Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get this type of sports culture when parents treat the coach like a king to curry as much favor as possible so the kid gets fair or preferential treatment. So the coach can make any demands and set the penalties. Parents create this to some extent.

Agree, the fact the PP mom with the daughter who got chewed out for coming to the hospital with her never said anything to the coach says more about her than it does the coach.

She shouldn't have to worry about putting a coach in his place immediately after such a major health scare. I wonder how such people get chosen as coaches in the first place.

You're right, she shouldn't but we don't pick and choose our situations and the point is, something should have been said once the health scare was over. Her silence communicated to the coach that she was OK with the situation when she was not. As long as parents act like doormats, don't be surprised that this poor behaviors continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is there a chance your neice was uncomfortably standing up or having a role in your wedding? Have you talked to your sister and let her know you feel hurt and don't understand the rationale and whether there is more to this? Has your mother asked your sister about this? It seems they ought to rethink this or it will have reverberations for everyone involved later.

Seriously doubt this is the case. Many parents put up with all kinds of crap, put their kids through all kinds of nonsense because they (mostly the parents) have pipe dreams of their DC getting a full ride to a prestigious school to play soccer, tennis, lacrosse or whatever. The coaches feed on this with veiled threats related to 'recommendations' and 'scouting reports' which are used to keep parents and players in line. IMO, this had nothing to do with the child being too shy to participate and everything to do with the parent's and child's fear that missing the tourney would have a negative impact via lost playing time and the perception that she lacked 'commitment.'

[Anonymous]

The superbowl brawl reminded me again of why sports now lacks character development. Even at the highest level, we can't count on players to show sportsmanship. And yet parents continually place pressure on their children playing sports rather than becoming good citizens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get this type of sports culture when parents treat the coach like a king to curry as much favor as possible so the kid gets fair or preferential treatment. So the coach can make any demands and set the penalties. Parents create this to some extent.

Agree, the fact the PP mom with the daughter who got chewed out for coming to the hospital with her never said anything to the coach says more about her than it does the coach.

All it says to me is that the mom was going through a major health scare and didn't have the mental energy to also confront the coach.

[Anonymous]

My father recently died, and we had a funeral.

While my family was all there (it's about respect) several of my nieces and nephews decided they had more important things to do.

My nephew played the work and school card (college), but a few weeks before he literally took two weeks off of work over Christmas, so I highly doubt he couldn't come, it would be one weekend so he wouldn't miss school.

My niece couldn't show up because she just had a kid. She had plenty of money to leave her with a sitter.

My other niece just never even responded, as did her brother (my other nephew).

I think it just shows who gives a shit, and I know which members of the family will continue to send cards to and invite up to our house.

[Anonymous]

I would not take an infant under 1 month for a long trip or leave with a sitter. That's ridiculous. A funeral is unplanned. Who knows what the nephew's commitments were. The other children should have responded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also in our school system, the coach will tell you to your face "It's OK, no problem" then bench your kid for the rest of the season. I thought I was the only one until I met with a whole group of parents that told me the same thing. Coaches have a really crazy amount of power in the DC area.

Why in the world do you sign your children up for a childhood full of this bullshit? SMH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father recently died, and we had a funeral.

While my family was all there (it's about respect) several of my nieces and nephews decided they had more important things to do.

My nephew played the work and school card (college), but a few weeks before he literally took two weeks off of work over Christmas, so I highly doubt he couldn't come, it would be one weekend so he wouldn't miss school.

My niece couldn't show up because she just had a kid. She had plenty of money to leave her with a sitter.

My other niece just never even responded, as did her brother (my other nephew).

I think it just shows who gives a shit, and I know which members of the family will continue to send cards to and invite up to our house.

When FIL died one grandchild missed the funeral because she was sick, another because she had to work. My own child had to practically beg for time off because he had to travel. He drove for 6 hours on two hours of sleep to be there.

The two who didn't respond should have done so. However, things can't always be arranged to allow people to attend on short notice.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

I didn't go to my grandfather's funeral when I was 17. My parents allowed me to make that decision. I said I didn't want to remember him that way. I always wondered if I would regret the decision. My parents wondered/worried about it too. I do know I missed some family-togetherness and in some ways a celebration of his life.

But, I'm 50 now and I'm glad I made the decision I did.. My grandfather was my most cherished relative. I think about him often - the memories are all of him being alive and vibrant.

Attending a funeral is a very individual decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father recently died, and we had a funeral.

While my family was all there (it's about respect) several of my nieces and nephews decided they had more important things to do.

My nephew played the work and school card (college), but a few weeks before he literally took two weeks off of work over Christmas, so I highly doubt he couldn't come, it would be one weekend so he wouldn't miss school.

My niece couldn't show up because she just had a kid. She had plenty of money to leave her with a sitter.

My other niece just never even responded, as did her brother (my other nephew).

I think it just shows who gives a shit, and I know which members of the family will continue to send cards to and invite up to our house.

Are these your blood nieces or your Inlaws? Big difference. I don't think a woman who just had a child or a kid far away in college should necessarily have to go to his aunts father funeral if the deceased is an inlaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coach here. I am sorry but if a child has an immediate family wedding and explained in advance, they would not be riding the bench for the rest of the season. This is high school people.

OP, everyone on DCUM thinks their kid is going to get a Div 1 scholarship so sports are the priority over anything else in this world, which is truly sad when you think about it.

I am sorry your sister chose a sporting event over your wedding.

Hi Coach, my brothter is a hs coach and missed my wedding for a game. He also used that to brow beat players for years. " i missed my own sister's wedding". Never felt good when he told me that story. He is still a bit of a narcisistic douchebag. Unlike you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coach here. I am sorry but if a child has an immediate family wedding and explained in advance, they would not be riding the bench for the rest of the season. This is high school people.

OP, everyone on DCUM thinks their kid is going to get a Div 1 scholarship so sports are the priority over anything else in this world, which is truly sad when you think about it.

I am sorry your sister chose a sporting event over your wedding.

Hi Coach, my brothter is a hs coach and missed my wedding for a game. He also used that to brow beat players for years. " i missed my own sister's wedding". Never felt good when he told me that story. He is still a bit of a narcisistic douchebag. Unlike you.

That sucks. There are coach's like that out there that is for sure. And the fact that parents allow it makes it all much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also in our school system, the coach will tell you to your face "It's OK, no problem" then bench your kid for the rest of the season. I thought I was the only one until I met with a whole group of parents that told me the same thing. Coaches have a really crazy amount of power in the DC area.

Why in the world do you sign your children up for a childhood full of this bullshit? SMH

Yes, that.

[Anonymous]

I think your sister should have fun in your wedding and having a teenager in a bad mood with her would be hell. He has his own priorities and I think everyone should try to understand.

[Anonymous]

I missed my brother's wedding. The first wedding, I mean. And then the second one too.