Economics of Dating a Divorced Man w/ 2 noncustodial kids
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Anonymous
| My BF make $250k but pays alimony and child support to his 2 kids, ages 7 and 9. His ex-wife is a SAHM (does not work and has no skills or education). I haven't met his kids yet but they seem great and would be great stepbrothers to our future LOs. BF fully expects to pay for his kids' colleges, as he should. I haven't asked BF his monthly budget, but I'm seriously worried about getting really serious with him, marrying, and having 2 kids of our own and struggling because of his kids and alimony. I make $120k. I wonder if I should I get out before we get too serious. |
Anonymous
| I'll take him. |
Anonymous
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Ex- wife will probably never work again and BF will be on the hook to support her in some way even when the alimony ends.
You haven't met the kids, but they seem great and would be great stepbrothers to our future LOs? Do you have a crystal ball? |
Anonymous
| If you're really at the thinking-about-marriage stage, then this is the kind of stuff you sit down and talk about. |
Anonymous
Yeah, the stepparent comment is the red flag for me that OP has not really thought about what she's getting into. If you think the money issues will be challenging, the human relationships in blended families are even harder. |
Anonymous
| 250k is pretty much wiped out in that situation |
Anonymous
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I'm married to someone similar. He was paying $2,500 a month in child support. We live in a small townhouse and have old cars. Not the norm for someone with our combined income. But I'm ok with it. I couldn't stand a man who didn't take care of his kids. I'm not overly materialistic. I do wish we could travel more. But overall, life is good. The kids are older and the child support has dropped considerably. Two kids are adults now. One is in high school. But do know his money is never his. So much goes (as it should) to the kids. I don't know about alimony. It's usually not forever these days. Ask him if and when it ends. But at least that's tax deductible. Child support is not.
PPs make a good point about the relationship issues in a blended family. They can be tough. Read a few books on stepparenting now to get an idea. |
Anonymous
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OP, you didn't say how long you have been with him.
I can't believe people marry people that have zero job skills/education. |
Anonymous
And reproduce with them! 
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Anonymous
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The one thing that jumped out at me is that you want two kids of your own. Two issues with that:
1. Are you sure your BF wants more kids? 4 kids is a lot. Right now he's past the baby and toddler stage. There is a very real possibility that, even if he thinks he wants more now, when push comes to shove he won't. Or he'll only agree to 1. Can you live with that? 2. With BF supporting 4 kids, you will never be able to be a SAHM. Don't know if it's something you want or not, but the option will.not be there. Are you ok with ex-wife having had that choice/option while you don't? |
Anonymous
| His kids would be half brothers to any kids you had with their dad, not stepbrothers. |
Anonymous
-1! Even if economics aren't a factor, distraction and lack of bonding is. Choose someone single without kids. There are plenty out there. This guy already has a bad track record. All you're setting yourself up for is to be the forgotten middle ex! |
Anonymous
1) If he intends to pay for college, how much has he saved to date? If he has already purchased pre-paid Union and has a healthy amount in 529s ($50k), then itis close to being done. 2) Child support to Ex will only last ten years of your marriage (assuming the 7 year old will be 8 by the time marriage rolls around). 3) How long is the alimony supposed to last? I would think not beyond the children turning 18 at the very most. 4) DOes your possible fiancé own his current house? Do you own your current house? 5) How much have you saved for retirement? How much has possible fiancé saved for retirement? 6) Do you live inthe DC area or a lower cost area? 7) Do you plan or prefer to be a SAHP for your children or do you plan to work? You need to have a frank talk where both of you come to the table with your financials and financial plans for the future. Then you can see where things lie and if it is okay with you. "Honey, things seem to be getting serious between us and I can see a future with you. I think we need to talk about each of our plans and expectations moving forward." Then you can talk about kids, houses, finances, retirement plans.......... The whole kit and kaboodle. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't do it because once you marry him if something hallens to that man (gets ill, loses job etc) you will be responsible for supporting those kids and possibly the ex-wife. That would be too much for me. |
Anonymous
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You aren't asking about the economics of dating him. You're asking about the economics of marrying him. Way to put the cart before the horse.
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