I just learned that a student hates me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tactfully let her know that you overheard her mocking you. It could be one of the biggest lessons you ever teach her.

I totally agree. She may have been showing off for classmates or a host of other stupid teenage reasons, but this is an opportunity for a lifelong lesson. No need to shame her or go overboard if you don't want to, but a simple "I'm not sure you were aware that I was in Room 110 when you were speaking at the lockers on Friday. I'm not sure what your reasons were for saying what you did, but I'd like you to understand that it's important to be careful with your words."

+1

Also, don't get sucked into a discussion after you say it. Let her process the message on her own time.

[Anonymous]

maybe she was being picked on for being the teachers pet and she is trying to fit in. This is probably wrong but maybe she adores you a little too much and is trying to hide it from her friends. I would probably keep my distance from her and not talk to her about problems with her friends, etc. Seems like a little too much and she seems a little unstable. Is her home life ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This student may adore you. Her mocking you has to do with peer pressure and trying to be liked. It has nothing to do with her actual feelings for you. She is a teenager.

I was going to write the same thing.

[Anonymous]

I have heard teachers say negative things about their students. Teachers gossip just like students. It's pretty universal, although I understand that what you experienced is upsetting.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who say this student probably DOES like you, which is why she needed to rip you down in front of her friends.

Try to have some empathy. She is not mature, clearly does not feel secure enough around her friends to be who she really is (and very few HS are).

DON'T cut her out or punish her for this. This is something for your back pocket. You can talk to her about this in four years when she is older, mature and you can have a more peer-to-peer relationship.

Her coming to you, emailing you etc. speaks volumes about her feelings for you. So have some confidence and don't get sucked into he HS drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tactfully let her know that you overheard her mocking you. It could be one of the biggest lessons you ever teach her.

I totally agree. She may have been showing off for classmates or a host of other stupid teenage reasons, but this is an opportunity for a lifelong lesson. No need to shame her or go overboard if you don't want to, but a simple "I'm not sure you were aware that I was in Room 110 when you were speaking at the lockers on Friday. I'm not sure what your reasons were for saying what you did, but I'd like you to understand that it's important to be careful with your words."

I totally agree with both of these posts. My feeling would have been hurt as well. It sucks to hear of anyone not liking you. I would defiantly talk to her about it. This would be a great way to teach her what talking about others can do in a softer setting rather than outside of school. Also, just talking about others can lead to bad things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tactfully let her know that you overheard her mocking you. It could be one of the biggest lessons you ever teach her.

I totally agree. She may have been showing off for classmates or a host of other stupid teenage reasons, but this is an opportunity for a lifelong lesson. No need to shame her or go overboard if you don't want to, but a simple "I'm not sure you were aware that I was in Room 110 when you were speaking at the lockers on Friday. I'm not sure what your reasons were for saying what you did, but I'd like you to understand that it's important to be careful with your words."

+1

Also, don't get sucked into a discussion after you say it. Let her process the message on her own time.

This is sound advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I would say nothing. She made a mistake. Be the grown up. The notion that she hates you is silly.

This is a troubling message from a parent. The teacher should definitely call her on it privately and without emotion or revenge. If my child did this I would be upset if the teacher said nothing! Teens need to be held accountable for disrespectful behavior, if busted, as it is a great learning opportunity for them. There are too many parents who defend poor behavior today...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I teach my children, not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to appreciate you, not everyone is going to understand you. This has no bearing on your worth as a person. -- I find it disconcerting that a teacher would be so distraught over being disliked by a student. You are their teacher not their friend.

Another teacher of teens here. You are not, clearly. Teachers are human and most humans want to be liked. Not at the expense of doing our jobs if a choice must be made. It's normal for OP to feel betrayed and hurt. OP, it sounds like you've connected with this student academically and personally. I'd be hurt too. I probably would have shown myself but not made a big deal of it beyond that. I think she should know you know. But it's a little late to confront her without sounding like a stalker. I'd disengage. This girl is not worth your energy. Save that for the other students who you reach every day.

[Anonymous]

I hurt a teacher's feelings in 9th grade (all girl's private school) and her honest, embarassed and sad reaction made me a better person. Today I'm a teacher and I tend to be thick-skinned, but I was very hurt by a racial stereotype a few years ago. Having THAT conversation with the student was difficult for us both, but transformative. I suggest that you talk with her, OP. Kids can be clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably feels insecure with her classmates and said something dumb to make herself feel/seem bigger.

I'd mention it to her privately. Not to lambaste her, but to give her a reminder that people's words have consequences. And in the future, that could be her boss that overheard her.

Teacher here. I agree with this as a reason for her doing this. They may even compare her to you or comment on how she's a teacher's pet or something and that led her to react as she did. Regardless, while I think it is right to let her know you heard, I don't think I could bring myself to do it while I was still feeling the sting. Best wishes to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I teach my children, not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to appreciate you, not everyone is going to understand you. This has no bearing on your worth as a person. -- I find it disconcerting that a teacher would be so distraught over being disliked by a student. You are their teacher not their friend.

Another teacher of teens here. You are not, clearly. Teachers are human and most humans want to be liked. Not at the expense of doing our jobs if a choice must be made. It's normal for OP to feel betrayed and hurt. OP, it sounds like you've connected with this student academically and personally. I'd be hurt too. I probably would have shown myself but not made a big deal of it beyond that. I think she should know you know. But it's a little late to confront her without sounding like a stalker. I'd disengage. This girl is not worth your energy. Save that for the other students who you reach every day.

Oh good grief, a snotty teen made a snooty teen comment and an adult becomes distraught? Grow up.

[Anonymous]

^^^and to yop it off the teen wasn't being openly disrespectful to an adult/teacher, she was make snotty teen comments to her snotty teen friends and never intended that the teacher overhear. Get real. Teens girls can and do say mean and snotty things about adults. Move along. Ir isn't worth the angst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^and to yop it off the teen wasn't being openly disrespectful to an adult/teacher, she was make snotty teen comments to her snotty teen friends and never intended that the teacher overhear. Get real. Teens girls can and do say mean and snotty things about adults. Move along. Ir isn't worth the angst.

ANd snotty teens that are never held accountable for their actions become snotty adults who thing they can say and do what they want because no one has ever held them accountable. I'm not saying to punish her, but I totally think it's appropriate to let her know you heard her. Say it and let her process it. If it was a mistake she can own it and apologize. If she meant it, she can regroup and find her personal support from another teacher. She needs to learn her words/actions have consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^and to yop it off the teen wasn't being openly disrespectful to an adult/teacher, she was make snotty teen comments to her snotty teen friends and never intended that the teacher overhear. Get real. Teens girls can and do say mean and snotty things about adults. Move along. Ir isn't worth the angst.

ANd snotty teens that are never held accountable for their actions become snotty adults who thing they can say and do what they want because no one has ever held them accountable. I'm not saying to punish her, but I totally think it's appropriate to let her know you heard her. Say it and let her process it. If it was a mistake she can own it and apologize. If she meant it, she can regroup and find her personal support from another teacher. She needs to learn her words/actions have consequences.

Exactly. That is the adult response--not ignoring it.