I just learned that a student hates me

[Anonymous]

I know that I am being silly and shouldn't let this bother me, and I certainly would not change my behavior with this student, but...my feelings were really hurt and I have been thinking about it all weekend.

I thought I enjoyed good rapport with my students, and have a reputation for being a "good teacher" in our school community. On Friday morning, I overheard one of my students talking about me to her friends (they didn't realize I was in a room--not my classroom--beside their lockers that morning). The girl is a junior I have taught since she was a freshman, and I have to admit she's always been a favorite of mine. But she was mocking the way I talk, and my appearance, and it was really vicious...and some of her classmates were laughing. The students don't know that I overhead them, and I won't tell them.

This student has repeatedly requested me as a teacher three years in a row. She frequently emails me links to articles she finds that relate to what we are reading in class, and seeks me out to talk confidentially about problems she is having with friends, etc.

Anyway, I know I need to put my big girl pants on, but it was really hurtful. I guess I'm venting here because I need to get it out before Monday, and be ready to go in my old cheerful self. My DH helpfully pointed out that "most students laugh at their teachers", but it doesn't make me feel better.

Is this normal among your teens? Do they mock their teachers, even the ones they like? My own DS (in college now) would never have done this in front of me because he was a teacher's kid and his teachers were my colleagues.

[Anonymous]

As I teach my children, not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to appreciate you, not everyone is going to understand you. This has no bearing on your worth as a person. -- I find it disconcerting that a teacher would be so distraught over being disliked by a student. You are their teacher not their friend.

[Anonymous]

I would tactfully let her know that you overheard her mocking you. It could be one of the biggest lessons you ever teach her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tactfully let her know that you overheard her mocking you. It could be one of the biggest lessons you ever teach her.

I totally agree. She may have been showing off for classmates or a host of other stupid teenage reasons, but this is an opportunity for a lifelong lesson. No need to shame her or go overboard if you don't want to, but a simple "I'm not sure you were aware that I was in Room 110 when you were speaking at the lockers on Friday. I'm not sure what your reasons were for saying what you did, but I'd like you to understand that it's important to be careful with your words."

[Anonymous]

She probably feels insecure with her classmates and said something dumb to make herself feel/seem bigger.

I'd mention it to her privately. Not to lambaste her, but to give her a reminder that people's words have consequences. And in the future, that could be her boss that overheard her.

[Anonymous]

This student may adore you. Her mocking you has to do with peer pressure and trying to be liked. It has nothing to do with her actual feelings for you. She is a teenager.

[Anonymous]

And I would say nothing. She made a mistake. Be the grown up. The notion that she hates you is silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This student may adore you. Her mocking you has to do with peer pressure and trying to be liked. It has nothing to do with her actual feelings for you. She is a teenager.

+1

Her friends probably dislike you and she was trying to fit in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I would say nothing. She made a mistake. Be the grown up. The notion that she hates you is silly.

+1 From another high school teacher. She is a teenager and may have been having an emotional day. Do not let her know you overheard anything. Let it go and be a professional adult. We have feelings too, but don't let students know you heard their personal conversations unless someone is in danger.

[Anonymous]

One more thing, OP. I'm sorry this happened and I know it hurts. Yes, I think it is fairly typical. I've heard students saying very mean things in my class about other teachers because they are mad about a test or a grade or some other reason. I quickly stop the conversation. They don't mean what they are saying.

[Anonymous]

i don't think she hates you, I think she's testing Yhe boundaries for not respecting authority and adults. I think you probably ARE her favorite teacher or one of them. You know how teens are the meanest to their parents who they know the best and love the most? She knows you well enough to have zingers that land and thus press her friends. Their laughter meant she was cool to them, she was trading in on your relationship a bit to be cool with her friends.

I do think you should say something so she will learn from it. Let her know, unemotionally, that you overheard or were told and found it quite hurtful. Others may disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably feels insecure with her classmates and said something dumb to make herself feel/seem bigger.

I'd mention it to her privately. Not to lambaste her, but to give her a reminder that people's words have consequences. And in the future, that could be her boss that overheard her.

This is very good advice. Also, presumably she will be looking for college references soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I would say nothing. She made a mistake. Be the grown up. The notion that she hates you is silly.

This. If you say something you give her personal power over you and that is not something a teacher should give to a student.

[Anonymous]

What the student personal thinks of you is irrelevant as long as you are a good teacher who does her job. Tis mindset that we need to be our students or kids friends handicaps us from doing our jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably feels insecure with her classmates and said something dumb to make herself feel/seem bigger.

I'd mention it to her privately. Not to lambaste her, but to give her a reminder that people's words have consequences. And in the future, that could be her boss that overheard her.

This is very good advice. Also, presumably she will be looking for college references soon.

+2 She needs needs to be more careful while trying to fit in with her peers next time. You are a trusted teacher to her; just keep it simple but not emotional.