my DD is the "only" in her class. They have been in class together since second grade-they are now rising 7th graders. The entire Becky family has been to our home about 7 times over the years for parties and other social gatherings, however, Becky has been to our home over 20 times since my DD started the school. My DD has had a few minor quasi-racial issues at school, but nothing that wasn't handled sufficiently by DD (some of the girls pulling DD fresh braids, making fun of DD when DD insists that she can’t get hair wet when straightened, saying that she didn't talk "black" enough", always asking her about rap songs ("truffle butter"), and she is the go-to speaker/presenter in February), but other than that, it's been a pretty good situation.

My DH is in a very high paying blue collar job, I'm also in a middle to high income professional job. We do well, no doubt about it. But this really hurt my DD. She was talking to her Granny about it last night and she was in tears. Part of that is me and DH's fault though. Due our circumstance she has been shielded from the harshness of this type of behavior. Granny had to tell her stories of when encountered "white only" pools and tell her about "white only" water fountains and being sprayed by water hoses. Granny had to remind her that she was once arrested for shopping in a Goldsmith's (now Macy's) during non-colored hours.

So for the folks making jokes and wanting to create 28th amendments and such, realize that this stuff is real for some people and their children. No amount of money that my family makes can shield my DD from folks like Becky and her family not willing to stand up for her.

And to the PP that said no "not everybody wants to fight for your cause", we have to agree to disagree. As a human being, I try to think that defending fairness and dignity of our fellow man is a cause that we all inherently attempt to fight for. That's what I teach my DD.

DD is not going to the party. Nothing probably would have happened, but I know at this point I have not adequately trained my daughter to know what to do when confronted with racial indignities.
I didn’t want to take the chance of one of the members saying something to her, and her being embarrassed, and Becky and Susie standing by letting it happen.

Good lord.

We live in McLean and belong to a private pool (not the same one). We've invited friends who are black and every other color I can think of to the pool.

We had DD's b-day party there last year and much of her class attended; the class looks like a Model-UN meeting.

Both kids take tennis lessons there and one of their classmates is black, as is one of the instructors.

No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever said or done anything remotely suggestive of anything racist. Period. Comparing McLean to some racist incident in a far away state is out of line. It is offensive. I am proud of our community.

If you think we have the same sorts of issues around here, you need professional help.



PS: I believe the path to a color blind society is to live what you preach. Judge people by the content of their character and stop obsessing over the color of their skin.

Hard to do when white skin confers so many privileges.

Aaaaaaaaaand - YOU are the kind of race-obsessed bigot who helps perpetuate the problem. Buh bye - we are headed to the pool to enjoy some time with all our friends from a variety of ethnicities - WITHOUT giving another thought to prejudiced/bigoted/racist people like you who focus on skin color (which - FYI- should not matter, at all). Have a nice life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Langley Swim and Tennis community pool. I asked my daughter again, what exactly was said to her. She said "Becky" said to her "Larla, I'm not sure you should come to my party on Wednesday because I wouldn't want happened in Texas to happen to my party. My daughter says "What happened in Texas?" Friend says "You haven't seen the video on the news, it all over the internet?" My daughter then has to remind Becky that she doesn't get to watch TV during the week and has limited access to internet. Becky says " Some Black kids went to a swim party at a community pool and someone called the police because they weren't supposed to be there. I've never seen any other black kids at our community pool, so I'm unsure if you should come. I"ll ask my mom and call you tonight." My daughter then says "OOOKAYYYY, uh maybe I shouldn't come, I'll have to ask my mom too."

I think my daughter left out some things from the conversation but she was still seriously concerned that she shouldn't go to the party. I then showed her the video of what happened. And Becky has not called as of yet to say whether or not she still is invited. If Becky has not called by 7pm, I am calling Becky's mom for clarification.

On behalf of the white people, please apologize to your daughter for being treated so disrespectfully. If I found out my "Becky" behaved so atrociously, I'd sure punish her by canceling her party in it's entirety.

Okay, now I don't know what to do. I work really hard at not being characterized as an "Angry Black Woman", so I really had to hold my tongue.

I called Becky's mom. Said our usual pleasantries, discussed summer plans and all that. I then say "Susie, Larla was talking to Becky about the swim party on Wednesday and she seems to have some concerns." Before I could any further, Susie says "Yeah, I know. Becky doesn't want folks at the pool to be concerned about Larla being there. You know with all this stuff going on in the media, I too am concerned. So I don't know." I was speechless and really didn't know what to say for a moment. I was really trying to measure my response. I say "Susie, I really don't know what to say, is Larla invited or not? Honestly its' not a big deal you know, because we have a pool. Larla and Becky have been good friends for a couple of years and I would hate for this to come between them or us. Larla was really surprised that Becky didn't know if she could come to the party because she is black. Do you think members of your club would cause problems for my daughter? She says flatly "I don't know". I say "Are there any other black members?" She says "I'm sure there are, but we haven't seen any at the pool since I've been a member." I then say "Susie, I appreciate the invite, but Larla won't be coming. You all have a great summer and I hope Becky has a nice party. Thanks." I hung up.

I told my little Larla she would not be going to the party, she was disappointed. I told her she could have a few friends over to our private home pool over the weekend if she wanted. She then asks if she should/could invite Becky? I say I don't know, I'll have to ask DH. My DD likes Becky, I like her too. But I don't if I can allow this friendship to continue because it appears that neither Susie or Becky would stand up for my DD if in their presence some racist $hit went down.

I'm just speechless. These are the really difficult conversations we have to have.

I'm sorry this is happening to your family. I assume your daughter is Becky's only black friend.
Do they go to private school? I have a friend who removed her son from private school because she kept encountering these types of situations.

At some point you have to realize that not everybody wants to fight for your cause. Some people are eager to engage and stand up for the right thing; some are not. I seriously doubt that Becky or her mom harbor any resentment towards you or your family. They just don't want trouble. I get where they're coming from. Most of us just want to live in peace, so we avoid potential trouble. The way things have been playing out, I don't blame them. I agree it's completely unfair, but hey, this is what racial relations have come to in our country. I guess it's a new normal.

So if your child had a friend who was a minority, you would not invite that child to a party because there is "potential" trouble inviting that kid to a private pool? See...here is the issue. I do not see what trouble could arise other than some busybody making a comment. Which, if this is my child's friend, I will stand up and respond to. I do not care what color they are. What kind of example are you setting for your child? Keep quiet if one of your friends is treated unjustly? You may be able to live in peace, but your child is the one who is going to have to face her friend everyday in school. And these are just children! No way I would put my own child or her friend through that. Belonging to "the club" is just not that important to me (and I DO belong to a private pool that, thankfully, has a number of AA families).

Would you send you white child to an all black pool if the mom expressed concern that kids/parents might treat her differently? Would you expect the mom to stand up for your white child?

Huh? Let's not add and twist facts to make a point. I was arguing from the perspective of the White mom hosting the party? I guess what I am saying that as the hosting parent... even if I had that concern, it would not stop me from inviting the child if she were my child's friend. And I, as the host, would be prepared to handle any issues that arose. MY invited guest is MY invited guest and I would make that clear in the unlikely event that something happened. But I would NOT disinvite the child because of the threat of "potential" trouble when there is nothing to indicate that anything will happen at the pool. To answer your question, I would not send my daughter to a party where the host (of ANY color) said what this mom said. And if she was invited, I would absolutely expect the host to stand up for my child. Here, the mother is implying she will not do it, which is why I supported the PP's decision to keep her daughter home.

I think that the host's daughter did not pull this out of her rear end. This concern was planted in her by her mother. The girl raised it to PP's daughter but this whole thing is coming from the host mother. No doubt in my mind.

Long response:
Hey so I'm the poster of this incident. Told my DH what happened and he didn't say very much, he just kind of dismissed Susie and Becky. Said it's a good lesson for our DD and now we know what's up with them. He did not want to extend an invite to Becky for the weekend festivities, but left it to DD to decide for herself.

Just to answer some questions, my DD and Becky attend the same private school. Don't know for sure if my DD is Becky's only AA friend, but my DD is the "only" in her class. They have been in class together since second grade-they are now rising 7th graders. The entire Becky family has been to our home about 7 times over the years for parties and other social gatherings, however, Becky has been to our home over 20 times since my DD started the school. My DD has had a few minor quasi-racial issues at school, but nothing that wasn't handled sufficiently by DD (some of the girls pulling DD fresh braids, making fun of DD when DD insists that she can’t get hair wet when straightened, saying that she didn't talk "black" enough", always asking her about rap songs ("truffle butter"), and she is the go-to speaker/presenter in February), but other than that, it's been a pretty good situation.

My DH is in a very high paying blue collar job, I'm also in a middle to high income professional job. We do well, no doubt about it. But this really hurt my DD. She was talking to her Granny about it last night and she was in tears. Part of that is me and DH's fault though. Due our circumstance she has been shielded from the harshness of this type of behavior. Granny had to tell her stories of when encountered "white only" pools and tell her about "white only" water fountains and being sprayed by water hoses. Granny had to remind her that she was once arrested for shopping in a Goldsmith's (now Macy's) during non-colored hours.

So for the folks making jokes and wanting to create 28th amendments and such, realize that this stuff is real for some people and their children. No amount of money that my family makes can shield my DD from folks like Becky and her family not willing to stand up for her.

And to the PP that said no "not everybody wants to fight for your cause", we have to agree to disagree. As a human being, I try to think that defending fairness and dignity of our fellow man is a cause that we all inherently attempt to fight for. That's what I teach my DD.

DD is not going to the party. Nothing probably would have happened, but I know at this point I have not adequately trained my daughter to know what to do when confronted with racial indignities.
I didn’t want to take the chance of one of the members saying something to her, and her being embarrassed, and Becky and Susie standing by letting it happen.

Good lord.

We live in McLean and belong to a private pool (not the same one). We've invited friends who are black and every other color I can think of to the pool.

We had DD's b-day party there last year and much of her class attended; the class looks like a Model-UN meeting.

Both kids take tennis lessons there and one of their classmates is black, as is one of the instructors.

No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever said or done anything remotely suggestive of anything racist. Period. Comparing McLean to some racist incident in a far away state is out of line. It is offensive. I am proud of our community.

If you think we have the same sorts of issues around here, you need professional help.



PS: I believe the path to a color blind society is to live what you preach. Judge people by the content of their character and stop obsessing over the color of their skin.

Hard to do when white skin confers so many privileges.

Aaaaaaaaaand - YOU are the kind of race-obsessed bigot who helps perpetuate the problem. Buh bye - we are headed to the pool to enjoy some time with all our friends from a variety of ethnicities - WITHOUT giving another thought to prejudiced/bigoted/racist people like you who focus on skin color (which - FYI- should not matter, at all). Have a nice life.

Wait - are you completely negating what happened to this woman and her daughter because it doesn't fit your narrative that everyone should be colorblind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:
I quoted a poster saying that the officer did "not necessarily" do something wrong. Don't you think that suggesting the officer's actions were appropriate is a defense? Even if you disagree, isn't a position supported by evidence a logical rather than emotional one?

The defense would be 'no, he did not'. I can only wonder what logic takes you from 'not necessarily' to 'appropriate'.

Moreover, since you disagree that there have been efforts by some posters to defend the cop's actions, is your position logical or emotional?

I do not disagree with this. You do infer rather emotionally, I must say

"Would you rather be Tasered? The teen got a lucky pass.

Again, logically, where is the actual defence? Condemnation of the teen, the rest can only be inferred.

So what if the officer did something wrong. Everybody does something wrong in their job. What he did is not all that bad actually, it was not illegal, he won't be sued, he would not have been fired. I suspect he will sue the police department for defaming his name and making it impossible to be a cop and he will get paid out."

This poster actually accepts that the officer messed up, so... what's your question exactly?

Very good point with the "emotional inference"

It's the most common type in these threads.

[Anonymous]

Good lord.

We live in McLean and belong to a private pool (not the same one). We've invited friends who are black and every other color I can think of to the pool.

We had DD's b-day party there last year and much of her class attended; the class looks like a Model-UN meeting.

Both kids take tennis lessons there and one of their classmates is black, as is one of the instructors.

No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever said or done anything remotely suggestive of anything racist. Period. Comparing McLean to some racist incident in a far away state is out of line. It is offensive. I am proud of our community.

If you think we have the same sorts of issues around here, you need professional help.



PS: I believe the path to a color blind society is to live what you preach. Judge people by the content of their character and stop obsessing over the color of their skin.

Hard to do when white skin confers so many privileges.


Aaaaaaaaaand - YOU are the kind of race-obsessed bigot who helps perpetuate the problem. Buh bye - we are headed to the pool to enjoy some time with all our friends from a variety of ethnicities - WITHOUT giving another thought to prejudiced/bigoted/racist people like you who focus on skin color (which - FYI- should not matter, at all). Have a nice life.

I'm the poster of the Pool story. I'm not sure who your response is directed to, but I could not let the "Good Lord" post hang without a response.

I'm not a member of that pool community, so I can't speak to what they would or would not do. But the parent (Susie) of the child (Becky) who invited my daughter is a member and she herself obviously had concerns about the possible behavior of her fellow members. She was the one concerned that my daughter may be targeted due to the Texas pool incident. She was the one who said she had not seen any other AA members at the pool since she was a member and "Just didn't know if my DD should come to Becky's party. I really don't care about what you have experienced at your pool community-maybe it's all good there, that's great for you. I'm concerned about what my DD might have had to experience at this pool if she were to attend with the Becky family.

It's so easy to blow somebody else off when you don't have to deal with it. Glad you're heading to the pool with all your friends. Have a great time. My DD will be at ours doing the same. By the way, Becky's invited.

[Anonymous]

Ugh the quotes are all screwed up...


I am not the PP. But this is McLean, VA? I am not saying this story is not true, but it seems Susie is crazy. McLean, VA right, not McLean, Kentucky or Mississippi.

Did you ever just think, Susie and Becky are crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh the quotes are all screwed up...


I am not the PP. But this is McLean, VA? I am not saying this story is not true, but it seems Susie is crazy. McLean, VA right, not McLean, Kentucky or Mississippi.

Did you ever just think, Susie and Becky are crazy?

Define crazy.

(Depending on your precise definition, I'd estimate that 10-40% of DCUM dwellers are crazy, so why not some people over in McLean)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh the quotes are all screwed up...


I am not the PP. But this is McLean, VA? I am not saying this story is not true, but it seems Susie is crazy. McLean, VA right, not McLean, Kentucky or Mississippi.

Did you ever just think, Susie and Becky are crazy?

Yes, McLean, VA. I don't think Susie or Becky are crazy. I think Susie is the type described by a poster up thread. She doesn't want to fight anyone else's fight. She just wants to have a party for her little girl with no drama. My DD's presence might cause drama. She didn't call me back to say it was a misunderstanding, Becky didn't clarify today with DD or ask her if she was coming. Such is life. My point was that it was no big deal to her to basically dis-invite my DD because she is AA, and some of her pool members might say something. Party went on as planned. That's cool. But now I have to deal with the fall-out. And there already is. I have received 4 emails asking why DD wasn't at the party when we originally said we would be there. But that might be because I was supposed to bring deviled eggs and everyone loves my deviled eggs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh the quotes are all screwed up...


I am not the PP. But this is McLean, VA? I am not saying this story is not true, but it seems Susie is crazy. McLean, VA right, not McLean, Kentucky or Mississippi.

Did you ever just think, Susie and Becky are crazy?

Yes, McLean, VA. I don't think Susie or Becky are crazy. I think Susie is the type described by a poster up thread. She doesn't want to fight anyone else's fight. She just wants to have a party for her little girl with no drama. My DD's presence might cause drama. She didn't call me back to say it was a misunderstanding, Becky didn't clarify today with DD or ask her if she was coming. Such is life. My point was that it was no big deal to her to basically dis-invite my DD because she is AA, and some of her pool members might say something. Party went on as planned. That's cool. But now I have to deal with the fall-out. And there already is. I have received 4 emails asking why DD wasn't at the party when we originally said we would be there. But that might be because I was supposed to bring deviled eggs and everyone loves my deviled eggs.

When you decided to take your kid to a private school, didn't you essentially act the same way? Why didn't you stay and help your neighbors fight to improve your local public school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Langley Swim and Tennis community pool. I asked my daughter again, what exactly was said to her. She said "Becky" said to her "Larla, I'm not sure you should come to my party on Wednesday because I wouldn't want happened in Texas to happen to my party. My daughter says "What happened in Texas?" Friend says "You haven't seen the video on the news, it all over the internet?" My daughter then has to remind Becky that she doesn't get to watch TV during the week and has limited access to internet. Becky says " Some Black kids went to a swim party at a community pool and someone called the police because they weren't supposed to be there. I've never seen any other black kids at our community pool, so I'm unsure if you should come. I"ll ask my mom and call you tonight." My daughter then says "OOOKAYYYY, uh maybe I shouldn't come, I'll have to ask my mom too."

I think my daughter left out some things from the conversation but she was still seriously concerned that she shouldn't go to the party. I then showed her the video of what happened. And Becky has not called as of yet to say whether or not she still is invited. If Becky has not called by 7pm, I am calling Becky's mom for clarification.

On behalf of the white people, please apologize to your daughter for being treated so disrespectfully. If I found out my "Becky" behaved so atrociously, I'd sure punish her by canceling her party in it's entirety.

Okay, now I don't know what to do. I work really hard at not being characterized as an "Angry Black Woman", so I really had to hold my tongue.

I called Becky's mom. Said our usual pleasantries, discussed summer plans and all that. I then say "Susie, Larla was talking to Becky about the swim party on Wednesday and she seems to have some concerns." Before I could any further, Susie says "Yeah, I know. Becky doesn't want folks at the pool to be concerned about Larla being there. You know with all this stuff going on in the media, I too am concerned. So I don't know." I was speechless and really didn't know what to say for a moment. I was really trying to measure my response. I say "Susie, I really don't know what to say, is Larla invited or not? Honestly its' not a big deal you know, because we have a pool. Larla and Becky have been good friends for a couple of years and I would hate for this to come between them or us. Larla was really surprised that Becky didn't know if she could come to the party because she is black. Do you think members of your club would cause problems for my daughter? She says flatly "I don't know". I say "Are there any other black members?" She says "I'm sure there are, but we haven't seen any at the pool since I've been a member." I then say "Susie, I appreciate the invite, but Larla won't be coming. You all have a great summer and I hope Becky has a nice party. Thanks." I hung up.

I told my little Larla she would not be going to the party, she was disappointed. I told her she could have a few friends over to our private home pool over the weekend if she wanted. She then asks if she should/could invite Becky? I say I don't know, I'll have to ask DH. My DD likes Becky, I like her too. But I don't if I can allow this friendship to continue because it appears that neither Susie or Becky would stand up for my DD if in their presence some racist $hit went down.

I'm just speechless. These are the really difficult conversations we have to have.

I'm sorry this is happening to your family. I assume your daughter is Becky's only black friend.
Do they go to private school? I have a friend who removed her son from private school because she kept encountering these types of situations.

At some point you have to realize that not everybody wants to fight for your cause. Some people are eager to engage and stand up for the right thing; some are not. I seriously doubt that Becky or her mom harbor any resentment towards you or your family. They just don't want trouble. I get where they're coming from. Most of us just want to live in peace, so we avoid potential trouble. The way things have been playing out, I don't blame them. I agree it's completely unfair, but hey, this is what racial relations have come to in our country. I guess it's a new normal.

So if your child had a friend who was a minority, you would not invite that child to a party because there is "potential" trouble inviting that kid to a private pool? See...here is the issue. I do not see what trouble could arise other than some busybody making a comment. Which, if this is my child's friend, I will stand up and respond to. I do not care what color they are. What kind of example are you setting for your child? Keep quiet if one of your friends is treated unjustly? You may be able to live in peace, but your child is the one who is going to have to face her friend everyday in school. And these are just children! No way I would put my own child or her friend through that. Belonging to "the club" is just not that important to me (and I DO belong to a private pool that, thankfully, has a number of AA families).

Would you send you white child to an all black pool if the mom expressed concern that kids/parents might treat her differently? Would you expect the mom to stand up for your white child?

Yes. And I have (not a pool, but an event).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh the quotes are all screwed up...


I am not the PP. But this is McLean, VA? I am not saying this story is not true, but it seems Susie is crazy. McLean, VA right, not McLean, Kentucky or Mississippi.

Did you ever just think, Susie and Becky are crazy?

Yes, McLean, VA. I don't think Susie or Becky are crazy. I think Susie is the type described by a poster up thread. She doesn't want to fight anyone else's fight. She just wants to have a party for her little girl with no drama. My DD's presence might cause drama. She didn't call me back to say it was a misunderstanding, Becky didn't clarify today with DD or ask her if she was coming. Such is life. My point was that it was no big deal to her to basically dis-invite my DD because she is AA, and some of her pool members might say something. Party went on as planned. That's cool. But now I have to deal with the fall-out. And there already is. I have received 4 emails asking why DD wasn't at the party when we originally said we would be there. But that might be because I was supposed to bring deviled eggs and everyone loves my deviled eggs.

I hope you are planning to candid and honest about the circumstances. This is probably a good time to have one of those difficult but important conversations about race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh the quotes are all screwed up...


I am not the PP. But this is McLean, VA? I am not saying this story is not true, but it seems Susie is crazy. McLean, VA right, not McLean, Kentucky or Mississippi.

Did you ever just think, Susie and Becky are crazy?

Yes, McLean, VA. I don't think Susie or Becky are crazy. I think Susie is the type described by a poster up thread. She doesn't want to fight anyone else's fight. She just wants to have a party for her little girl with no drama. My DD's presence might cause drama. She didn't call me back to say it was a misunderstanding, Becky didn't clarify today with DD or ask her if she was coming. Such is life. My point was that it was no big deal to her to basically dis-invite my DD because she is AA, and some of her pool members might say something. Party went on as planned. That's cool. But now I have to deal with the fall-out. And there already is. I have received 4 emails asking why DD wasn't at the party when we originally said we would be there. But that might be because I was supposed to bring deviled eggs and everyone loves my deviled eggs.

When you decided to take your kid to a private school, didn't you essentially act the same way? Why didn't you stay and help your neighbors fight to improve your local public school?

I am a child of private schools, (in Tennessee) so I'm used to casual racial comments and slights. I have never gone to a public school. I don't know anything else. My family has a legacy of going to private schools (not parochial, just in case you were wondering). That's why when my DD encountered minor irritations, I knew they were par for the course. This on the other hand was from someone my DD considered a friend. From someone who had been to my home, opened my refrigerator door without permission, drank my DH's good cognac (Susie's DH), loved my deviled eggs for God's sake! How could she not stand up for my daughter? Okay, I'm getting worked up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Langley Swim and Tennis community pool. I asked my daughter again, what exactly was said to her. She said "Becky" said to her "Larla, I'm not sure you should come to my party on Wednesday because I wouldn't want happened in Texas to happen to my party. My daughter says "What happened in Texas?" Friend says "You haven't seen the video on the news, it all over the internet?" My daughter then has to remind Becky that she doesn't get to watch TV during the week and has limited access to internet. Becky says " Some Black kids went to a swim party at a community pool and someone called the police because they weren't supposed to be there. I've never seen any other black kids at our community pool, so I'm unsure if you should come. I"ll ask my mom and call you tonight." My daughter then says "OOOKAYYYY, uh maybe I shouldn't come, I'll have to ask my mom too."

I think my daughter left out some things from the conversation but she was still seriously concerned that she shouldn't go to the party. I then showed her the video of what happened. And Becky has not called as of yet to say whether or not she still is invited. If Becky has not called by 7pm, I am calling Becky's mom for clarification.

On behalf of the white people, please apologize to your daughter for being treated so disrespectfully. If I found out my "Becky" behaved so atrociously, I'd sure punish her by canceling her party in it's entirety.

Okay, now I don't know what to do. I work really hard at not being characterized as an "Angry Black Woman", so I really had to hold my tongue.

I called Becky's mom. Said our usual pleasantries, discussed summer plans and all that. I then say "Susie, Larla was talking to Becky about the swim party on Wednesday and she seems to have some concerns." Before I could any further, Susie says "Yeah, I know. Becky doesn't want folks at the pool to be concerned about Larla being there. You know with all this stuff going on in the media, I too am concerned. So I don't know." I was speechless and really didn't know what to say for a moment. I was really trying to measure my response. I say "Susie, I really don't know what to say, is Larla invited or not? Honestly its' not a big deal you know, because we have a pool. Larla and Becky have been good friends for a couple of years and I would hate for this to come between them or us. Larla was really surprised that Becky didn't know if she could come to the party because she is black. Do you think members of your club would cause problems for my daughter? She says flatly "I don't know". I say "Are there any other black members?" She says "I'm sure there are, but we haven't seen any at the pool since I've been a member." I then say "Susie, I appreciate the invite, but Larla won't be coming. You all have a great summer and I hope Becky has a nice party. Thanks." I hung up.

I told my little Larla she would not be going to the party, she was disappointed. I told her she could have a few friends over to our private home pool over the weekend if she wanted. She then asks if she should/could invite Becky? I say I don't know, I'll have to ask DH. My DD likes Becky, I like her too. But I don't if I can allow this friendship to continue because it appears that neither Susie or Becky would stand up for my DD if in their presence some racist $hit went down.

I'm just speechless. These are the really difficult conversations we have to have.

I'm sorry this is happening to your family. I assume your daughter is Becky's only black friend.
Do they go to private school? I have a friend who removed her son from private school because she kept encountering these types of situations.

At some point you have to realize that not everybody wants to fight for your cause. Some people are eager to engage and stand up for the right thing; some are not. I seriously doubt that Becky or her mom harbor any resentment towards you or your family. They just don't want trouble. I get where they're coming from. Most of us just want to live in peace, so we avoid potential trouble. The way things have been playing out, I don't blame them. I agree it's completely unfair, but hey, this is what racial relations have come to in our country. I guess it's a new normal.

Didn't the Germans in Nazi Germany make the same argument? Yes, hyperbole, but...I don't want to live in "peace" if that means that a little girl gets disinvited to a party because of what she looks like. To me, that is not a world I want to live in. I'm white and that is not a pool I would belong to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh the quotes are all screwed up...


I am not the PP. But this is McLean, VA? I am not saying this story is not true, but it seems Susie is crazy. McLean, VA right, not McLean, Kentucky or Mississippi.

Did you ever just think, Susie and Becky are crazy?

Yes, McLean, VA. I don't think Susie or Becky are crazy. I think Susie is the type described by a poster up thread. She doesn't want to fight anyone else's fight. She just wants to have a party for her little girl with no drama. My DD's presence might cause drama. She didn't call me back to say it was a misunderstanding, Becky didn't clarify today with DD or ask her if she was coming. Such is life. My point was that it was no big deal to her to basically dis-invite my DD because she is AA, and some of her pool members might say something. Party went on as planned. That's cool. But now I have to deal with the fall-out. And there already is. I have received 4 emails asking why DD wasn't at the party when we originally said we would be there. But that might be because I was supposed to bring deviled eggs and everyone loves my deviled eggs.

Susie is crazy.

You should answer the emails. Susie did not want my daughter there because she is AA. Hit send.