Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would feds want to move to the private sector when it is apparent that so many of you that work their are soulless dicks. You are jealous and petty.

At this point what other choice do feds have though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got my citizenship recently and grew up abroad. I find this entire thread fascinating. America is such an individualistic country, I don’t think I’ve seen this anywhere else. There seems to be a notion that because having kids is an individual choice, they also are that individual’s burden and they are expected to carry that burden alone with absolutely no help from society. Yet having kids is a societal good and an aging population is dangerous for society especially now with ppl living longer. Who is supposed to look after you when you are older though? I’m not talking about individual arrangements. I’m talking about the nurses, the doctors, medical staff etc. Who builds the roads, houses, and infrastructure? Provides goods and services? Pays into social security? U know all the things needed for society to function? These are other people’s children. So there needs to be a way to figure out how to make work compatible with having families. Sure many of you can hire care but who looks after the family of the person you hire? Do they have affordable childcare? If we want to remain functional as a society we need to stop thinking in such an individualistic manner. Back home, the village literally raises the child. What’s America’s solution?

Fewer humans would be better for world society overall. We want fewer roads, houses, infrastructure.

+1. Went to several national parks recently -- they were so crowded it was unbearable. There are just too many people, and no need to add even more.

With the NPS staffing cuts this would be a good opportunity to shut some of these parks down for a year or two to let nature recover, too many people tramping around. Could be a blessing in disguise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got my citizenship recently and grew up abroad. I find this entire thread fascinating. America is such an individualistic country, I don’t think I’ve seen this anywhere else. There seems to be a notion that because having kids is an individual choice, they also are that individual’s burden and they are expected to carry that burden alone with absolutely no help from society. Yet having kids is a societal good and an aging population is dangerous for society especially now with ppl living longer. Who is supposed to look after you when you are older though? I’m not talking about individual arrangements. I’m talking about the nurses, the doctors, medical staff etc. Who builds the roads, houses, and infrastructure? Provides goods and services? Pays into social security? U know all the things needed for society to function? These are other people’s children. So there needs to be a way to figure out how to make work compatible with having families. Sure many of you can hire care but who looks after the family of the person you hire? Do they have affordable childcare? If we want to remain functional as a society we need to stop thinking in such an individualistic manner. Back home, the village literally raises the child. What’s America’s solution?

Fewer humans would be better for world society overall. We want fewer roads, houses, infrastructure.

+1. Went to several national parks recently -- they were so crowded it was unbearable. There are just too many people, and no need to add even more.

That would actually be nice.

With the NPS staffing cuts this would be a good opportunity to shut some of these parks down for a year or two to let nature recover, too many people tramping around. Could be a blessing in disguise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a cushy semi govt adjacent agency and here is one working moms schedule. She is remote. Has a 3 and 7 year old. Minimum hours include two 15 minute paid breaks and a 30 minute unpaid lunch

She gets up gets kid ready and drops 3 year old off at day care, comes back logs on at 8am, out to bus stop 815 am for 7 year old, back in logs on a bit, showers gets dressed, then some work, then 30 minute lunch, pick up kid bus stop around 340 pm back to work logs off 430 pm and gets kid day care.

She is efficient but really my 84 year mother in law could do this level of work with no stress.

This is not reality for a six figure job,

Well if you know ONE person, it's all got to be torn down. Tear it all down.



FFS PP.

That’s 95 percent of the moms with young kids my company.

That’s my impression of many of the wfh moms in my neighborhood too based on when they grocery shop, go running, and drop off/pickup their kids. (I do shift work at odd times before anyone accuses me of not working either.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

If the solution is “more nannies” then compensation for women needs to match that of men, salaries of millennials need to catch up with inflation, and realistic childcare tax breaks implemented. Oh and we probably need to support immigration so we can actually find and hire people who want to nanny. BTW part time nannies are EXTREMELY hard to find, and even harder if only a few hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

If the solution is “more nannies” then compensation for women needs to match that of men, salaries of millennials need to catch up with inflation, and realistic childcare tax breaks implemented. Oh and we probably need to support immigration so we can actually find and hire people who want to nanny. BTW part time nannies are EXTREMELY hard to find, and even harder if only a few hours a week.

The solution is live closer to work. Whatever that looks like in your budget. Queue the balking in 3…2…1…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

If the solution is “more nannies” then compensation for women needs to match that of men, salaries of millennials need to catch up with inflation, and realistic childcare tax breaks implemented. Oh and we probably need to support immigration so we can actually find and hire people who want to nanny. BTW part time nannies are EXTREMELY hard to find, and even harder if only a few hours a week.

Not my problem. You want kids and two parents working, you figure it out. Parents are so entitled these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

If the solution is “more nannies” then compensation for women needs to match that of men, salaries of millennials need to catch up with inflation, and realistic childcare tax breaks implemented. Oh and we probably need to support immigration so we can actually find and hire people who want to nanny. BTW part time nannies are EXTREMELY hard to find, and even harder if only a few hours a week.

The solution is live closer to work. Whatever that looks like in your budget. Queue the balking in 3…2…1…

Not balking, but that’s not always as realistic as you make it out to be. Some people work in (gasp!) a different part of the metro area than their partner/spouse. Others (gasp!) change jobs and can’t just pick up and move to a new house every time that happens. Others (double gasp!) don’t want to raise their children in a 1-BR apt (which is pretty much all we could afford close to DH’s office). I could go on, but surely you could also use your imagination.

[Anonymous]

The disconnect of some PPs on here of how bad the situation is for people who need to find child care for your kids is just so revolting. Our country prioritizes work but not kids and families. Options for childcare are limited and often not good. Housing all over is expensive. These "easy" solutions and "choices" you are going on about may not be easy or available for everyone.

Some of you wagging your finger on here should shove it up your butts unless you want to be part of the solution of making things better for families with two working parents.

And the sexist shade towards working moms is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a cushy semi govt adjacent agency and here is one working moms schedule. She is remote. Has a 3 and 7 year old. Minimum hours include two 15 minute paid breaks and a 30 minute unpaid lunch

She gets up gets kid ready and drops 3 year old off at day care, comes back logs on at 8am, out to bus stop 815 am for 7 year old, back in logs on a bit, showers gets dressed, then some work, then 30 minute lunch, pick up kid bus stop around 340 pm back to work logs off 430 pm and gets kid day care.

She is efficient but really my 84 year mother in law could do this level of work with no stress.

This is not reality for a six figure job,

Well if you know ONE person, it's all got to be torn down. Tear it all down.



FFS PP.

That’s 95 percent of the moms with young kids my company.

That’s my impression of many of the wfh moms in my neighborhood too based on when they grocery shop, go running, and drop off/pickup their kids. (I do shift work at odd times before anyone accuses me of not working either.)

First of all, you don’t know these mom’s schedules and their work output. Many have flexible schedules and make up hours in the early morning and evening. Second, the moms who are actually abusing work and doing all of this while working at home do the same thing in the office: they get coffee, extra long lunches, do their nails, use the office gym, chat for an endlessly long time with their coworkers… I mean come on ppl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

If the solution is “more nannies” then compensation for women needs to match that of men, salaries of millennials need to catch up with inflation, and realistic childcare tax breaks implemented. Oh and we probably need to support immigration so we can actually find and hire people who want to nanny. BTW part time nannies are EXTREMELY hard to find, and even harder if only a few hours a week.

The solution is live closer to work. Whatever that looks like in your budget. Queue the balking in 3…2…1…

Not balking, but that’s not always as realistic as you make it out to be. Some people work in (gasp!) a different part of the metro area than their partner/spouse. Others (gasp!) change jobs and can’t just pick up and move to a new house every time that happens. Others (double gasp!) don’t want to raise their children in a 1-BR apt (which is pretty much all we could afford close to DH’s office). I could go on, but surely you could also use your imagination.

Right. So then the other choices are more childcare, or one or both parents changes their work situation. Maybe this isn’t ideal for you, but it’s hardly rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The disconnect of some PPs on here of how bad the situation is for people who need to find child care for your kids is just so revolting. Our country prioritizes work but not kids and families. Options for childcare are limited and often not good. Housing all over is expensive. These "easy" solutions and "choices" you are going on about may not be easy or available for everyone.

Some of you wagging your finger on here should shove it up your butts unless you want to be part of the solution of making things better for families with two working parents.

And the sexist shade towards working moms is disgusting.

People have to be part of their own solution. A lot of people have struggles and no one is expected to solve it for them. I see a lot of people expecting low cost solutions but do those people also protest when DC passes regs requiring more education for workers? OI know people with cancer who go to the office almost every day. You are not a hero or a martyr for having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of people like PPs on here who say we were "spoiled" these last few years. Bullsh*t. We were finally coming closer to having better work situations for families with two working parents. It's not spoiled. It's more practical and better for the whole family, including kids, who most people claim to care so much about.

This is a step backward. Telling people who are upset to put on their big girl panties or similar stupid BS is just ahole behavior. EVERYONE would love flexibility if offered. Of course people with kids don't want to give it up, ESPECIALLY when there is no REAL reason they are doing this in terms of quality of work. This is all to hurt the workers so they'll quit. It's backassward and cruel. Don't be a dick about it.

Of course it's a step backward, I think we can all agree on this, however, you have to deal with your current reality and we're telling you how we did it in the past.

But the past isn't now. OP is asking how people are managing in the current landscape not 3/5/10 years ago.
The landscape is not the same. And you show your rigidity- that you accuse this generation of being- when you say this is what we did before as if before synonymous to now.
It's like people who respond to questions about retirement with well I worked a job and got a pension.....ummm 🤔 great for you. Or how do you handle commutes and they respond well we bought a house 10 years ago in a shady part of DC and fixed it up so we wouldn't have commutes. Right thanks for the tip!

You were all dealt a really tough hand, but at a certain point, you have to stop complaining because it's not looking like this is going to change for another for years, so I think you need to shift the energy you are using to complain and yell at people who are trying to provide good advice here to instead start searching for childcare. I'm certainly not going to give any more to this thread, since you don't think people like me have anything valuable to offer. Bye.

It's called venting and, yes, it's best if you go.

DP but you need to face reality. You can't go on and on about life isn't fair and then yell at people who are offering suggestions. There are really two choices for you AT THIS TIME. Choice One is quit your job and take care of your child (this can be either the husband or the wife) and choice 2 is to find whatever in home daycare or childcare center that will tae you. That's it, those are your choices. I'm really, truly sorry for the situation you are in (I'm right there, too but with older kids, so childcare is not a concern), but this is reality, you need to figure it out and listen to people trying to help you. Perhaps if people posted their location in the daycare and preschool forum, people could help you find spots.

DP. It’s really not fair to mothers to effectively say you can’t provide child care while also WFH.

I mean, what’s wrong with that ?