Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen X grandma (53) of an early gen Z (26) daughter. I have my grandson who is 1 year old 2 days a week to help with childcare expenses. I watch him while I work from home. I also help them with laundry, cleaning, vet visits etc. I have open access to my grandson including an app to his baby monitor. We all get along and we are a team but they are the parents and I am a helper. It can work.

You can't work from home with a 1 year old. Are you self employed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X grandma (53) of an early gen Z (26) daughter. I have my grandson who is 1 year old 2 days a week to help with childcare expenses. I watch him while I work from home. I also help them with laundry, cleaning, vet visits etc. I have open access to my grandson including an app to his baby monitor. We all get along and we are a team but they are the parents and I am a helper. It can work.

You can't work from home with a 1 year old. Are you self employed?

Sure you can. Schedule meetings for nap time and stick to a schedule. Lots of people do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X grandma (53) of an early gen Z (26) daughter. I have my grandson who is 1 year old 2 days a week to help with childcare expenses. I watch him while I work from home. I also help them with laundry, cleaning, vet visits etc. I have open access to my grandson including an app to his baby monitor. We all get along and we are a team but they are the parents and I am a helper. It can work.

You can't work from home with a 1 year old. Are you self employed?

Sure you can. Schedule meetings for nap time and stick to a schedule. Lots of people do it.

They do. They should not, but they do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X grandma (53) of an early gen Z (26) daughter. I have my grandson who is 1 year old 2 days a week to help with childcare expenses. I watch him while I work from home. I also help them with laundry, cleaning, vet visits etc. I have open access to my grandson including an app to his baby monitor. We all get along and we are a team but they are the parents and I am a helper. It can work.

You can't work from home with a 1 year old. Are you self employed?

Sure you can. Schedule meetings for nap time and stick to a schedule. Lots of people do it.

Not without totally ripping off their employer. Come on. What happens when the baby decides not to nap on your schedule? Has a blow out diaper. Is just cranky that day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

I’m not a boomer, but dayyyuuum. You actually resent your parents living their lives after they wiped your tail, raised you, worked at their career and got no sleep ?!
Grow up!

No one ever took advice that included an admonishment to ‘grow up’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking around, the grandparents actively involved in their grandkids lives seem more youthful than the ones stringing together all their Viking cruises and playing mahjong.

Ha. I laugh bc my parent are in the Viking crowd. But I chalk it up to age more than anything else. My mom’s mom was 50 when my mom had her first and 52 for second. My mom 66-70 when I was having my kids. Maybe she would have been more involved if she was 15-20yrs younger but whether bc of energy and abilities or because of literal time left - she’s not up for childcare or even lots of time with toddlers. I get that - when I have another good 5-10 years left before I’m likely too old to be easily traveling around the world, I don’t see choosing to spend the majoring of my time sitting around a playground instead. Is it selfishly disappointing? Yes of course. Am I disappointed in my parents or begrudge them using their last few good years getting in their last adventure? No of course not

Yep, it's the age. My mom was 52 when I had my first, 66 when I had my last. Same person, but the energy levels and the realization that this may be her last 10 or so good years made a huge difference on her involvement with the kids. She was working full time at 52 and only two days/week at 66 (by choice), but she was way more willing to jump in with child care when she was 14 years younger.

[Anonymous]

What many boomers and x on this thread don’t get (I am a young x) is it is way way way more expensive to have kids now than it was even 15 years ago. It’s totally unaffordable. You either need involved parents or a huge job or it’s unsustainable and an awful experience. So they’re making the right choice. Also parents don’t automatically deserve respect - respect between humans is earned

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

I’m not a boomer, but dayyyuuum. You actually resent your parents living their lives after they wiped your tail, raised you, worked at their career and got no sleep ?!
Grow up!

The whole story of boomers is getting benefits and then pulling up the ladder behind them. Everything from college affordability to help raising children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

I’m not a boomer, but dayyyuuum. You actually resent your parents living their lives after they wiped your tail, raised you, worked at their career and got no sleep ?!
Grow up!

The whole story of boomers is getting benefits and then pulling up the ladder behind them. Everything from college affordability to help raising children.

Yep. This is my inlaws to a T. They had tons of childcare help and didn't have to save for college because my FIL's parents paid for all the grandkids college. My inlaws actually have significantly more money than FIL's parents, because they sold the business that my grandfather in law built. Yet they do not help with childcare, or their grandkids college, or anything else. If we meet for dinner somewhere casual, they are SURE to tell the waiter we need separate checks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X grandma (53) of an early gen Z (26) daughter. I have my grandson who is 1 year old 2 days a week to help with childcare expenses. I watch him while I work from home. I also help them with laundry, cleaning, vet visits etc. I have open access to my grandson including an app to his baby monitor. We all get along and we are a team but they are the parents and I am a helper. It can work.

I’m not going to argue with you nor do I need to. My employer is happy with my performance.

You can't work from home with a 1 year old. Are you self employed?

Sure you can. Schedule meetings for nap time and stick to a schedule. Lots of people do it.

Not without totally ripping off their employer. Come on. What happens when the baby decides not to nap on your schedule? Has a blow out diaper. Is just cranky that day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What many boomers and x on this thread don’t get (I am a young x) is it is way way way more expensive to have kids now than it was even 15 years ago. It’s totally unaffordable. You either need involved parents or a huge job or it’s unsustainable and an awful experience. So they’re making the right choice. Also parents don’t automatically deserve respect - respect between humans is earned

You really think every generation doesn’t say this?

[Anonymous]

My husbands parents are like this. The sad thing is my mom would love to help and even move close to me, but my dad is home bound and needs 24/7 care so she rarely visits because visiting means hiring a round-the-clock nurse for my dad.

[Anonymous]

DH was incredibly close to his grandmother growing up. She took him on short trips, watched him on weekends, and they spent weeks during the summers on fun adventures.

DH’s parents do absolutely nothing like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What many boomers and x on this thread don’t get (I am a young x) is it is way way way more expensive to have kids now than it was even 15 years ago. It’s totally unaffordable. You either need involved parents or a huge job or it’s unsustainable and an awful experience. So they’re making the right choice. Also parents don’t automatically deserve respect - respect between humans is earned

my children were born in 1997 and 1999 and early childcare was more than our mortgage (in a house your generation deems unlivable and too small). I don’t think things have changed as much as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What many boomers and x on this thread don’t get (I am a young x) is it is way way way more expensive to have kids now than it was even 15 years ago. It’s totally unaffordable. You either need involved parents or a huge job or it’s unsustainable and an awful experience. So they’re making the right choice. Also parents don’t automatically deserve respect - respect between humans is earned

my children were born in 1997 and 1999 and early childcare was more than our mortgage (in a house your generation deems unlivable and too small). I don’t think things have changed as much as you think.

Yep newborn care in 2007 was more than the mortgage on our small townhouse (in Loudoun County with a 6% rate!)