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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many slices of fruit do you have a day? Are they candied?

2 apple slices with mustard and tuna*.

*Fried tuna.

Only lightly fried though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need a new career after being a SAHM a long time. What job should I get?

Contortionist.

Likely over-qualified after years of being pulled in knots. Go into politics instead. Ought to be a peaceful transition. No more temper tantrums or childish behavior.

I would recommend that OP join a MLM. Perhaps a weight loss one. She could be her own #bossmom and it is a promising career path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the ball game, my wife got drunk and simulated fellatio on a corn dog. The people around us cheered her on, the men leering, the women sneering at this atrocious behavior. I whispered in wife's ear that she must desist at once but she said, and I quote: "F--k off you fuddy-duddy, I'm havin' a good time here."

How do I change my wife from a saloon gal to a lady of proper manners and demeanor? She did not act like this before we were married. I feel cheated, like I've bought a "pig in a poke".

Are you sure she was drunk?

Have you considered divorcing her and marrying an upscale southern woman of genteel breeding?

She doesn’t want a striver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I lock all the bathrooms in my house if I am hosting a party for 150 people?

Only if there’re buckets available.

OP you are fine just direct guests to your compost pile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the ball game, my wife got drunk and simulated fellatio on a corn dog. The people around us cheered her on, the men leering, the women sneering at this atrocious behavior. I whispered in wife's ear that she must desist at once but she said, and I quote: "F--k off you fuddy-duddy, I'm havin' a good time here."

How do I change my wife from a saloon gal to a lady of proper manners and demeanor? She did not act like this before we were married. I feel cheated, like I've bought a "pig in a poke".

Are you sure she was drunk?

Have you considered divorcing her and marrying an upscale southern woman of genteel breeding?

She doesn’t want a striver.

Perhaps he could find a rich disgraced (but genteel) one who would be a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which job should I take?

Marmite Taster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister tells me that I’m not supposed to flush tampons or the applicators. How can I tell her she’s wrong and being ridiculous? She also wants me to use some cup in my panties. What should I do?

“Sissy, you’re wrong and ridiculous.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which toilet seat should I buy for my commode?

The pink one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve saved $2000 for college for my 13 yo. She wants to go to Harvard. Have I ruined her chances for a debt free life?

Snowflake!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stranded in front of Costco and my car won’t start. Help! What can I do?

A fort.

[Anonymous]

I keep forgetting to take a shower. How can I remember?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting to take a shower. How can I remember?

Play paintball as a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting to take a shower. How can I remember?

Tell everyone you’re saving the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting to take a shower. How can I remember?

Use the shower as both a commode and shower. You will no longer need tp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the ball game, my wife got drunk and simulated fellatio on a corn dog. The people around us cheered her on, the men leering, the women sneering at this atrocious behavior. I whispered in wife's ear that she must desist at once but she said, and I quote: "F--k off you fuddy-duddy, I'm havin' a good time here."

How do I change my wife from a saloon gal to a lady of proper manners and demeanor? She did not act like this before we were married. I feel cheated, like I've bought a "pig in a poke".

Are you sure she was drunk?

Have you considered divorcing her and marrying an upscale southern woman of genteel breeding?

She doesn’t want a striver.

Perhaps he could find a rich disgraced (but genteel) one who would be a good fit.

I say, just make sure he is gentle and not rough.