Should I tell his wife that he's cheating?

[Anonymous]

If you were in a healthy state of mind and your motives were altruistic, I'd say maybe you should tell her; however, reading between the lines it sounds like you are angry at him because he won't leave her, and because he's sleeping with others, too. Telling her would create a big hot mess AND it would not cause them to break up. So don't do it.

[Anonymous]

I caught my H a week ago.

I know others knew and did not tell me. I wish somebody had the courage to tell me.

I told the H of the OW.

I sent and email that simple said our spouses were having an affair and I was sorry to tell him and I was sorry if he didn't want to know but I would want to know.

He did not respond, but obviously received the message.

[Anonymous]

I would want to know and I wouldn't kill the messenger either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were in a healthy state of mind and your motives were altruistic, I'd say maybe you should tell her;

Too bad this is never, ever true of an OW... and can never be true, by definition.

Just go away and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

You'll find opinions here all over the map OP. I don't understand why the fact that you are the OW matters- if he's cheating he's cheating and some wives would rather know that no matter who told them and no matter the motives were "pure" or not. You just have to do what you think is best because there is no consensus to be reached on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caught my H a week ago.

I know others knew and did not tell me. I wish somebody had the courage to tell me.

I told the H of the OW.

I sent and email that simple said our spouses were having an affair and I was sorry to tell him and I was sorry if he didn't want to know but I would want to know.

He did not respond, but obviously received the message.

His wife may have deleted the email. Resend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know and I wouldn't kill the messenger either.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know and I wouldn't kill the messenger either.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I caught my H a week ago.

I know others knew and did not tell me. I wish somebody had the courage to tell me.

I told the H of the OW.

I sent and email that simple said our spouses were having an affair and I was sorry to tell him and I was sorry if he didn't want to know but I would want to know.

He did not respond, but obviously received the message.

His wife may have deleted the email. Resend.

Jesus, what the hell do you want the poor man to say?

And in particular, what do you want him to say TO YOU?

"OK, they are having an affair... let's get even by you and me getting it on." -- is that what you're looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I caught my H a week ago.

I know others knew and did not tell me. I wish somebody had the courage to tell me.

I told the H of the OW.

I sent and email that simple said our spouses were having an affair and I was sorry to tell him and I was sorry if he didn't want to know but I would want to know.

He did not respond, but obviously received the message.

His wife may have deleted the email. Resend.

Jesus, what the hell do you want the poor man to say?

+1. I would focus on your H and leave this poor other guy out of it. Seems like you thrive on drama.

And in particular, what do you want him to say TO YOU?

"OK, they are having an affair... let's get even by you and me getting it on." -- is that what you're looking for?

[Anonymous]

So you don't mind that he had a wife when you started up with him..

Now you want to tell her and pretend it's for her own good, rather than him tiring of you, as the story always goes..

You're pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you don't mind that he had a wife when you started up with him..

Now you want to tell her and pretend it's for her own good, rather than him tiring of you, as the story always goes..

You're pathetic.

He didn't tire of me.

[Anonymous]

You know, I really don't think I'd believe you. Maybe if I was already suspicious, but I'm sitting here imagining getting an anonymous phone call right now that DH was cheating, and it would be so unexpected that I'd probably write the person off as a nut.

I think you should keep quiet and just end the relationship. But, if you do tell, don't do so anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, I really don't think I'd believe you. Maybe if I was already suspicious, but I'm sitting here imagining getting an anonymous phone call right now that DH was cheating, and it would be so unexpected that I'd probably write the person off as a nut.

I think you should keep quiet and just end the relationship. But, if you do tell, don't do so anonymously.

Would you call them a nut if they produced photos, emails, texts, chats, and hotel receipts? I doubt the OW would call without sufficient backup as not to look crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you don't mind that he had a wife when you started up with him..

Now you want to tell her and pretend it's for her own good, rather than him tiring of you, as the story always goes..

You're pathetic.

The husband is the pathetic one.