Cop Suspended After Video Emerges Of Brutal Arrests At Teen Pool Party (In McKinney Texas)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Langley Swim and Tennis community pool. I asked my daughter again, what exactly was said to her. She said "Becky" said to her "Larla, I'm not sure you should come to my party on Wednesday because I wouldn't want happened in Texas to happen to my party. My daughter says "What happened in Texas?" Friend says "You haven't seen the video on the news, it all over the internet?" My daughter then has to remind Becky that she doesn't get to watch TV during the week and has limited access to internet. Becky says " Some Black kids went to a swim party at a community pool and someone called the police because they weren't supposed to be there. I've never seen any other black kids at our community pool, so I'm unsure if you should come. I"ll ask my mom and call you tonight." My daughter then says "OOOKAYYYY, uh maybe I shouldn't come, I'll have to ask my mom too."

I think my daughter left out some things from the conversation but she was still seriously concerned that she shouldn't go to the party. I then showed her the video of what happened. And Becky has not called as of yet to say whether or not she still is invited. If Becky has not called by 7pm, I am calling Becky's mom for clarification.

On behalf of the white people, please apologize to your daughter for being treated so disrespectfully. If I found out my "Becky" behaved so atrociously, I'd sure punish her by canceling her party in it's entirety.

Okay, now I don't know what to do. I work really hard at not being characterized as an "Angry Black Woman", so I really had to hold my tongue.

I called Becky's mom. Said our usual pleasantries, discussed summer plans and all that. I then say "Susie, Larla was talking to Becky about the swim party on Wednesday and she seems to have some concerns." Before I could any further, Susie says "Yeah, I know. Becky doesn't want folks at the pool to be concerned about Larla being there. You know with all this stuff going on in the media, I too am concerned. So I don't know." I was speechless and really didn't know what to say for a moment. I was really trying to measure my response. I say "Susie, I really don't know what to say, is Larla invited or not? Honestly its' not a big deal you know, because we have a pool. Larla and Becky have been good friends for a couple of years and I would hate for this to come between them or us. Larla was really surprised that Becky didn't know if she could come to the party because she is black. Do you think members of your club would cause problems for my daughter? She says flatly "I don't know". I say "Are there any other black members?" She says "I'm sure there are, but we haven't seen any at the pool since I've been a member." I then say "Susie, I appreciate the invite, but Larla won't be coming. You all have a great summer and I hope Becky has a nice party. Thanks." I hung up.

I told my little Larla she would not be going to the party, she was disappointed. I told her she could have a few friends over to our private home pool over the weekend if she wanted. She then asks if she should/could invite Becky? I say I don't know, I'll have to ask DH. My DD likes Becky, I like her too. But I don't if I can allow this friendship to continue because it appears that neither Susie or Becky would stand up for my DD if in their presence some racist $hit went down.

I'm just speechless. These are the really difficult conversations we have to have.

I'm sorry this is happening to your family. I assume your daughter is Becky's only black friend.
Do they go to private school? I have a friend who removed her son from private school because she kept encountering these types of situations.

At some point you have to realize that not everybody wants to fight for your cause. Some people are eager to engage and stand up for the right thing; some are not. I seriously doubt that Becky or her mom harbor any resentment towards you or your family. They just don't want trouble. I get where they're coming from. Most of us just want to live in peace, so we avoid potential trouble. The way things have been playing out, I don't blame them. I agree it's completely unfair, but hey, this is what racial relations have come to in our country. I guess it's a new normal.

So if your child had a friend who was a minority, you would not invite that child to a party because there is "potential" trouble inviting that kid to a private pool? See...here is the issue. I do not see what trouble could arise other than some busybody making a comment. Which, if this is my child's friend, I will stand up and respond to. I do not care what color they are. What kind of example are you setting for your child? Keep quiet if one of your friends is treated unjustly? You may be able to live in peace, but your child is the one who is going to have to face her friend everyday in school. And these are just children! No way I would put my own child or her friend through that. Belonging to "the club" is just not that important to me (and I DO belong to a private pool that, thankfully, has a number of AA families).

Would you send you white child to an all black pool if the mom expressed concern that kids/parents might treat her differently? Would you expect the mom to stand up for your white child?

Huh? Let's not add and twist facts to make a point. I was arguing from the perspective of the White mom hosting the party? I guess what I am saying that as the hosting parent... even if I had that concern, it would not stop me from inviting the child if she were my child's friend. And I, as the host, would be prepared to handle any issues that arose. MY invited guest is MY invited guest and I would make that clear in the unlikely event that something happened. But I would NOT disinvite the child because of the threat of "potential" trouble when there is nothing to indicate that anything will happen at the pool. To answer your question, I would not send my daughter to a party where the host (of ANY color) said what this mom said. And if she was invited, I would absolutely expect the host to stand up for my child. Here, the mother is implying she will not do it, which is why I supported the PP's decision to keep her daughter home.

I think that the host's daughter did not pull this out of her rear end. This concern was planted in her by her mother. The girl raised it to PP's daughter but this whole thing is coming from the host mother. No doubt in my mind.

Long response:
Hey so I'm the poster of this incident. Told my DH what happened and he didn't say very much, he just kind of dismissed Susie and Becky. Said it's a good lesson for our DD and now we know what's up with them. He did not want to extend an invite to Becky for the weekend festivities, but left it to DD to decide for herself.

Just to answer some questions, my DD and Becky attend the same private school. Don't know for sure if my DD is Becky's only AA friend, but my DD is the "only" in her class. They have been in class together since second grade-they are now rising 7th graders. The entire Becky family has been to our home about 7 times over the years for parties and other social gatherings, however, Becky has been to our home over 20 times since my DD started the school. My DD has had a few minor quasi-racial issues at school, but nothing that wasn't handled sufficiently by DD (some of the girls pulling DD fresh braids, making fun of DD when DD insists that she can’t get hair wet when straightened, saying that she didn't talk "black" enough", always asking her about rap songs ("truffle butter"), and she is the go-to speaker/presenter in February), but other than that, it's been a pretty good situation.

My DH is in a very high paying blue collar job, I'm also in a middle to high income professional job. We do well, no doubt about it. But this really hurt my DD. She was talking to her Granny about it last night and she was in tears. Part of that is me and DH's fault though. Due our circumstance she has been shielded from the harshness of this type of behavior. Granny had to tell her stories of when encountered "white only" pools and tell her about "white only" water fountains and being sprayed by water hoses. Granny had to remind her that she was once arrested for shopping in a Goldsmith's (now Macy's) during non-colored hours.

So for the folks making jokes and wanting to create 28th amendments and such, realize that this stuff is real for some people and their children. No amount of money that my family makes can shield my DD from folks like Becky and her family not willing to stand up for her.

And to the PP that said no "not everybody wants to fight for your cause", we have to agree to disagree. As a human being, I try to think that defending fairness and dignity of our fellow man is a cause that we all inherently attempt to fight for. That's what I teach my DD.

DD is not going to the party. Nothing probably would have happened, but I know at this point I have not adequately trained my daughter to know what to do when confronted with racial indignities.
I didn’t want to take the chance of one of the members saying something to her, and her being embarrassed, and Becky and Susie standing by letting it happen.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't this guy get suspended then he resigned. Obviously he did something wrong.

Not necessarily

Necessarily.

http://www.wfaa.com/story/news/local/collin-county/2015/06/09/mckinney-officer-resigns-from-the-force/28760035/

"The actions of Eric Casebolt are indefensible," police Chief Greg Conley told reporters at a news conference late Tuesday afternoon, saying the officer was "out of control during the incident."

Administrative leave is not the same thing as being suspended.

Actually, I believe it is. More importantly, the officer clearly did something wrong and what he did was "indefensible" (despite the efforts of some posters here to defend them).

Your bias may be blinding you, Jeff.

Few if any posters here defended the suspended officer's overreaction. What many posters here (myself included) were trying to say is that 1) the overreaction had more to do with the teenager's individual behavior than with some general racism, and that 2) as a general rule, the best way to avoid police overreactions is to not act as a smart ass (and, not jump over fences and be part of a group trespassing property).

+1

Jeff is well known for arguing on an emotional rather than factual level around here

What part of my response was "emotional"? The part where I supported my point with a quote from the police chief? I really don't mind having critics, but I wish I had critics that were able to make a modicum of sense in their criticism.

How does the quote from the chief of police support your mention of "the efforts of some posters here to defend" the cop's actions?

Yes, it does help when people make sense

I quoted a poster saying that the officer did "not necessarily" do something wrong. Don't you think that suggesting the officer's actions were appropriate is a defense? Even if you disagree, isn't a position supported by evidence a logical rather than emotional one?

Moreover, since you disagree that there have been efforts by some posters to defend the cop's actions, is your position logical or emotional? Here are a couple posts from this thread:

"Would you rather be Tasered?

The teen got a lucky pass."

or

"So what if the officer did something wrong. Everybody does something wrong in their job. What he did is not all that bad actually, it was not illegal, he won't be sued, he would not have been fired. I suspect he will sue the police department for defaming his name and making it impossible to be a cop and he will get paid out."

Logically, wouldn't you consider these defenses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't this guy get suspended then he resigned. Obviously he did something wrong.

Not necessarily

Necessarily.

http://www.wfaa.com/story/news/local/collin-county/2015/06/09/mckinney-officer-resigns-from-the-force/28760035/

"The actions of Eric Casebolt are indefensible," police Chief Greg Conley told reporters at a news conference late Tuesday afternoon, saying the officer was "out of control during the incident."

Administrative leave is not the same thing as being suspended.

Actually, I believe it is. More importantly, the officer clearly did something wrong and what he did was "indefensible" (despite the efforts of some posters here to defend them).

Administrative leave is paid, suspended is not. "Did something wrong" is a wide open space. I went to the store and the clerk gave me the wrong change, she gave me 10 extra cents. I go to a store and every time I go my friend, the clerk give me the wrong change $10, so we can go to get lunch that day together. Both are wrong, one is clearly more wrong.

So what if the officer did something wrong. Everybody does something wrong in their job. What he did is not all that bad actually, it was not illegal, he won't be sued, he would not have been fired. I suspect he will sue the police department for defaming his name and making it impossible to be a cop and he will get paid out.

Another PP here. You lose ALL credibility with the bolded statement.

I know that some of you either love the police or hate young AA's, but you cannot credibly minimize how this particular officer bungled this incident.

See...here is the thing. He was placed on admin leave and ultimately resigned. But you defenders are missing a HUGE point of all this. We have the video but did any of you stop to think that they the MPD actually talked to the other officers on the scence about the incident? I am a PP whose DH is LEO (althought one poster implies that I am lying about that) and he thinks that other officer's impressions may have led to the action taken and resignatonion. If other officers told command that they thought this guy was over the top, it makes it easier to proceed against him. DH thinks (pure speculation) that the other officers did not back him up - especially about pulling the gun.

[Anonymous]

Chief of Police calls officers actions "indefensible".

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/06/09/413153057/hundreds-march-in-mckinney-s-streets-to-protest-police-action

Isn't that the end of the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Long response:
Hey so I'm the poster of this incident. Told my DH what happened and he didn't say very much, he just kind of dismissed Susie and Becky. Said it's a good lesson for our DD and now we know what's up with them. He did not want to extend an invite to Becky for the weekend festivities, but left it to DD to decide for herself.

Just to answer some questions, my DD and Becky attend the same private school. Don't know for sure if my DD is Becky's only AA friend, but my DD is the "only" in her class. They have been in class together since second grade-they are now rising 7th graders. The entire Becky family has been to our home about 7 times over the years for parties and other social gatherings, however, Becky has been to our home over 20 times since my DD started the school. My DD has had a few minor quasi-racial issues at school, but nothing that wasn't handled sufficiently by DD (some of the girls pulling DD fresh braids, making fun of DD when DD insists that she can’t get hair wet when straightened, saying that she didn't talk "black" enough", always asking her about rap songs ("truffle butter"), and she is the go-to speaker/presenter in February), but other than that, it's been a pretty good situation.

My DH is in a very high paying blue collar job, I'm also in a middle to high income professional job. We do well, no doubt about it. But this really hurt my DD. She was talking to her Granny about it last night and she was in tears. Part of that is me and DH's fault though. Due our circumstance she has been shielded from the harshness of this type of behavior. Granny had to tell her stories of when encountered "white only" pools and tell her about "white only" water fountains and being sprayed by water hoses. Granny had to remind her that she was once arrested for shopping in a Goldsmith's (now Macy's) during non-colored hours.

So for the folks making jokes and wanting to create 28th amendments and such, realize that this stuff is real for some people and their children. No amount of money that my family makes can shield my DD from folks like Becky and her family not willing to stand up for her.

And to the PP that said no "not everybody wants to fight for your cause", we have to agree to disagree. As a human being, I try to think that defending fairness and dignity of our fellow man is a cause that we all inherently attempt to fight for. That's what I teach my DD.

DD is not going to the party. Nothing probably would have happened, but I know at this point I have not adequately trained my daughter to know what to do when confronted with racial indignities.
I didn’t want to take the chance of one of the members saying something to her, and her being embarrassed, and Becky and Susie standing by letting it happen.

Thanks for the update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chief of Police calls officers actions "indefensible".

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/06/09/413153057/hundreds-march-in-mckinney-s-streets-to-protest-police-action

Isn't that the end of the thread?

BOOM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Langley Swim and Tennis community pool. I asked my daughter again, what exactly was said to her. She said "Becky" said to her "Larla, I'm not sure you should come to my party on Wednesday because I wouldn't want happened in Texas to happen to my party. My daughter says "What happened in Texas?" Friend says "You haven't seen the video on the news, it all over the internet?" My daughter then has to remind Becky that she doesn't get to watch TV during the week and has limited access to internet. Becky says " Some Black kids went to a swim party at a community pool and someone called the police because they weren't supposed to be there. I've never seen any other black kids at our community pool, so I'm unsure if you should come. I"ll ask my mom and call you tonight." My daughter then says "OOOKAYYYY, uh maybe I shouldn't come, I'll have to ask my mom too."

I think my daughter left out some things from the conversation but she was still seriously concerned that she shouldn't go to the party. I then showed her the video of what happened. And Becky has not called as of yet to say whether or not she still is invited. If Becky has not called by 7pm, I am calling Becky's mom for clarification.

On behalf of the white people, please apologize to your daughter for being treated so disrespectfully. If I found out my "Becky" behaved so atrociously, I'd sure punish her by canceling her party in it's entirety.

Okay, now I don't know what to do. I work really hard at not being characterized as an "Angry Black Woman", so I really had to hold my tongue.

I called Becky's mom. Said our usual pleasantries, discussed summer plans and all that. I then say "Susie, Larla was talking to Becky about the swim party on Wednesday and she seems to have some concerns." Before I could any further, Susie says "Yeah, I know. Becky doesn't want folks at the pool to be concerned about Larla being there. You know with all this stuff going on in the media, I too am concerned. So I don't know." I was speechless and really didn't know what to say for a moment. I was really trying to measure my response. I say "Susie, I really don't know what to say, is Larla invited or not? Honestly its' not a big deal you know, because we have a pool. Larla and Becky have been good friends for a couple of years and I would hate for this to come between them or us. Larla was really surprised that Becky didn't know if she could come to the party because she is black. Do you think members of your club would cause problems for my daughter? She says flatly "I don't know". I say "Are there any other black members?" She says "I'm sure there are, but we haven't seen any at the pool since I've been a member." I then say "Susie, I appreciate the invite, but Larla won't be coming. You all have a great summer and I hope Becky has a nice party. Thanks." I hung up.

I told my little Larla she would not be going to the party, she was disappointed. I told her she could have a few friends over to our private home pool over the weekend if she wanted. She then asks if she should/could invite Becky? I say I don't know, I'll have to ask DH. My DD likes Becky, I like her too. But I don't if I can allow this friendship to continue because it appears that neither Susie or Becky would stand up for my DD if in their presence some racist $hit went down.

I'm just speechless. These are the really difficult conversations we have to have.

I'm sorry this is happening to your family. I assume your daughter is Becky's only black friend.
Do they go to private school? I have a friend who removed her son from private school because she kept encountering these types of situations.

At some point you have to realize that not everybody wants to fight for your cause. Some people are eager to engage and stand up for the right thing; some are not. I seriously doubt that Becky or her mom harbor any resentment towards you or your family. They just don't want trouble. I get where they're coming from. Most of us just want to live in peace, so we avoid potential trouble. The way things have been playing out, I don't blame them. I agree it's completely unfair, but hey, this is what racial relations have come to in our country. I guess it's a new normal.

So if your child had a friend who was a minority, you would not invite that child to a party because there is "potential" trouble inviting that kid to a private pool? See...here is the issue. I do not see what trouble could arise other than some busybody making a comment. Which, if this is my child's friend, I will stand up and respond to. I do not care what color they are. What kind of example are you setting for your child? Keep quiet if one of your friends is treated unjustly? You may be able to live in peace, but your child is the one who is going to have to face her friend everyday in school. And these are just children! No way I would put my own child or her friend through that. Belonging to "the club" is just not that important to me (and I DO belong to a private pool that, thankfully, has a number of AA families).

Would you send you white child to an all black pool if the mom expressed concern that kids/parents might treat her differently? Would you expect the mom to stand up for your white child?

Huh? Let's not add and twist facts to make a point. I was arguing from the perspective of the White mom hosting the party? I guess what I am saying that as the hosting parent... even if I had that concern, it would not stop me from inviting the child if she were my child's friend. And I, as the host, would be prepared to handle any issues that arose. MY invited guest is MY invited guest and I would make that clear in the unlikely event that something happened. But I would NOT disinvite the child because of the threat of "potential" trouble when there is nothing to indicate that anything will happen at the pool. To answer your question, I would not send my daughter to a party where the host (of ANY color) said what this mom said. And if she was invited, I would absolutely expect the host to stand up for my child. Here, the mother is implying she will not do it, which is why I supported the PP's decision to keep her daughter home.

I think that the host's daughter did not pull this out of her rear end. This concern was planted in her by her mother. The girl raised it to PP's daughter but this whole thing is coming from the host mother. No doubt in my mind.

Long response:
Hey so I'm the poster of this incident. Told my DH what happened and he didn't say very much, he just kind of dismissed Susie and Becky. Said it's a good lesson for our DD and now we know what's up with them. He did not want to extend an invite to Becky for the weekend festivities, but left it to DD to decide for herself.

Just to answer some questions, my DD and Becky attend the same private school. Don't know for sure if my DD is Becky's only AA friend, but my DD is the "only" in her class. They have been in class together since second grade-they are now rising 7th graders. The entire Becky family has been to our home about 7 times over the years for parties and other social gatherings, however, Becky has been to our home over 20 times since my DD started the school. My DD has had a few minor quasi-racial issues at school, but nothing that wasn't handled sufficiently by DD (some of the girls pulling DD fresh braids, making fun of DD when DD insists that she can’t get hair wet when straightened, saying that she didn't talk "black" enough", always asking her about rap songs ("truffle butter"), and she is the go-to speaker/presenter in February), but other than that, it's been a pretty good situation.

My DH is in a very high paying blue collar job, I'm also in a middle to high income professional job. We do well, no doubt about it. But this really hurt my DD. She was talking to her Granny about it last night and she was in tears. Part of that is me and DH's fault though. Due our circumstance she has been shielded from the harshness of this type of behavior. Granny had to tell her stories of when encountered "white only" pools and tell her about "white only" water fountains and being sprayed by water hoses. Granny had to remind her that she was once arrested for shopping in a Goldsmith's (now Macy's) during non-colored hours.

So for the folks making jokes and wanting to create 28th amendments and such, realize that this stuff is real for some people and their children. No amount of money that my family makes can shield my DD from folks like Becky and her family not willing to stand up for her.

And to the PP that said no "not everybody wants to fight for your cause", we have to agree to disagree. As a human being, I try to think that defending fairness and dignity of our fellow man is a cause that we all inherently attempt to fight for. That's what I teach my DD.

DD is not going to the party. Nothing probably would have happened, but I know at this point I have not adequately trained my daughter to know what to do when confronted with racial indignities.
I didn’t want to take the chance of one of the members saying something to her, and her being embarrassed, and Becky and Susie standing by letting it happen.

Good lord.

We live in McLean and belong to a private pool (not the same one). We've invited friends who are black and every other color I can think of to the pool.

We had DD's b-day party there last year and much of her class attended; the class looks like a Model-UN meeting.

Both kids take tennis lessons there and one of their classmates is black, as is one of the instructors.

No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever said or done anything remotely suggestive of anything racist. Period. Comparing McLean to some racist incident in a far away state is out of line. It is offensive. I am proud of our community.

If you think we have the same sorts of issues around here, you need professional help.



PS: I believe the path to a color blind society is to live what you preach. Judge people by the content of their character and stop obsessing over the color of their skin.

[Anonymous]

So sorry PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chief of Police calls officers actions "indefensible".

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/06/09/413153057/hundreds-march-in-mckinney-s-streets-to-protest-police-action

Isn't that the end of the thread?

Should be... but...you know...DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that this was just a poorly trained police officer that let his fear/stupidity/lackofsense get the better of him?

Does this have to be about race? Is he automatically a racist? I don't get why that has to be the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that this was just a poorly trained police officer that let his fear/stupidity/lackofsense get the better of him?

Does this have to be about race? Is he automatically a racist? I don't get why that has to be the case.

I am one who had downplayed the race aspect and "up-played" the incompetence of the officer. We might be right I guess....but when people who were there first hand of various races thought it was about race with this officer, I think I am starting to be inclined to believe them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chief of Police calls officers actions "indefensible".

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/06/09/413153057/hundreds-march-in-mckinney-s-streets-to-protest-police-action

Isn't that the end of the thread?

Should be... but...you know...DCUM.

Yeah, I posted a different link with the same quote several pages ago. The madness has continued unabated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that this was just a poorly trained police officer that let his fear/stupidity/lackofsense get the better of him?

Does this have to be about race? Is he automatically a racist? I don't get why that has to be the case.

I am one who had downplayed the race aspect and "up-played" the incompetence of the officer. We might be right I guess....but when people who were there first hand of various races thought it was about race with this officer, I think I am starting to be inclined to believe them.

I am curious what evidence there was? Did he use a racial slur? That would be horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Langley Swim and Tennis community pool. I asked my daughter again, what exactly was said to her. She said "Becky" said to her "Larla, I'm not sure you should come to my party on Wednesday because I wouldn't want happened in Texas to happen to my party. My daughter says "What happened in Texas?" Friend says "You haven't seen the video on the news, it all over the internet?" My daughter then has to remind Becky that she doesn't get to watch TV during the week and has limited access to internet. Becky says " Some Black kids went to a swim party at a community pool and someone called the police because they weren't supposed to be there. I've never seen any other black kids at our community pool, so I'm unsure if you should come. I"ll ask my mom and call you tonight." My daughter then says "OOOKAYYYY, uh maybe I shouldn't come, I'll have to ask my mom too."

I think my daughter left out some things from the conversation but she was still seriously concerned that she shouldn't go to the party. I then showed her the video of what happened. And Becky has not called as of yet to say whether or not she still is invited. If Becky has not called by 7pm, I am calling Becky's mom for clarification.

On behalf of the white people, please apologize to your daughter for being treated so disrespectfully. If I found out my "Becky" behaved so atrociously, I'd sure punish her by canceling her party in it's entirety.

Okay, now I don't know what to do. I work really hard at not being characterized as an "Angry Black Woman", so I really had to hold my tongue.

I called Becky's mom. Said our usual pleasantries, discussed summer plans and all that. I then say "Susie, Larla was talking to Becky about the swim party on Wednesday and she seems to have some concerns." Before I could any further, Susie says "Yeah, I know. Becky doesn't want folks at the pool to be concerned about Larla being there. You know with all this stuff going on in the media, I too am concerned. So I don't know." I was speechless and really didn't know what to say for a moment. I was really trying to measure my response. I say "Susie, I really don't know what to say, is Larla invited or not? Honestly its' not a big deal you know, because we have a pool. Larla and Becky have been good friends for a couple of years and I would hate for this to come between them or us. Larla was really surprised that Becky didn't know if she could come to the party because she is black. Do you think members of your club would cause problems for my daughter? She says flatly "I don't know". I say "Are there any other black members?" She says "I'm sure there are, but we haven't seen any at the pool since I've been a member." I then say "Susie, I appreciate the invite, but Larla won't be coming. You all have a great summer and I hope Becky has a nice party. Thanks." I hung up.

I told my little Larla she would not be going to the party, she was disappointed. I told her she could have a few friends over to our private home pool over the weekend if she wanted. She then asks if she should/could invite Becky? I say I don't know, I'll have to ask DH. My DD likes Becky, I like her too. But I don't if I can allow this friendship to continue because it appears that neither Susie or Becky would stand up for my DD if in their presence some racist $hit went down.

I'm just speechless. These are the really difficult conversations we have to have.

I'm sorry this is happening to your family. I assume your daughter is Becky's only black friend.
Do they go to private school? I have a friend who removed her son from private school because she kept encountering these types of situations.

At some point you have to realize that not everybody wants to fight for your cause. Some people are eager to engage and stand up for the right thing; some are not. I seriously doubt that Becky or her mom harbor any resentment towards you or your family. They just don't want trouble. I get where they're coming from. Most of us just want to live in peace, so we avoid potential trouble. The way things have been playing out, I don't blame them. I agree it's completely unfair, but hey, this is what racial relations have come to in our country. I guess it's a new normal.

So if your child had a friend who was a minority, you would not invite that child to a party because there is "potential" trouble inviting that kid to a private pool? See...here is the issue. I do not see what trouble could arise other than some busybody making a comment. Which, if this is my child's friend, I will stand up and respond to. I do not care what color they are. What kind of example are you setting for your child? Keep quiet if one of your friends is treated unjustly? You may be able to live in peace, but your child is the one who is going to have to face her friend everyday in school. And these are just children! No way I would put my own child or her friend through that. Belonging to "the club" is just not that important to me (and I DO belong to a private pool that, thankfully, has a number of AA families).

Would you send you white child to an all black pool if the mom expressed concern that kids/parents might treat her differently? Would you expect the mom to stand up for your white child?

Huh? Let's not add and twist facts to make a point. I was arguing from the perspective of the White mom hosting the party? I guess what I am saying that as the hosting parent... even if I had that concern, it would not stop me from inviting the child if she were my child's friend. And I, as the host, would be prepared to handle any issues that arose. MY invited guest is MY invited guest and I would make that clear in the unlikely event that something happened. But I would NOT disinvite the child because of the threat of "potential" trouble when there is nothing to indicate that anything will happen at the pool. To answer your question, I would not send my daughter to a party where the host (of ANY color) said what this mom said. And if she was invited, I would absolutely expect the host to stand up for my child. Here, the mother is implying she will not do it, which is why I supported the PP's decision to keep her daughter home.

I think that the host's daughter did not pull this out of her rear end. This concern was planted in her by her mother. The girl raised it to PP's daughter but this whole thing is coming from the host mother. No doubt in my mind.

Long response:
Hey so I'm the poster of this incident. Told my DH what happened and he didn't say very much, he just kind of dismissed Susie and Becky. Said it's a good lesson for our DD and now we know what's up with them. He did not want to extend an invite to Becky for the weekend festivities, but left it to DD to decide for herself.

Just to answer some questions, my DD and Becky attend the same private school. Don't know for sure if my DD is Becky's only AA friend, but my DD is the "only" in her class. They have been in class together since second grade-they are now rising 7th graders. The entire Becky family has been to our home about 7 times over the years for parties and other social gatherings, however, Becky has been to our home over 20 times since my DD started the school. My DD has had a few minor quasi-racial issues at school, but nothing that wasn't handled sufficiently by DD (some of the girls pulling DD fresh braids, making fun of DD when DD insists that she can’t get hair wet when straightened, saying that she didn't talk "black" enough", always asking her about rap songs ("truffle butter"), and she is the go-to speaker/presenter in February), but other than that, it's been a pretty good situation.

My DH is in a very high paying blue collar job, I'm also in a middle to high income professional job. We do well, no doubt about it. But this really hurt my DD. She was talking to her Granny about it last night and she was in tears. Part of that is me and DH's fault though. Due our circumstance she has been shielded from the harshness of this type of behavior. Granny had to tell her stories of when encountered "white only" pools and tell her about "white only" water fountains and being sprayed by water hoses. Granny had to remind her that she was once arrested for shopping in a Goldsmith's (now Macy's) during non-colored hours.

So for the folks making jokes and wanting to create 28th amendments and such, realize that this stuff is real for some people and their children. No amount of money that my family makes can shield my DD from folks like Becky and her family not willing to stand up for her.

And to the PP that said no "not everybody wants to fight for your cause", we have to agree to disagree. As a human being, I try to think that defending fairness and dignity of our fellow man is a cause that we all inherently attempt to fight for. That's what I teach my DD.

DD is not going to the party. Nothing probably would have happened, but I know at this point I have not adequately trained my daughter to know what to do when confronted with racial indignities.
I didn’t want to take the chance of one of the members saying something to her, and her being embarrassed, and Becky and Susie standing by letting it happen.

Good lord.

We live in McLean and belong to a private pool (not the same one). We've invited friends who are black and every other color I can think of to the pool.

We had DD's b-day party there last year and much of her class attended; the class looks like a Model-UN meeting.

Both kids take tennis lessons there and one of their classmates is black, as is one of the instructors.

No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever said or done anything remotely suggestive of anything racist. Period. Comparing McLean to some racist incident in a far away state is out of line. It is offensive. I am proud of our community.

If you think we have the same sorts of issues around here, you need professional help.



PS: I believe the path to a color blind society is to live what you preach. Judge people by the content of their character and stop obsessing over the color of their skin.

Hard to do when white skin confers so many privileges.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:
I quoted a poster saying that the officer did "not necessarily" do something wrong. Don't you think that suggesting the officer's actions were appropriate is a defense? Even if you disagree, isn't a position supported by evidence a logical rather than emotional one?

The defense would be 'no, he did not'. I can only wonder what logic takes you from 'not necessarily' to 'appropriate'.

Moreover, since you disagree that there have been efforts by some posters to defend the cop's actions, is your position logical or emotional?

I do not disagree with this. You do infer rather emotionally, I must say

"Would you rather be Tasered? The teen got a lucky pass.

Again, logically, where is the actual defence? Condemnation of the teen, the rest can only be inferred.

So what if the officer did something wrong. Everybody does something wrong in their job. What he did is not all that bad actually, it was not illegal, he won't be sued, he would not have been fired. I suspect he will sue the police department for defaming his name and making it impossible to be a cop and he will get paid out."

This poster actually accepts that the officer messed up, so... what's your question exactly?