Should I tell his wife that he's cheating?

[Anonymous]

If your husband/spouse was cheating on you and had been doing so for over a year, would you want to know? Or would you rather not know, especially if your spouse had no intentions of leaving you? Also, if you got the news from an anonymous email would you necessarily believe it?

Sometimes I feel like confessing to her is the only thing that will lift the guilt that I feel. But then I think no, it would just ruin her life and their kids' lives. Maybe she already knows and doesn't care. Or maybe she has her suspicions but would rather not know for sure. I hate living with the secret though. As for him, I don't know how he does it. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one he's cheated with, and that also makes me think that maybe she already knows what he does.

[Anonymous]

Not sleeping with him may also ease your guilt.

[Anonymous]

No. Block his number; forget about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sleeping with him may also ease your guilt.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband/spouse was cheating on you and had been doing so for over a year, would you want to know? Or would you rather not know, especially if your spouse had no intentions of leaving you? Also, if you got the news from an anonymous email would you necessarily believe it?

Sometimes I feel like confessing to her is the only thing that will lift the guilt that I feel. But then I think no, it would just ruin her life and their kids' lives. Maybe she already knows and doesn't care. Or maybe she has her suspicions but would rather not know for sure. I hate living with the secret though. As for him, I don't know how he does it. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one he's cheated with, and that also makes me think that maybe she already knows what he does.

Oh, bullshit. You just want to blow up his life because you are annoyed with him for some reason, or because you enjoy the drama. You don't feel guilty. You feel powerful. You're as much of a sociopath as he is.

Just leave that guy and his wife alone.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah, you're the moral police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sleeping with him may also ease your guilt.

+1

Exactly. She pretends to feel bad to ease the guilt of being a nasty second choice girl.

[Anonymous]

1. Stop seeing him.
2. Deal with your own issues.
3. Leave the wife alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Stop seeing him.
2. Deal with your own issues.
3. Leave the wife alone.

If you do this, OP, the other two will happen naturally. Have you ever wondered why you settle for an unavailable man? Why you don't feel worthy of a man who's dedicated to you? Because they are out there. Just waiting. Won't happen with the current emotional state you are in, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband/spouse was cheating on you and had been doing so for over a year, would you want to know? Or would you rather not know, especially if your spouse had no intentions of leaving you? Also, if you got the news from an anonymous email would you necessarily believe it?

Sometimes I feel like confessing to her is the only thing that will lift the guilt that I feel. But then I think no, it would just ruin her life and their kids' lives. Maybe she already knows and doesn't care. Or maybe she has her suspicions but would rather not know for sure. I hate living with the secret though. As for him, I don't know how he does it. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one he's cheated with, and that also makes me think that maybe she already knows what he does.

Unlike the PPs, OP, I say this as someone who's been in your shoes: don't tell. Unless she is a friend of yours you have no idea where she is coming from and what she would want (and maybe not even then). It is really hard to do and it will bother you for a long time. But it is the safer and wiser call, esp with kids involved. Put him and the whole relationship behind you as fast and completely as you can. And stay away from married men in future. If he tricked you into it (as mine did) you should find it way easier now to not be deceived that way again. If you did it with your eyes open, consider it life experience and DONT DO IT AGAIN.

[Anonymous]

Tell the wife. She needs to get tested and he shouldn't get away with this bs. I would absolutely want to know.

[Anonymous]

As the cheated upon wife, I say tell, but tell for the right reason. The right reason is not to lift your guilt.

The right reasons are that 1) you want to start living life honestly, 2) you are willing to stop being a bystander in the manipulation of your cheating boyfriend 3) you are willing to stand up and face uncomfortable situations and do the right thing even when it makes you look bad and feel like crap and 4) you are committed to making amends and changing in a way that makes it impossible to do this again.

Expect to be disbelieved when you tell. Expect to be vilified. Expect that your boyfriend will be very angry. Be willing to cut all ties with him immediately and permanently. Be open to speaking with the wife honestly and answering any questions, which will be very uncomfortable. It will be awful, but you deserve that; it is a consequence of what you have done.

Then commit to at least a year where you date no one, and engage in serious therapy with a professional to understand how you could do something so horrible and self-delusional and let your life become such a train wreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the cheated upon wife, I say tell, but tell for the right reason. The right reason is not to lift your guilt.

The right reasons are that 1) you want to start living life honestly, 2) you are willing to stop being a bystander in the manipulation of your cheating boyfriend 3) you are willing to stand up and face uncomfortable situations and do the right thing even when it makes you look bad and feel like crap and 4) you are committed to making amends and changing in a way that makes it impossible to do this again.

Expect to be disbelieved when you tell. Expect to be vilified. Expect that your boyfriend will be very angry. Be willing to cut all ties with him immediately and permanently. Be open to speaking with the wife honestly and answering any questions, which will be very uncomfortable. It will be awful, but you deserve that; it is a consequence of what you have done.

Then commit to at least a year where you date no one, and engage in serious therapy with a professional to understand how you could do something so horrible and self-delusional and let your life become such a train wreck.

Hill YAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the cheated upon wife, I say tell, but tell for the right reason. The right reason is not to lift your guilt.

The right reasons are that 1) you want to start living life honestly, 2) you are willing to stop being a bystander in the manipulation of your cheating boyfriend 3) you are willing to stand up and face uncomfortable situations and do the right thing even when it makes you look bad and feel like crap and 4) you are committed to making amends and changing in a way that makes it impossible to do this again.

Expect to be disbelieved when you tell. Expect to be vilified. Expect that your boyfriend will be very angry. Be willing to cut all ties with him immediately and permanently. Be open to speaking with the wife honestly and answering any questions, which will be very uncomfortable. It will be awful, but you deserve that; it is a consequence of what you have done.

Then commit to at least a year where you date no one, and engage in serious therapy with a professional to understand how you could do something so horrible and self-delusional and let your life become such a train wreck.

Hell Yes!

[Anonymous]

I would want to know.