Click here for Bad Advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I need bad advice, but I’m unsure of the topic on which I need the bad advice. Help please!

Go wait forever at a bus stop that isn’t on a route anymore.

Ok, now what?

Sit there fir a few and I’ll get back to you soon. I’m the mean time, lick the seat. Are you vaccinated?

Ok, thanks.

I’m following all the vaccine threads closely before I make my call on that. Can’t be too careful.

Smart lady. Watch out for gators I hear they are on the loose now. If one comes up you can flash your iPhone light at them and they’ll scuttle away. BRB

Ok. Still waiting. No gators yet, but a mob of angry vegans came and stole all my potatoes.

Bus Stop person, do you need more potatoes? Keep us posted.

Hi. Still waiting. Can someone remind me why I’m here? The vegans slunk off once I was out of potatoes, but it’s kinda hot and I didn’t bring water. Would it be appropriate to change into a bikini? Not sure.

With all those potatoes, you probably should change into a one piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How should I organize my spices?

One type per room.

To do this, I need more rooms!!!! 😩

Or less spice in your life -- your choice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for my next good read. Any book suggestions?

Run Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the ball game, my wife got drunk and simulated fellatio on a corn dog. The people around us cheered her on, the men leering, the women sneering at this atrocious behavior. I whispered in wife's ear that she must desist at once but she said, and I quote: "F--k off you fuddy-duddy, I'm havin' a good time here."

How do I change my wife from a saloon gal to a lady of proper manners and demeanor? She did not act like this before we were married. I feel cheated, like I've bought a "pig in a poke".

Are you sure she was drunk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW. Can I have a lesbian affair with permission from my DH?

- Married But Available (MBA)

does the woman have THE PHD ? If so, yes

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need bad advice, but I’m unsure of the topic on which I need the bad advice. Help please!

Go wait forever at a bus stop that isn’t on a route anymore.

Ok, now what?

Sit there fir a few and I’ll get back to you soon. I’m the mean time, lick the seat. Are you vaccinated?

Ok, thanks.

I’m following all the vaccine threads closely before I make my call on that. Can’t be too careful.

Smart lady. Watch out for gators I hear they are on the loose now. If one comes up you can flash your iPhone light at them and they’ll scuttle away. BRB

Ok. Still waiting. No gators yet, but a mob of angry vegans came and stole all my potatoes.

Bus Stop person, do you need more potatoes? Keep us posted.

Hi. Still waiting. Can someone remind me why I’m here? The vegans slunk off once I was out of potatoes, but it’s kinda hot and I didn’t bring water. Would it be appropriate to change into a bikini? Not sure.

I just want you to know I’m sending a truck of potato’s your way. I’m guessing the boob flashing isn’t working. My advice was to get a bus to stop, then I was going to tell you the next stop to get off. I’d you’re not going to follow the advice don’t complain.

I can send kittens and puppies instead too. Allow about 15 hours for the potato farmers to arrive.

Shoot, the boobs! I knew I was forgetting something. Thank goodness I have my team of DCUM advisors. You guys are the best.

The boobs worked! The bus stopped! It is a greyhound! The driver is super friendly. I am on my way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need bad advice, but I’m unsure of the topic on which I need the bad advice. Help please!

Go wait forever at a bus stop that isn’t on a route anymore.

Ok, now what?

Sit there fir a few and I’ll get back to you soon. I’m the mean time, lick the seat. Are you vaccinated?

Ok, thanks.

I’m following all the vaccine threads closely before I make my call on that. Can’t be too careful.

Smart lady. Watch out for gators I hear they are on the loose now. If one comes up you can flash your iPhone light at them and they’ll scuttle away. BRB

Ok. Still waiting. No gators yet, but a mob of angry vegans came and stole all my potatoes.

Bus Stop person, do you need more potatoes? Keep us posted.

Hi. Still waiting. Can someone remind me why I’m here? The vegans slunk off once I was out of potatoes, but it’s kinda hot and I didn’t bring water. Would it be appropriate to change into a bikini? Not sure.

I just want you to know I’m sending a truck of potato’s your way. I’m guessing the boob flashing isn’t working. My advice was to get a bus to stop, then I was going to tell you the next stop to get off. I’d you’re not going to follow the advice don’t complain.

I can send kittens and puppies instead too. Allow about 15 hours for the potato farmers to arrive.

Shoot, the boobs! I knew I was forgetting something. Thank goodness I have my team of DCUM advisors. You guys are the best.

The boobs worked! The bus stopped! It is a greyhound! The driver is super friendly. I am on my way!

When in doubt, always bring out the ta tas

[Anonymous]

And the ta-ters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need a new career after being a SAHM a long time. What job should I get?

Contortionist.

Likely over-qualified after years of being pulled in knots. Go into politics instead. Ought to be a peaceful transition. No more temper tantrums or childish behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many slices of fruit do you have a day? Are they candied?

2 apple slices with mustard and tuna*.

*Fried tuna.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can I stop dreaming while I sleep?

Stop sleeping.

Kids are also dream killers, so have three more.

I die, PP! I die!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best way to say no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I killed a gator in my backyard. What do I do with it?

Barbecue + shoes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the ball game, my wife got drunk and simulated fellatio on a corn dog. The people around us cheered her on, the men leering, the women sneering at this atrocious behavior. I whispered in wife's ear that she must desist at once but she said, and I quote: "F--k off you fuddy-duddy, I'm havin' a good time here."

How do I change my wife from a saloon gal to a lady of proper manners and demeanor? She did not act like this before we were married. I feel cheated, like I've bought a "pig in a poke".

Are you sure she was drunk?

Have you considered divorcing her and marrying an upscale southern woman of genteel breeding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do I do with socks I have that I don’t want?