New VA trans policies for schools

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This issue isn’t as cut and dry as everyone is making it out to be. My daughter never showed any signs of not fully embracing being a girl. She was violently assaulted and is now suffering from severe PTSD. Over a matter of weeks, my child went from asking me to order her cute dresses from Japan to suddenly deciding she was a boy. The school totally complied without our knowledge. We discovered this when we found a school worksheet she signed with another name. My child has been in extensive therapy and, while doing better as far as the PTSD, is still very uncomfortable with her body. To all the teachers and others on this thread: do you really think you know my child better than I do? Better than the army of therapists and doctors who see her regularly? Am I a transphobic bigot because I see the connection between the assault and her suddenly wanting to be a boy? And, wanting to back off and wait as opposed to diving in to transitioning? What others do with their children is none of my business - I don’t know their situation and I’m sure they are doing what they feel is best for their child. I wish others would acknowledge that the experience of others may be different.
Sorry, I just found many of these comments really upsetting…

I’m so sorry.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. I am fairly certain that as a neuro-atypical girl who was severely disassociating from my body as a result of the attack, a trans identity would have been extremely appealing at the time. I wish you and your child the best of luck.

Unfortunately trans activists like the ones posting believe they know what’s better for your child. They believe they know your child more than you.

That is the impression I am getting - that and it is somehow my fault. Oh, and previous poster: thank you so much for the kind words.

It's not clear what your issue is with the teachers. You think the teachers are helping your kid to get medication? Or...you're mad that the teachers are using a preferred name?

Good lord… I’m not an idiot and I don’t think the school is trying to give my kid freaking hormones. In my situation, a heads-up that my kid was requesting to be called by a male name that is completely unlike her own would have been nice. My child’s doctors could have been made aware sooner.

It’s not a teachers fault that your relationship with your child sucks.

See, these are who trans activists are. They simply do not care about the sexual assault of children or recovery from that assault. Kind of amazing how willing the PP is to just come out and prove the point immediately.

Well this thread went downhill fast. They anti trans folks can't have a convo without vilifying the parents and teachers who are standing up for trans kids rights and safety. Very disturbing.

Maybe you should stop harassing and blaming the parent of a child who has suffered a sexual assault and is doing her best to help that child. That’s extremely disturbing.

That wasn't me, I was just making an observation about your attacks

It is your side. It deserves to be called out and it is a recognizable pattern of behavior.

I’m tired of this anti-girl theology. I’m sick and tired of the gaslighting and the falsehoods. And I am sick of people who attack the parents of sexual assault victims who are disassociating from their bodies. Get your side to be less awful if you don’t want attacks. I’m not even someone who thinks these guidelines are well-considered, but I am so sick of this anti-girl belief system you demand we adopt.

pro trans is not anti girl

Pro trans in sports most certainly is anti- female.

Women should support women.

Instead of punching down on vulnerable people, why not fight the real issues that exist in women’s athletics - disproportionate opportunities, facilities, and funding/pay for women’s sports.

Actually I do support women, and that includes trans women. You just support *some* women. See the difference?

No, I meant women should support women. All women, including transgender women.

Transgender women are not women. They are transwomen.

How about transwomen support women and stop encroaching on our SEX SEGRAGATED spaces.

Let me guess- you’re not actually a woman. Just a Fox News goon who plays one on DCUM. Because if you were, you’d know that sex segregated spaces are historically where women’s opportunity has gone to die. Also, where women have done awful stuff to each other, like FGM, footbinding, and reinforcing the patriarchy like crabs in a barrel. Also where I’ve waited forever just to pee because there are never enough stalls.

In fact, this actual born female can’t think of a less safe and pleasant space to be than a sex segregated place that excludes trans people.

Christ of f$cking mighty. Learn some history - how about starting with Title IX, the fight it took to make it law and the immense good it did for women and girls.

FGM is more closely aligned to transactivists, it's just bottom surgery!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This issue isn’t as cut and dry as everyone is making it out to be. My daughter never showed any signs of not fully embracing being a girl. She was violently assaulted and is now suffering from severe PTSD. Over a matter of weeks, my child went from asking me to order her cute dresses from Japan to suddenly deciding she was a boy. The school totally complied without our knowledge. We discovered this when we found a school worksheet she signed with another name. My child has been in extensive therapy and, while doing better as far as the PTSD, is still very uncomfortable with her body. To all the teachers and others on this thread: do you really think you know my child better than I do? Better than the army of therapists and doctors who see her regularly? Am I a transphobic bigot because I see the connection between the assault and her suddenly wanting to be a boy? And, wanting to back off and wait as opposed to diving in to transitioning? What others do with their children is none of my business - I don’t know their situation and I’m sure they are doing what they feel is best for their child. I wish others would acknowledge that the experience of others may be different.
Sorry, I just found many of these comments really upsetting…

I’m so sorry.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. I am fairly certain that as a neuro-atypical girl who was severely disassociating from my body as a result of the attack, a trans identity would have been extremely appealing at the time. I wish you and your child the best of luck.

Unfortunately trans activists like the ones posting believe they know what’s better for your child. They believe they know your child more than you.

That is the impression I am getting - that and it is somehow my fault. Oh, and previous poster: thank you so much for the kind words.

It's not clear what your issue is with the teachers. You think the teachers are helping your kid to get medication? Or...you're mad that the teachers are using a preferred name?

Good lord… I’m not an idiot and I don’t think the school is trying to give my kid freaking hormones. In my situation, a heads-up that my kid was requesting to be called by a male name that is completely unlike her own would have been nice. My child’s doctors could have been made aware sooner.

It’s not a teachers fault that your relationship with your child sucks.

See, these are who trans activists are. They simply do not care about the sexual assault of children or recovery from that assault. Kind of amazing how willing the PP is to just come out and prove the point immediately.

Well this thread went downhill fast. They anti trans folks can't have a convo without vilifying the parents and teachers who are standing up for trans kids rights and safety. Very disturbing.

Maybe you should stop harassing and blaming the parent of a child who has suffered a sexual assault and is doing her best to help that child. That’s extremely disturbing.

That wasn't me, I was just making an observation about your attacks

It is your side. It deserves to be called out and it is a recognizable pattern of behavior.

I’m tired of this anti-girl theology. I’m sick and tired of the gaslighting and the falsehoods. And I am sick of people who attack the parents of sexual assault victims who are disassociating from their bodies. Get your side to be less awful if you don’t want attacks. I’m not even someone who thinks these guidelines are well-considered, but I am so sick of this anti-girl belief system you demand we adopt.

pro trans is not anti girl

Says the side attacking the mom of a sexual assault survivor just trying her best to help her kid. Tell me again how you aren’t anti-girl.

It’s not a teacher’s fault that your child was sexually assaulted and it’s not their job to tell you it’s the job of the police

So you are apparently okay with the PPs attacking the mom for seeking critical health information to help her kid, and asking that schools continue to hide that information.

That is genuinely awful. Just awful.

I support the long proven procedure of contacting CPS, not parents if they think a child was abused.

DP. Because you are refusing to understand what the parent of the assault-surviving-DD was asking, she wanted to know that her DD had changed her pronouns at school. Which current guidelines did not require and which the new state guidelines do.

Good. As they should. No reason for letting schools do something that parents do not know about.

Basically, Youngkin wants to force schools to OUT kids. That is disgusting.

These are not kids who are attracted to members of the same sex. These are kids that feel their biological sex does not match who they feel they are. This is a big deal and parents should know. No one is asking for them to be “outed.” The issue is that they are “outed” by the school without their parents knowledge. They are choosing to identity as the sex that doesn’t correspond with their birth and the school is affirming this choice without informing the parent. This is a decision that will have a profound effect on the child mentally and emotionally. Therefore the child’s parents should know about it. If the school fears that the child will be in danger if they inform the parents then the should go directly to CPS which will then make their own decision over what steps to take. This is not an unreasonable thing to ask APS to do. APS asks for consent to give my child Tylenol, take them to a field trip but they won’t let me know if my girl start identifying as a boy? This makes no sense logically.

I don't think you understand the new policy. Any teacher could choose to out any trans student at any time, no matter what the parents want.

I’m the PP who wrote this comment and keeps making the same point. I understand the policy and I have said previously that I don’t support all of Youngkin’s policy. What I do support though is the parents’ right to know if their child is being treated as a gender that doesn’t correspond to their biological sex. Arlington’s policy takes away that right.

So you want the kid's school to "out" kids to their parents without their permission? How could that possibly be a good thing?

Stop using the world “out.” These are not gay or lesbian kids that are secretly attracted to members of the same sex, and the kid told one of the teachers. This is a situation where child is already presenting as trans in public - in the actual school. The school is actively choosing to affirm the gender the child is identifying as by allowing that child to use bathrooms of that gender, play sports in teams of that gender and refer to that child as that gender (using pronouns. The clinical term for this is social transition and it is the first step of gender affirming care which again is a clinical term. So yes the parents should know.

First of all, coming "out" to someone is exactly that whether it's being gay or trans. If one is hiding one's transgenderism from parents, informing them is coming out as trans.
Regardless, if a child is playing on a sports team of the opposite gender, the parents are going to know. Parents have to provide information and permission for children to participate in sports and actually indicate which ones.
I don't know where I stand on this whole policy. But I think there are different levels of significance and concern. Some kids might be trying things out and that may start with using different pronouns. Is it really that critical for parents to know at that point? But now the cis-boy has moved farther forward so-to-speak and wants to tryout/join the girls' lacrosse team, for example. Just from a practical perspective, parents need to be involved at that point since they need to provide permission for their child to participate anyway. I just think immediately jumping to the extreme as soon as a student asks to be called the "wrong" pronoun or a name not consistent with their official name is not necessarily warranted.

Common sense approach. And much closer to realistic scenarios. Some of the responses here a wild.
Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people understood that being a mandatory reporter doesn't mean a problem will actually be identified and addressed.

I have a student who goes by "they" and asked for a different name to be used. Kid doesn't want me (and other teachers on the case) to tell parents. Because they're afraid their parent will beat them. Based on other things they said, we did report the safety concern
to CPS.

It is impossibly hard for CPS to take action. If there are no current bruises/injuries or evidence, CPS will talk to the parent and then it's over. (Same story several times a year with different kids).

Parents have been reported and deemed to not be an actual threat, but the kid is still terrified. And now the teacher to let the parent know because CPS isn't worried?

So what you are saying is that kids lie, come up with tall tales to get away with stuff to manipulate adults. Shocking, just shocking.

Yes you are withholding secrets (don't tell my parents! They don't love or understand me like you!) in what should be none of your business. CPS has found nothing, your job here is done.

You have a choice, go along with the charade and tell the parents according to the new guidelines. Or do not involve yourself with this drama, stick to teaching and not inserting yourself as some kind of co-parent, therefore do not need to tell the parents anything.

If the teacher's job is done upon contacting CPS, then this all should be a non-issue moving forward because the parents now know about their kid and there's nothing for the teacher to report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This issue isn’t as cut and dry as everyone is making it out to be. My daughter never showed any signs of not fully embracing being a girl. She was violently assaulted and is now suffering from severe PTSD. Over a matter of weeks, my child went from asking me to order her cute dresses from Japan to suddenly deciding she was a boy. The school totally complied without our knowledge. We discovered this when we found a school worksheet she signed with another name. My child has been in extensive therapy and, while doing better as far as the PTSD, is still very uncomfortable with her body. To all the teachers and others on this thread: do you really think you know my child better than I do? Better than the army of therapists and doctors who see her regularly? Am I a transphobic bigot because I see the connection between the assault and her suddenly wanting to be a boy? And, wanting to back off and wait as opposed to diving in to transitioning? What others do with their children is none of my business - I don’t know their situation and I’m sure they are doing what they feel is best for their child. I wish others would acknowledge that the experience of others may be different.
Sorry, I just found many of these comments really upsetting…

I’m so sorry.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. I am fairly certain that as a neuro-atypical girl who was severely disassociating from my body as a result of the attack, a trans identity would have been extremely appealing at the time. I wish you and your child the best of luck.

Unfortunately trans activists like the ones posting believe they know what’s better for your child. They believe they know your child more than you.

That is the impression I am getting - that and it is somehow my fault. Oh, and previous poster: thank you so much for the kind words.

It's not clear what your issue is with the teachers. You think the teachers are helping your kid to get medication? Or...you're mad that the teachers are using a preferred name?

Good lord… I’m not an idiot and I don’t think the school is trying to give my kid freaking hormones. In my situation, a heads-up that my kid was requesting to be called by a male name that is completely unlike her own would have been nice. My child’s doctors could have been made aware sooner.

It’s not a teachers fault that your relationship with your child sucks.

See, these are who trans activists are. They simply do not care about the sexual assault of children or recovery from that assault. Kind of amazing how willing the PP is to just come out and prove the point immediately.

Well this thread went downhill fast. They anti trans folks can't have a convo without vilifying the parents and teachers who are standing up for trans kids rights and safety. Very disturbing.

Maybe you should stop harassing and blaming the parent of a child who has suffered a sexual assault and is doing her best to help that child. That’s extremely disturbing.

That wasn't me, I was just making an observation about your attacks

It is your side. It deserves to be called out and it is a recognizable pattern of behavior.

I’m tired of this anti-girl theology. I’m sick and tired of the gaslighting and the falsehoods. And I am sick of people who attack the parents of sexual assault victims who are disassociating from their bodies. Get your side to be less awful if you don’t want attacks. I’m not even someone who thinks these guidelines are well-considered, but I am so sick of this anti-girl belief system you demand we adopt.

pro trans is not anti girl

Pro trans in sports most certainly is anti- female.

Women should support women.

Instead of punching down on vulnerable people, why not fight the real issues that exist in women’s athletics - disproportionate opportunities, facilities, and funding/pay for women’s sports.

Actually I do support women, and that includes trans women. You just support *some* women. See the difference?

No, I meant women should support women. All women, including transgender women.

And how do you define a woman?

People who identify with the "woman" gender.

Woman isn't an identity. It is an adult human female.

"Woman" is a gender, a social construct.

Man is also a gender, and a social construct. So is child. So how about you give a more detailed definition of what a woman is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw this on another website and it parallels our own experience with our daughter. I’m sharing it in hopes that it will provide a ray of hope for distraught parents, a template to use for writing to their own children’s schools, or a policy to propose to schools still following secrecy guidelines.

————————————
Dear School Leaders,

We are writing with some concerns about our child's experience in school around the issue of gender. We understand this is a challenging and controversial topic in schools, and respect that different children and their families have different needs and beliefs regarding gender identity. We fully support the school’s belief statements and appreciate the thoughtful attention given to these ideals.

In 8th grade, our daughter became involved with a small group of other young biological females who identified as transgender, and subsequently wanted to adopt a transgender identity herself. She began using a male name and pronouns at school with both her peers and teachers.

As deeply involved parents who know our child well and have educated ourselves extensively on this subject, we are certain this sudden identity change is driven by a desire for peer acceptance and not by any inherent gender identity disorder. D suffered from anxiety and depression in middle school, and it seemed only to be exacerbated by fixation on gender identity. Among D’s friends, body hatred was a main topic of conversation, and her friends advised her on breast binding, which constricted her breathing and worsened her anxiety and difficulty focusing. Over the summer, without any focus on gender or access to internet or social media, we have seen D’s mental health improve dramatically. We have concentrated instead on participation in healthy activities and building positive relationships, and this has been clearly beneficial for D. Though we will support and love her no matter how she identifies in her life, we believe she is still too young to decide her gender and sexual identity.

On the first day of class, many teachers now ask children to introduce themselves with their name and preferred pronouns. While this has become a standard inclusion practice for adults, it doesn’t always have the intended effect for children and teens, who are still figuring out who they are. For many teens, this practice creates an on-the-spot social pressure to label themselves with a gender identity, which is hard for them to reverse socially once they have identified themselves. This is especially difficult for a child like ours, who has deep social anxiety and fear of peer rejection.

May we ask that:

1. Our child’s teachers do not focus on identifying pronouns, especially early in the semester?

2. Our child’s given name and pronouns be used by teachers and administrators?

We work closely with each other as well as mental and physical health professionals to ensure our child’s well-being. With much care and evaluation, we are supporting D to stay focused on health, self-care and learning for the time being, rather than gender identity. We ask also that the school support us in our parenting decisions and let us know if any issues arise with D, gender-related or otherwise. And we are always open to more conversation and new ideas and solutions.

Thank you,

D’s parents

This is great. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw this on another website and it parallels our own experience with our daughter. I’m sharing it in hopes that it will provide a ray of hope for distraught parents, a template to use for writing to their own children’s schools, or a policy to propose to schools still following secrecy guidelines.

————————————
Dear School Leaders,

We are writing with some concerns about our child's experience in school around the issue of gender. We understand this is a challenging and controversial topic in schools, and respect that different children and their families have different needs and beliefs regarding gender identity. We fully support the school’s belief statements and appreciate the thoughtful attention given to these ideals.

In 8th grade, our daughter became involved with a small group of other young biological females who identified as transgender, and subsequently wanted to adopt a transgender identity herself. She began using a male name and pronouns at school with both her peers and teachers.

As deeply involved parents who know our child well and have educated ourselves extensively on this subject, we are certain this sudden identity change is driven by a desire for peer acceptance and not by any inherent gender identity disorder. D suffered from anxiety and depression in middle school, and it seemed only to be exacerbated by fixation on gender identity. Among D’s friends, body hatred was a main topic of conversation, and her friends advised her on breast binding, which constricted her breathing and worsened her anxiety and difficulty focusing. Over the summer, without any focus on gender or access to internet or social media, we have seen D’s mental health improve dramatically. We have concentrated instead on participation in healthy activities and building positive relationships, and this has been clearly beneficial for D. Though we will support and love her no matter how she identifies in her life, we believe she is still too young to decide her gender and sexual identity.

On the first day of class, many teachers now ask children to introduce themselves with their name and preferred pronouns. While this has become a standard inclusion practice for adults, it doesn’t always have the intended effect for children and teens, who are still figuring out who they are. For many teens, this practice creates an on-the-spot social pressure to label themselves with a gender identity, which is hard for them to reverse socially once they have identified themselves. This is especially difficult for a child like ours, who has deep social anxiety and fear of peer rejection.

May we ask that:

1. Our child’s teachers do not focus on identifying pronouns, especially early in the semester?

2. Our child’s given name and pronouns be used by teachers and administrators?

We work closely with each other as well as mental and physical health professionals to ensure our child’s well-being. With much care and evaluation, we are supporting D to stay focused on health, self-care and learning for the time being, rather than gender identity. We ask also that the school support us in our parenting decisions and let us know if any issues arise with D, gender-related or otherwise. And we are always open to more conversation and new ideas and solutions.

Thank you,

D’s parents

This is great. Thanks for sharing.

Not a fan. However if a child is questioning gender identity and not ready to be out #1 is especially powerful. I think it’s fine for anyone to share their preferred names and pronouns and I’ll trust my child to inform me on their own time table. If they want to try at school first to me that a safe environment to do so. I don’t need to teacher to reach out unless there is an issue or concern that is larger than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This issue isn’t as cut and dry as everyone is making it out to be. My daughter never showed any signs of not fully embracing being a girl. She was violently assaulted and is now suffering from severe PTSD. Over a matter of weeks, my child went from asking me to order her cute dresses from Japan to suddenly deciding she was a boy. The school totally complied without our knowledge. We discovered this when we found a school worksheet she signed with another name. My child has been in extensive therapy and, while doing better as far as the PTSD, is still very uncomfortable with her body. To all the teachers and others on this thread: do you really think you know my child better than I do? Better than the army of therapists and doctors who see her regularly? Am I a transphobic bigot because I see the connection between the assault and her suddenly wanting to be a boy? And, wanting to back off and wait as opposed to diving in to transitioning? What others do with their children is none of my business - I don’t know their situation and I’m sure they are doing what they feel is best for their child. I wish others would acknowledge that the experience of others may be different.
Sorry, I just found many of these comments really upsetting…

I’m so sorry.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. I am fairly certain that as a neuro-atypical girl who was severely disassociating from my body as a result of the attack, a trans identity would have been extremely appealing at the time. I wish you and your child the best of luck.

Unfortunately trans activists like the ones posting believe they know what’s better for your child. They believe they know your child more than you.

That is the impression I am getting - that and it is somehow my fault. Oh, and previous poster: thank you so much for the kind words.

It's not clear what your issue is with the teachers. You think the teachers are helping your kid to get medication? Or...you're mad that the teachers are using a preferred name?

Good lord… I’m not an idiot and I don’t think the school is trying to give my kid freaking hormones. In my situation, a heads-up that my kid was requesting to be called by a male name that is completely unlike her own would have been nice. My child’s doctors could have been made aware sooner.

It’s not a teachers fault that your relationship with your child sucks.

See, these are who trans activists are. They simply do not care about the sexual assault of children or recovery from that assault. Kind of amazing how willing the PP is to just come out and prove the point immediately.

Well this thread went downhill fast. They anti trans folks can't have a convo without vilifying the parents and teachers who are standing up for trans kids rights and safety. Very disturbing.

Maybe you should stop harassing and blaming the parent of a child who has suffered a sexual assault and is doing her best to help that child. That’s extremely disturbing.

That wasn't me, I was just making an observation about your attacks

It is your side. It deserves to be called out and it is a recognizable pattern of behavior.

I’m tired of this anti-girl theology. I’m sick and tired of the gaslighting and the falsehoods. And I am sick of people who attack the parents of sexual assault victims who are disassociating from their bodies. Get your side to be less awful if you don’t want attacks. I’m not even someone who thinks these guidelines are well-considered, but I am so sick of this anti-girl belief system you demand we adopt.

pro trans is not anti girl

Pro trans in sports most certainly is anti- female.

Women should support women.

Instead of punching down on vulnerable people, why not fight the real issues that exist in women’s athletics - disproportionate opportunities, facilities, and funding/pay for women’s sports.

Actually I do support women, and that includes trans women. You just support *some* women. See the difference?

No, I meant women should support women. All women, including transgender women.

Transgender women are not women. They are transwomen.

How about transwomen support women and stop encroaching on our SEX SEGRAGATED spaces.

Let me guess- you’re not actually a woman. Just a Fox News goon who plays one on DCUM. Because if you were, you’d know that sex segregated spaces are historically where women’s opportunity has gone to die. Also, where women have done awful stuff to each other, like FGM, footbinding, and reinforcing the patriarchy like crabs in a barrel. Also where I’ve waited forever just to pee because there are never enough stalls.

In fact, this actual born female can’t think of a less safe and pleasant space to be than a sex segregated place that excludes trans people.

Christ of f$cking mighty. Learn some history - how about starting with Title IX, the fight it took to make it law and the immense good it did for women and girls.

FGM is more closely aligned to transactivists, it's just bottom surgery!

Remember with FGM, you often have the child’s “consent” as well. It’s different than bottom surgery because with FGM it’s those backwards Arabs who are doing it. With “bottoms surgery” it’s the sophisticated, open minded progressives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw this on another website and it parallels our own experience with our daughter. I’m sharing it in hopes that it will provide a ray of hope for distraught parents, a template to use for writing to their own children’s schools, or a policy to propose to schools still following secrecy guidelines.

————————————
Dear School Leaders,

We are writing with some concerns about our child's experience in school around the issue of gender. We understand this is a challenging and controversial topic in schools, and respect that different children and their families have different needs and beliefs regarding gender identity. We fully support the school’s belief statements and appreciate the thoughtful attention given to these ideals.

In 8th grade, our daughter became involved with a small group of other young biological females who identified as transgender, and subsequently wanted to adopt a transgender identity herself. She began using a male name and pronouns at school with both her peers and teachers.

As deeply involved parents who know our child well and have educated ourselves extensively on this subject, we are certain this sudden identity change is driven by a desire for peer acceptance and not by any inherent gender identity disorder. D suffered from anxiety and depression in middle school, and it seemed only to be exacerbated by fixation on gender identity. Among D’s friends, body hatred was a main topic of conversation, and her friends advised her on breast binding, which constricted her breathing and worsened her anxiety and difficulty focusing. Over the summer, without any focus on gender or access to internet or social media, we have seen D’s mental health improve dramatically. We have concentrated instead on participation in healthy activities and building positive relationships, and this has been clearly beneficial for D. Though we will support and love her no matter how she identifies in her life, we believe she is still too young to decide her gender and sexual identity.

On the first day of class, many teachers now ask children to introduce themselves with their name and preferred pronouns. While this has become a standard inclusion practice for adults, it doesn’t always have the intended effect for children and teens, who are still figuring out who they are. For many teens, this practice creates an on-the-spot social pressure to label themselves with a gender identity, which is hard for them to reverse socially once they have identified themselves. This is especially difficult for a child like ours, who has deep social anxiety and fear of peer rejection.

May we ask that:

1. Our child’s teachers do not focus on identifying pronouns, especially early in the semester?

2. Our child’s given name and pronouns be used by teachers and administrators?

We work closely with each other as well as mental and physical health professionals to ensure our child’s well-being. With much care and evaluation, we are supporting D to stay focused on health, self-care and learning for the time being, rather than gender identity. We ask also that the school support us in our parenting decisions and let us know if any issues arise with D, gender-related or otherwise. And we are always open to more conversation and new ideas and solutions.

Thank you,

D’s parents

This is great. Thanks for sharing.

Not a fan. However if a child is questioning gender identity and not ready to be out #1 is especially powerful. I think it’s fine for anyone to share their preferred names and pronouns and I’ll trust my child to inform me on their own time table. If they want to try at school first to me that a safe environment to do so. I don’t need to teacher to reach out unless there is an issue or concern that is larger than this.

Good for you. As a parent you have that choice and it’s your decision. The parent who wrote the letter to the school came to a different conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This issue isn’t as cut and dry as everyone is making it out to be. My daughter never showed any signs of not fully embracing being a girl. She was violently assaulted and is now suffering from severe PTSD. Over a matter of weeks, my child went from asking me to order her cute dresses from Japan to suddenly deciding she was a boy. The school totally complied without our knowledge. We discovered this when we found a school worksheet she signed with another name. My child has been in extensive therapy and, while doing better as far as the PTSD, is still very uncomfortable with her body. To all the teachers and others on this thread: do you really think you know my child better than I do? Better than the army of therapists and doctors who see her regularly? Am I a transphobic bigot because I see the connection between the assault and her suddenly wanting to be a boy? And, wanting to back off and wait as opposed to diving in to transitioning? What others do with their children is none of my business - I don’t know their situation and I’m sure they are doing what they feel is best for their child. I wish others would acknowledge that the experience of others may be different.
Sorry, I just found many of these comments really upsetting…

I’m so sorry.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. I am fairly certain that as a neuro-atypical girl who was severely disassociating from my body as a result of the attack, a trans identity would have been extremely appealing at the time. I wish you and your child the best of luck.

Unfortunately trans activists like the ones posting believe they know what’s better for your child. They believe they know your child more than you.

That is the impression I am getting - that and it is somehow my fault. Oh, and previous poster: thank you so much for the kind words.

It's not clear what your issue is with the teachers. You think the teachers are helping your kid to get medication? Or...you're mad that the teachers are using a preferred name?

Good lord… I’m not an idiot and I don’t think the school is trying to give my kid freaking hormones. In my situation, a heads-up that my kid was requesting to be called by a male name that is completely unlike her own would have been nice. My child’s doctors could have been made aware sooner.

It’s not a teachers fault that your relationship with your child sucks.

See, these are who trans activists are. They simply do not care about the sexual assault of children or recovery from that assault. Kind of amazing how willing the PP is to just come out and prove the point immediately.

Well this thread went downhill fast. They anti trans folks can't have a convo without vilifying the parents and teachers who are standing up for trans kids rights and safety. Very disturbing.

Maybe you should stop harassing and blaming the parent of a child who has suffered a sexual assault and is doing her best to help that child. That’s extremely disturbing.

That wasn't me, I was just making an observation about your attacks

It is your side. It deserves to be called out and it is a recognizable pattern of behavior.

I’m tired of this anti-girl theology. I’m sick and tired of the gaslighting and the falsehoods. And I am sick of people who attack the parents of sexual assault victims who are disassociating from their bodies. Get your side to be less awful if you don’t want attacks. I’m not even someone who thinks these guidelines are well-considered, but I am so sick of this anti-girl belief system you demand we adopt.

pro trans is not anti girl

Pro trans in sports most certainly is anti- female.

Women should support women.

Instead of punching down on vulnerable people, why not fight the real issues that exist in women’s athletics - disproportionate opportunities, facilities, and funding/pay for women’s sports.

Actually I do support women, and that includes trans women. You just support *some* women. See the difference?

No, I meant women should support women. All women, including transgender women.

And how do you define a woman?

People who identify with the "woman" gender.

Woman isn't an identity. It is an adult human female.

"Woman" is a gender, a social construct.

Man is also a gender, and a social construct. So is child. So how about you give a more detailed definition of what a woman is.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/woman

woman
noun
US /ˈwʊm.ən/ UK /ˈwʊm.ən/

an adult female human being

an adult who lives and identifies as female though they may have been said to have a different sex at birth

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine sent me this podcast episode and I finally listened to it in light of this discussion. I am not a fan of Bari Weiss but I found her interview with Hanna Barnes to be incredibly nuanced and eye opening. It is about the Tavistock Clinic in the UK which has now been closed. I urge you all to take the time to listen to it. Issue isn’t black and white as people make it out to be https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/honestly-with-bari-weiss/id1570872415?i=1000620886057

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This issue isn’t as cut and dry as everyone is making it out to be. My daughter never showed any signs of not fully embracing being a girl. She was violently assaulted and is now suffering from severe PTSD. Over a matter of weeks, my child went from asking me to order her cute dresses from Japan to suddenly deciding she was a boy. The school totally complied without our knowledge. We discovered this when we found a school worksheet she signed with another name. My child has been in extensive therapy and, while doing better as far as the PTSD, is still very uncomfortable with her body. To all the teachers and others on this thread: do you really think you know my child better than I do? Better than the army of therapists and doctors who see her regularly? Am I a transphobic bigot because I see the connection between the assault and her suddenly wanting to be a boy? And, wanting to back off and wait as opposed to diving in to transitioning? What others do with their children is none of my business - I don’t know their situation and I’m sure they are doing what they feel is best for their child. I wish others would acknowledge that the experience of others may be different.
Sorry, I just found many of these comments really upsetting…

I’m so sorry.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. I am fairly certain that as a neuro-atypical girl who was severely disassociating from my body as a result of the attack, a trans identity would have been extremely appealing at the time. I wish you and your child the best of luck.

Unfortunately trans activists like the ones posting believe they know what’s better for your child. They believe they know your child more than you.

That is the impression I am getting - that and it is somehow my fault. Oh, and previous poster: thank you so much for the kind words.

It's not clear what your issue is with the teachers. You think the teachers are helping your kid to get medication? Or...you're mad that the teachers are using a preferred name?

Good lord… I’m not an idiot and I don’t think the school is trying to give my kid freaking hormones. In my situation, a heads-up that my kid was requesting to be called by a male name that is completely unlike her own would have been nice. My child’s doctors could have been made aware sooner.

It’s not a teachers fault that your relationship with your child sucks.

See, these are who trans activists are. They simply do not care about the sexual assault of children or recovery from that assault. Kind of amazing how willing the PP is to just come out and prove the point immediately.

Well this thread went downhill fast. They anti trans folks can't have a convo without vilifying the parents and teachers who are standing up for trans kids rights and safety. Very disturbing.

Maybe you should stop harassing and blaming the parent of a child who has suffered a sexual assault and is doing her best to help that child. That’s extremely disturbing.

That wasn't me, I was just making an observation about your attacks

It is your side. It deserves to be called out and it is a recognizable pattern of behavior.

I’m tired of this anti-girl theology. I’m sick and tired of the gaslighting and the falsehoods. And I am sick of people who attack the parents of sexual assault victims who are disassociating from their bodies. Get your side to be less awful if you don’t want attacks. I’m not even someone who thinks these guidelines are well-considered, but I am so sick of this anti-girl belief system you demand we adopt.

pro trans is not anti girl

Pro trans in sports most certainly is anti- female.

Women should support women.

Instead of punching down on vulnerable people, why not fight the real issues that exist in women’s athletics - disproportionate opportunities, facilities, and funding/pay for women’s sports.

Actually I do support women, and that includes trans women. You just support *some* women. See the difference?

No, I meant women should support women. All women, including transgender women.

And how do you define a woman?

People who identify with the "woman" gender.

Woman isn't an identity. It is an adult human female.

"Woman" is a gender, a social construct.

Man is also a gender, and a social construct. So is child. So how about you give a more detailed definition of what a woman is.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/woman

woman
noun
US /ˈwʊm.ən/ UK /ˈwʊm.ən/

an adult female human being

an adult who lives and identifies as female though they may have been said to have a different sex at birth

Perfectly clear definition. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This issue isn’t as cut and dry as everyone is making it out to be. My daughter never showed any signs of not fully embracing being a girl. She was violently assaulted and is now suffering from severe PTSD. Over a matter of weeks, my child went from asking me to order her cute dresses from Japan to suddenly deciding she was a boy. The school totally complied without our knowledge. We discovered this when we found a school worksheet she signed with another name. My child has been in extensive therapy and, while doing better as far as the PTSD, is still very uncomfortable with her body. To all the teachers and others on this thread: do you really think you know my child better than I do? Better than the army of therapists and doctors who see her regularly? Am I a transphobic bigot because I see the connection between the assault and her suddenly wanting to be a boy? And, wanting to back off and wait as opposed to diving in to transitioning? What others do with their children is none of my business - I don’t know their situation and I’m sure they are doing what they feel is best for their child. I wish others would acknowledge that the experience of others may be different.
Sorry, I just found many of these comments really upsetting…

I’m so sorry.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. I am fairly certain that as a neuro-atypical girl who was severely disassociating from my body as a result of the attack, a trans identity would have been extremely appealing at the time. I wish you and your child the best of luck.

Unfortunately trans activists like the ones posting believe they know what’s better for your child. They believe they know your child more than you.

That is the impression I am getting - that and it is somehow my fault. Oh, and previous poster: thank you so much for the kind words.

It's not clear what your issue is with the teachers. You think the teachers are helping your kid to get medication? Or...you're mad that the teachers are using a preferred name?

Good lord… I’m not an idiot and I don’t think the school is trying to give my kid freaking hormones. In my situation, a heads-up that my kid was requesting to be called by a male name that is completely unlike her own would have been nice. My child’s doctors could have been made aware sooner.

It’s not a teachers fault that your relationship with your child sucks.

See, these are who trans activists are. They simply do not care about the sexual assault of children or recovery from that assault. Kind of amazing how willing the PP is to just come out and prove the point immediately.

Well this thread went downhill fast. They anti trans folks can't have a convo without vilifying the parents and teachers who are standing up for trans kids rights and safety. Very disturbing.

Maybe you should stop harassing and blaming the parent of a child who has suffered a sexual assault and is doing her best to help that child. That’s extremely disturbing.

That wasn't me, I was just making an observation about your attacks

It is your side. It deserves to be called out and it is a recognizable pattern of behavior.

I’m tired of this anti-girl theology. I’m sick and tired of the gaslighting and the falsehoods. And I am sick of people who attack the parents of sexual assault victims who are disassociating from their bodies. Get your side to be less awful if you don’t want attacks. I’m not even someone who thinks these guidelines are well-considered, but I am so sick of this anti-girl belief system you demand we adopt.

pro trans is not anti girl

Pro trans in sports most certainly is anti- female.

Women should support women.

Instead of punching down on vulnerable people, why not fight the real issues that exist in women’s athletics - disproportionate opportunities, facilities, and funding/pay for women’s sports.

Actually I do support women, and that includes trans women. You just support *some* women. See the difference?

No, I meant women should support women. All women, including transgender women.

And how do you define a woman?

People who identify with the "woman" gender.

Woman isn't an identity. It is an adult human female.

"Woman" is a gender, a social construct.

Man is also a gender, and a social construct. So is child. So how about you give a more detailed definition of what a woman is.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/woman

woman
noun
US /ˈwʊm.ən/ UK /ˈwʊm.ən/

an adult female human being

an adult who lives and identifies as female though they may have been said to have a different sex at birth

Perfectly clear definition. Thank you.

Clearly incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine sent me this podcast episode and I finally listened to it in light of this discussion. I am not a fan of Bari Weiss but I found her interview with Hanna Barnes to be incredibly nuanced and eye opening. It is about the Tavistock Clinic in the UK which has now been closed. I urge you all to take the time to listen to it. Issue isn’t black and white as people make it out to be https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/honestly-with-bari-weiss/id1570872415?i=1000620886057

Bari Weiss is a hack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine sent me this podcast episode and I finally listened to it in light of this discussion. I am not a fan of Bari Weiss but I found her interview with Hanna Barnes to be incredibly nuanced and eye opening. It is about the Tavistock Clinic in the UK which has now been closed. I urge you all to take the time to listen to it. Issue isn’t black and white as people make it out to be https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/honestly-with-bari-weiss/id1570872415?i=1000620886057

Bari Weiss is a hack.

I suspect that it because you disagree with this. That does not make her a hack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine sent me this podcast episode and I finally listened to it in light of this discussion. I am not a fan of Bari Weiss but I found her interview with Hanna Barnes to be incredibly nuanced and eye opening. It is about the Tavistock Clinic in the UK which has now been closed. I urge you all to take the time to listen to it. Issue isn’t black and white as people make it out to be https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/honestly-with-bari-weiss/id1570872415?i=1000620886057

Bari Weiss is a hack.

It’s great that you, like so many Arlington progressives, jumped on the Bari Weiss hate train when she quit the NYT. Long before that, when she was supporting Israel’s genocidal policies against Palestinians you didn’t care. Anyhow, i can’t stand Bari Weiss, but this is a good interview. A mature adult can differentiate between the person and what that person has produced. Plus this isn’t a piece by Bari Weiss. It’s an interview with Hanna Barnes and what Hanna Barnes has to say about the whole Tavistock scandal is incredibly interesting and worth a person’s time.