I just learned that a student hates me

[Anonymous]

But what if she has just been manipulating the teacher this whole time for a recommendation to the teacher's alma mater? I'd be loathe to let such a student profit from being manipulative and two faced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what if she has just been manipulating the teacher this whole time for a recommendation to the teacher's alma mater? I'd be loathe to let such a student profit from being manipulative and two faced.

I think it's a waste of time to unravel that though. I doubt it's that black and white. I doubt she's had a three-year plan for only that purpose.

[Anonymous]

People on DCUM tend to overthink things. I suppose its the fact that they are all so smart and well-educated. Don't overthink this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^and to yop it off the teen wasn't being openly disrespectful to an adult/teacher, she was make snotty teen comments to her snotty teen friends and never intended that the teacher overhear. Get real. Teens girls can and do say mean and snotty things about adults. Move along. Ir isn't worth the angst.

ANd snotty teens that are never held accountable for their actions become snotty adults who thing they can say and do what they want because no one has ever held them accountable. I'm not saying to punish her, but I totally think it's appropriate to let her know you heard her. Say it and let her process it. If it was a mistake she can own it and apologize. If she meant it, she can regroup and find her personal support from another teacher. She needs to learn her words/actions have consequences.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, you missed your opportunity. I would have walked out of the room, walked past the girls, flashed my biggest grin and given them a big ol' double thumbs up.

She would have been completely mortified.

-Another teacher who has BTDT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that I am being silly and shouldn't let this bother me, and I certainly would not change my behavior with this student, but...my feelings were really hurt and I have been thinking about it all weekend.

I thought I enjoyed good rapport with my students, and have a reputation for being a "good teacher" in our school community. On Friday morning, I overheard one of my students talking about me to her friends (they didn't realize I was in a room--not my classroom--beside their lockers that morning). The girl is a junior I have taught since she was a freshman, and I have to admit she's always been a favorite of mine. But she was mocking the way I talk, and my appearance, and it was really vicious...and some of her classmates were laughing. The students don't know that I overhead them, and I won't tell them.

This student has repeatedly requested me as a teacher three years in a row. She frequently emails me links to articles she finds that relate to what we are reading in class, and seeks me out to talk confidentially about problems she is having with friends, etc.

Anyway, I know I need to put my big girl pants on, but it was really hurtful. I guess I'm venting here because I need to get it out before Monday, and be ready to go in my old cheerful self. My DH helpfully pointed out that "most students laugh at their teachers", but it doesn't make me feel better.

Is this normal among your teens? Do they mock their teachers, even the ones they like? My own DS (in college now) would never have done this in front of me because he was a teacher's kid and his teachers were my colleagues.

(I haven't read all replies because I started replying and got interrupted hours ago!)

First, I'm sorry OP; it's miserable after trying so hard to find yourself mocked.

Second, my teen DD hates me at the moment, and often, and it's HARD.

Third and most important, I want to tell you about my FAVORITE teacher in HS, Mr. Johnson (LOL real name). He taught math and while I'm not bad at math, it's not my favorite subject either. Anyways one day he intercepted a note from me to someone else and it was nasty--I can't remember what it said, but it was actually out of character for me to pass notes and out of character to be nasty.
I remember he read it silently right then in class, and teared up a little. I think he really liked me and therefore was totally taken by surprise, as you were.

I wanted to say I didn't mean it, but you know, I of course didn't--too chicken. I'm not sure what I was doing, really. Maybe bonding with my friend over complaints. I'm female, btw.

Friends get more intimate if they identify common ground, and sometimes common ground is finding that common enemy. So don't underestimate the possibility that the girl doesn't feel that way or that strongly--it may more be that she's trying to connect with the other student, or just venting.

I am turning 50 in a month and every now and then I still think about that rotten note and wish I had not hurt Mr. Johnson's feelings like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. I'm PP and I'm not a teacher, just a mom. If there would be school repercussions, I'm not familiar with them, so protect yourself as you need to. (Though in still at a loss as to how you could write a rec for her at this point.)

PP you're responding to. Yeah, I suppose it depends on the school and the parents. But anything that makes it seem like OP is doing some sort of power play to punish the girl for her feelings will not go over well. It will make the OP seem immature and vindictive. It's not easy to decline writing a letter of rec and there needs to be a very clear reason for doing so.

Most teachers of 11th/12th graders write 20+ recommendations/year. Not all of those students are amazing nor our favorites, but there is something that we can write honestly and positively about, so we do.

This. It is trouble in the making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I teach my children, not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to appreciate you, not everyone is going to understand you. This has no bearing on your worth as a person. -- I find it disconcerting that a teacher would be so distraught over being disliked by a student. You are their teacher not their friend.

this...

and the comment about how she confides in you , request you. sounds like a boundary has been crossed, OP

She is a teenager. Perhaps she was just trying to get laughs.

Your too invested in what she, or any student for that matter says

[Anonymous]

I don't believe is real. But if she is, she has SERIOUS boundary issues. She has a favorite student with whom she talks about personal things and her feelings are hurt by this student.

OP, if you are real, you need therapy. There is something going on here that is interfering with your ability to do your job appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe is real. But if she is, she has SERIOUS boundary issues. She has a favorite student with whom she talks about personal things and her feelings are hurt by this student.

OP, if you are real, you need therapy. There is something going on here that is interfering with your ability to do your job appropriately.

This is not what the OP described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe is real. But if she is, she has SERIOUS boundary issues. She has a favorite student with whom she talks about personal things and her feelings are hurt by this student.

OP, if you are real, you need therapy. There is something going on here that is interfering with your ability to do your job appropriately.

This is not what the OP described.

Op said that this girls was a favorite student of hers. Op stated that the girl seeks her out to talk about personal issues like problems with friends. OP stated this girl hurt her feelings. Op does have boundary issues if she allows mocking by a teen upset her so. I have noticed that some teachers seem to become stunted emotionally at the level at which they teach. I usually see in in middle school teachers but op sounds like she does indeed need to put on her big girl panties and grow up. OP, you may teach high school, but you are no longer in high school. Act like it.

[Anonymous]

^ OP acknowledged all that herself.

OP, it's hard not to be liked, but know that that is not what's important. Your relationship as teacher is most important. I do believe that perhaps the student was not being completely sincere. Do not let this color your whole past with this student. Also try not to overthink this. it is what it is, and you cannot unravel all of it without getting over-involved and crossing boundaries. It sucks. Let it go.

I do think it's moments like these that collect that make us more reserved toward students we have when we're older, and more open/close with our first students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that I am being silly and shouldn't let this bother me, and I certainly would not change my behavior with this student, but...my feelings were really hurt and I have been thinking about it all weekend.

I thought I enjoyed good rapport with my students, and have a reputation for being a "good teacher" in our school community. On Friday morning, I overheard one of my students talking about me to her friends (they didn't realize I was in a room--not my classroom--beside their lockers that morning). The girl is a junior I have taught since she was a freshman, and I have to admit she's always been a favorite of mine. But she was mocking the way I talk, and my appearance, and it was really vicious...and some of her classmates were laughing. The students don't know that I overhead them, and I won't tell them.

This student has repeatedly requested me as a teacher three years in a row. She frequently emails me links to articles she finds that relate to what we are reading in class, and seeks me out to talk confidentially about problems she is having with friends, etc.

Anyway, I know I need to put my big girl pants on, but it was really hurtful. I guess I'm venting here because I need to get it out before Monday, and be ready to go in my old cheerful self. My DH helpfully pointed out that "most students laugh at their teachers", but it doesn't make me feel better.

Is this normal among your teens? Do they mock their teachers, even the ones they like? My own DS (in college now) would never have done this in front of me because he was a teacher's kid and his teachers were my colleagues.

I don't disagree with the other posters recommendations to either say nothing or use this incident as a teaching experience for her, but I do see her seeking you out for 3 years, sending articles and asking personal advice, combined with her talking trash about you to her friends as rather manipulative. Manipulative of you, and manipulative of her peers as well. I agree she will want a college rec and it is at least possible that she has cultivated you toward that purpose. Don't think so? I certainly had peers like that.

I'm the OP, and yeah, I've been thinking that. She really wants to go to my alma mater, and has mentioned this multiple times. She also mentioned that she'll be asking me to do a letter of rec for her.

I do think I will calmly mention to her that I heard what she said; I will mention it and say little more, and let her think about it.

THat is exactly what I would do. Her response would dictate how much of a limb I would go out on for her at the college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tactfully let her know that you overheard her mocking you. It could be one of the biggest lessons you ever teach her.

I totally agree. She may have been showing off for classmates or a host of other stupid teenage reasons, but this is an opportunity for a lifelong lesson. No need to shame her or go overboard if you don't want to, but a simple "I'm not sure you were aware that I was in Room 110 when you were speaking at the lockers on Friday. I'm not sure what your reasons were for saying what you did, but I'd like you to understand that it's important to be careful with your words."

No! Do not do this. It is mean,makes you loklime an eavesdropper, and could subject you to serious liability. Any grad below an A, she wold call unfair. As the song says, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tactfully let her know that you overheard her mocking you. It could be one of the biggest lessons you ever teach her.

I totally agree. She may have been showing off for classmates or a host of other stupid teenage reasons, but this is an opportunity for a lifelong lesson. No need to shame her or go overboard if you don't want to, but a simple "I'm not sure you were aware that I was in Room 110 when you were speaking at the lockers on Friday. I'm not sure what your reasons were for saying what you did, but I'd like you to understand that it's important to be careful with your words."

No! Do not do this. It is mean,makes you loklime an eavesdropper, and could subject you to serious liability. Any grad below an A, she wold call unfair. As the song says, let it go.

^^ look like. My stupid keyboard....